Chapter 1
"She better get here soon! This here train is about to leave!" Apple Bloom says to Sweetie Belle as they search around the train station for their winged friend, Scootaloo.
"Here I am.." A dejected voice reach their ears. Both of the fillies eyes light up as they walk together up to the orange and violet pegasus filly. Her eyes were to the ground and her ears back. Her whole body seemed to slump towards the ground.
"We were scared you were goin' to miss the train!" Apple Bloom lifts her hoof up as she smiles at her friend, not seeming to notice Scootaloo's body language. Scootaloo turns her sad eyes away from the other two fillies.
"I.. I'm not going.." She closes her eyes and turns her head away from her friends. Both Sweetie Belle's and Apple Bloom's eyes open wide in shock.
"WHAT!" They both exclaim loudly at the same time. Scootaloo looks back at them sadly and scuffs her hoof on the ground.
"I'm the weak link! If I go and fall, flop, or do anything but fly, I'm going to blow it for you two." She flaps her wings self consciously and looks away from them while scuffing her hoof on the ground again.
"I can't believe you're quitting on us!" Sweetie Belle softly scolds her with sad, pleading eyes.
"You would be better off without me!" Scootaloo snaps at her. She feels her sorrow start to mix with anger that her friends don't see that they have no chance at winning if she goes.
"But that's not true Scootaloo!" She says pleadingly. Sweetie Belle looks at her with sad eyes, hoping her feathered friend would realize that they really do need her. Apple Bloom stands up slightly taller, her emotions playing on her face for all to see.
"You know what, Sweetie Belle?" Apple Bloom says angrily and glares back at Scootaloo. "Forget it! If she's gonna quit, then we don't want her, and we don't need her!" Apple Bloom snaps at both of them and stomps her hoof on the ground. Sweetie Belle looks at her, shocked.
"Fine!" Scootaloo snaps and sticks her nose in the air away from the two of them.
"Fine!" Apple Bloom follows suit.
"Fine.." Sweetie Belle says as she rolls her eyes and then looks down sadly.
"ALL ABOARD!" The train master calls out. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom turn and walk away towards the train. Scootaloo sadly watches them walk away before looking down once again. Part of her wanted to run after them, to say sorry.
They were better off without me..
The train pulls away and Scootaloo sighs and hangs her head. How could she represent the pegasus ponies in Ponyville without flying? She would just ruin the others chances at winning. That's what she's good at, ruining things.. She lifts her head slightly to watch the train leave. her eyes search the windows, looking, hoping, to see if her friends are looking back. They weren't.
Scootaloo turns and starts to head away from the train station. She fights the urge to glance back at the train. A small tear rolls down from her eyes, resting on her cheek.
Of course they would not be looking back, they knew they were better off without me..
She shakes the tear off quickly and starts to trot. No way was she going to cry in front of everypony. Who knows, the news might make it back to Rainbow Dash. There was a slight pause in her trot. Rainbow Dash.. Scootaloo stops and sits on the ground, no longer caring if any pony could see her, tears streaming down her face.
I will never be as cool as Rainbow Dash..
Her small body starts to shake as her tears come faster.
Who will love a pegasus pony who can't fly? Not Rainbow Dash..
She flops on the ground in a full out sob, her whole body shaking.
My friends left me, they don't need me. They are better off without me...
Her tears start to slow as a realization hits her.
They are better off without me...
Her own words start to haunt her.
They are better off without me..
They... Are... Better... Off... Without.... Me....
Scootaloo stands up on shaky legs. Her face wet from tears. She starts to trot again, not even looking around to see if any pony saw her, making it to her house. She makes her way inside and to her room. The house was quiet, like usual. Her parents were never home, which she didn't mind, when they were home they didn't pay attention to her.When they did, it was never anything good.. She opens her door and grabs her scooter before heading back outside. Her wings flap behind her as she speeds through the streets. She dodges ponies around her as she moves, none of them minding her. Scootaloo can see her chosen destination in front of her. A cliff, where she had gone with Rainbow Dash to have a picnic for her birthday. The sun was behind the cliff, giving it a warm look. Scootaloo's body felt numb to her, as she makes her way to the place that once made her so happy. Tears start to fill her eyes again but she quickly pushes her feelings away, like she has done so many times before. This time it was harder, almost as if she had no more room to hold her pain.
As she makes it to the top of the cliff, she comes to a stop. In the far distance, she could see the train that carries her friends. She sighed and watches it go. Her vision starts to blur with tears making her look down. Tears drop from her eyes onto the grass at her feet. She sniffles and whips her eyes. She walks to the edge of the cliff and looks down. The wind was on her back, blowing her mane and tail. Ponyville was mainly quiet, with only a few ponies walking around. The view up here was amazing, that was one of the reasons Rainbow Dash took her up here to begin with. That, and because it was quiet. You could see all of Ponyville from here. You could see even farther if you tried. There were trees behind her, but the spot she stood was clear of any of them, almost as if this place was made for picnicking. Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo had sat together and talked about the Wonderbolts and ate yummy sandwiches that Rainbow had specifically made for the two of them. It was nice, made her feel close to Rainbow, like a sister.. At least she got to have one nice time with Rainbow Dash alone...
She won't want to do that with me ever again.
Scootaloo looks back at her scooter.
I will never fly. I'll never be one of the Wonderbolts.
She flaps her wings in one last ditch effort. Her little body comes off the ground only to flop back onto the ground roughly. She lays there for a second.
What is a pegasus pony that can't fly worth anyways.. No one will want me. Not even my parents want me.. I bet it would be lifting a burden off of their shoulders if I was gone..
She gets back to her feet, tears starting to pool in her eyes.
They are better off without me. Everypony is.
Scootaloo turns and grabs her scooter. The pain inside seams to just explode out of her, enveloping her whole body, taking her over.
I'll never be worth anything to anypony. I'm just a worthless blank flank that can't even fly.
She stands on her scooter and looks at the cliff. She blinks the tears out of her eyes and watches the clouds. It felt like her insides were twisting and her heart was smashed. All of the pain she had been holding in needed out. Slowly at first she flaps her wings, making her way to the edge of the cliff faster and faster. Scootaloo pushes off of the scooter at the edge of the cliff, diving into the air. She spreads her wings out and closes her eyes. Tears stream from her closed eyes and she smiles as the wind flows through her mane. It felt like all of her pain was just melting off of her. Her body starts to twirl as she falls.
Look Dashy, I'm flying! I'm flying...
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I'm reminded of this for some reason,
You spelled quitter wrong. Quit=Quitter =, Quiet=Quitter. Easy mistake.
5325910 Thank you, I fixed it. ^_^
5325854 Oh my gosh xD Yes. That is perfect.
You aren't flying. You are GLIDING. Much different and likely quite a disappointment when she tries to take off or actually gain altitude or somesuch.
I'm going to go cry in a corner now...
Sniff
Shootaloo could fly a balloon or a Huey. sad little chicken
Meh.
That is all.
Alright, why did my last comment get dislikes? This story honestly isn't that good.
And one of the reasons is the pacing. One minute Scootaloo is arguing with her friends, the next minute she's jumping off a random cliff. This story should've been expanded, slowing things down to a reasonable pace instead of presenting all of this information to the reader so quickly. Feelings can't be rushed onto the reader. A story can't be rushed onto the reader.
An example would be showing Apple Bloom's anger at her friend in the beginning, having her slowly turn from happy to angry after some small bickering with Scootaloo like,"Cheer up, you don't have to fly!" and then Scootaloo saying,"But what's a pegasus without her wings? I'm worthless without being able to use them," and then having Apple Bloom eventually get annoyed with her self doubt instead of instantly going,"Well, buck you then!"
Also, detail is something this story is lacking. For example, when she walks over to the cliff, the author could've described it. Maybe if it was short or tall, if trees grew on it, if it was close or faraway from Ponyville. Like instead of blandly saying this--
--The author could've said something like this:
Do you see what I'm saying? Details make a story that much better.
Then we move on to Scootaloo's thought process. After a few sentences, she moves on to suicide. She should've, for example, debated herself about being worth nothing for a few hundred words, or slowly began to bring herself to the conclusion of death by thinking about all the times she had failed herself and her friends. The whole bashing on herself for a few lines isn't enough.
And that ending, to be brutally honest, was bad. There needed to not only be more of the things I stated above, but there needed to be more emotion. More feels. The author needed to punch us in the face with sadness. But instead we get,'Look at Scootaloo kill herself! Insert tears!' The author could've really expanded on the ending, milking the emotions out of it. Like, for example, describing her feeling of peace as she jumped, or how she sobbed uncontrollably as she plummeted towards her fate, feeling a bit selfish and even more worthless as she did so.
So all in all, the idea was good, but the execution needs work. Lot's of work.
I wonder what the other ponies reactions are to her killing herself.
Wait..
Did she kill herself?
5327257 Hmm, ok. The first part of the story is straight from the episode, so I could not add any more words to what they had said. And the pacing. Yes, it was fast. But this story was an alternate ending to the episode I stated in my description. It had to be fast, because it did not take long before Rainbow Dash had talked to the other CMC's and they jumped off the train to go get Scootaloo. The more description, I get that, and thank you for that. :3
5327266 Yes she did.
5327956 Now, all you need to do is write a sequel.
This isn't a request.
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110223005434/fallout/images/f/f4/PolicePistol.png
But seriously, a sequel would be awesome. Any plans on one?
5327964 Um, I was not planing on it, but I can if you would like ^_^
(I really don't want to be shot)
5327975 img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110223005434/fallout/images/f/f4/PolicePistol.png DO IT
5327980 Ok I'll do it! xD
Sequel please...
5329187 I will be doing one shortly. :)
Give her some time, will ya?
Good things take time to develop to the full potential.
If you force her to do it in a hurry it won't be as good as it could be.
My god I have a head ache from crying plus my cat died so I think that started it
5359297 Oh I'm sorry about your cat! D:
Ok every pony, I have done the sequel. It is called broken Pieces. Hope you all like. :)
I can still find a few mistakes here and there.
5377689 Hmm do you mind telling me them?
5381750
*Both (It's after a period.)
*she's
*knew (It's past tense.)
*everypony (Since it's a parody of "everyone")
Word missing.
*dodges
Delete the marked word.
*fill
If you're referring to the fact that there isn't anyone around, the correct word would be "abandoned".
It's a question. Should end in a question mark not a period.
*Everypony
*anypony
*through ("Threw" is past tense of "throw".)
Besides, you have a tendency to use too many periods. Watch out for that.
5384853 Thank you so much for your help!