vonzhay
Joined 24th Jul, 2012 ·
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Why can't I see the comments?
5325325 No idea. I can't see them either. To briefly summarize: 3000 years is too long, this wasn't very well written, it's a cliche start. So yeah, That's what you're missing.
5326406
When you remove a chapter, all comments made on that chapter are deleted too. Most likely 5325325 commented on your chapter 1 and that means when you removed it, his comment was removed too.
5326477 Oh, probably then. I took it down because the original version (Written two or so years ago :/ ) was awful, and clearly everyone else thought so too. It was so bad I would've had to start from scratch with it, and I was too lazy to do so. But now I've just removed it and started over. Didn't know that about the comments, though I'm sorta glad as they didn't apply anymore (unless they encompassed the intro and prologue, in which case I can only hope they were just a tough crowd.)
Just so you know, the 3000 years are still there in your short description.
Anyway... to say something constructive:
That statement...
The main problem I have with your introduction and prologue is that we don't learn anything about what's different from the "real" FoE wasteland.
You say: the world went to hell, (summarized) that there are raiders and in the old days (what old days by the way? The FoE old days or the Old World old days?), apparently everything was better. But how exactly is this any different from the original wasteland? There apparently where "heroes who brought darkness to its knees" so why is everything bad again?
This sounds somehow philosophical, but what do you try to say here? What is the downfall of the wasteland? And who is trying to make the wasteland a better place if they haven't ever seen it?
I'm oftentimes confused and not in a good way. Try to make clear what has happened, that's what a prologue is for. You don't have to spoil secret reasons, just if the world went down in another nuclear war, simply tell us. Because as it is tight now, I don't know what has happened, except that everything is bad. Again apparently.
5345660 Thank you, thank you so much. I must confess, I'm hardly used to reading sequels to things like Fallout: Equestria, let alone writing them. The whole concept of having to make something distinctly different while being in the same universe it a pretty alien thing to me, especially since I don't read NEARLY as much as someone who very much wants to be an author should (something I'm trying to remedy). I also need to stop trying to push through reading really badly written stuff, since it's just a bad influence to my own writing.
Anyway, thank you for legitimate constructive criticism. It's good to get some, especially when I'm so used to giving it instead. I forget all too often that my plans for what will happen in the future won't do much good if the story isn't really intriguing in the first place. I'll have to work on that and work on the thing at hand instead of trying to rush through it.