The Misadventure Of: A Bunch Of Silly Ponies That Just So Happen To Not Be Applejack

by OCisbestpony

Chapter Two: Part Eight

Chapter Two: Part Eight

Twilight was rather unaware of these events. Rather, her mind was on other things. Not too long after the battle with Tirek, the Sisters felt that Twilight had earned a brief respite. A nice vacation as it were. And Twilight, of course, was all too happy to take it.

Such were what the official records said anyway. In all honesty, what had happened was that the Sisters ordered her to take a vacation while they and Cadence discussed the meaning of recent events. Twilight wasn't too excited by the idea, as she too wanted to be part of the discussion. And while she too was a Princess, she was hard pressed to argue against three official royal orders. So, on vacation she went.

Granted, there are worse places to visit then Vanhoover. It was a nice enough place, though it had made quite the fuss about her visit (much to her chagrin). Granted, she was a Princess, and she was getting a little more and more used to the idea of being one, but she still would have preferred if she could have arrived quietly and checked into her room without incident. However, the city decided that it was going to be a grand event. Not only did her train ride over there involve her being put on a private line, the entire train (which was ostentatious beyond belief) was also crawling with ponies simply dying to wait on her ever whim. If she even looked like she might have been thirsty, a cup full of Apple Juice would almost magically appear before she could blink. If she even mentioned food, she would suddenly be presented with a feast worthy of her station. If she mentioned reading? Well, let's just say she would found herself covered in so many books that she felt a wave of nostalgia from her old book-forts days. Though her forts were less crushing and allowed for breathing room.

Not only that, to say that she had no privacy would be an understatement. Even when she ordered to be left alone, she knew there was always one or two ponies hiding in the shadows simply waiting for her to blink, much less ask for something. She discovered this fact when, after requesting alone time so she could do a bit of study (after the finest quill masters, paper makers, desk-smiths, ink mixers, stool crafters, and cup artisans all presented their crafts and items for her to choose from. For, you see, they felt that whomsoever's quill she used, paper she wrote on, desk she penned at, ink she wrote with, stool she sat upon, and cup she supped from [note: Twilight didn't actually want a cup, but the servants were simply so worried about the very idea of her feeling thirsty that they insisted that she have one just in case] was truly the greatest craftspony of their field. After all, a Princess would only choose the best after all! The whole process took roughly 2 or 3 hours to finally resolve.), she had mentioned off-hoofedly that she was feeling just a little thirsty. Before the words had even finished speaking the words, no less then 3 or 4 dozen ponies melted out of the walls and curtains with pitchers of water (each with water from a different part of Equesteria) for her to choose from (though they insisted that Vanhoovian water was simply the best).

Even poor Spike had it rough. Not five minutes after they finally arrived to Twilight's private car, (which parade also took a good 2 hours) had several Crystal Ponies politely abducted him to reside in another car. Now, at first Spike didn't mind. After all, the car he was taken to was a car made and designed in the Crystal Empire. It was also filled with an impressive staff waiting to serve him claw and foot. So, it didn't take long for him to succumb to their endless praises and endless supply of gems (they even had the good graces to have bottomless ice cream for him). However, he too discovered that there can indeed be too much of a good thing. For not long after he had begun gorging himself, he had fallen ill. This caused a swarm of ponies to constantly buzz about him and constantly shove this that and the other treatment down his poor throat. Such was their reckless abandon that upon arrival to Vanhoover, poor Spike had to be hospitalized.

Twilight, however, was also unaware of this. For it had been decided that it would be best if she didn't have that worry on her plate while she was supposed to be resting at her private suite. Granted, she did ask after Spike a number of times, but each time she was assured that the Crystal Ponies would happily return him as soon as possible (after all, it's not everyday they get to spend the day with their hero, now is it? Or so they had reasoned with her.). So, in perturbed ignorance she had been escorted to the finest hotel in the city and placed in the best room. Little did she realized that the hotel had rented out the entire top three floors just for her. So, in short: the vacation proved to be anything but relaxing. Constantly harassed by servants asking for her will, and even being required to attend several official municipal events, her mood simply went from bad to worse.

Which really was quite a pity. You see, not even a week after their departure from Ponyville Spike had received a very urgent scroll. Sadly, at the time it was thought to be the result of his sick, and thus was discarded for several days. It wasn't until a random trashpony happened to notice that the scroll was from Ponyville and addressed to the Princess that it had been cleaned off and taken to her. Sadder still however was that by the time it finally reached her, it had been at the precise moment when her patience had snapped. The poor pony had walked in just as several prominent business ponies were asking for her advice (the third time that morning they had done so). And just as she had opened her mouth to say something, Twilight had finally exploded, and by royal order, told every single pony to leave (even the ones hiding in the shadows) and to lock every single door to her room and to allow entrance to nopony save The Princesses or Spike (though, of course, she would have made allowance for her friends, but she figured that they wouldn't be showing up anytime soon so she felt no need to mention them). To the trashpony's credit, she tired her best to shout over the sounds of the complaining business ponies and the guards who had magically shown up to escort them all out. Sadly however, her cutie mark was not one for opera, but for garbage. And so her attempts to alert her of what seemed to be a letter of the utmost importance failed. That is … this time. You see, she had been a naughty pony and had read the letter before fully knowing who it belonged to. But it was because of that, she realized the importance of getting this letter to the Princess.

So, after being unceremoniously shoved out of the hotel, she brushed herself off and stood up. She was going to get this letter to the Princess, no matter what! She was going to do it for them, for her, for EQUESTRIA! Them being the ponies in the letter that is. This news was big, and Princess Twilight needed to know! The question was, how does a humble trashpony break into the private suite of a Princess?

That however, is a question yet to be solved (for the above events have not even happened yet!). For now, let's get back to the matter on hoof, shall we?

Bon-Bon looked around the chamber with mild annoyance. They had finally caught up with Colgate only to have her magicked away right out of their hooves. Still, this wasn't the first time Bon-Bon had dealt with something like this, and she doubted that it would be the last. Turning around, she paused a moment to look at the night sky. Hum … it looked as though they were roughly a day's travel from Dodge. She looked to the eastern and western to skies to confirm her position, and then plotted out a rough course for them to travel come the morning. She may not know exactly where Colgate had teleported to, but Bon-Bon figured that the three of them had better head to Deadmare's Gully. If nothing else, she and Lyra could probably get the information they needed there. Or...

She looked over at the pile of bandits that she had made. Scanning their faces, she hoped that one of them might look important enough to know something. There, the truly ugly one. She made her way over to him, disconnected him from the pile, and carried him over to the campsite. Retying him to a nearby rock, she finally decided to head to bed. Lying down, she paused as something poked her. Sitting up, she pulled out the offender.

A scroll.

That's right. During the struggle, she had pinched it from the griffin. Right before it had tossed her off with a surprisingly expert Tomoe Neigh** (a throw that Bon-Bon herself has had to use from time to time and thus was quite familiar with). Whoever that griffin was, it knew how to fight. And it knew how to fight using Maretial Arts. While maretial arts were common enough in Equestria, the fact that a griffin used a form of it puzzled Bon-Bon. After all, the griffins had their own fighting styles...

Putting that thought aside, she looked at the scroll. Fumbling for a moment with the knot that held it shut, she unrolled it. Curious. It was covered in what looked like cutie marks. She unrolled it fully, and discovered that there was empty space at the bottom. Now what would a griffin be needing a scroll covered in cutie marks for? It would make more sense if it was just one mark (if, say, the purpose of the scroll was to list who was in the gang without using Equestrian script), but this scroll was covered with matching sets. Very curious indeed.

Wait.

She recognized some of these. Pausing to look at one mark in particular, she recognized the mark of Bloom Blitzer, Bonnie Bonnet's wayward brother. Looking back at the pile, she wondered if perhaps he was in there. No, she didn't recognize any of these ponies. Looking back, she saw a few others she recognized, though she couldn't recall their names off-hoof. In truth, she suddenly found that she couldn't recall anything at all about them. Not even their gender. But yet, she recognized their marks. She glanced over at the ugly one, her eyes drifting over to his cutie mark. Nothing. Bon-Bon stared for several moments. Then she looked back at the pile. That's right, she suddenly remembered that they were all like that. What in Equestria was going on?

As she thought about this, a wave of exhaustion hit her, and her head dropped and she swayed slightly. It was clear that this would have to wait until tomorrow. Hopefully she and Berry could make some sense of this. And hopefully, they could get to Dodge and Deadmare quickly enough to save Colgate.

Quickly...

Bon-Bon's last action before passing into the land of the sleeping was to look over at the bottle Berry had. If it turned her into a stallion like that, and Lyra into a series of truly useful things...then what abou-

And, just like that, she passed into the world of dreams.

---

**Tomoe Neigh: a horse-punned version of a Tomoe Nage (Circle Throw). It's a judo throw that involves the thrower to be on their back.

---

When the sun arose that morning, Berry's eyes stung like fire. Though Bon-Bon was largely unaware of this fact. Mostly because she slept through the sunrise. Had she been aware, she would have been somewhat surprised that Berry had woken up before her. In all honesty, she had expected her to sleep until mid-day or so. As it was however, Berry had managed to awaken before her, and woke up Bon-Bon when poor Bon-Bon became Berry's tripping stone.

“Ahh!” Berry shouted, face-planting into the dirt. Bon-Bon popped awake and was on her hooves in a flash.

“What? What's g-oh. Berry, be a little more careful. You coulda hurt us both.” Bon-Bon said, looking at Berry (who at this point was slowly falling sideways).

“Gat' irgh! Ur ota e carfgo!” same a voice that was all but completely incomprehensible. Fortunately, Bon-Bon was familiar with this dialect, and thus was able to understand what was being said. The question was however, was who said it?

Looking around to see who could have said that, her eyes rested upon the ugly one. It sat there, grinning as if it had not a care in the world. In fact, it almost looked at home being all wrapped up like that. “Oh, you're awake. That's good.” said Bon-Bon.

Berry turned her head towards the sound of that horrible voice. “You could understand that?” she said through a flat face full of dirt.

“Yes.” was all Bon-Bon said.

A silence hung in the air for several moments. “Sooo...” Berry said, getting to a sitting position.

“Yes?” Bon-Bon asked, not breaking her gaze from their prisoner.

“Are you gonna tell me what he said?” Berry asked, almost giving Bon-Bon an elbow nudge.

“He simply said, 'That's right. You gotta be careful.'” Bon-Bon replied flatly. Berry looked between the two of them, puzzled. “I happened to have spent a year in the part of Equestria where he's from, so I learned how to understand him. What I want to know is, what is a pony from Smokey Mountain doing all the way down here?”

“Wait, SMOKEY MOUNTAIN?” Berry said, shocked. Then she paused. “Um...” she looked to the left and right, “Uh … Where are the Smokey Mountains again?” She said, her face becoming slightly more red.

Bon-Bon's hoof met her face, and left with such speed, that the only way Berry even knew it happened was because a hoof-shaped imprint suddenly appeared on Bon-Bon's forehead. “Do you know where Tall Tale is?”

“No...”

“Do you know where Vanhoover is?”

“No...”

“Do you know where Cloudsdale is?”

“It's to the south, right?”

Another hoof-shaped mark suddenly appeared on Bon-Bon's forehead. “You know where Canterlot is, yes?” Bon-Bon said a prayer to Celestia that the answer would be-

“Yes! I Colgate and I went there all the time for parties while she was in school!” Berry said with a triumphant smile.

“Well, keep heading northwest and after you pass Cloudsdale you know you're close half-way to Vanhoover. A little south of that is Smokey Mountain.” Bon-Bon explained. She knew Berry wasn't a stupid pony, but it seem like she was a bit fuzzy on her geography. “Anyway, it's more or less on the opposite side of Equestria. So the fact that he's here tells me that he's traveled a long ways.”

“So, wait, you're saying that everypony that lives at Smokey Mountain talks like that?” Berry said, interrupting Bon-Bon as she opened her mouth to speak to their poor prisoner.

Bon-Bon turned her head slowly to Berry. “No Berry. Not everypony who lives there talks like that. But there is a small village that does. That's where I worked, was in that small place. Now do you have any other questions? Ask them now Berry.” Bon-Bon was feeling a little annoyed by this point.

“Uh...” Berry hesitated.

“Well?” Bon-Bon said coolly, but firmly.

“Nope. I'm good.” Berry said with a little half-smile and an awkward chuckle.

Finally being done with that, Bon-Bon turned her attention back to the hideous pony before them. “What is this?” she asked, holding the scroll up.

“Eg unt ow!” he said.

“What did he say?!” Berry piped up.

“Berry,” Bon-Bon said with a hint of danger in her voice. “I will tell you afterward. Until then, please let me talk to him.”

“Uh, sure. Sorry” Berry took a few steps back and then took a seat on the ground.

“Now then, what do you mean you don't know?” Bon-bon said.

“Eg unt ow! Te os unt sy ntin oo ny oov s! (I don't know! The boss doesn't say anything to us!)” he replied.

“The boss? I assume you're talking about the griffin?”

“esss (yes)” came the reply.

“Your boss left. Would she, he, go back to Deadmare Gully?” Bon-Bon asked. It was clear that there was a second question being asked here. Was that griffin male or female?

“Ot ekly. (Most likely.)” Was all he said back.

Bon-Bon's eye twitched slightly. “Did you know that cave has teleportation magic in it?

“ 'at? (What?)” It was clear that he had no idea.

“I see. This is proving pointless fast. Why would your boss ponynap a unicorn, and what happened to your cutie marks?” Bon-Bon hoped that these questions would yield more fruitful answers.

“ 'H! Tghs he icker ston ack eer! (Ah! There's the kicker question right there!) Os ok 'em. Ok 'em al (Boss took them. Took them all.) Nt ow re ght... (Don't know where though...) 'S ro yr inykn? (As for your unicorn?) el', os's oonah ak er mrk uu. (Well, Boss's gonna take her mark too.)

Took their cutie marks? Bon-Bon unrolled the scroll. “Do any of these look familiar to you?”

“Bon-Bon, where/when did you get that? And why is it covered in cutie marks?” Berry interjected.

“I don't know Berry, that's what I'm trying to figure out.” Bon-Bon said, trying to keep her voice level.

He simply shook his head.

“I see. You said he took your marks. How?”

He looked up and smiled. Bon-Bon hoped that Colgate never saw those teeth. If she had, Bon-Bon feared that Colgate would have gone into a conniption fit. “Egum aid e tn eembr. (I'm afraid I don't remember.)

Bon-Bon snorted. This whole interrogation was proving to be pointless and laborious. “Fine. Last question. How many dragons are there at Deadmare?”

“Sechs (Six)” he said, flinching at the thought.

“I see. Well, that answers most of my questions. Good bye.” Bon-Bon said as she made her way over to him, picked up up, took him over the pile of half-awake bandits, and reattached him to it. It is worth noting that he complained the whole while. However, providing a translation for this dialogue would prove to be most offensive and thus is best left untranslated. Suffice to say, said dialogue was sufficiently offensive enough to make Bon-Bon temporarily lament her ability to understand him (It also involved unflattering things about her mother). “Come on Berry, we have a long day of trotting ahead of us. Let's get going.”

“Wait, we haven't eaten yet.” Berry said, her stomach growling.

“And we won't for the rest of the day. We need to get moving right now. Let's go.” Bon-Bon said, strapping a few items to her pony. She figured that they might have to spend the night before they reached Dodge, so she felt it was wise to stock up on camping gear.

Berry raised a hoof in protest, but let it fall to the grown as she watched Bon-Bon ignore it and begin trotting off. “What about all of these ponies here? We can't just leave them!” Berry shouted as Bon-Bon began making distance from the camp.

“Trust me, yes we can. They'll be fine. Let's go!” Bon-Bon shouted over her shoulder as she picked up her pace.

Berry, looking at the bandits then at Bon-Bon, let out a sigh. “Here, it's not much, but it's something.” She said. Then she left, chasing after Bon-bon who had gotten quite a head-start. The bandits, most of whom were awake by this point. Simply stared at this random stranger's offering.

It was a single bottle of liquor...

Author's Note:

Bottom's up!

In speaking of which, would you like a sip? It tastes a little like cherries.

Comments

[Iron Comet]

The part about Twilight was entertaining and I look forward to finding out if it will involve our heroes here. Beyond that, well I will say that Bon Bon is making herself more useful than most people would ever give her credit for.

[OCisbestpony]

I'd like to take this moment and offer an honest confession. I've never read a FiMfic (save the ones I've edited). I don't read fan-fiction. So I have no idea how Bon-Bon is usually portrayed