The Misadventure Of: A Bunch Of Silly Ponies That Just So Happen To Not Be Applejack

by OCisbestpony

Chapter One, Parts One & Two: Into The Woods

The Misadventure Of: A Bunch Of Silly Ponies That Just So Happen To Not Be Applejack

Chapter One

Part One

Her breath. It was horrid. It wilted flowers and boiled water. Rather convent actually, at least when it came to cooking dinner, or so Colgate assumed. Granted, she only ever saw Berry during her visits. And the girl had clearly never heard of a toothbrush. That, or they would always melt when she tried to use them. Still, despite being able to smell her chompers through her front door, Colgate still knocked.

She always kinda liked Berry's little cottage. It was a delightful little place. Granted, the place usually smelled little better than the teeth of its owner. Despite this however, Berry always managed to keep the place looking nice. Fresh flowers sat on the windows, and birds struggled to breath in the foul air. Ok, so perhaps her place wasn't the best. At least the flowers were nice. Colgate turned to take a look at them while she waited for Berry to answer her door.

They had wilted. HOW?! She had looked away for 3 seconds! How could they have wilted away in 3 seconds? She thought she was exaggerating about Berry's breath! She groaned. Why did she have to be right?

The door opened. “Oh … (hic) … heya Colley … ,” Berry slurred, “What brings ya 'round--I really like you mane …” She trailed off and began just staring at Colgate's blue and white mane. It was clear she was enjoying her 'hard' orange juice that she usually had with her breakfast, at 2:35 in the afternoon.

Oh no. She ate that 3-week-old-Cabbage-Surprise that she got from that fast food joint in Canterlot a month ago (that is, it was already 3 weeks old when she bought the blasted thing). Not only did it somehow make the pungent aroma all the more foul, she could see it plastered all over Berry's teeth. Taking as deep a breath as she dared, she spoke: “Hey Berry. So, I wanted to swing by and see if you had any fresh grape juice.” If there's one thing that could be said of Berry Punch, she had the best grapes in all of Ponyville. Well, she had the ONLY grapes in Ponyville, but they were still pretty good.

“Wha … but it an't ferm-fer-um...” she seemed lost.

“Fermented?” Colgate asked.

“I didn't know you drank Colty...” Berry seemed suddenly surprised.

Colgate's hoof met with her face with lighting speed. This was a common thing for her to do around Berry. “No, Berry, I don't.” she shook her head, “I just wanted to know if you had some fresh grape juice.”

Berry's eyes glazed over for a moment. It was clear she was trying to think, a hard thing to do so soon after waking up. “Yeah, made some like, right before breakfast.”

Colgate hesitated. Last time she said that, it wasn't grape juice she had made … “Are you sure it's juice this time?”

Berry blinked a few times, the sunlight burning her hung-over eyes. “Yeah, this time I'm sure. Crushed 'em myself. Wanna–have I ever told you that I love you? Like, you're my best friend ever …” she trailed off, slumping in the doorway.

Colgate smiled and shook her head. Berry may be the town drunk, but at least she was a sweet one. As she made her way in, she paused a moment to think about the unintentional play on words she had made. She chuckled a little then headed in.

Berry's place was completely trashed. Well, ok, that wasn't true at all. In fact, for some reason that nopony could ever really figure out, despite being usually drunk on some level, Berry kept an amazing house. Granted, it smelt of horrible death, but at least it looked nice. Fortunately, this was a fact that Colgate never forgot, and pulled out her scarf she always wore when she visited Berry. It was scented like peppermint and was enchanted to block out offensive odors when wrapped around the snout. This time however, she doubted if even her scarf would be enough. That Cabbage Surprise was nothing short of nasty when Berry bought it, to say nothing of when she finally ate it almost 2 months later.

“You know … that thing's really pretty … where'd you get it again?” Berry asked, staring drunkenly at her scarf. She asked this every time Colgate came to visit. And every time Colgate gave the same answer. As she opened her mouth to give the answer again, something suddenly dawned on her. The real reason she came to visit! She snapped her jaw shut and looked Berry hard in the eyes.

“Berry, I need to talk to you. This is important.” Colgate suddenly said in very serious tones. Given how adorable her voice is, she found it hard to make it sound as serious as she would like. A problem that has hounded her since birth, though her parents never complained. They just spent most of her childhood saying 'awww' and having constant heart attacks.

Berry, with a swaying head and unfocused eyes, looked at her. “Wha (hic) is it...?”

“They found it.” She said simply.

Berry almost sobered up instantly. “They found (hic, [ok, not quite sober, but closer than she was when she opened the door]) it?”

“Yes. They found it. The one thing that can finally put and end to the great evil in your mouth. The one thing that I have spent my whole life looking for. The one thing that almost means more to me then everypony in this town! Almost more than friendship itself! They finally found...

The lost toothbrush of the Royal Sisters!”

(With included toothpaste for only 3 easy payments of 3.99!)

---

Part Two

“Bon-Bon!” came the high pitched whine from above, “Why won't you go drag racing with me?” Bon-Bon's face scrunched in irritation.

“Because!” She said, “Drag racing hot air balloons in the weather factory at night with no lights is a stupid idea! I mean, what if you hit the other racers, or the machines, or fall out? And how do you drag race big balloons full of hot air anyway!?” She threw her hooves up in frustration. Lyra was always one for crazy ideas. “I thought the idea behind drag racing was to go fast. And last I checked, hot air balloons are anything but fast.”

“Well duh, that's what the pegasai pulling them are for!” Lyra rolled her eyes. It was hard to hear Bon-Bon over the sound of the flame filling her balloon with hot air, but she could still make do.

“That's stupid! They're not pack animals you know! And besides, why do you need both a unicorn and an earth pony in the basket? That just seems like so much work for the poor pegasus pony!” Bon-Bon protested again.

“The unicorn's there to make the balloon easier to pull with magic by redirecting the wind or reducing drag, and the earth pony is there to steer the thing!” she shouted back. These things were surprisingly nosy.

“So, let me get this straight, the unicorn's job is to make it like the balloon isn't there, and the earth pony is there to make sure the pegasus and balloon don't hit something?” Bon-Bon had to bellow.

“Pretty much.” Lyra answered, finally letting off on the gas. It was much easier to hear Bon-Bon now.

“Then why not just have the pegasai race each other then?” Bon-Bon said with a raised eyebrow. “You know, without all of the dumb balloon stuff.”

Lyra paused for a moment. She hadn’t actually considered that … , but that was not the point! The point was that it was clear that Bon-Bon just didn't get it. So she just shook her head as the basket landed softly on the ground.

“Come on, please?” Lyra begged, opening the door to the basket and stepping out.

“Absolutely not. This is a dumb idea, and I'll have no part in it.” She said stubbornly. She stomped one hoof on the ground and turned her back to Lyra.

“Oh come on Bon-Bon, please, please?” Bon-Bon didn't have to look to know the face Lyra was making. It was that face that Bon-Bon could almost never say no to. Her eyes would get huge, her ears would hang, her hair would sag slightly, and it would almost seem as if she was on the verge of tears. Those eyes said that one of two things would happen. If you made Lyra happy, then they would be filled with joy and happiness. That's what the hope in that look was for. If you didn’t however, you would crush her hopes and she would sink into sadness. Not to mention the lone tear that would roll down her cheek. Bon Bon hated when she would make that face. How could she say no to it? Worse part was, Lyra knew it!

Swallowing hard, and refusing to let herself turn around, she said, “No. I have other things to do tonight.”

“You mean you'd rather dress up like a bear and ransack bee hives then spend time with me?” Lyra's voice was crushing. Bon-Bon's heart sank.

“We're not dressing up like bears! We're wearing fake bear fur for decoration and using old bear claws to carve open the hives! The stinging builds character!” Bon-Bon tried to answer firmly. But Lyra's look was having its effect on her.

“That's even more stupid than my idea!” Lyra protested, “At least mine's a team effort! We'll be working together!” she pleaded with her best pleading voice.

If Bon-Bon didn't leave right then and there, she was going to cave in. Biting her lip, she replied, “I … I have to go. I need to … uh … clean my fur and make sure I have enough bandages for tonight!” She struggled to say, then turned and started to run for her dear life.

Lyra shouted after her, but her shout was suddenly drowned out by a sound that filled the whole town. Louder than anything either of them had ever heard before, they both stopped dead in their tracks. It stopped.

A pause.

Then the noise came once more. And this time, they figured out what it was.

It was an overpowering squeal of delight.

Comments

[Mr Marshmallow]

This...
SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

[OCisbestpony]

As you wish...

[bobbananaville]

Not bad.
Not amazing - the perspective change is pretty jarring, and I've been given no reason to care about any of the characters introduced - but if nothing else, I'm intrigued by the premise.

[Snow]

...OK. This is as silly and un-appljack as advertised. Continue.