A new threat has arrived from the depth of the Everfree forest and had caused havoc and panic in the realm of Equestria, what are the intentions of this dark presence that lures into the forest and causes chaos in it's path.The first paragraph correspond to the point of view of Zecora herself but she doesn't appear in the story but only mentioned, and for some of the grammatical errors sorry, this is only a prototype so it is not completely ready, the story also is a remake for my two last stories, well apart of that enjoy, don't be harsh on me I'm still a novice.
Chapters (1)
First!!
the story im sorry to say im not the hugest fan of, i didn't like the format and the overall read just felt a ruched.
but if you serious about it i would advise you to take more time in writing it and possibly get some pre reader
Gah! Queen Chrysalis, you pipped me!
: Zecora is only mentioned once, and that's at the very end. The punctuation is all messed up. It looks like this came out of an Internet chatroom! 
ill read later
492210
You couldn't tell that from the description of the story?
I got no memories of who i am, from where i am, or why i am in this forest, it is night and strange creatures lure in the night, i can heard them, i know i can stay here for much longer, with not many option i walk, towards an unknown destination.
>I got no
>i
>i
>lure in the night
>i can heard them
>i
>i
>with not many option i
>Shitloads of unnecessary commas.
I'm not even going to read this...
[EDIT]
>i know i can stay here much longer
So what's the story? If you can stay safe for much longer, where's the storyline?
492314 I knew it was like that all along, but I wanted to dramatise it.
492164 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbfP6ESo4EE Here's my opinion of your comment. And Discord's better than Chrysalis.
---
As for the story,
images.nonexiste.net/popular/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Animated-Downvoting-Roman-Pony-.gif
Terrible formatting, terrible grammar, at least spelling was ok. Watch your run on sentences, they aren't dramatic, they're bad grammar.
The description is so grammatically incorrect that I almost died upon reading. Also, I nearly shat my pants with laughter at this part, " why I am feeling so much pain?! " If you were goin' for a good story, you missed. Better luck next time!
492564 I could say this is the Big Rigs of MLPFIM fanfics. It's incomplete and is really bad, both in plot idea and execution.
Due to amnesia being mentioned, I'm sorry, there is no way I am reading this.
Really, amnesia is the most creatively bankrupt story ideas. It means that you have no confidence with building characters or placing a setting, and so on.
Plus, the description's poor grammar is not encouraging either.
Half life: Full Life consequences, anyone?
at first I was like
then i was like
and now im like: fix this up and it may be good.
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/269/845/a64.gif
Yea that seems about right.
492470
lol you need to chill and smile instead good sir
As for the Discord's better than Chrysalis argument, it is something i have bean thinking a fair bit on actually but haven't form an opinion yet,
its quite the hard question scenes bouth villain have aspects to them i relay like.
In discord we have this deity/god he cares for nobody but himself and treats the word as this personal toy set, he have no real agenda or plans he just fools around hand having fun at others expense,
and then we have Chrysalis, tho she is no doubt powerful and if she have a strong sorce of love to feed of she can out muscle Celestia, but she is far out of her league compared discord,(even to we can only speculate on this, but its a pretty secure assumption).
so no she is not a deity, no god like powers or anything along those lines for her, no she is just the ruler of her race the changelings, kinda in the same way as Celestia and Luna is the ruler of pony kind.
As for her motive she actually have one in contrast to discord, she wants to conquered Equestria as a source of food for subjects her, (even tho i think there's a bit of a ego problem and power hunger in there as well) her motive is somewhat understandable, its a if they don't eat they die scenario, even tho being fed apun don't harm a pony (she did it at shining armor for days) the outcome of her conquering equestria who'd not have bean good for the pony race,
but don't let the if we don't eat we die thing fool anyone, Chrysalis is still bad, she was eave happy looking out the window from the Castle and seeing her army destroy the city and hunt down the fleeing ponies, or it might have bean bliss in knowing her subjects was going to get there food, ho know.
point still remains she will hurt people to further her goals, and those of her people
Both Chrysalis and discord are awesome villains, and i don't know which one i think is bets at the moment, thats somethign i will nead soem more time to think about that.
I did not join this fandom until 3-4 days after luna eclipsed was aired so i don't know who the fandom handled Discord at first, but as for Chrysalis i still think the fandom is trying to define her, in the last 3 day´si have seen so many fanfictions staring her, just small short story's under 4k words, where people are trying to pour the curiosity and thought on her as a character,
i think this will continue for some time until the fandom comes to turn on what Chrysalis and the changelings as a race will mean for the fim universe and lore, on a side note i must say that i find it quite interesting that an overwhelming majority of these short story's have been shipping's, quite interesting because i find it so unfitting for her character (and diet)
And as for the changelings as a race i think that they are one of the best tings to have happened to mlp fim in the whole season, they kinda remind me of Wraith from SG Atlantis and Zerg´s form SC so what we have here is basically a Zerg/Wraith pony hybrid, and that in itself it just awesome
Up till now the vocal point of evil have always bean one individual NMM, discord.
Sure queen Chrysalis is a major bad guy but unlike every villain before her she have minions, and not only mindless slave or thugs, they are independent beings united as a people, with i assume have an kingdom cities or at least a culture.
and that is something we haven't seen on the show until now, that single fact along is enough for me to welcome them as a positive edition the the franchise the rest just makes them epic as hell.
something i haven't really thought of until now is that the event of the last episode technically leave equestria at a state of war whit the changelings, sure they won the battle but unlike NMM and discord they weren't turned to good or imprisoned, they only repelled them but the war still rages on, and the meaner of Chrysalis and her army´s defeat leaves it very easy for the animators to bring her back, it's almost as they ended the episode with a continue next episode sign.
493678 Hory Sheet your response...
Indeed, I may have been a little harsh on the "first" comment. I just have a thing against it, I hate finding them on everything.
As for Discord/Chrysalis, my reasoning is as follows:
Discord is the Spirit of Chaos, which means he has unlimited power. The only thing more powerful than him is the Elements of Harmony.
Chrysalis is the leader of the changelings, and is powerful in her own right. She was able to defeat Celestia, but only after being essentially ubercharged, if you'll forgive the expression.
While Chrysalis may have a clear motive, Discord has one as well, although less clear-cut. Originally, it was to cause as much chaos as possible and just have a good time. After the princesses defeated him the first time, you know what happened. Then, there was his return, at which point he wanted his revenge on Celestia and Luna for overthrowing him.
Of course, the fanfictions and fanart of Chrysalis is the thing that's getting to me, as well as people on certain forums outright saying Chrysalis is better. I find there's way too much, and so much illogical things occurring in these Chrysalis fanfics. Mostly shipping her. I really wish the community hadn't gone to that so quickly, certain characters just shouldn't be shipped. Especially ones like Chrysalis.
I see that you have no particular allegiance, nor have declared either one to be superior in terms of power. So I won't go into my other points regarding them. I still prefer Discord, although I acknowledge Chrysalis's capabilities. She is considered by me to be the second best villain, if for her appearance than anything else.
I also noticed the zerg thing, but I never noticed SG Atlantis thing. It's even better considering the changeling actually is a Zerg unit.
About bringing the changelings back: that would be interesting, I wonder if they'll actually do that...
You may want to improve on your spelling/grammar as well, it's in a very weak spot right now.
493834
yeah i know it goth a bit longer then i planed, but if you get me started on a subject i enjoy to discuss i have a tendency to ramble on.
and yes i can understand you hate for "first" comment poster´s, i do find it quite annoying my self sometimes and i rarely do it, but the few times i do it´s most for the reason to "save a good spot",
i see a story that looks interesting post a first comment so it gets at the top of the list, then red the story in peace and quiet then edit my comment and voice my opinion on the story, i know that is kinda hypocritical to do so but if you spend the time to voice your opinion online then why not try to make sure so many people as possible read it?.
Oh and i agree whit Discord being the most powerful being so far shown in the mlp fim lore, no contest there he fuck things up in ponyville big time and if celestia and luna whod have the power to stop him they whod have done it themsealf, so its safe to say hes most PO so far.
and Chrysalis was surprised that she tock down Celestia and it was only becouse as you said she was " ubercharged"
As for anyone of them beaing better then the other i dont know, first of we need to define what we mean with better, both of them have difrent acpects i like more and less.
All i really hope for is they both will return sometime in future episodes, and mabye we eaven will see somecooperation between them, tho that is unlikley as i dont see dicord as a team player.
"certain characters just shouldn't be shipped. Especially ones like Chrysalis" YES FINALLY SOMEONE GETS IT, im not saying it cant be done but as you said, i really wish the community hadn't gone to that so quickly, im so tierd of all the second rate shipping storys that have flooded the internet, no offence to any author how might read this but A LOT of the shipping story's that have come out have bean nothing but dog shit,
sometimes i think this fandom is to enthusiastic
and speaking of quickly, yesterday i even saw that the porn featuring her have already come out
as for the wraith thingi didn't mean their appearance, just the fact that they both use sentient beings as food, even if the ponies don't die by being feed upon i still thinks there is some similarities.
Oh shit everyone bail the grammar police is here
jokes aside i know i don't spell the best, and english is not my native language, and the only subject i really struggled with in school was spelling/grammar and since this is just a comment on a story i wroth late at night i didn't care to read it true a second time and correct any mistakes, so you are just gone have to live whit that.