I don't know how or why but it looks like my wish for peace and calmness finally got answered, for the next week and a half after my dinner date with Derpy was the best thing for me. Though I did get a few more surprises, they were not earth shattering and ended up being just simple things. Like the very next day, when I walked back to my room after saying goodbye to Derpy and wishing her the best with her job, I got a visit from Celestia and Luna. I just can't stay away from them for long it seems.
They were almost in a panic when they saw me and checked me over and over again to make sure Discord did not do something weird to me. It took a few hugs and an ear scratch or two to make them finally calm down and I once again had the joy of explaining that weird day. I am grateful that they took Maelstroms presence well and due to me being friendly and physical with the two of them, Maelstrom took it as a sign of trust. So while she shyed away from them, she did not hiss or do anything bad.
So after two long hours of making sure I had a plan, money, a long extensive list of ponies to talk to for help, and their full support did they finally agree to go back to Canterlot before they started to panic. I was still waiting to get back into contact with Discord so I could give him a piece of my mind, but he was always 'busy' or 'doing work for Celestia'. Not even Fluttershy could get a hold of him, though he still wrote her letters and he always wrote a note to me telling me not to worry and take care.
That, of course, led to another Princess coming to suddenly visit and boy was that a disaster. She was in a weird combination of happy and horrified state of mind when I fully explained about Discord and Maelstrom. But once the initial shock wore off and she wiped off The Discord Look from her face, she quickly returned to her bubbly and hugging self. She ended up staying the rest of the day with me and acted like a mom with Maelstrom, though it was a very one sided relationship.
Oh and another weird little surprise is that Cadence and the other girls are amazing singers. I know this because Cadence gathered them all up in order to make Maelstrom her own room that was across from my own. So when they got into that mood, they started singing! I stood in the doorway, just staring at them as I watched them work their magic and sang in perfect unity. It was weird. Amazing and very pretty, but weird. It was almost like a Flash Mob back home.
When the song and dance number was done, I now noticed that the room was completely done! Top to bottom, with everything you could imagine in a baby room, though in their case a foals room. It was quite amazing to see and once again, I could only think to blame one thing for all this. Magic. Magic once again just blows my mind away but now I am kinda used to it and accepted it.
When the commotion had died down, the others left and went back home and when me and Cadence sat down and made small talk, mostly involving me and Derpy, did I notice that she was wearing the necklace I gave to Shining in secret. So of course I complimented her new neckpiece and she went into great detail on how she repaid his random act of kindness. Which led to her also explaining that she had to purchase a new bed and learn a better soundproofing spell. I won't say much, but I was red as a tomato and my mind was absolutely shattered.
Cadence would of stayed longer but early next morning Shining knocked and eventually dragged his wife back onto the train and back home to the Crystal Empire. I love her but hearing her go in depth about.... her intimate moments, I needed another vacation. But after a few more days of normal living, I was fine and decided to write her a letter, which led to me writing letters to Vinyl, Octavia, Fleetfoot, Celestia and Luna, and to Derpy.
I know, since me and Derpy are dating and we see each other pretty much on a regular basis but I thought it would be nice for her to see my letter at work and give her something to look forward to. Which she greatly enjoyed, for when I was out and about around town, I felt a tap on my shoulder from behind and when I turned around I was greeted to by a surprise kiss from Derpy. Afterwards she thanked me for always making her day, both during and after work, before getting back to work. All around me, every single pony said “Awwwwwwww”
All this happened during my week and a half of normal living, so I was feeling great and relaxed. Every day I felt so refreshed and during my down time, I continued reading the crimson book and reading up some more about Dragons and their history and culture. It was also a great way to get Maelstrom to go to sleep, reading it out loud for her. Like magic, after a few pages or so she would slowly and cutely nod off to sleep in my lap.
During my reading, I had learned a bit about Phoenixes as well since they tended to nest in warmer areas and most of the time, those areas also hosted a dragons nest. So while Star Swirl learned the way of dragons, he took little side notes about the creatures who bursted into flames and were reborn from their ashes. In one side story, a young dragon befriended a baby phoenix and the two grew up together, but due to the dragons greed mixing into its love of friendship it accidentally started hoarding phoenix eggs and almost started a territorial battle.
But thankfully the dragons mother straightened her offspring out and it released the eggs back to their respectful parents, unfortunately the two friends were separated and never saw each other again. Also unfortunately, this gave way to the current trend for teenage dragons to steal phoenix eggs for sport in secret. Other than that, he wrote down that he would write all additional information about the majestic phoenix in a stand alone book in the future.
Which brings us to today, I am currently reading the second to last chapter in the crimson book with my sleeping daughter in my lap, snoring away while I read. I know that I should not be reading these out loud, since Celestia had requested me to keep them secret but I feel like I can trust to read them out in the open in Twilights castle. That being said, I still kept my voice down and I always kept an ear open to the door and window, never finding anything of course.
When I turned the page, I read 'Chapter XX: The Final Lesson', with that I bookmarked the page and gently closed the book before returning it to my desk and letting out a yawn. Looking up I saw that it was already late at night, which meant dinner time for the two of us. So I softly poked Maelstrom in her fuzzy tummy a few times in order to wake her up, after the sixth poke she yawned and stretched out her front legs with a cute voice. “Papa?” she asked.
“It's time for din-din!” I excitingly said to her. She perked up and began to happily wag her tail back and forth with a smile.
'MEW!' she happily exclaimed as she bounced in my lap. Now that she is fully awake I patted my upper arm, which was code for her to climb up and get ready to move. Like a cat, she wiggled her bottom half and prepared to pounce, with a leap she got all the way up to my elbow before she climbed up the rest of the way. She has been getting better and stronger doing this, though I will probably have to teach her to walk on her own sooner or later.
Another thing I am grateful for ever since Celestia, Luna, and Cadence showed up is that I now have a steady source of meat coming in for the three of us, me, Maelstrom, and Artemis. At first I wanted to decline since I wanted to be able to procure my own goods for myself, but once they all showed me the prices of having meat sent via mail, I gracefully accepted their help and since the Crystal Empire is closer to the Gryphon Kingdom she is able to get it for a cheaper price before sending it to Canterlot where it gets even cheaper to send to here.
But even with all their discounts, it was still an eye bulging amount of bits for the amount I received every two weeks. So until my bit income greatly increases soon, I will have to rely on their help for the moment. Not saying that I can't rely on them, but I just don't want to rely on them for everything and feel like a child. But until Aloe and Lotus return from Canterlot, I live off what Twilight grants me (a very, very generous grant if I do say so myself).
That aside, I already walked downstairs to the kitchen, pulled open my own personal fridge containing the meats, and got something out for the three of us. I am really happy that Maelstrom and Artemis get along and also that Maelstrom does not need to be in my arms twenty-four seven anymore, cause while I prepared our meals I let the two of them play on the ground. I had talked to Twilight about buying a separate fridge for the meat since it would probably freak out everypony to see it. She agreed and bought one right away.
It only took me about thirty minutes to get the meat cooked and a salad ready to eat, so scooping her back up in my arms I sat her down and gave Artemis her food and let her eat. Grabbing a ready bottle from the fridge, I sat down next and let her grab the bottle and carefully watched her drink while I ate. It was quiet tonight because Twilight was out with the other girls and investigating a town the new map in the throne room showed them.
Yeah, that was another pleasant surprise to suddenly hear, but she explained what happened and put my mind at ease. So for the moment, I was the king of the castle and I cannot help but grin every time I think that. But I also could not help feel a little lonely being the only one in the castle tonight, Spike was also out tonight with Big Mac, saying something about celebrating some hoofball. Gah, now I feel old cause I am here at home looking after a child and a pet while others are out adventuring or celebrating.
My currently declining train of thoughts was put aside for the moment when I heard a very small and cute yawn calling out to me. Looking down, I saw that Maelstrom was already done with her bottle and was slightly swaying in place with droopy eyes and a bit of milk trailing down her mouth. Laughing to myself, I reached over to grab a napkin and cleaned her up before I grabbed all the empty dishware, washed them, and placed them to the side to dry for the night.
By the time I came back, I saw that Maelstrom had already dozed off on the table and was already letting out cute, little snores. So I gently picked her up and headed up to my room, with Artemis bringing up the rear.
I got to my room but I stopped and looked across and saw the new room and thought that I should tuck her into her new bed, so she can get used to it. Agreeing with that thought, I walked in and tucked her in but when I backed up a few steps I saw her face scrunch up and she started to fuss and squirm. Hmmmm.
I picked her back up and walked back to my room and tucked her into my bed instead. This time when I backed up I saw that she was smiling happily in her sleep while she cuddled up with the blanket, letting out her normal cute snores. Artemis then jumped up onto the bed and looked at me, smiling I reached down and petted her a few times, which made her happy. Artemis then walked up to the edge of Maelstroms sleeping form, curled up near her feet, and waited there while looking at me.
“Sorry Artemis, I am going to be staying up a bit more tonight. But while I am away I want you to look out for her, understand?” I asked the timberwolf pup. Artemis gave me a quick nod before she layed her head down and closed her eyes. Smiling down at both of them, I leaned down and gave the two of them a quick goodnight kiss before quietly closing the curtains and finally the door when I headed out.
When I was outside, I saw that it was already dark out and the lampposts were lit, giving Ponyville just enough light to help those see down the road but not enough to wake the sleeping residents. It has been a while since I have been by myself, but not without good reason mind you. I do admit that for the first week, I was a bit of a wreck with constant questions and worrying about raising a child, dealing with the flared moments of fear because of my magic and my mom, and well just about everything.
But those moment never lasted long cause I had Twilight or somepony else to talk to, heck a few times I walked down to Sugarcube Corner and talked to Mrs. Cake, who was more than willing to listen and offer sage advice. So after that week, I was feeling pretty good about myself and felt capable of moving forward a bit.
But now that I was actually alone for the first time, I could not help but let the worries that plague my mind start to creep up again and give me a nervous sweat. And my earlier train of thoughts plowed its way back and I began to worry more. Was it really alright for someone like me to have all this responsibility? I mean, what do I know about raising a kid? Especially a kid from a foreign, alien planet!
And is it smart for me to raise such a child while dating? I mean, I don't even have a job! All I am doing is living off my borrowed luck and living in a room given to me by a generous princess. Back home, if I had a kid suddenly thrusted upon me I would be no where near as good off as I am now. But this is not right, I just can't live off of generosity.
Was taking responsibility for Maelstrom the right thing for me to do? Do I have the right to raise her like this?
Was it wrong to confess my feelings for Derpy?
SMACK
I had to give myself a hard smack to the face for even considering that last thought. Blah, I am just letting my fears and worries control me again. I need to go somewhere fun tonight, just to shake things up and get my mind back on track with a pleasant distraction. But where? Vinyl is still out and about in another city or town and other than The Scratch House, I don't know of any bars or clubs or anything.
Maybe I should of asked for a tour of the town much earlier, or at least gotten a map.
“Well hi there!” I heard a voice behind me say.
Turning around, I saw two mares standing behind me who were smiling and waving at me. I smiled and waved back while I looked them over. The one who on the left, who spoke first, had a very light purple colored fur while her mane had a two-toned spiky look. The one on the right was almost similar in fur color, though with a bit more of a blue hue instead of purple. Her mane was more calm and combed to the side and she had a pink bow in the back.
“Your name is Adrian, right?” the other mare with the pink bow said.
“That's me! And what do I call you ladies?” I asked in return.
“My name is Cloudchaser and this here is my best friend Flitter!” Cloudchaser said. I got down on one knee and held out my hand to shake.
“It is nice to meet you Cloudchaser, and you as well Flitter” they each shook my hand when I said their names “So, what can I help you with?”
“Actually, we were wondering if we could help you! You seemed kinda lost in thought earlier and thought you were going to run into that pole up ahead” Cloudchaser explained.
Looking back, I saw that I was indeed in line to probably smack my head into a pole of an empty stand.
“Ah, it appears that you caught me in time then. And yeah, I was kinda lost in thought I suppose” I admitted.
“What about?” Flitter asked this time.
“Hmmm, I guess the simple answer would be about my future here in Equestria” I said to them.
“Whoa, that's some heavy thinking” Cloudchaser said.
“Yeah, well in my position I think it is probably normal” I said with a chuckle.
“Bah, that's no fun! I like to live in the now and worry about the future in the future! Keeps me happy and smiling!” Flitter explained.
“Yeah! If you take everything in now, then you are just going to burn yourself out later! And trust me, burning yourself out is never fun” Cloudchaser added.
“I suppose your right. I just wish I had a bit of a distraction to keep my mind focused” I said.
“Is that what you are doing out in the middle of the night?” Flitter asked me.
“Yeah, I was looking for something fun to distract myself with but then I realized that the only place I ever went to was Viny- DJ Pon-3s Club for my Welcome To Ponyville party” I explained.
When I finished talking the two mares looked at each other and I saw a small sparkle erupt in their eyes before they stared at me in excitement.
“Do you wanna come with us to the club then?!” Cloudchaser asked with a big, toothy smile.
Hmmm, I suppose this would be the best way to answer my problem. But would it seem weird for me to accompany these two to a club? I don't want any weird rumors floating around that I am cheating on Derpy or something. I should probably talk to them real quick about this, just to get it out in the open.
“Before I say anything, is this the kinda club a taken guy like me can go to or is it more for single people? Er, single ponies rather. I just don't want any sort of rumor to spread that I am cheating or something” I said to the pair.
They both shook their heads no. “You will be totally fine, I understand what you are saying and this club is cool for any pony to come and visit! I mean, single ponies will probably be there and a mare could hit you up. So long as you tell them no and go there with just having fun in mind, then you will be golden!” Cloudchaser said to me.
“Well, if that is the case then lead me on new friends!” I happily exclaimed to the now squealing pair of mares.
“Follow us Adrian! The club is just around the corner!” Flitter said as she playfully headbutted the back of my leg. Chuckling at their enthusiasm I followed the pair down the street.
Thankfully the club was really just around the corner at the end of the street, looking up I saw the dark colored building with flashing lights and read the sign: The Hoofing Club.
“The Hoofing Club?” I asked.
“Yeah! It's the best place to get your hoof on!” Cloudchaser answered with a laugh.
“They have a lot of modern music and good, cheap drinks! Plus, they are not too strict on dancing rules! So long as you don't break anything or throw up on any pony then you are good to go!” Flitter said.
Sounds like a place I went to back in Michigan.
“Come on! The party awaits!” Cloudchaser said “It sounds like they got a live DJ tonight as well!”
“Oh! I wonder who they got? Maybe Skrilltex?” Flitter said,
“I hope Deadmouse5 is back! His helmet is so cool!” Cloudchaser replied.
“Oh! Oh! How about Koskade! I always liked his music!” Flitter said back.
“Well, we will never know standing inside! Lets go!” Cloudchaser said just as the pair did their best to push me in. Walking in I looked around and saw that it did not look too different then a club back on earth. They had a black and white checkered floor, globe lights of all kinds scattered everywhere, what appeared to be pleather couches and wooden seats, and a random assortment of artwork on the walls.
Near the back I saw a raised platform that held the DJ booth and I saw a tail in the air, probably whatever DJ is was looking for something, On the right wall is where I saw the bar and boy, did they have a huge supply of alcohol and other drinks on display. I saw that the almost all the seats were filled to the brim with ponies of all kinds, drinking and having fun or out on the dance floor.
I am glad that the place felt and looked normal, in comparison to back on Earth. Though I quickly became the center of attention as I now noticed that all eyes were now on me and if not for the music, the place would have been completely silent. Oh boy, here comes that nervous sweat again and on my right I heard a nervous chuckle.
“Then again, you might stand out a little” Cloudchaser whispered.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hay everypony?! You all demanded this song, why are you all being so quiet!” I heard a familiar voice say. Looking up, I saw that the DJ was none other that my friend.
“Vinyl!” I called out as I temporarily forgot my nervousness. She looked up to see who was calling her and instantly her grumpy face turned upside down and transformed into a huge smile.
“ADRIAN! DUDE!” she bellowed out while she ran away from the booth and up to me. I knelt down, opened up my arms, and gave her a big hug. Well, that broke the silence but now they were all staring at us and started murmuring. “Dude! I can't believe you are here!”
“I didn't know you were back in town, ya goof” I said as I jostled her mane.
“I just got in tonight, I am stopping here for a day while I head over to Manehatten for my next big gig. I was going to surprise you tomorrow and invite you to party, but I guess you beat me to it” she explained.
“Well, I guess its a win-win since it means I get to see my good friend again! I missed you” I happily stated.
She began to grin “Dawww, enough with all that sweet talk big guy! You came here to party, not flirt with your best pal!”she jokingly said.
“I will have you know that I am already in a happy relationship, thank you very much!” I retorted.
“No way?! Really! Congratz man! This is perfect!” she said.
“Perfect? Perfect for what?” I replied.
“Now is my time to swoop in and steal you. Makings you fall head over hooves over me instead!” Vinyl playfully jested.
“Shut up you goof” I said with a laugh while I messed with her mane again. She laughed with me and had to wipe a tear away from her eyes from laughing so hard.
When I looked up I remembered that there was a crowd and now they were just watching us. So when Vinyl stopped laughing I gently poked her then pointed at the staring crowd. She let out a loud harumph before turning around to face them.
“What are you scrubs looking at? This is a club! Not an observatory! So get to dancing already!” She commanded and instantly they obeyed and went back to normal. Well, mostly. A few curious eyes still peered over at me but mostly back to normal.
I gave a small round of applause “Nicely done” I commended her.
“Hey, when you have played as many shows as I have, you learn how to be forceful or else the crowd walks all over you. So, how did you find this place anyway?” she asked me.
“Ah, well I was out and about walking, trying to clear my head and find a distraction when all of a sudden these two girls came up and introduced themselves to me and one thing led to another and here I am, catching up with my awesome friend and DJ!” I exclaimed as I told the short story.
“Well, look at you big guy! You got yourself a marefrend and now all the ladies can't keep their hooves off ya!” Vinyl said with a snicker. “So, are you going to introduce me as well?”
“Ah, yeah! Vinyl, to my right is Cloudchaser and to my left in the bow is Flitter. Cloudchaser, Flitter, this is my good friend Vinyl Scratch. Also known as DJ Pon-3!” I said while still kneeled down.
But I saw that the two mares were standing there, mouths agape in shock. So I gave them both a soft poke and this woke them up from their stupor, only for them to face me immediately.
“You're friends with DJ Pon-3?!?!” Cloudchaser excitingly asked.
“Sure am, wanna meet her?” I asked them both. They furiously shook their heads up and down and I laughed since I had already introduced them. “Alright, well Cloudchaser. Flitter. I would like you to meet my friend, Vinyl Scratch” I said as I presented her with my arm. The pair shot back to normal standing and gained a nervous stance.
“I-i-i-it's a pleasure to me-meet you DJ Pon-3” Cloudchaser nervously said. Flitter was silent but held up her hoof in awe. Vinyl simply grinned as she shook both their hoofs.
“Well, before you get to dancing big guy, I have few guests with me in the back and by the sounds of things you have already met them” Vinyl said. “So, wanna come and say hi?”
“Sure!” I happily replied. I was about to get up when Vinyl came up and placed her front hooves on my knee and proceeded to use the puppy dog look on me, she even brought her shades down so I could see her eyes. I simply groaned as I stared at her for a moment before I asked “You want me to carry you, don't you?”
She did not move while she continued to use that look on me. Every second she continued to stare, I felt a hard blow being dealt inside of me and I finally caved when I was mentally knocked out. “Get on” I said in a defeated tone.
With that she let out a happy and triumphant “Yes!” before running behind me and jumping on my back, like she did before. I considered getting up now but I opened my eyes and saw the two girls staring at me in awe and amazement. Since my soft side was already exposed, I decided to wrap my arms around them and carried them with me, with a grinning Vinyl resting her head on my shoulder, telling me where to go.
I felt like Moses as I split the sea of ponies on the dance floor without even trying as I headed to the back. It only took a minute or so and after a quick conversation with backstage guards, we finally found our way to the backroom. I decided to knock, just in case and I heard a muffled voice call out, telling us to come in. With that I opened the door and had to bend over to clear the door. Walking in I set the two mares down while Vinyl climbed off my back and ran over to retrieve her guests.
“Well, here they are! Cloudchaser, Flitter, Adrian, may I introduce you two to members of the Wonderbolts! First up is the Captain, Spitfire and second up is her right hoof mare, Fleetfoot!” Vinyl loudly introduced, then out came the two mares dressed in very pretty dresses that complimented their colors perfectly.
“Adrian!” Fleetfoot said first before she walked over to me. I of course knelt down again and offered a smile.
“Well hello again Fleetfoot, looks like we were able to catch up to each other again” I said with a chuckle. She returned the chuckle before smiling up at me.
“I was actually going to go with Vinyl tomorrow when she was going to invite you out but I guess you beat us to it” Fleetfoot said.
“I guess I have a talent for that then, not like I am complaining in meeting up with my friends again” I said. I then looked over at Spitfire who was watching us with a pleasant smile. “And good to see you as well Spitfire and this time I don't look like a complete fool” I said with another chuckle.
“Good to see you again kid, and I will agree that you have a knack for showing up unexpectedly. At least now I know more than one pony here at the club” Spitfire said with a slight smirk.
I was going to say something when I felt two pairs of hooves poking me, turning around I saw Cloudchaser and Flitter in shock and awe again but at least they had their voices this time. “Adrian, just how famous are you?” Flitter gasped out.
“Heh, well the only reason why I know them is because I saved Fleetfoot from being attacked by a pack of timberwolves in the Everfree Forest. The rest is history” I carefully explained. I didn't want to fully go into detail regarding the attack. Hopefully the others caught my drift.
“And he was very brave in doing so, I am very grateful for the rescue and I wanted to make sure to thank him properly. So I made him a VIP Guest to our shows” Fleetfoot declared.
“Wow, your amazing Adrian! Not only are you famous with DJ Pon-3 and the Wonderbolts, but you are a hero!” Cloudchaser exclaimed with stars in her eyes.
“Careful there Cloudchaser, remember that he already has a marefriend” Vinyl smugly said and I could just feel her grin. Cloudchaser blushed a bit and tried to hide behind her large bang.
“You have a marefriend, son?” Spitfire asked.
“Sure do, we have been going out for almost two weeks now” I proudly stated.
“Congratulations then, be sure to treat her right. You hear?” Spitfire said in a serious tone.
“I would never dream of doing any wrong against her, I swear on my life” I replied with an equal tone.
Spitfire looked me over real quick before she grew a large grin “I think I can believe in ya, you have a good heart kid. Be sure to keep it” she instructed.
“Yes ma'am” I responded. “Oh! Before I forget, Spitfire, Fleetfoot. These two beside me are actually the ones who brought me here, on my right is Cloudchaser and my left is Flitter”
“Nice to see you two again, have you been keeping up your wing practices?” Spitfire asked them.
“Every day ma'am!” Cloudchaser and Flitter replied at the same time.
“Very good, now who is ready to party?” Spitfire asked us. Everyone but Spitfire raised their hooves and I raised my own hand as well. “Excellent. Vinyl, lead the way”
“Roger that! Lets go gang! I got something special to play in honor of my best pal Adrian here” Vinyl replied before leading us out. When we got back out front, she asked us to stay back until she introduced us onto the dance floor.
“Wait, us too?” Cloudchaser asked.
“Yep, prepare to become even more popular” I briefly explained with a grin. Thankfully the two looked at each other and sprouted huge, happy smiles.
Suddenly the lights dimmed while a large white spotlight appeared over Vinyl behind the booth, who tested the microphone with a quick tap of her hoof before saying “Welcome Ladies and Gentlecolts! Are you prepared to have fun tonight?!”
“YEAH!”
“Are you prepared to party your hearts out tonight?!”
“YEAH!”
“ARE YOU PREPARED TO DANCE TILL YOU DROP?!”
“YEAH!”
“Damn right you are! But before that, I have some very special guests to introduce to you all tonight! Now lets make some noise everypony!”
A thunderous applause came over the club and other random shouting, hooting, and hollering. Man, Vinyl can sure work a crowd.
“ALL RIGHT! First up, first up are a pair of wild and crazy party ponies who are just as lovely to boot! Presenting: CLOUDCHASER AND FLITTER!” Vinyl shouted with enthusiasm.
The moment their names were called the crowd went wild and the two mares rushed up behind Vinyl and took a few bows and waved before climbing down to the side.
“Our next pair of guests are two famous members of the illustrious group named THE WONDERBOLTS! I am curious, do any of you know of the Wonderbolts? Let me hear a holla if you do!” Vinyl asked the crowd.
Once again the crowd went wild, almost enough to put a metal concert to shame.
“All right! Well join me in welcoming the captain of the Wonderbolts and her right hoof mare! Welcome Captain Spitfire and Fleetfoot!” Vinyl loudly said with vigor.
I am surprised the crowd has not fainted due to lack of oxygen but they screamed and applauded with the same amount of enthusiasm as before.
“And last and certainly not least is Ponyvilles newest and most interesting resident, my good and personal best friend, AND recently crowned as King of the Dance Floor, right beside the Queen Pinkie Pie! Let me hear you make some noise for our local human resident! ADRIAN FROST!” Vinyl concluded her last introduction. Heh, she certainly likes milking the fact that we are friends.
And just like the others, the crowd went wild and absolutely insane and boy, did I feel pumped! So much so that I ran up those stairs and after scanning the crowd for a few seconds, I summoned some magic and produced a small cone of fire out of my mouth and roared! Once I was done I donned a large smile and was thankfully greeted with an even bigger round of applause. They went nuts! I almost thought they were going to turn into a mob.
“Nice touch....showoff” Vinyl said to me with a grin.
“Well I had to make sure to give you a proper welcome after such a warm introduction, best friend” I replied with a sly wink. She responded by playfully slapping my knee before turning back to her booth.
“Well there ya have it folks! NOW LETS PARTY!” Vinyl shouted as she punched a button and soon the club was overrun with vibrations from the speakers. My bones felt like they were shaking. Once the dance floor became a swirling motion of body parts, Vinyl led the group to the bar and ordered each of us a Pon-3 House Special.
Uh oh, I hope the girls here can handle their drinks since this stuff was STRONG. In no time, the stallion bartender had whipped up six big drinks of the special, each of us picked one up and held it up.
“To good friends” I said as our toast.
“To good friends!” they all said in unison before we drank it all down in one go. Fleetfoot, Cloudchaser, and Flitter coughed a bit but were otherwise good to go while me, Vinyl, and Spitfire chuckled a bit at their expense. Vinyl asked us if anyone wanted one more before hitting the dance floor, but no one wanted another one and instead got some other drinks.
Feeling good, I called her up on the offer and this time she got the two of us even bigger glasses. I could not help but laugh a bit but I took it into my hand and was about to drink but Vinyl stopped me.
“A toast, to just us” She said.
“Sure! Hmmmm.... what should we toast to?” I asked.
She grinned and held up her drink right away and said “To my best friend”
I playfully rolled my eyes but matched her grin and repeated “To my best friend”
With our second toast done, we slammed down our drinks though Vinyl was faster than me. She is probably used to it. I took a few seconds to let the alcohol go all the way down before letting out a satisfied breath. “Phew, I almost forgot how strong of a punch they give you” I said.
“Heh, don't worry big guy. Stick with me and I will be sure to get you feeling good in no time. Just like last time” Vinyl said with confidence.
“Ah, I see what you are trying to do. You just wanna be my warm blanket again. Eh? Ehhhhh?” I teased her.
I could see her face blush a bit before she punched my arm a bit “I thought you said you had a marefriend, she should be the only warm blanket for you now” she grumpily said.
Now this time my face heated up and I fiddled with my thumbs “W-we have not gone not far yet, we are taking things slow” I nervously said.
At first I thought she was going to tease me or say something else and I shut my eyes, patiently awaiting for the impact. But to my surprise, when I opened my eye I saw Vinyl staring at me with a caring smile, with her shades down. So I returned back to normal just before she said “I am proud of ya big guy. Not many stallions have the guts or brains to take things slow with a mare they love”
I felt my face blush again but I could not help but smile as I reached over and gave her a quick, little hug “Thanks Vinyl, means a lot to me to hear you say that” I said before I gave the top of her head a quick peck.
“Wh-wh-what did you do that for?!” she embarrassingly said.
“Nothing. I just feel really good right now, in the club drinking with my best friend and my other friends. Thanks again, Vinyl” I concluded by reached up with my closest hand and gave her ear a quick scratch. I could feel her lean into me a bit.
“Alright, enough with the love ya big softie. I wanna dance! So bust out those moves, King of the Dance Floor!” Vinyl said as she scooted away from me and onto said dance floor.
I quickly ordered and paid for another Pon-3 House Special before I limbered up a bit and then as smoothly as I could, I ran and glided into the middle of the dance floor, quickly surrounded by my group of five and a few other random ponies. I cleared my space and I did a few Michael Jackson spins and did a pose.
“All right, let's dance” I boasted with a grin and what I did next could only be described as good drunk white boy dancing.
God help me.
Another good chapter can't wait for more.
I guess it is time for another fight sooner or later, he doesn´t had really trained his Magic yet has he? I remember at least, that he didn´t had another fight like the one with the Timberwolfs right?
I am glad that it isn´t overdone with to many fights, but i woud like him being part of a big event.
You know, every Human that gets some Power, they always try to make them avoid every MLP Villain, one was even hiding in his room.
I mean, why do they need to be magic-proofed, if they never help with a big fight? Maybe hey just don´t want to think about a way for them to be a part of the...well big event.
Sorry but i forgot when the thing with Tirek happened in your story, but honestly i guess Tirek is one of the guys, that can´t be beaten normally, if he is strengthened like in the end of the episode.
Okay now about this chapter.
As cute as Maelstrom might be, i am glad that it isn´t always about Maelstrom only, and that he could impress the girls a bit, was nice too, i kind of grant him every fame he can get, he is a nice OC. The best thing ever, he is not an Anon, i somehow like it more with a real name.
I somehow could see it, that the exactly same thing is happening like the last time, but this time Derpy, and maybe the others too see it.
Maybe Derpy could think he cheated on her for a little moment, he could even solve that problem in the same chapter, since he has a few friends that could go after that Pegasus.
Now i want him to be friends with Trixie, i don´t know if your are kind of on her side, but you could maybe think of a reason for her, that she actually doesn´t wanted to be mean, and just acted like a Showmare, after she was treaten like that, she just snapped or something like that. (Sorry poor Grammar today probably, but i have really no passion to make sure it is correct right now)
Well yeah good chapter
oh man, no one wants to be that guy... you have my sympathies my friend
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But the good thing is about that is NO ONE in Equestria has seen it before, so they could think its the best dancing they have ever seen and Adrian could get away with it!
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Yeah, I am wanting him to get into another big magical fight but I am trying to work out the details with characters and relativity to the story and other junk. Cause I want him to unleash his magic, but on who? So yeah, that is in the works. As for Lord Tirek, Twilight and gang already defeated him. This story takes places right after they defeat him and she gets the crystal library castle.
I agree, I never really liked the human simply being named "Anon" or "Anonymous". It always seemed weird to me. -shrugs-
Trixie is another character I want to work it but I have three ideas on how she could come in. I have so many ideas! I just wish I knew how to write it down and have it make sense!
Did he just leave his infant daughter home alone to go out and party...?
You are a terrible parent Adrian. Foal Protective Services should be getting a call soon.
You know, I just realized what a Gray Stu Adrian is. I have one thing to say about your fic...
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5944441 twilights dancing is considered good drunk white boy dancing
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Of course not! He left Artemis to look after her! All alone....in Twilights Castle.... -nervous cough- Adrian get your ass back home! -cough cough-
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Well, so long as you love it then I guess it is fine! Although, to be honest, I don't really care for the term "Gary Stu". But I am a weird guy, so my likes and views on things are probably very different. -shrugs-
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Well, he was crowned the King of the Dance Floor for a reason! So hopefully it is not as bad as her dance moves.
5944441 I know that Tirek isn´t anymore, i think i didn´t explained it good enough.
I think you find a good way to intoduce Trixie, and the other characters.
The puns! They BURN!
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-insert maniacal laughter here- Yes, the puns! We loves the puns precious, yes we do. Yes we do!
5948425 HAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHHAHAHA IT SO PUNNY ITS HURTS
5945375 Its not that bad a case of Stuefobia. Ive seen much worse. MUCH worse. Plus, its still a really good fic. Gary Stu or not
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Well alright, I will let this one go cause you gave my story a compliment. But I will be watching you
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Loved the update and i cannot wait for more!
sup Zandar?
I'll have you know that i've read the story from start to finish in the last 3 days, and i'd like to share a few thoughts about it with you :D
So, the Good:
- Adrian is a nice OC, not totally OP from the get go, is nice to everybody and generally has a nice backstory.
- There is alway something happening in your story, so there are no overly boring parts which could bore the reader.
- The Powers you are giving him, are within reason, and generally interesting concerning their mechanics(+i have never seen this kind kind of magic given to a human)
- You're including a lot of the cast and the BG Ponys.
- The general pacing of the story is all right, maybe sometimes, a bit too fast even.
- I've read it in the last few days, but looking at the release dates, you're just machine gunning out those chapters!!! AMAZING!
- Magically induced physical alterations are always fun :D
And, the Bad:
- Hugs and earscratches are nice and all, but seriously, you're kinda overdoing it (prominently the hugging) everyone gets hugs all the time, sometimes with no appearant reason.
- Cadance is WAAAAAAAYYyYY OOC (but since you're this far in, you should keep it this way)
- Adrian is a bad OC (yay for contradictions(every medal has two sides)). His Personality feels really bland at some times. He just switches with his "i'm okay with everything, go with the flow, do what you want, ok to everything sayer", and his good thought out personality. (But i'd say this isn't adrians fault(It's taking the easy way out in writing))
- Some continuation errors. The most recent one being, applejack receiving her gifts twice. Once in the Empire, and once in the Library. another example being Twilight receiving her "first" ear scratching twice.
- While i'm okay with the derpy relationship, the setup for it was totally and utterly unbelievable. Okay, on derpys side, you get a passing grade, but Adrian had no reason whatsoever to fall in love with her(apart from her beautiful golden eyes maybe). Before she "confessed" at the library He met her briefly, like, two times ^^
- (personal beef(non canon bad)) Discord having a baby with adrian is bullshit, and you know it. Then again, discord is all about doing the impossible and unexpected, so well done!
And my biggest BEEF with your story:
- Your writing.
Now, first of, let me say i'm not a native english speaker, plus i'm a very fast reader, so when there are typos don't really notice them, and they don't bother me (you know, when one is reading fast, you don't read the whole word. I'm sure you have seen this thing where only the first and last letter matter in a word, and you can still read it.... it's kinda like that).
The bad thing about your writing is the us e of what i like to call "Instant Double information". Basically, you give out the same information twice, within a very small timeframe. This is probably a result of the first person perspective in this story. An example:
The key information here being the cheating. In this example, it's just something minor, but there have been cases, where i read the same paragraph almost back to back.
Also sometimes it really shows, that you're thinking about other stuff while writing. Which is perfectly okay, but then mistakes like this happen:
But what i'm referring to, is that you write a sentence in two different ways... at once. "i should really decide where to go after this i should really decide." (kinda lame example i know -.-)(there was an especially beautiful one somewhere around the first scene with doc)
Also: Commas. Use them ^^
Those mistakes are quite frequent, and pull down your story from a "very good" to a "okay, with lots of potencial"
A wise man once said: "Do you even Proofread, Bro?"
wow, that was a lot, wasn't it?
Once again, i'd like to tell you that i really like to read your story, but i see a potential for more, which is why i took this time to write a "chapter" myself.
I really, really, really, advise you to get a Proofreader/Editor to smack you over the head every once in a while. And if all else fails, even though i've never done this before, feel free to shoot me a message, and i'll do this for you. (like, reading it through and pointing out mistakes, correcting them, and get a better flow going)
I love your story, but hate to see such easily correctible mistakes.
Those are my two bits,
Orthoros
[EDIT] Wrote even more stuff :3
[EDIT2] Added some more good things ^^
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-reals it back in- Okie dokies, well before I comment on all of that, I just want to say thank you for commenting and for enjoying my story enough to want to try and make it better. Alright, here we go.
Good Points: Glad you like Adrian, the pace, his powers, and character inclusions! For a few of those things, I went out on a limb and tried a few things and thankfully they worked out well! I am still tweaking with them in my head and writing down new ideas.
As for chapter uploads, before now I did not have a job so I had plenty of time to write at least one a week. But now I have a job, and so I will be doing my best to find a happy medium between work and hobby.
Bad Points:
You may be right about all the hugs and I will try to hash them out evenly but please keep in mind that this story is meant to be kinda funny and silly.
What really makes a character OOC in a fanfic? I mean, if I made Cadance exactly like how she is in the show then, honestly, she would be pretty boring since we know jack diddly squat about her. I wrote Cadance like that because that is how I wanted her to be in the story, so throw away that OOC nonsense good sir!
How is Adrians personality and how I write him taking the easy way out of writing? I am sorry that this story is not something you would see on HBO where he has a plot and a backup plot on top of two or three personalities or schemes? Sometimes people (or ponies) are just simple, with simple thoughts and simple way of living. If I wanted Adrian to have some sort of deeper personality where he is scheming something or planning something big then I would of wrote it that way. But I didn't because this is how I imagine Adrian in this world of mine.
The continuation errors, those I can fix and I thank you for pointing those out (I didn't even realize it until I re-read the gift chapters after reading this comment originally). I am surprised I did that though since I remember having those chapters up and re-rereading them, but sometimes we make mistakes and I will fix it ASAP (after I think about how to re-do it)
Love is a strange thing my friend and it is not something you can simply explain. Love at first sight. A feeling. Butterflies in your stomach. A thought that won't go away. Etc, etc. But at the same time, he did not fall in love right away either. He was conflicted about this during his trip and it ate him up inside. Besides, maybe they won't be together forever. Maybe it is just a fling and he could find another pony to fall in love with. People have 'been in love' with other people while knowing even less about each other than Adrian and Derpy. So just keep an open mind and go with the flow I suppose!
I know you mean well and I am not taking this as a personal attack. BUT telling me that Discord creating a baby with Adrian is bullshit and I should know it? That is just plain rude and kinda insulting. If it was Bullshit then I would not have wrote it and/or kept it in the story. I could of easily made it a late April Fools joke, but I didn't and that is because I wanted it to be like that in MY STORY. So while I hope you continue to enjoy future chapters in THATW, please don't ever say "is bullshit you and you know it" cause that will get you a swift kick to the noggin
Yes, I am very aware of all the typos and other stuff. I am not a professional writer, I am a hobby writer and this is my first story that has ever gotten any attention. So this story is a learning curve for me and as it goes on, I hope to get better and better.
That being said, I have noticed that I have been doing that lately and I don't know why. So I will keep that in mind and try to not do that.
And I will also readily admit that I was never any good at commas and other punctuation marks, even in school.
I do have one proofreader who is going over my chapters right now, they started on chapter one and are moving up. I would love to have a whole team behind me, then I would be going somewhere! Then I could be as good as MadMaxTheBlack or someone else! (He is the first that came to mind)
-PHEW- Ok. Sorry about that. I really am happy to see a long, thought out comment on my story. Means it is good enough to spare a thought or two on! But a few of those points I just had to say something about. I hope you take it in good faith and not an attack on you. I very much hope to see you again in a future chapter! And I hope that the next one is even better than the last! See you then!
5959506
Dear Zandar,
first off,if any of my comment offended you in any way i'd like to apologize.
(especially that part about discord(was kinda trying to go for a silly 'discord wtf are you doing' reaction))
Concerning the things you said are this way, because you liked them like this:
Ultimately it's your story, and i have jack shit to say about how you should write it. If that's how you flow, i'll just have to accept those things, even if they slightly inconvinience my reading experience. And never let anyone tell you otherwise!
All those things i pointed out are mostly personal opinion mixed with experience from reading a ton of fics (i read too much), so more suggestion than anything else.
About cadence being OOC: I wouldn't say we know next to nothing about her, she had quite a few appearences in the show, and i think we should be able to grasp a general personality.(maybe this wasn't the case when you started writing). Otherwise: refer to what i said above.
About Adrian: Of course this is not HBO :D I just felt this kind of "shallow" personality while blasting to this story ( as i sasid almost 200k in 3 days :P), which could be because he likes to give the same reaction to the same situation in a lot of chapters. f.e. the pouty face/cuteness of the ponees. He almost always gives in immediately. Just some food for thought.
A tip for avoiding continuation errors: Maybe create a list of important events in every chapter, which shouldn't get forgottten, or pose danger to continuation errors? don't know, whatever floats your boat man ^^ (girl?)
Rest assured i will be reading future updates, because, this story is good, and definitely worth the time. I wish you luck in becoming a better writer going forward, and we'll definitely see each other again in the comments!
P.S. Sorry for the long ass comment.... but i had to fit all of my thoughts about a close to 200k word story in one comment future comments will be shorter! I promise!
This story is just adorable. Keep up the good work.
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No worries, I knew you meant well in your comment. I spent a while trying to think how to word my reply without sounding mean or offended.
I really did appreciate the long comment, shows that you care enough about my story! Every chapter I write I feel like I am becoming a little bit better at it and hopefully one day I shall have a flawless chapter! (Good luck to me on that one )
As for Adrian giving in a lot, he is just a big softy underneath and easily folds to the puppy dog eyes and he has easily admitted to it.
When I get into my writing mood, I often forget to highlight or write facts down cause if I stop then my writing mojo gets all wibbly wobbly. So that is another thing I am trying to get better at (would of saved me quite a few headaches )
Thanks again for being an awesome reader and can't wait to see you again in future chapters!
5962318
Thank you very much! So happy that you like it and all its silly adorableness!
could do it while proofreading
(aka outsource it to your proofreader xD)
I hope our main man here doesnt party tooooo hard. After all he still has to take care of his kid as well as find a job. But with all of the crap he still has on his mind a little reprieve sounds nice all the same.