Alone

by EquestrianKirin

Alone

Monster...

Freak...

Nightmare...

I've been called them all, at least once during my middle aged existence, and yet, I hardly knew why...Or rather, I wish I didn't knew why. My life, ever since I've grown up from my stable years ago, has not been that O so happy life anypony would usually think. Yes, it lasted that long. And yes, I'm not happy about it...and yet, I was forced into it, somehow. A decision I, myself, never truly wanted...These acts. These voices. They contradict everything a pony was taught in their lives, mine included. I wish I could just ignore them, just keep them outta my mine so I could attempt to live an existence, like every normal pony. But the more I try to block them out, the more likely the voices will speak to me...commanding me...making me go against everything I knew and love...

The day wasn't the best I could hope for. The skies above me, thanks to the pegesi above, had remained cloudy, cold, and brisk. I've grown used to it over the years, though, considering I've dealt with worse weather than this. Take it from a pony whom treaded through horrid snowstorms and thunderstorms, this cloudy weather was a trot through the park. Nopony was around me at the time, who would be, but as far as I knew, that's a good thing. I'm too dangerous to be around, no matter what they are. Heck, the only things that dare to stay within my breathing space, if anything, were flies buzzing around my black pony head. Like the weather around me, I've become oblivious to the putrid insects, though sometimes I would wish they didn't land in my ears. But what was I suppose to do, tell them not to? Aside from the constant buzzing of at least 5 bugs in my ear drums, the only sound I could hear were my own 4 hooves marching forward on the trail in front of me. the sound of hoof touching the earth reminded me that I'm still going, to where, by now, I don't even know. How could I know, there wasn't exactly a plan to go on anyway. I didn't decide the trip, fate did. My cold, thin body was kept warm by my robe, which I kept around after my other 2 trips to any pony settlements, so pony won't be able to recognize the pony hiding in it's casted shadow. Like I've mentioned, it's best that ponies didn't knew me, even by physical appearance at that. Last pony who even remotely tried...let's just say it didn't work out, I could hardly remember what happened anyway...So there I was, marching along the cold dirt road, tracks barely visible as I past. However, fate decided to pull one of it's sick tricks on me again, and a gust of wind blew off my robe. The robe only landed about 10 to 15 feet away, exposing my thin, black furred body to the world. Thank celestia, nopony was around. All I could do was simply trot over, pick up my now dirty robe, toss it over myself, and continue on my way on the trail as previously planned by fate itself.

Clop. Clop. Clop. My hooves kept making that wrenched noise with my hoofsteps, as I continued off on wherever fate had in planned for me. My head to the ground I was suffering from, I didn't necessarily see the sign I walked right into. I stepped back, rubbing my forehead, and looked at what the sign notably inscribed for me.

Ponyville. Population: 108

Ponyville, huh? some place to end up. I've wandered around into Manehatten, Appaloosa, Las Pegasus, you name it, I've been there. But here...where was here? I've never been to Ponyville before, which I could assume fate wanted me to buck up whatever lived here. In all honesty, I don't blame it, Fate was simply a guide, and the rest was...mostly my decision...mostly...

~~~~

My conscious insisted I'd not bother, but the rest of me kept on closing in on that town. I didn't knew why I wanted to go in, I didn't knew why my body was forcing me into the town against my common sense...but there I was, right in the front of the town. Oddly, it wasn't until then that I noticed the skies were clear, blue and sun rays going down onto Ponyville, like a beacon onto the world. All sorts of different stallions, mares, colts and fillies went on their business in front of me. I'm not gonna lie, first time I saw that, I thought I would get a seizure from the sudden rays of color flashing before my vision. The oddest thing was though, nopony seems to notice that dark looking pony in the street. Even if they did, they acted like it was no big deal. What? Anypony would at least acted suspicious, but no, nothing. In fact, I could a sworn a colt said hello, but than again, the buzzing still in my ears made that hard to tell, really.

I kept on my walk through the town, and my thoughts on the place is...rather varied. The ponies all looked so colorful, so varied in appearance, and personality. I saw one orange colt and one blue mare selling treats to a bunch of ponies swarming them as much as the flies were around my head. a few ponies glanced back at my robed body walking past them, but didn't do much. Though, as I stopped to observe the happiness everpony else was having at such a place. Why were these ponies happy exactly? Good food? I didn't get it, honestly. At first, I didn't want anything to do with this sort of thing, but I guess fate didn't want me to simply gallop off, as a sudden pony jumped at my face. That got a fair reaction outta me: a startle and a few steps back, as I saw a pink, happy pony. She had a mane and tail like cotton candy, and 3 balloons as a...what are those called again? Cutie mark, right? Anyway, I tried to walk pass, but that pony won't let me. Thanks, fate.

"Hi! welcome to sugarcube corner!" she squeaked. Her voice felt like they were screeching in my ears, although she was standing 2 feet away from me, which was just as bad. I'm not that type of pony whom likes to chit chat.

"Go away." Was all I could simply say, all I could think of saying to anypony, let along miss. screech here. But the pony doesn't seem to listen, nor seem to care about what I had to say.

"Aww! Dont'chu want a cupcake? free sample!" she screeched, pointing over to the ponies selling cupcakes nearby. I turned back for a second, flicking my ears to get rid of those forsaken flies, and as soon as I turned back, suddenly she had a large cupcake almost shoved in my face. It had some pink icing on it, along with red, blue, and yellow sprinkles scattered on top of it. Where the heck did she get that from, and so quickly? I simply stared at the thing for a bit, unsure on how to take it. A hoof took the cupcake outta the pink mare's hooves, her smile nearly half way around her pony face...which was odd. Seriously, I never saw a pony with such a gigantic smile on her face in my existence. Without another word, I took a bite of the cupcake in front of her. The taste was a bit dull, but not because the cupcake sucks. No, that's because my tongue had barely tasted any sort of food, to the point where my taste buds had dulled down where taste hardly goes through. The cupcake I sank my horse teeth into wasn't an exception, taste barely came through to me. I could hardly taste the sugar, the icing, the bread making the actual cupcake, and a VERY small hint of apple in it. That pink pony, for reasons beyond my comprehension, began hopping around me like some filly around Santa hooves or something like that. Thank celestia, that noisy mare saw the other ponies, and bolted off like a bat outta tartarus. Guess fate wanted a break off of me, which was rare for me. I began walking away, the flies beginning to ignore my head, and focusing on ACTUAL food. I took a couple more bites, trying my best to get some sort of taste outta it, before I placed it to the wayside on a nearby window sil for some other pony to gobble down...It didn't make me feel anywhere near from happy. Not as starving, but still, not really happy either. Seems food doesn't help bring happiness after all...

~~

My hoofsteps kept me going forward, for whatever reason I would never really know. The ponies continued on their way, at least THEY had somewhere to go...I didn't. Unless fate was giving my body directions that I wasn't ever aware of. It was simply odd, to say the least, your body going where your mind doesn't know of yet. Again, at least the other ponies know where they're going...

Fate had me guided in some random direction, until some sort a boutique, it appeared like a boutique anyway. various shades of blue, purple and pink, covered the exterior, looked more belonging in an art show. Various patterns, shapes, and even a couple of horse silhouettes and models gave it a more Canterlot feel. Which was odd, because most house I've seen so far here were made outta hay for all I knew. Of course, my first thoughts were to continue, but fate told me to go and have a look, why I dunno. Guess it's for the thrill of that natural curiosity many intelligent animals end up with.

That same curiosity lead me over to the boutique's window. The room that the window introduced my eyes to, oddly, looked more like a kitchen than an actual boutique. Wasn't this place where dresses are made or just some fancy house? My answer came around once some pony began to come downstairs, something being dragged out from some sort of dressing room. The pony that backed out looked surprisingly ghostly white, if it wasn't for her deep violet, VERY preened mane and tail, and her 3 diamond cutie mark. The thing she dragged out was...was...what did she bring out? my breath fogged up the dumb glass in front of me and, while those flies began biting in my ears again, rubbed off my fogged up glass. MUCH better. The thing she brought out what was probably the most MAGNIFICENT dress I've ever seen. laced with light blue wool, lined with blue sapphire diamonds on the neckband, various shades of blues, and violets striped out each other. I've been through Manehattan, and Canterlot, both places of fashion, and I've never seen anything going close to matching up, like this dress here. Though my flies won't get out of my head, I could make out what the pony says inside.

"Ah finished! Now just got to bring it over here for Sapphire Shores, and everything will work out," She said, sounding giddy like that cotton candy pony earlier, but more subdued. Thank the Alicorns for that, my ears nearly bled as is, and I didn't need my ears falling off. I still don't understand why she was so happy, it's just a dress, wasn't it? Sure, she probably made it, but still...It didn't made much sense to me on that either, along with the food thing from before. After a fly flew at my eye, I pretty much gave up on figuring out what happens next. will she get a good outcome from that? Who's Sapphire Shores? My care more focused on those flies than this mare by that point. As my hooves lead me away, I did hear a taxi go by me, and stopped at the boutique. I still don't know who came out, because my body kept walking away, keeping my hood down so my face wouldn't be shown to anypony, as my hooves moved me forward, away from whatever fate had in store for that mare. Oh well, fate can't stay with just one pony, right?...

The day, I guess, became more trouble than before I got to Ponyville, because the heat was starting to get to me. The robe, along with my black fur, began to soak up the heat onto my back. Fate just LOVES to attack me, doesn't he? The ponies around me were, finally, glancing towards my way, yet didn't pay mind to me, which wasn't surprising at this point. The flies orbited my head, but not AS much, due to the heat I assumed. They're still on me, of course, but hiding under my hood to cool down. Even insects get hot, like many living creatures... Eventually, I decided to relax a bit, my hooves stopping by one of the shops benches. I hauled my body up onto the bench, and laid down on it, like a cat would. It was slightly nice to rest, although I didn't feel tired during my trip through town. As I was laying on the bench, another pony walked over to me, which I was hoping to not happen. The mare was purely lime green in fur color, her mane and tail even lighter than that. I could tell that the mare was a unicorn, as she was levitating a cupcake in front of her, taking a few bites in it as she trotted over.

"Mind if I sit here?" She asked kindly. Had this pony even heard of me? But, it didn't matter anymore, so I relented, and scooted over so she could sit down. She nodded and sat down next to me...though the way she sat down was a little...how do I put it...off? She sat down with her flank on the seat, rather than her stomach like I was. Her front hooves settled onto the bench, while her back hooves scrapped the ground under her. What kind of mare sits like that? Course, the mare caught my stare after a bit.

"What?" she asked. My head turned away, something I knew I did for once.

"Nothing." My own eyes turned away, getting off the bench. As I was though, that same mare tapped my shoulder soon afterwards, though I hardly felt that. With a groan escaping my muzzle, I turned around to face the odd unicorn, flies beginning to act up around my head again.

"Everything okay?" she asked. Yep, she doesn't know a thing about this pony. With a fly daring at my eye, I simply turned away once more.

"I'm fine, thank you..." She got off her stoop, which I'm sure was so she could swipe the flies away with her hoof. That obviously didn't work, but, it was a nice gesture I suppose. She gave a sniff at me, and backed away.

"Uh sir? Had you ever had a -"

"No, I didn't take a bath...nor do I need one anymore."

"You kidding, you stink! Come on, maybe a day at the spa will help you," She suggested, grabbing my hoof and pulling me along. However, I yanked my hoof away, I knew it wouldn't help me...

"Don't bother. It'll be a waste of time for both of us," I made known.

"You sure about that? It'll make you feel better." Is that true? Will that actually make me feel better?...I wasn't too sure about that, honestly.

"How? how can a bath make me feel happy?" That question hung around in the air for awhile as the unicorn had a hoof on her chin in thought. I, myself, don't see how just looking better can make you feel better, in all honesty...

"Well, I guess if you don't want to, alright."

"Good. Well, I gotta go..."With that, my hooves stated moving again, passing the confused unicorn. Geesh, how many more ponies was fate going to drag me to today?...

~~

Time crawled onward, my own hooves kept bringing me forward, ponies going about their day as I went on through mine. Seriously, I didn't plan on talking or meeting any new ponies today, but, Fate made me run across more than I wanted. A cotton candy pony, a ghostly beauty designer, and a pony with a sitting issue. Ponyfeathers, this was getting outta hand. I knew at one point today, I had to leave, but I didn't want anypony to fallow me anywhere. Not exactly the best idea...On the Brightside, it wasn't as hot as it was an hour back, but that brought my flies to buzz around again like crazy, which was something that fate loved to do to me. Oh well, at least I know it'll be over soon...

All my traveling through equestrian, through manehattan, through appaloosa, and countless others...here is where I stop. As my hooves dragged on the dirt, my eyes could see a lonesome tree, all alone on top of a small hill. The sun gazed down upon it in the late afternoon, as the apple tree stood out like a sore hoof. I could feel my hooves walking me over to the trunk of the tree, as I finally laid down beside it. My hooves finally got to rest...

...So here I lay...

...Alone...

...I can feel my body wither away from me...

...Farewell Equestria...

Comments

[meh]

its not bad... just not fantastic either. keep at it, I'm sure you will get better.

[Shadow-silver]

Is it possible to make this a series? Maybe his past then maybe bring him back? Message me and tell me if you like the idea

[Lord Sunder]

It's quite repetitive, and honestly, it bored me stiff. I get that it's based on depression, and I've suffered from it myself, but damn, this story makes it sound so boring. The pacing... a large portion of the story could essentially be summed up as a walking/weather simulator, as opposed to an actual narrative.

I mean, I get what you're trying to do here, but there's only so much repetition of the same fucking information that a reader can take before they start asking '... and are you going anywhere with all this navel gazing?' As it turns out, he was going in an entirely predictable direction, before apparently getting bored with doing the standard 'meet the main characters' sequence partway through, and instead laying down to die. I was actually quite happy about that, because it meant the 'story' was over.

You have to invest the reader in your OC before they begin to care about the OC's problems. I mean, for a moment I entertained the idea that this guy was some sort of undead creature that had been worn away by the passage of thousands of years, hence the robe and insanity, but for the most part he just comes across as completely braindead, so that idea is a little too cool for him, methinks. And that was basically the only time I found myself at all interested in the guy. It's not so much a story, as it is a bunch of unrelated stuff held together with overblown and thoroughly repetitive angst. Kill it with fire.

Edit: I noticed something. He's really boring because he has absolutely no agency. He has to be poked with an authorial cattleprod, or have his amazing remote control hooves suddenly play up in order to actually do anything whatsoever. He is literally less interesting than watching a boat with only half its oars. At least that's going somewhere, if only in circles. Individuals with less effect on their environment than the average cardboard box do not effective protagonists make. That, and you use his idea of fate as an out-of-universe excuse to have him randomly meet people we know to be important, for no adequately explained reason. It's exceedingly cheap, and very obvious when you do it, so don't do that crap. He doesn't really change, either, or adequately explain his existence in any way. So he basically exists, whines a lot, and dies without having any impact on anything of import. We learn nothing about him in that timespan, and I feel like I wasted precious time reading this story.

[PhoenixFeather-101]

It needs a bit of work. It was very boring, no parts that were really exciting, like they should be.

[EquestrianKirin]

5157567 I'll try to get better. My first try at it ^^;

[EquestrianKirin]

5156901 I'll think about it.

[Lord Sunder]

5159001
Fair enough. I mean, it wasn't a bad idea, you just need to execute it better. Happens a lot, with first fics, where you have a good concept but no idea how to realise it. Just keep practising, and read a lot of stuff, and eventually it starts to sink in. There are plenty of guides to storytelling on the 'net, though, if you need pointers, and Fimfiction's own WandererD has written some pretty good ones

[EquestrianKirin]

5163830 good tips, thanks ^^

[Starlight Nova]

What he said.