My name is Sweetie Belle, I've been living with my sister Rarity for six years now. I haven't gotten my cutie mark but I believe that the upcoming talent show will help with that. The only issue is the issues I'm having with my myself...... (Special Thanks to Evil_Gumbo27 for helping me with this)
Page generated in 0.066 seconds
Total duration
946 users online
1,886,838 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I said as Cord stood far away from the cliff below was a lake, ????? I don't have a clue
loosing [losing]
Its good i like it so far although there are a few grammer mistrakes (yes that was intentional). I would help point them out but Im on my phone and its not very good.
Needs a little work, look it over & fix, Nice bit so far
Interesting, cant wait for next part
The story isnt really going anywhere, it sounds like your writing just to write. To make a good story somthing contrivercial has to happen in each chapter.
You transitioned a bit fast from being rejected by her friends to being on stage with cord, you should take that 2 paragraph transition from being rejected and add some more emotion and elaborate a bit on there practicing, remember, all good storys have good slow explaining transition paragraphs, otherwise you cirtainly picked up the pace from the first 3 chapters and added some more contrivercial things which made it alot better. Keep it up!