Lucky Shot At Life

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Lucky Shot is a unicorn with a talent for luck itself! But even with all her luck it seems her life is one mistake after another. From losing her best friend as a child to getting fired from almost every job she`s had and having the worst social life ever. But when she meets a over-zealous Pegasus named Wild Flyer, she finds her life might have a brighter side, if not a dangerous one.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 4 )

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Lapison

Lapison #1 · Sep 28th, 2014 · · · Prologue ·

Hmmm, a story about a pony whose talent in life is luck and has a bad time because of it? Not sure if this has been done before...

Anyhow, it's a concept that I feel has potential, but I don't have much to say about it right now (seeing as this is just the prologue). Let's just say you have big shoes to fill.

Just in my opinion, you capture the spirit of youth pretty well, with the never-ending wonder at everything. What I have to pick at is the repetition. I don't think even 4 year olds repeat words like Lucky and Sunny do. It just smacks of falseness.

If I were you, I'd also be careful in future chapters; Lucky's looking like one of those characters, y'know, the ones who have everything go wrong and then go along the lines of "WHAT HAST I DONE TO DESERVE THIS" :rarity cry: While conflict's great and everything, I'd rather not have a large ham in the story. Better to just suffer with grace, yes? No need to remind the audience constantly about what a sad life Lucky leads.

Anyway, good luck with this! It's pretty solid in terms of readability, you just have to work on plot and such things.

Riki-blade

Riki-blade #2 · Sep 28th, 2014 · · · Prologue ·

5066284
I'll try to nod say-er- write Sunny and Lucky's name over and over, also don't worry, Lucky is pretty upbeat, so she isn't one for whining so I promise I won't go for the old trope

The Cardboard Box