• Published 16th Sep 2014
  • 18,593 Views, 405 Comments

Rarity Loses Her Innocence In a Poker Game - MrNumbers

A game of drunken poker between friends, a good hand, a desperate wager. The perfect storm.

  • ...

The Game

Twilight's new crystal castle was a feat of magical engineering unrivalled outside of the Crystal Kingdom itself. It was regal, dignified, beautiful; a work of serene art towering over the small town of Ponyville, like a delicate sculpture placed in an almost bare art gallery.

Currently within its walls were the Elements of Harmony, Equestria's six greatest heroes, paragons of the virtues they represented. Loyalty, Laughter, Generosity, Honesty, Kindness and the power of Magic herself, gathered in these auspicious halls, speaking in hushed and slightly slurred voices.

It cannot be emphasized enough what an honour it would be to be in their warm presence this cold winter's night, where snowflakes cut oppressively through gusts of selfish winds. This night was special. This night, these six great heroes had gathered in the crystal halls for an important meeting, and had engaged in a tense standoff of luck and skill.

"Full House." Rainbow grinned, leaning over to rake the chips in. Her not-inconsiderable pile looked ready to engulf the pot. Beside her chips rested an empty bottle of hard cider. Beside that rested another empty bottle of hard cider. Beside those two bottles was another two empty glass bottles. The only thing distinguishing these bottles from a typical empty bottle was the lingering smell of apples and alcohol, and a few drops resting at the bottom that had not met their fate in Rainbow's stomach.

Twilight smiled smugly. "See, this is why I folded even though I had... even though I had a flush." Twilight's cards and cheeks had that in common, it seemed. "You girls wouldn't have done the math." Four bottles formerly holding red wine lay between her and Rarity, and both their glasses were dry as a desert in the summer.

"See, Twilight knows when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. Geddit? Because we're playing Hold 'Em?" Pinkie doubled over, laughing. Twilight joined her.

Applejack sighed, tilting her hat low over her head and throwing her cards on the table in disgust. "Two pair, twos and twos. I ain't no good at this, am I? Don't know why I stayed in."

Rainbow stopped raking the chips in and stared at Applejack's chips in unabashed horror, as if they had just pulled a knife and mugged her. In truth, that's almost exactly what had happened.

Fluttershy, who was still nursing the first glass of cider that Rainbow and Applejack had pressured her into drinking, was also the pony with the most presence of mind at that point. Her friend's minds were, at best, only mostly present. "Applejack, that's four of a kind. You win."

"What? Oh! Well, boy howdy, would you look at that! This is the best kind of seein' double." Applejack's hoof snaked around the chips, missed, bumped over one of Rainbow's cider bottles, then finally pulled the pot back. She was back in the game.

"This kind of seeing double is really fun too." Pinkie giggled as she waved a hoof in front of her face. The hoof still holding her cards, showing the rest of the table. She knocked over some of her glasses in the process, and no less than three empty Mudslides slid over, dripping on the green felt tablecloth they had laid out. The others giggled too, probably a lot more than the 'joke' merited, but only Fluttershy seemed to pay it any mind.

Then the next hoof was dealt and the blinds were collected.

Rarity had been doing exceedingly well for the first half of the game. Unfortunately, that was several glasses of wine ago, a distant and bittersweet memory – if she would indeed remember this at all the next morning – and her legendary ability to read tells had fallen by the wayside as more and more had been imbibed by her friends and their tells had radically shifted with the drink.

At least, that was what she was telling herself. She didn't deem the alternative theory, that perhaps she was just not nearly as suited to watching out for them, of any merit. That would mean she were drunk, and she was not drunk. Ladies do not get drunk. Ladies get tipsy, and that was what the pleasantly warm buzz enveloping her simply was.

Now Rarity found herself with a rather sharp deficit of chips... and she was the big blind.

She checked her cards – a pair of aces. She would give anything to see the flop.

"Girls, I appear to have a most dreadful lack of chips for this most auspicious of hooves. Perhaps it would be in the interest of parity that I bargain with something of unrivalled value, in an endeavour to--"

"What? What do all those words mean?" Rainbow blinked, one eye only slightly slower on the uptake than the other.

Rarity sighed. "I wish to bet something other than chips so that I may remain in this round."

"Oh." Rainbow leaned back in her chair, smiling wide and lazily, "Why didn't you say so? What else can we win off you."

Rarity breathed in deep. This was the moment of truth. She fumbled through her mind to think of the most valuable thing she could offer... dresses? No, too expected, too typical, and even in their inebriated state they'd know she'd offer them for free regardless. She loved them too much to see them go around naked or in sub-par rags. No, no, what did Rarity have to give away that--


Rarity pulled out her notebook and scrawled in prim, neat and elegant hornwriting "Recipient of This Paper Entitled to Rarity's Virginity." She dropped it above the pot, letting it fall lazily down to the chips. Its weight was entirely metaphorical, after all.

"I would like to wager my virginity."

The rest of the table gasped.

"Now hold on, Rarity. I can't let you do this." Twilight reprimanded sternly. "I mean, think about what you're doing! You can't just give away something as precious as your virginity by writing it on a little piece of paper and wagering it in a poker game."

Rarity stared at Twilight, slow gears shifting in her head. Fluttershy looked rather relieved, a stark contrast to Pinkie and Rainbow, who looked exceptionally disappointed.

Twilight beamed wide and proud, a stamp levitating behind her and darting towards the pot. "Not without getting it notarized!"


"There. Now it's nice and legal."

Rarity smiled and bowed her head at Twilight graciously, as befit a lady. "Thank you, Princess, you are most kind."

Twilight scowled and squirmed a little in her seat uncomfortably. "I'm jus' Twilight to you girls."

"Alright. Fluttershy, your bet."

"I call." Fluttershy declared. Everypony stared at her in surprise.

"Fluttershy, this is the first hand you haven't folded all night." Rarity swooned. "Do I really mean that much to you?"

Fluttershy blushed and stared at the table. "No... I mean, yes, of course. I'm just hoping I can stop you from doing something you're going to regret in the morning."

Rarity cocked her head to the side at Fluttershy, enjoying the swishing feeling it gave her. "Whatever could you possibly mean, darling?"

"You'll... you'll see Rarity."

Twilight, Rainbow and Applejack called. Pinkie folded, as she always did when she was dealer, so she could spend the turn playing with the cards. She dealt the flop out with surprising dexterity.

Four of hearts, three of clubs, eight of spades. Rarity smiled smugly. Her aces looked astonishingly good.

A side pot was established, and Rarity scowled at all the money she had no chance of winning. Maybe next hand.

The turn card. An ace of diamonds. No chance for a flush, now. Rarity had trips. Twilight and Rainbow laid impressive bets and, astonishingly, Fluttershy didn't back down where Applejack did.

The river card. King of clubs. Rarity had this in the bag.

She flipped her cards over proudly. "Three of a kind, aces."

Rainbow Dash and Twilight groaned. Rainbow had a pair of eights, Twilight two pair, aces and eights. Rarity scowled at Twilight's hand... so that's where the other ace had wandered off too. She noticed Twilight do the same to hers.

Then Fluttershy flipped her cards over. Rarity laughed. "A two and a five? Darling, you'll have to do better than that." Rarity reached over to grab the chips.

Fluttershy frowned. "Actually, Rarity, that means I have a straight. I win."

Rarity stopped, a chill rocking down her spine, her buzz disippitating into the cool night air. She was astonishingly sober for this moment. "I'm sorry, I appear to have misheard you. Did you just say you had a straight, dear?"

"Um... yes." Fluttershy nodded. Twilight's head bobbed furiously up and down in agreement.

"Ace to five straight. Good hand Fluttershy. Very well played."

"Yes." Rarity agreed coldly. "Very well played indeed."

Fluttershy raked the chips in with the soft clitter-clatter they made as they slid across the felt top. Rarity's virginity lay nestled at the top of the pile. Rarity stared at it, the pit of her stomach now the approximate location of the center of Equestria.

Pinkie Pie fell off her chair laughing.

"Fluttershy, I do hope..." Rarity trailed off, at an utter loss for words. What did she hope? Frankly, she had hoped she hadn't of done that. Unfortunately that couldn't be helped.

"Oh, don't worry, Rarity, I uh, really don't want it." Rarity's face hardened and fell, like plummeting stone. "Oh, er, no offense, I mean. Sorry. I didn't mean it like that! I just..." Fluttershy shook her head, clearing herself of the word cobweb she had tangled herself up in. "Like I said, I won it so you wouldn't regret it. I'm planning on giving it back to you, I swear."

"What?" Rainbow exclaimed, slamming her hooves on the table, "You can't do that! You won that fair and square."

"But... it's not mine to win."

Rainbow huffed. "I'll trade you all my poker winnings for tonight if you give me Rarity's virginity, just so you actually get something out of it."

Fluttershy stared at the pile of poker chips resting by Rainbow's side. Rainbow had been winning, and her pile of chips was currently larger than even Twilight's. It was definitely tempting.

Fluttershy nodded. "Okay, Rainbow, I trust you. We can trade... But only I because know you wouldn't do anything silly with Rarity's virginity."

There was a quick exchange of bits over the table for the piece of notarized paper. Rarity could only stare in naked horror. She felt incredibly naked, at least. Rainbow grinned at her drunkenly.

"Oh, dear Celestia, no."

"Ew. Don't worry, I don't want it." Rainbow grinned, though in a rather more restrained fashion. "I'm planning on selling it to the highest bidder . See you guys, R.D, out!"

With that, she wobbled and zig-zagged out the nearest window at dangerous speeds. Rainbow flew off into that dark night, taking Rarity's virginity with her. Four ponies stared after her, open mouthed.

Pinkie Pie's head shot up over the edge of the table. "Sorry, I think I laughed myself to sleep on the floor there. What'd I miss?"