The mildly cliched quest

by Figment and Spazz

The world meets Oreo, and Rarity meets Spazz

Chapter 4: The world meets Oreo, and Rarity meets Spazz

-Oreo-

Oreo Cookie's mother and father, Chocolate Chip and Hazelnut, once told him that they named him Oreo because, when he was born, he made their lives sweeter. When he heard this, he laughed in their faces. You see, Oreo isn't known for his kindness, in fact, he's known for being a sarcastic ass. Even his cutie mark, an explosion in the shape of a middle finger, showed his attitude toward the rest of the world. While most ponies lack the ability to make this resounding "buck you" that dragons and other races with fingers can, it has been adopted into pony culture and is usually demonstrated with a shaking of a hoof in a similar position.

Oreo's philosophy in life: "Buck all the things, all the time, in all the places" made him a bit of an outcast from society, but even isolated outasts need to make money. So, he took a job that he found he was rather good at: bounty hunting. He found that, while he had nothing but disdain for law and order, he had a way with screwing ponies over.

This morning, Oreo was partaking in his favorite passtime: being a prick to everypony around him. As he stormed down the Manehattan side walk going in the opposite direction of the other traffic, he bore his trademark slightly annoyed look on his face. It only took him five minutes to run directly into a rather muscular stallion. "Watch where you're going, idiot." The Stallion said, his voice was deep and gruff.

Oreo wasn't the tallest or strongest of ponies, in fact, he was fairly scrawny. So, naturally, the stallion expected an apology from the unicorn. This stallion was startled when Oreo stood on his hind legs and put his hooves up for a fight.

Most Ponies didn't fight on their hind legs, but then again, most ponies didn't have a job where a fight for your life was expected. "Come at me, bro!" Oreo shouted.

The mucular oaf gladly obliged him, charging foreward with no idea what he was doing. Oreo simply moved a bit to the side, and the stallion ran right past him. At this point, the crowd around them had spread out and were watching the fight unfold. I'll make this quick. Oreo thought to himself with a chuckle. He jumped toward the stallion in a flying side kick. When the hoof made contact with the offender's jaw, it was over. The poor bastard was out cold.

Oreo shrugged at the unconsious pony before him. Meh, I'm hungry. I wonder if Doughnut Joe's is open.

As a matter of fact, it was.

---

-Spazz-

Food! I like food. Spazz thought to himself as he followed his new friend, Pinkie Pie, to the resteraunt for lunch, Twilight and Fluttershy in tow. This thought only occupied his mind for a few short moments before, as always, it was replaced with something else. In this case, the replacement thought was about the swirly purple mane on the snow-white unicorn walking toward the group.

"Hi Rarity!" Pinkie chirped.

"Oh, hello Pinkie Pie. How are you dear?" The swirly mane pony, Rarity, replied in a voice that Spazz had heard from a lot of ponies that Figment talked to about books. He didn't like most of them, they were usually pompous windbags and pompous windbags bothered him. You couldn't be loud around them.

"I'm great! Have you met Spazz? We're on our way to get lunch." Pinkie asked jesturing to Spazz.

How is her mane so twirly? It looks kinda like a waterslide, but it's too small for ponies to use. Maybe parasprites, they'd be small enough to use it. I wonder how long she has to work on it to make that twirl. It looks kinda like a little ramp my pet mongoose Reginald would use.

"I'm afraid I haven't." She said eyeing his mane aprehensively, "It's nice to meet you, I am Rarity. I must say, your mane's style is quite... interesting."

Spazz smiled at what he assumed was a complement, "Thanks, I'm Spazz and your mane is very swirly. It kinda remindes me of my old mongoose, Reginald. He was nice."

"Thank... you?"

"You're welcome. Maybe we should-*GASP* WHERE'S FIGMENT?!" Spazz hadn't noticed him walk/fly off.

"Who?" The twirly lady asked.

"OHMYGOSHILOSTFIGMENTANDIMIGHTNEVERSEEHIMAGINHEWASLIKEMYBESTFRIENDANDWEWEREGONNAHAVEDOUGHNUTSTOGETHERLATERHOWAMIGONNAEATALLOFTHESEDOUGHNUTSNOW?!" Spazz bawled.

"Wh-what?" Miss Rarity lady asked, mildly freightened, "I don't understand what's happening."

Without answering, Fluttershy flew to his side and began to confort him, "It's okay Spazz, he'll be back... I know he will."

"But, what if he doesn't?!" Spazz paniced, "It'll be just like when Reginald left me! Oh, Regy why did you have to go so soon?! Why is it that the brightest lights are always the first to die out?! Oh, cruel fate! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!"

"Is he lamenting Reginald again?" A calm voice came from just above them.

"FIGMENT!" Spazz cried as he intercepted his friend mid-air with a relieved hug, "FIGMENTITHOUGHTYOUMIGHTHAVELEFTMELIKEALLTHEOTHERSDIDANDIWASSOSCARED!"

"Why would you think that?"

Spazz immidiately ceased his wailing to think. "Hmmm... I'm not quite sure. Oh well! Time for food."

He then jumped up and continued walking in the directon of the resteraunt, completely forgetting the ordeal that had just transpired.

---

--Figment--

Slightly frazzled, but not at all surprised by Spazz's outburst, Figment turned to introduce himself to the white unicorn mare that had recently joined the group. "Afternoon, madame. My name is Figment, collegue-slash-foalsitter of that overzealous unicorn there." Figment gestured to Spazz, who was still trotting away.

"Oh, aren't we the gentlecolt?" Rarity said, shocked but not at all displeased by the contrast between this new stallion and the orange one that she just met. "I am Miss Rarity, curator of the Carousel Boutique, and Premier Fasionista of Poniville! How do you do?"

While Figment thought that this Rarity character had addressed him almost too politely, he let it drop for the moment. Bowing, he replied, "Fine thank you." Remebering Spazz, he added, "I hate to bother you, but that orange unicorn there, where is he going and why is he unattended?"

"Oh, his name is Spazz is it?" Rarity replied, but before she could go on, Spazz abrduptly came up from behind them, despite being at the head of the group a few seconds before:

"Actually, my full name is Spazztic Michealangelo Shenanigans, but that's far too long for my tastes, so I usually go by 'Spazz'! Actually, my last name used to be Aetherios, but my mom and dad were all 'Spazz! Little nobles do not set fire to the imported cheeses!' or 'Spazz! Little nobles do not store squirrels in their manes!' or 'Spazz! Little nobles do not have afros!' Eventually they told me to go away and never come back... ever. So I did! And then the good times rolled."

"Aetherios? As in... the Aetherios? You mean to tell me that you're from the Noble House of Aetherios in Canterlot?!" Rarity asked, amazed.

"Past-tense. Nowadays I come from the Not-quite-so-noble-but-just-as-housey house of Shenanigans!" Spazz proudly declared.

Figment saw Rarity swoon, and jumped fourth to catch her. "It appears that she's heard of your family, Old Friend. What do you have to say to that?"

"If we were to make a book out of burritos, would it be both delicious and educational?" He ran foreward to discuss the ramifications of a "book-rrito" with Pinkie.