Page generated in 0.04 seconds
Total duration
961 users online
308,872 hits today, 2,205,040 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
First comment? No one else has said anything yet? How odd. Oh well, here goes: nice little read, and I look forward to where your story goes. Keep up the good work.
You're adding a dark tag now? Awwwww, I was really hoping for a cute HIE - Gilda ship fic with few complications outside of maybe this pregnancy thing. So much for that I dream.
It could use some more editing, but other than that, it's doing pretty good.
I don't let it bother me to much girls | too much
"Twilight tries to argue | remove quotation marks here
My whole house was shaking the tremors smashed a few of the windows." | and the tremors, a comma might do as well but I've never been confident with that rule set.
A good chapter despite what I found.
either gilda is cheating or gilda is the bastard child of a super important noble and the mother was a commoner.
meaning that griffon is either gildas lover or a spy trying to hunt her down to establish a new griffon order!
*dons the aluminum hat*
I think time skips are fine, but not right after this important chapter! We need to see Gilda and him dealing with trying to get reacquainted with ponyville, dealing with rainbow dash and pinkie pie, pregnancy problems, this griffin. You can't just skip all that!
Still an interesting little yarn here, but one thing that disrupts--substantially so--one's reading flow is that some of the word choice is incorrect. I'd suggest reviewing every homophone (Were/where/we're, it's/its, your/you're, there/they're/their) and double checking that the correct one is used. Celestial vs. Celestia is another that sticks out badly. Quotation marks are missing here and there, and it's not always clear who is saying what, requiring backtracking.
And while I'm sure there's a pony equivalent, it seems a terrible waste for it not to be called the Neighbel Prize.
The story itself is interesting enough to keep reading, make no mistake. You'd simply benefit from an intensive bout of editing, and this would shine.
Damn racist ponies. Fluttershy Smash!
Your editor needs a bit of help as there are a couple of mistakes here and there like no end quotations at the end of sentences for example.
On to the story: This is just great, as soon as you heard about Griffon land related problems one showed up in front of your face. Not good.
Maybe Griffonia is really serious about not letting Griffons out of the country, and have begun to spy on Gilda in order to take her back.
4992183 dude I was kidding...maybe
4992660 The time skips will be about a week or so at first. Pinkie and rainbow will get their time to shine.
That was fun. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
4993211
Oh I'll still keep this watched in the event that you are joking, its just that I think Gilda doesn't get remotely enough lovey dovey attention, and I always want shipfics to end with high notes and with warm and fuzzy feelings all around.
Sweet update, keep it up.
4993417 She left Griffonia when she was five, and didn't know any other griffons.
GRAMMAR AND CORRECT PUNCTUATION!!! That is all.
It feels like things are about to get unreasonably tough for Gilda and the MC. In the way that, it's gonna become a whole big thing how she left Griffonia and didn't have permission and all that crap, but if she left at the age of 5 she can't possibly know anything that they would want to keep secret. Just seems like the Griffons are gonna be painted as the unreasonable scum bag race of evil fuckers, who are evil just for evil's sake.
4995440 Cant really say anything with out spoilers so I'm just gong to say this, you only heard Twilight side of the story and she only said they where secretive and proud, that doesn't necessary mean evil...
But I guess one can only wait and see.
Certainly interesting but like others have said you really need some sort of editor. I won't claim to be amazing but If you ever want an extra set of eyes to look over a chapter you can hit me up.
4995823 If she went back to Griffonia, she wouldn't have been able to come back.
4994611
Haha I actually remember watching that on TV
Eureka!!
I look forward to your next chapter my curiousity has been piqued I want to know who this other Griffon is and what role it will play in this story
Aww... That freakin' hurts... If it turns out that she actually cheated on the main character and that's why she's pregnant then I'm absolutely going to hate that part of the story...
Cliffhanger.....Cliffhanger.......what did we ever do to you
i think the other griffon is a spy
stay classy
what a twist!!!!
5015568
Cheers I'll fix it soon.
You seriously need to beat the entire story with an edit stick. And then maybe a few proofgrenades and some grammarbombs, and a light sprinkling of punctmunitions.
But the story itself is gr8
no please don't say she cheated on him!!! i really want to see a human and griffin love baby
Dear Celestia, PLEASE let it be a hybrid
Is this suppose to be in 1st, or 2nd person?
Please catch these O' dear author.
She was on the table?
5068222 Cheers I will edit them as soon as possible.
5069756 Have you thought about getting another editor?
5070288 I have but its not easy to find someone. Regret my I guess you can call it current editor is good, but he's not really an editor more just a friend of mine who offered to take a quick look at the drafts for me. I don't really have a reliable one at the moment, not from lack of searching believe me.
5070873 I could take the position if you want.
I loved this chapter it was a sweet and funny one. I can't wait to see what happens next between them all and what happens next to them all.And I hope they make herd/flock with Fluttershy soon because there all so sweet together I think they be cute and just perfect together. .
First of all, dude, the mistakes. There's so much grammar mistakes, even I can see them, and I'm rubbish at English grammar. Same thing with punctuation. The story is good, but it hurts to read it because of them.
Second:
No I don't! I wouldn't mind, if it was 1st or 3rd person fic, but it is 2nd, and as much as I can withstand implying I do something, smoking isn't one of them. I would bomb every tobacco company, factory, plantation in the world if I could, so there's nothing left. I would eradicate the tobacco plant from the face of the earth.
Bloody hell, that's a fine story but the editing.... Can you please at least put all of the commas on their rightful place?
I'M FROM STAR TREK!
Well...among humans anyway...
So...is she just ignoring what Snips and Snails did here? Or something? Like, how they lured the bear to town in the first place? Now, granted, Trixie's just as much to blame, for bragging about taking one down in a town that had Nightmare Moon attack it, and subsequently get defeated by six local mares, which would've been in ALL of the newspapers, but still!