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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is a good story, but you seriously might want to consider getting a new editor.
I'm not hating, but the grammar in this story is less than stellar, to say the least. It just makes an otherwise good story very hard to read.
I shall help validate your existance! Loved the chapter though lol and he certainly has patience. At the moment Gilda stepped in I would've been .2 seconds from simply decking that guy in the face.
gotta love rarity. And gilda falcon punching that asshole priceless
i449.photobucket.com/albums/qq212/Damien1324_2009/FalconPunch.gif
stay classy
Now, I love the story so far, so when I say this, keep that in mind:
GOOD LORD, THE GRAMMAR! If you need an additional editor, please let me know. I'm more than willing to give your chapters a once over if you have them on Google docs or something.
That being said, keep up the good work.
Typo: concidered
Never ever mess with Gildas man, or there will be blood and guts all over the Place.
That was fun. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
Face, meet Gilda's fist of justice!
Now i wondering what celestia said to him.
Ah found it, and really! celestia, treatment/threatening the poor guy like that?. To not even let him defend himself in word or deeds?
I wondering what twilight would say about that?.
im glad gilda wrecked house, i kinda hope celestia hears about this and is all "wtf" and gilda is all "you suck!" would be awesome
Loved this chapter! The conflict worked out perfectly and I loved the resolution! Also, there are still a few wrong words and errors that I found but they're just small ones that if you read (especially aloud) you will catch on your own.
Hey Guys thanks for the comments just cleaned up the chapter a bit now. But let me know if you find any more cheers.
i just got caught up, i started reading this one last night after i saw it, but i read the prequel first but it keeps getting more interesting by the minute, cant wait for the next chapter, your doing a great job
Keep going, your doing good
damn this guy has some shit luck, i mean really, his girl gets pregnant, mostly everypony is a racist, the peace goddess the can move the FUCKING SUN threatene him , his girl is possibly cheating on him, he doesn't have a phoenix, he smokes, he doesn't have that much money, and his girl make fun of him (witch i think he doesn't care about). to sum it all up SHIT LUCK
still great story
Awesome story, but I don't think and don't believe Gilda would cheat.
This chapter was really good. And it looks like a serious talk with princess Celestia is in order!
I like a strong female character.. I hope he doesn't change too much. He can be a little more proactive when being attacked. But I like the shy.
5199445
I bet twilight has long sent her a letter on these facts. (My guess anyway >_> ) still means a talk not objecting that XD just that it had been planned before this moment :P
(NOTE: JUST MY 2 CENTS/BITS!)
I think that other griffon spotted by the garden before was Gilda's father. If Gilda cheated, I think the other griffon would have killed him. He was in the dark, alone, no protection of any kind...easy prey/target...am I wrong???
Update?
5377525 check the update chart on my page at the side dude.
I loved this chapter it was sweet how she was there for him.But I hate those assholes and the way they treated him I hope thay tall Twilight and Fluttershy so they can get them and put them in jail and Fluttershy can 1)kick there flanks or 2)get one her animal frieds to. I can't wait to see what happens next between them all and what happens next to them all.
Just love how whenever someone says you'll regret this or some shit that signals future vendetta the main protagonist lets them go. Like wtf. You got a girlfriend pregnant with your kid and you're gonna let some douche possibly endager them? Pussy. And don't pull the self righteous crap, thats just asking for a punisher route.
Hmm... Let's see....
Topic Number One: If I were him, those xenos wouldn't exist on this plane of existence.
Topic Number Two: It would be genetically impossible for him to get Gilda pregnant, their genes don't match up properly.
Topic Number Three: I had a dream about parachuting into Equus, then exterminating all of the xenos. This is random.
Diverge means to separate I think you meant converge on a pregnant griffin.
6049081
Topic number 2 can be solved easily..... MAGIC
No explanation needed, just magic
Come on anon that's racist to stick people.