Rarity and Applejack: A Tail Of Broken Hearts

by laurentalmadge

Chapter 2

Applejack was carrying Rarity on her back, mud collecting on her hooves. The white unicorn had fallen asleep, and probably for the best anyway. The rain was only making the ground nastier, and the prissy creature would be throwing a fit right now.

The rain started to pound down on the earth pony, as she saw lightning flash across the sky. The mud became tighter on her orange hooves, as she tried to pull them out.

"Urgh!" Applejack grunted, using all her might to try to get them out of the ground, but the more she pulled, the tighter it got.

Rarity's eyes flickered open, "Applejack, what's wrong?"

"My hooves are stuck in the mud," Applejack replied.

Rarity attempted to cover her mane with her hooves, "If I preform a spell, I think I can pull you out." Rarity told her, "I never was too good at them, though."

"Just try," Applejack urged, her hooves going deeper into the grub.

"Okay," Rarity nervously bit her bottom lip, and started to fire up her horn. A blue light shone around it, as it transported her to the ground that was clear of mud.

"Alright, now try to pull me out, 'cause Ah think Ah'm sinkin'."

Rarity closed her eyes, aimed her magical head piece at the orange mare, and fired.

With luck, it pulled the pony out, who was covered in dirt from her chest to her hooves.

Rarity dragged her over to the ground she was standing on.

"Thanks," Applejack smiled, leaning in for a hug.

Rarity pulled away, "Please no hugs until you're properly clean."

Applejack rolled her eyes jokingly and continued on down the path.

Back at the barn, Apple Bloom was busy packing her stuff in a suit case.

"Ah don't care what Granny Smith says. Ah gotta find Applejack," Apple Bloom told herself, stuffing a blanket inside the travel bag.

"You ain't going nowhere," Big Mac came into the room.

"And who's stoppin' me?" Apple Bloom turned back and shot. "Ah don't care if ya'll don't like Applejack anymore, but she's my sister, and Ah'd love her even if she was gay, retarded, dead, or alive!"

"Lovin' another female is wrong!" Big Mac urged.

"No it ain't," the filly growled. "You can't just abandon your sister 'cause she loves Rarity!"

"You're too young to understand," the red stallion spit into the trash can in his younger sister's room.

"No Ah ain't!" Apple Bloom started to cry again. "If Ah ever became gay, would you still love me?"

Big Mac ignored the question and walked out of the room.

Apple Bloom heard a locking sound on the outside of the door. Her pupils shrunk as she rushed over to it.

"Let me out!" she cried.

"Nope," Big Mac pressed himself against the door, standing on his hinds.

Apple Bloom continued to ram herself into the door, but seeing it did nothing, she stopped, only to discover she had given herself a bruise.

She walked over to her suit case, and smugly opened the window in her room. She crawled out it, slowly down the side of the house, and started to walk into town, the rain stopping.

"You can give the silent treatment all you want. You ain't comin' out," Big Mac grimaced.

Finally, Applejack and Rarity met with a glistening body of water.

"Gorgeous!" the unicorn admired, picking some of the beautiful flowers from the side of the shore.

"It's certainly somethin'," Applejack smiled, inhaling some of the delicious fragrance that the plants brought forth.

"These flowers are absolutely to die for," Rarity dipped one in the shiny water and felt it's petals. "I just think they're amazing."

"Ah agree," the earth pony walked inside the water and cleaned the now-hard mud off her coat.

Rarity gathered more flowers, until her magic could barely hold anymore, "Their petals are so.. soft."

Applejack looked strangely at her friend, "Rarity? Are you OK?"

"I'm so happy," Rarity's eyes started to close.

"Rarity!" Applejack ran to her companion as she fell to the ground. She grabbed her hooves and slung her around her shoulder.

Oddly enough, Rarity was still holding the flowers with her magic.

"Rarity, what's wrong with you?" Applejack tried shaking her, but the mare remained asleep. Quickly, she dunked her marefriend in the water, but only succeeded in getting her companion's mane wet.

"Please wake up," Applejack whined, tears starting to sting her green eyes. She blinked them furiously to bat the crying away, as she dipped Rarity in the river.

She didn't notice that the flowers' centers were opening up, and shooting out tiny, black tongues that made it's way around the unicorn. She didn't notice until one of the tongues hit her hoof.

"Huh?" Applejack asked, the slimy organ around it. "Get off!" she waved her hoof wickedly and flung the tongue off.

Applejack only manged to add another constriction to Rarity, "Get off her!" The earth pony raced over to her friend, whom she had let go of when she flung the tongue off, and started to bite the tongues.

The vines loosened themselves from Applejack's teeth grasp and whipped her in the face.

While Applejack fought some of the vines off, she noticed the others were wrapping tightly around Rarity's neck.

She threw her hooves up to loosen the tongues around Rarity's neck, but some other vines grabbed her own, "Help!" she managed, making an awful gagging noise. The vines grabbed her hooves as well, so she couldn't undo her own constrictions.

Comments

[The Spooky Bootyguard]

4876205
Sorry.

[laurentalmadge]

4876878 No need to apologize.

[TheSnarkKnight30]

I see a big improvement in the grammar and Fluttershy's character. I changed my thumbs down to a thumbs up. Although I would still change it a little more. If you want to write a story about an issue like homophobia, you have to hit the reader where it hurts. You need to show, not tell. For example, instead of rushing into the beginning and just telling us that the clerk refused to sell Rarity her stuff flesh it out. Have the clerk say something like, "I don't do business with queers like you. Get out of my shop you scum,". Or have Diamond Tiara tell Apple Bloom that if Applejack and Rarity are in a relationship they will burn in heck. Make us see how badly everypony treats lesbians. Give them a big reason that they want to run away. Keep up the good work and don't get discouraged.

[Neko Majin C]

There is a huge improvement in grammar here in chapter two. Way to go. There are still a few issues that could be addressed, like using the horizontal rule tool to separate between the Apple Bloom and Applejack scenes. Another couple of small issues are:

Back at the barn, Apple Bloom was busy packing her stuff in a suit case.

And

She walked over to her suit case, and smugly opened the window in her room.

"Suitcase" is one word.

One final thing, this sentence says more about the bigotry in Equestria than you probably meant it to.

Ah'd love her even if she was gay, retarded, dead, or alive!

This sentence compares being gay to having a mental disability. By that I mean there is an equal disdain for the mentally handicapped as there is for gays. If you throw the Jewish and blacks into that, you have Nazi Germany.

Just a little food for thought.

[Tits and shit]

Damn we got a daddy mac! (That made no fucking sense at all) And wow this actually is readable. And some characters do still seem OOC. But I guess I am enjoying this somehow.

[Dave the Ultramarine]

4884937
Yes, because a small time internet curmudgeon like me would know and care about the age of some one over the internet.

[laurentalmadge]

4885167 Let's see you make a story, huh. After that, maybe you can start judging how good others are.

Until then,
4.bp.blogspot.com/-8V4NZjf_i4k/U_ZvpRO6L8I/AAAAAAAAAVc/h84SR1mxFwY/s1600/Suck%2Bmy%2Bgreat%2Band%2Bpowerful%2Bass.jpg

[Dave the Ultramarine]

4886274
If you would like to discuss this issue with me, by all means, do so, but let it be over the Private Messaging System. I don't want to start a flame fight. If we did that, we'd both look like utter twats.

[Neko Majin C]

4884937 That actually explains quite a bit. It is not an excuse or a cop-out, but it is a very good explanation.

[The Guardian and Friends]

4872476
4872620

I'll get back to this later

[Zabrath]

Don't listen to the haters man, the story is coming along great. Keep it up

[Pirate Jesus]

4901297

[Sky Dance]

You made some revisions, Good Job!

Now here's another problem, the dialogue in this fic is not believable.

"'Cause Ah don't want you hangin' around with those pony folk," Applejack explained to her again, nuzzling up against her sad companion. "They're bad ponies."

Why would Applejack ever say this? Especially in front of Rarity, who is Sweetie Belle's sister?

Also the introduction of the Homosexual theme is choppy and forced.

[JEFFERY8U]

4901297 You're not really helping the author out here

[JEFFERY8U]

4886274 That comment is really going to hurt you.

[Alex Wadegrove]

Great. More fanfics where people ponies have unabashed hatred for homosexuality - simply because the author wants to share their stance on it. Because that turned out great the last time, right?

[dulz]

What the what?This story's pretty good but the idea ofIs just crazy!

[ICantThinkOfAGoodName]

I haven't read it, but all the comments are saying this idea (the town against homosexuality) is unoriginal and has been written many times. Not trying to be an ass, but I've at most only seen 3 fics like that. So where are the others?

[Hurgusburgus]

4872821 I really want to find you and beat you with a lead pipe until I've beaten the stupid out of you.

[Wilfred Warfstache III]

Hell to the no..

[TwilyBruh]

,,,,,,

The fuck I just read?

[ILIKEBOOKS]

I never wanted my shit to be this fucked up before.