Editing? Check. Art? Check. Writing? Check. Patience? Don't have any. I dislike crossovers.
Spitfire has been asked out by many ponies before, all of which she denied politely. When Spitfire is asked out by co-worker Soarin, she has no idea how to deny it.
She'll just have to get creative.
Takes place in a universe where they are not Wonderbolts. And Pinkie Pie is supreme leader.
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This story looks like it's going to be very promising!
Spitfire seems in character, all snarky and serious, and Rainbow Dash certainly seems to be a compelling and correctly written character here.
I can't wait for the next chapter!
4803229 thanks! It's not edited so it could be better. I thought I put Rainbow Dash out of character...
Okay, this story was different. Only I'm not sure, is this you're only book? If it is then a lot of this should be explained and not in you're summery. It seems you're also prone to text walls, by doing that most readers will look at it and skim through it. Not wanting to read through a ten sentance paragraph. Having a extra chapter would have helped a little with explaining. Anyways, here's some errors i caught.
In a while not and while
Take out the comma by friends
Train their strength? I would try again with that sentance.
Curious?
Forgot a period.
Take out the second hoping.
Don't capitalize morning.
Now there's two things wrong with this, one switch the period to a question mark. Two, it's like you suddenly cut off the sentence, I would fix that.
Again take off the second other.
Now, you had two of my pet peeves. Not indenting you're paragraphs and spacing. The story overall is pretty good, but needs some improvement. I would be glad to help you in editing, proof reading, whatever, just send me a PM if you do want any help.
Till the next one
-R
4806677 Thanks for the help. I try to catch the words that get auto corrected, but every once a while there ends up being random words in place of what I said. Thank you for pointing out my errors and helping me clean up my chapter. If I make a second chapter, I'll PM you if you want to check it.
4803982
Well, she is out of character, but only slightly. Just by a little bit.
Hmmm. Worth keeping an eye on I think. Will there be more?