The fire that burned the moon

A story about a pony who, by all means, should not be where he is at. Through luck and magic, he gets to see his friend one more time, and maybe, just maybe, be able to do for her what he was not able to do in the past.

Non-cannon story (obviously) with my own character added in there. Hope whoever reads it will enjoy it none the less.

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Comments ( 3 )

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Rawr_

Rawr_ #1 · Aug 3rd, 2014 · · ·

Well, I'm not that kind or person that criticises writers for a living. But I would be very interested to see were this takes you. Now, there's a few writers out there on this site that have just joined and don't have the qualities of a good writer. (Yet) And I know that you've been on since may. But there is always a good way to get people interested. Because, I'm not the most interested for at least three quarters.

Now, I'm not being mean but this is major thing that happens to new and old writers. Lack of interest. I'm not giving you a lecture on this at all. Am I? If I am, please slap me.

There's a trick of getting to getting people interested and a result of less:

1. Dislikes
2. Criticism

And I would result in maybe bringing a clearer plot to things in the story, keeping the reader interested and keeping a s,lie on everyone's face. I know this isn't completed but I guess you're coming back to me with a million questions. And I bet you, you will.

I'm not just stopping there bye the way. There's many other things I'd like to clarify. Well, if you're guessing I hope you guessed it right. Grammar. I think it makes sense that all grammar should be correct in a story or fanfiction.

I'm not going all mean here, but there's a few messed up things here that you should fix before you die reading this.

First off, when adding a sentence :'s are not necessary at all. I would expect to either see a comma, a - or a semi-colon. For example;

Ponyville had brought to her a very special gift for the solstice celebration: they had brought back the only sister she had in this wholesome world.

The wrong type.

Ponyville had brought to her a very special gift for the solstice celebration ; they had brought back the only sister she had in this wholesome world.

One Right solution.

And you've probably picked up the rest.

I'm gonna shit up now.

Regards,

Raidoactive_Rainboom

FireBlits