If You Give A Pone A Pancake

by lunabrony

If You Solicitate Celestia

Canterlot Castle was not known for its high security. There was an abundance of Solar Guards during the day, yes, and Lunar Guards at night, but they were mostly just for show. The real security was the unspoken yet undisputed knowledge that if Princess Celestia would banish her own sister, there was no telling what she would do to an actual, unrelated enemy. That was enough to keep most of the trouble away.

It was dusk, and dusk was Celestia's favorite time of the day. For two hours each day, once in early morning and once in late evening, hers and Luna's roles overlapped, and they got to spend some time together. They had been having dinner, exchanging stories, having a peaceful time when the heavy bells of the front gate chimed, indicating somepony at the door.

Celestia began to rise, but Luna gave her a gentle smile. "Ignore it, sister. We have staff who will answer it."

"Yes," her sister replied. "But I enjoy answering the door time and again. It's amusing to see the looks on their faces when I do."

Luna rolled her eyes, and Celestia headed to the door. She opened it, in full official regalia, expecting to completely throw off some poor soul who hadn't been expecting her.

"Yes?" She asked.

The stallion outside was indeed thrown for a loop, and sputtered nonsensically for several seconds before continuing what had clearly originally been a rehearsed speech. He gestured next to him, where a large wagon sat motionless and carried several large tomes of books with red leather and golden spines. He obviously had not expected to be dealing with Celestia herself.

"I am here," he said shakily. "to offer you the first selection in the expansive History of Equestria set. Totaling 25 volumes, at only 20 bits per volume it's... um... it's the perfect addition to any household collection."

Celestia narrowed her gaze a bit, but remained composed. "I think we'll be alright," she said. This was what she got for trying to have some fun. She disliked the types like this who wasted her time, but any act of lashing out would be bad publicity, and word spread quickly. She shook her head instead. "But thank you for your-"

"But wait, there's more!" He interrupted. "If you order now, I'll add in an extra five volumes detailing the biology of the Everfree Forest!"

"No thank you," Celestia said flatly, and closed the door in his face. She gradually made her way back to the dining table, and Luna looked up at her.

"Who was it?" She asked.

"Nobody," she said. "Just useless services."

"I see."

Celestia began to sit again, and the bells chimed once more. Her hair nearly caught fire with annoyance, and she knocked the chair over, storming back towards the door, and swinging it open. "Now listen here," she began, but stopped. A mare stood outside, looking innocently pleasant. Celestia's ire faded at once.

"Yes?" She asked carefully. "Can I help you?"

"I sure hope so," the mare said kindly. Her horn lit up, and and a small book floated up towards Celestia, of whom the mare seemed unphased. "Do you have a moment to hear about the word of our savior Starswirl the Bearded?"

Celestia facehooved. "Just a moment," she said, and closed the door, returning to the hallway.

"Luna!" She called. "It's for you!"

Comments

[NobleValor]

Trying to sell history books to Celestia of all ponies? Gutsy, stupid but gutsy.

[Neko Majin C]

Moral of the story: if you do not want to be solicited, have your underlings open the door for you. Otherwise you are just asking for trouble.

KBO.

[sniper 1232]

Jehovah's witnesses ?

[Ryvaken]

5246221 Jehoofah's maybe.

[BlueYoshi]

Aw, only three mini-stories in this fanfic? Oh well. I loved the stories, anyway. My most favorite one was the first one with Celestia wanting pancakes with blueberries on top.