Scootaloo looks up to Rainbow and wants to be just like her when she grows up. Rainbow knows this and admires the little filly's dedication, but what happens when that dedication goes too far?
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Next Gen Wonderbolt
Joined 17th Jul, 2013 ·
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Some phrasing suggestions and a spelling error.
"Sure enough, the hands read four 'o clock. Which meant that she could go home and take a much needed map." < nap not map.
"Immediately her mind pictured her speeding through those skies dragging a rainbow across it for all to see." should be "Immediately, her mind ..." or could be stated as "Immediately, she pictured herself speeding ..."
Aside from those, I'd honestly like to see this carry out more. It has a wonderful foundation for a great story to emerge from, you just need to build it up from there.
4764305 I think that first one when he said 'map' that mustve been a typo
I like this story though. it was pretty funny
4764305
That reminds me of Dora. And it was hilarious. Rainbow Dash = Dora the explorer.
LOLOLOLOL
Sorry if this seemed rude. Couldn't help but say it.
4764305 I seem to have that problem with my "one-shots"
They always seem to be the foundation for a chaptered story
Alright...
"Applejack threw up one her hooves" Word missing. It's supposed to be "one of her hooves".
"Mac turned around glanced up at" Again, word missing.
"Then she noticed Scootaloo coat and mane" Scootaloos
"Despite that, Scootloo" Scootaloo
"the way Scootloo is awesome" AGAIN, it's Scootaloo.
"a soft smile working it's way onto her face." Mind if I quote Weird Al here?
That should be it.
4773866 um for ponies Weird Al is Cheese Sandwich just saying and yes even as a pony he is still wacky
5872034 I know. I just use that quote whenever someone uses "it's" instead of "its".
5872799 kk i just like useing the right names in mlp is all when i do it and i just to remind people about Weird Al being Cheese Sandwich
Don't you mean nap? Or does Rainbow Dash really just need to find the location of Sri Lanka so she can relax?