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Celestia Gets Pissed906 words
Luna Exhibits Her Incredibly Responsible And Absolutely Vigilant Behavior By Immediately Slacking Off From Working3,121 words
Luna's Drunken Confusion2,320 words

Luna's Drunken Confusion

Luna woke up with what was possibly the worst hangover in pony history. She quickly turned her head to her right and instantly regretted doing so when she felt her head pound with intense throbbing pain.

"Ah... damn it... how does an alicorn get so hung over?"

"You mean to tell me you don't remember?"

Luna shrieked upon hearing a male voice, and jumped upon noticing the hooves on her shoulders and the breathing down the back of her neck.

"How shit-faced did I get?!"

The unicorn stallion, lavender with a black mane, sat up and dusted himself off, then stepped off the bed. Immediately upon leaving it, he stumbled and found that he could barely maintain his balance.

"Wow, Princess... I can hardly stand because of last night...maybe we can meet again sometime."

Thunder struck outside and Luna's eyes began to glow with an eerie white light. She began to fly up into the air as thunder struck even more. "How dare you objectify me, peasant! You shall pay for your insolence!"

He wandered aimlessly forward, still somewhat confused about where exactly one might find the corner of the moon. The guard stopped trotting along the lunar landscape when a circle of white light randomly appeared on the ground in front of him. He slowly approached the hole in an attempt to figure out what it was.

"Ow!"

Without much warning besides a male voice saying "Ow!" and a loud kicking noise, a lavender unicorn with a long black mane erratically sprung from the light, landing face-first on the floor, skidding slightly upon landing.

"Now go sit in the corner and think about what you did, lowly imbecile!"

Then the portal closed.

The guard and the unicorn glared confusedly at one another.

"Did you do Luna while she was drunk?"

"No, I corrected her when she said something stupid."

"Do you know where the corner is?"

"I'm just as clueless as you, buddy."

After looking silently at each other for a moment or two, they both shrugged and walked off in the same direction, looking for the corner of the giant spherical celestial body.

After banishing the bed-intruding cretin to the moon, Luna looked around the building she had woken up inside of in an attempt to figure out where she was. The first odd thing she noticed was that there were several, several rows of benches in the room, as if she had drunkenly put on a show for hundreds of people. She cringed at this thought. The second thing she noticed was that there were large banners everywhere, bearing pictures of crescent moons and pictures of Luna.

"Where the Olive Branch Petition am I?"

Luna looked around to make sure no one saw her talking to herself, then approached the double glass doors being penetrated by dimmed sunlight. She walked outside, and took note of the giant sign above the door.

Hoofington First Lunar Church

Luna's face turned red and she had hung her head in shame upon realizing she had just desecrated a religious center in Hoofington dedicated to her. Then it hit her. How the Hank Hill did she end up in Hoofington?!

The night before...

Twilight caught up with Luna just as they were entering the bar.

"So, what will be be doing tonight? Will we be partaking in much enjoyable ethanol consumption in an adult environment, or what?"

Discord and Luna looked at Twilight, then at each other, then back at Twilight before they started laughing hysterically at the somewhat convoluted sentence that had just left Twilight's sober little mouth.

"What's so funny?"

Discord wiped a tear from his eyes before his eyes turned into literal water guns and made Twilight's face completely drenched. "Oh, dear, Princess, you simply must stop reading all those books about socializing and then thinking you really know about socializing!" Discord morphed into a fire hydrant and began to slightly flood the nearby streets.

"I'll have you know, Discord, that I actually have consumed and became intoxicated by drinks containing ethanol on several occasions!" snapped Twilight.

"Oh, really? What was your blood alcohol level? 0.0000000000001 or 0.0000000000002?" Discord wasn't really laughing anymore - he was just repeatedly exhaling and gasping for air, struggling to breathe as he laughed his little draconequus ass off.

"I'll have you know that I once became very intoxicated at a bar in Canterlot. In fact," said Twilight as her face suddenly mutated into a smug smirk. "I once got so shit-faced that night, that I'm known at every bar in Canterlot for being the best damn drinker anypony in Canterlot has ever seen!" Twilight's smirk turned into a full-grown grin. "And I bet you, that if we go to any bar at home, they'll know me. And they'll love me."

"Oh, really then? You're on." Twilight, who obviously had her party face on already, spit on her hoof and hoof/paw bumped with Discord, who did the same. Luna neighed as the three of them prepared to fly to Canterlot.

Just as Twilight was about to take off, she realized that Pinkie hadn't yet been mentioned in this chapter. Twilight trotted into the bar to see Pinkie, surrounded by about six or seven beer mugs and roughly fifty shot glasses. Pinkie was also currently downing an entire barrel of sweet appleholic cider.

"Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" shouted the heathens in the bar. One stallion in particular looked over to the side to notice that an alicorn princess had just entered the bar. He stumbled and fumbled and bumbled as he approached the lavender lady and bowed, kissing her hooves when his head reached his lowest point.

"Your... your highness..."

Twilight blushed when the handsome lavender stallion with the black mane spoke, though she did not quite know why. She called Princess Pinkie's name and told the newly transformed alicorn that they were going to Canterlot to drink instead. As they were leaving, Twilight looked back at the lavender stallion.

"Hey. Why don't you come with? I like your face." Twilight's smile, in itself, was an innuendo.

"Wow, it'd be an honor!" He cantered up to Twilight and shook hooves with her. "Your highness, my-"

"Twilight. Call me Twilight." Twilight batted her eyelashes a bit.

"Twilight, my name is Glissando Staccato. I'd be honored to join you tonight."

"Come on Twi, let's get flyin'!" Pinkie Pie, with her humongous wings, darted away faster than anypony had ever gone in the history of ever. In fact, she moved so fast, she passed the speed of light, which somehow ripped open a giant anomaly in space-time. Pinkie sure did tear the universe a new anus this time. Twilight hopped atop the stallion she believed she had just picked up, spread out her wings, and rode out into the night to Canterlot, following the long-gone Discord and Luna.

Boom!

Luna was rather drunk for being an alicorn. The mighty superpony tribe not only grew much taller and lived much longer than normal ponies (if not forever) but it had been found out long ago that alicorns have an insanely high alcohol tolerance. At this point, Luna couldn't walk in a straight line for more than two seconds.

Boom!

In fact, she was so hammered, she didn't notice the massive sounds of explosions sounding every few seconds or so. She finished another mug of beer and let out a hearty, screeching, excited "Whooooo!!!"

"You said it *hic* sister!!" exclaimed Princess Pinkie, followed by hundreds of screams from the crowd of ponies surrounding them. Luna was not only a leader of a nation, she was also famous. And so was her newly crowned pink princess party pony pal. She was also the premier leader of Equestria (for six days, at least) so she was basically the life of the party in Canterlot. All over Equestria, the bright, shining, colorful lights and loud noises could be-

Boom!

-both seen and heard.

"Who wants to come hang out at my palace?"

The ponies raucously acquiesced and stampeded their way to Canterlot Castle. The drunken glob of pony was led by none other than Luna herself. When she reached the castle, she slammed open the giant doors, letting the excited excessive ethanol'd equines into the palace. It didn't take that long for someone to break a lamp.

Boom!

Luna flew up to the highest level of the castle, followed by hundreds of ponies, but immediately followed by Pinkie, Twilight, Discord, and the guy that Twilight was carrying.

She walked out onto the ledge outside of Celestia's quarters, and approached her telescope to briefly survey Equestria to make sure there were no invasions, giant fires, or anything of the sort that might stand out to somepony.

Boom!

Twilight, still carrying the stallion underneath her, pumped her hooves in the air, cheering and screaming. By the way, Discord lost his bet, because Twilight drank more than everypony else combined, partied harder than she ever had, and got banned from a bar for punching the bartender who refused to serve her, afraid she'd become dangerous to others if she did.

The bartender was right.

Twilight was so shit-faced and clumsy that she threw the stallion she had been attempting to flirt with without even reali-

Boom!

-zing what she had done. Against all odds, Twilight had thrown the stallion directly against Luna, who, in turn, was shoved off of the edge of the ledge, along with the stallion.

Luna was now free-falling from the highest ledge of Canterlot Castle. Her attention span was so diminished that she didn't notice. She only had a brief moment to begin to scream before her fall was broken by a train, which she had conveniently landed directly on top of.

"Aaahh....where the Roosevelt Corollary am I?"

Luna's distorted train of thought (heh, get it? Train of thought? Train? Because she's on a train?) was even further interrupted by the grunting sounds coming from beneath her. She stood up and looked between her forelegs to notice a lavender stallion with a black mane smashed into the top of the train car.

"...are you alright, man?"

Boom! The sound was much more distant this time, which didn't help the fact that it had gone unnoticed by Luna all night.

Luna cleared her throat upon realizing that she had just sounded very informal and did not put on a good example of what royalty was. She held her head high (but still couldn't keep it still) and spoke again.

"Art thou okay? Or was my flank too immense for thou to handle?" Luna's face turned red when she realized how ridiculous she had sounded.

The unicorn stallion finally pulled his head out of the top of the train car, and looked around for a moment before speaking.

"Where are we?"

Luna looked around for a second or two. "That's... that's a good question." Suddenly, Luna's eyes widened.

"What is it?"

Boom!

"Tunnel!"

Both the stallion and Luna noticed the tunnel approaching them very quickly, but both of them were too drunk to react in the essence of time, causing both of them to smash into the tunnel entrance while the train advanced safely through the tunnel.

Both Luna and the stallion slowly slipped off of their precarious perches smashed into the wall, only to fall down to a hard, cold, evil, unforgiving iron rail.

"This is my fault..."

Luna lifted her head groggily and looked curiously at the stallion.

Boom!

"That we are wherever we are... where are we, anyways?"

Luna looked in the other direction attempting to figure out where the train had unknowingly carried them. The first thing she noticed was a conveniently placed billboard, designed to catch the attention of passing carriages.

Welcome to Hoofington!

Luna slowly got up, lazily opened up her wings, and then broke the sound barrier to reach the nearest hotel. The unicorn simply teleported to follow her. Upon arriving by her side, he looked up at a sign hung up above double glass doors.

Hoofington First Lunar Church

Luna stumbled and tripped her way through the doors up to the podium on the stage in the middle of the other side of the room.

"Sleeeeep."

"Uh, princess... shouldn't you *hic* shouldn't you make it night?"

Luna rolled over and scratched her belly, and, without warning, it immediately became dark outside. "Sleep."

The stallion trotted over to Luna and looked down at her dazed expression.

"You know what we should do before we go to sleep?"

BOOOOOOOOOM!

"We should -

Luna facehoofed upon realizing how easy she was when she drank, and she vowed to never drink again. Her train of thought was derailed when she heard a giant explosion coming from seemingly every direction. That was when she looked up and noticed that the sky was the wrong color. Oh, and also it was filled to the brim with party balloons.

"What in Henry Clay's left foot is happening?"

The cannon sounded again, and on cue, the sky became filled with at least ten thousand more balloons.

Luna sighed upon realizing that this was day two.

Author's Note:

I got stuck and bullsharded through this entire chapter. Please pardon me if it's icky nasty gross disgusting terribadibawful. It makes no sense to me, honestly. Of course, I decided to stick with it considering it IS called Luna's Drunken CONFUSION.

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