Babs Is Back
Babs Is Back
The scent of Ponyville's dirt roads filled the air. The sky was clear, the sun was shining, and the birds were chirping. Scootaloo greatly admired the scenery, only to make her desire for school to be optional even larger. As Scootaloo trotted, the school became visible, the bells began ringing, which meant two things; class was starting, and Scootaloo was once again late.
Scootaloo watched as stray ponies in the schoolyard flinched at the bells ringing and ran in through the door. Scootaloo laughed as one of her classmates let the door slam on a colt and knocked him over. Scootaloo slowed her trot as the space between her and the school closed, she looked around, taking in her surroundings before taking a deep breath and pushing the door open slowly.
"Scootaloo, you're late.. again!" Mrs. Cheerilee was getting way fed up with Scootaloo's tardiness. "Is there a reason why?"
Scootaloo began to speak but was immediately cut off by a filly's voice that sounded like nails scratching against a chalkboard.
"I know why..." Scootaloo turned to see none other than Diamond Tiara. Diamond Tiara stood up and pointed at Scootaloo's wings. "Because she's too busy feeling sorry for herself for not being able to fly," Diamond Tiara held her hoof out to Silver Spoon who eagerly returned the hoof bump while sitting at her desk.
"No that's not why. It's because I'm sick of you and her," Scootaloo snapped at Diamond and pointed her hoof at Silver. "Now leave me alone," Scootaloo slowly walked to the back of the classroom and took her usual seat between Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom.
Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom glanced at each other, and then to Scootaloo. Soon after Mrs. Cheerilee resumed teaching, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle both slightly leaned in to Scootaloo to avoid any classmates hearing their conversation.
"Hey Scoots, you alright?" Scootaloo looked over to see Sweetie Belle staring at her, waiting for a response.
"Yeah. I'm fine."
Scootaloo looked forward to what Mrs. Cheerilee was doing to try and at least have a clue of what was happening in case she was called on. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom exchanged worried glances. They were aware of Scootaloo's extreme sensitivity to her wings, but they had never seen her this bummed about it.
After a few more attempts to raise Scootaloo's spirits, they just decided to leave her be and create a plan after school.
After hours of boring schoolwork, the bells finally began to ring; signaling their dismissal. Scootaloo was the first out the door, following her were Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom.
"Wow, she is really fed up with those two little pests, ain't she Sweetie?" Apple Bloom turned to see Sweetie Belle watch Scootaloo leave the school yard.
"Yeah, sorry Apple, I gotta get back to the Boutique, Rarity has me under house arrest but still allows me to go to school."
Apple Bloom looked at Sweetie Belle in confusion. Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. "Don't ask. But go see Pinkie Pie, get her to throw a party or something, 'kay?"
Apple Bloom nodded before turning and heading towards Sugar Cube Corner.
As Apple Bloom approached Sugar Cube Corner, two ponies trotted out with milkshakes and came to a halt as they realized who was standing in front of them.
Apple Bloom grunted in frustration as the two ponies smirked.
"Hay blank flank," the two mares squealed perfectly in sync with one another.
Apple Bloom attempted to push her way past but Diamond Tiara had other plans for her as Silver Spoon stepped back giggling. Just as Apple Bloom began to turn around and surrender, Diamond trotted, pretending to trip and dumped her milkshake on Apple Blooms head.
Apple Blooms eye twitched as she slowly turned her head and faced Diamond Tiara.
"Just what is your problem?!? You ain't nothin' but trouble. Yesterday it was Sweetie Belle, earlier it was Scootaloo, now it's me!?! What's your deal..." Apple Bloom snapped as she turned and saw Silver Spoon. "and YOU! Don't even get me started on YOU. You're just as stuck up, spoiled, and obnoxious as her." Apple Bloom then grabbed Silvers milkshake and used her right hoof to throw half at Diamond and the remaining at Silver. "Enjoy!" Apple Bloom went charging home.
"Ugghh!" Diamond mumbled as she wiped the milkshake off and flung it at Silver. "Some ponies are just so rude!"
"Ahh," Apple Bloom sighed as she finished her most recent letter to Babs. The letter read;
Dear Babs,
It's very nice to hear y'all are doing great out there. Also nice to hear you're making good friends out of the new ponies you met. Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and I are still havin' trouble with those obnoxious snobs at school. They've now decided to target us individually. Hope to see yah soon.
Love, Apple Bloom
Apple Bloom decided to go mail the letter since she had nothing else to do. Apple Bloom approached the counter in the post office and requested over night mailing.
"That'll be ten bits ma'am."
"TEN BITS!?" Apple Bloom yelled so loud she attracted the attention of other ponies in the post office.
"Yea. Have a problem?"
"You're telling me y'all don't find that ridiculous? Sheesh," After a minute of mumbling and coin counting, Apple Bloom paid and left to return to the barn.
"It sure got dark. Oh great, Applejack is pry' havin' a cow right now," Apple Bloom rolled her eyes as she entered the house and silently crept back up to her room to avoid anypony.
It wasn't that Apple Bloom couldn't leave the barn, it was more that she would be interrogated against her will. Then if Applejack were to find out about Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon's antics again, she would be sure to say something since she's the element of honesty.
Apple Bloom glanced over at the clock: it read nine o'clock. It was a friday night so she wasn't rushing to go to bed. Apple Bloom reclined back onto her bed when something suddenly catapulted through her window.
"Scootaloo! That wasn't a pebble, that was a rock!" Apple Bloom recognized the voice as Sweetie Belle's voice.
"I didn't throw that rock!"
"Yeah right, well now she doesn't have a window."
"And she still didn't respond."
Apple Bloom stuck her head through the window. "I responded," She mockingly yelled and rolled her eyes. She then threw a rope down for Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. "Climb," Apple Bloom said while make pulling motions with her hooves.
Once they were all settled in Apple Bloom's room, Apple Bloom broke the silence.
"First lemme start off by saying, thank y'all for breaking mah window, now I have to deal with Big Mac. Second, I'm glad to see you're happy again..." Apple Bloom smiled towards Scootaloo. "And third, why'd y'all come here?"
"Well I heard about you technically telling Diamond and Silver to shove it!" Scootaloo pumped her hoof in the air.
"What!? From who?"
"Myself. I was inside of Sugar Cube Corner while it happened. I was gonna totally come out and help you but they just got done harassing me inside and I figured that I've dealt with them enough for today," Scootaloo looked down but then back up at Sweetie Belle who was being rather quiet, she then smirked. "How did you get past Rarity?"
Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes and grunted. "She decided to have one of her drastic moments where she reclines on her couch and eats ice cream while insulting herself. So I just walked out of the house," Sweetie Belle shrugged.
"Oh! I meant to ask this earlier but what did you even do?" Apple Bloom curiously eyed her.
"Remember when we decided to make Cutie Mark Crusader tie dye shirts? Well Opalescence decided to play with it so now it's all over. I was lectured about maintaining a clean play area, blah blah blah," Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes and yawned. "Can I sleep here tonight? I don't feel like trotting across Ponyville."
"Same. I would fly but I can't."
"I'm sure Applejack won't mind," She looked around. "And I'd rather not be alone when she discovers that window."
All three fillies began giggling. Soon it became eleven o'clock, so the fillies decided to get ready and go to bed. As Apple Bloom lounged in her bed, trying to fall asleep, all she could think of was the letter she sent to Babs. She wished she could know what Babs would do but she just had to wait.
"APPLE BLOOM!! WHERE'D THE WINDOW GO!?!" Applejack's voice rang through her ears.
Apple Bloom sprung up and looked between the window and her highly irritated sister. Applejack's voice obviously woke Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle up.
"Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle. Y'all should head home," Applejack maintained a calm voice and held the door open for them.
"Sorry," The two said together before leaving the room.
"Apple Bloom, ah need to have a word with you."
Apple Bloom internally screamed and rolled her eyes. She really didn't like getting lectures from her big sis. Most of them revolved around honesty, honesty and don't forget, honesty. Apple Bloom kept wishing she could just disappear.
"Ahh, great."
"I still feel bad for Apple Bloom," Scootaloo said while walking through Ponyville alongside with Sweetie Belle.
"So d-"
"Well if it isn't the two side wing blank flanks!" Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon mocked causing Scootaloo to grab and pretend to whack herself in the head as if she had an actually book in her hooves.
"I know. If I were a blank flank at this age, I would just lock myself up in my room and never come out!" Silver Spoon added before the two spoiled pests looked at each other and preformed their commonly used ritual.
"Bump! Bump! Sugar-Lump, ru-"
Before they could finish their ritual, a rock flew out of no where and struck Silver Spoon in the chest. "Oww!"
Diamond Tiara giggled. "You only attract rocks!" Diamond mocked but once she finished a rock flew and hit her in the head. "Owie!"
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle looked at each other in confusion and just decided to flee while they had the chance.
"That was odd," Sweetie Belle looked around for any pony who could have thrown the rocks.
"You sure got that one right. Rocks must like us cause we rock."
"Scoots, that was so cheesy. Plus if rocks could favor certain ponies, they sure wouldn't favor you," Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes and giggled.
"Why not!?!"
"You launched a rock through a window last night."
"Well.. it landed on a carpet." Scootaloo turned away.
"Still doesn't defeat the fact that it had to break through a glass window," Sweetie Belle smiled. "Just be honest Scoots! Rocks would not favor you!"
Scootaloo grunted. "Hey, talkin' about honesty. I wonder if Apple Bloom is still alive after the wrath of Applejack."
"Yeah, we'll explain to her the rock thing later. Right now, I'm hungry."
"Couldn't agree with you more Sweets!"
Apple Bloom sighed to herself. Since she wasn't gonna totally throw Scootaloo under the bus, she told Applejack that she was the one to throw the rock through the window. Now since she 'broke it', she has to go buy a new one and fix it. As she was walking towards the store she was approached by two unpleasant sights.
"That was so rude of you to throw rocks at us!" Diamond Tiara squealed.
"Rocks!? What are you talking about!?" Apple Bloom defended.
"Don't act like you don't know. Little Rumble here is gonna teach you a lesson." Just as Silver finished, rocks started flying everywhere from a bush. When Diamond, Rumble and Silver finally scurried off, the flying rocks stopped and a filly popped up from the bush.
"SURPRISE, CUZ!"
"BABS!?!?!"
"Yup, ah got your letter and decided to take drastic measures. And sorry about your window last night. You weren't responding."
"But how!?! That letter really got there quickly."
"Well, let's go find you're window before Applejack has another cow."
Babs and Apple Bloom shared a good laugh.
This will be an amazing story to tell to Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.
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- zappadap · 4.6k words · 46 11 · 2.8k views
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cute!!
4637548
Thanks! It means much
Way to go Babs, "Rock" DT & SS world. Pun intended.
Good job with the story!
Cute idea, but it could use another editing pass with someone who knows what they're doing, I'm afraid.
First problem: dialogue punctuation. When you have dialogue followed by a dialogue tag that describes who said the dialogue and how, you must treat the whole thing as one single sentence. If the character's spoken dialogue is supposed to end with a period, as opposed to a ? or !, you must use a comma instead, and you must not capitalize the first word after the closing " mark unless it's a proper name, or the pronoun "I". Like this:
If the character's spoken dialogue does end with ? or !, you use them as normal, but you still treat dialogue + tag as a single entity and do not capitalize the next word after the closing quote.
Only if what follows the dialogue is not a who-said-it-and-how tag, but a separate action or thought which is not connected to the dialogue, do you treat them as separate entities:
Here, the orange is Apple Bloom's dialogue, while the purple is a narrative description of Apple Bloom's actions after she finishes speaking, not describing who said the dialogue or how, so they're (correctly) treated as two separate entities.
Next problem: Weird dialogue attributions. For the most part, you should stick with the basics -- "said", "asked", "replied." Don't use words like "snapped", "yelled", etc, unless it's essential to get across a specific tone of voice for emotional impact -- and definitely don't use words like "defended", which aren't "speech verbs" at all, in place of "said." You can say
because "defensively" is used as an adverb describing the tone of voice in which the dialogue was "said", but you should not use "defended" as a substitute for "said."
Don't do this. It's not necessary, and it breaks the immersion of the story. Just put a scene separator as usual.
Don't do this, either. The author should not directly address the reader in a story written in 3rd-person perspective. Even in 1st-person, it should usually be avoided. (There are exceptions to this rule, of course, but it really only works if the entire story is structured so that the narrator is an active participant who makes his presence known to the reader from the beginning, such as the Lemony Snicket books.)
Next:
Don't mix past and present tenses. Pick one or the other, and use it consistently throughout; either present tense:
or past tense:
Most stories are written in past tense; while it is possible to write in present-tense alone, or even to write a story in which some scenes are present-tense while flashback scenes are in past tense, it's best to stick to past tense, especially when starting out.
What?
Not bad for a second effort, overall, but pay more attention to the grammar and spelling details, and maybe expand on the premise a bit more next time; there's a lot that could've been done with this.
4638125
I will tell my editor as well
Thank you for notifying me about this
I liked it I just wish it could have been longer like more parts where they get pelted with rocks and maybe even give up then babs showed herself but I still really like it!
I like the window part LOL 
4638672
I'm glad you enjoyed the story
Thanks
Seemed a little rough on the pacing and rushed at the end. Howver, that being said it was a very cute idea and I liked the characterization. Good job!
4638882
Thanks for reading
Thank you and I admit I rushed it at the end, I was typing and I looked at the time and I was late for work
Interesting short story. I like it. It seems rushed though.
A bit short. I was expecting a bit more from the description. Rock tossing isn't weird, it's painful. And not too hard to tell what direction the rock came from after hitting you.
The DT sicking Rumble on the girls. Geez. That colt is going to get his keester kicked by his big bro and others if word got out he beat up fillies.
Wait. You ship Diamond and Rumble? That's cute.
You'd think she'd act all 180 when he's around or something and the CMC try to take advantage of DT's sucking up to that colt. Sounds like a decent story idea, if only I wasn't so lazy towards fiction writing.
But yeah, rock throwing is going to get Babs in hot water. Only so many rocks she can carry before DT finds her and those two get into kicking and biting each other. xD
Anyhow, would of been nice to see things go a bit longer, DT and SS tripping on banana peels, maybe a prank or two. It was less comedy and more SL and almost bordered Dark with Rumble almost attacking the CMC there.
Decent story. But also, "two mares"? DT and SS are still fillies, young mares. Calling any of the fillies mares can be confusing as saying "the two adults squealed in perfect unison.", but aside from the Rumble bit, the quick reveal and rock flinging, I think it was a decent short.
This one believes in al truths that DT and SS are mean
Guess who's back.
Back again
Barbara's back.
Tell a friend.
Awesome story! Hopefully Maud comes by with a rock cannon and...well...you know THROW AN AWESOME ROCK PARTY!
Seriously though, the more I read these stories, the more I wanna pick up a boulder, launch it with Pinkie's party cannon and hope it lands in Diamond's house... at night... on her face.
I love Babs. Fimfiction should have an emoticon so she can join the CMC's
