Dusk blinked. “Okay that sounds… pretty smart but I’ll make sure to tell the princess of your plans since you so foolishly decided to tell me it.” He said confidently.
No Dusk. It doesn't. It really doesn't. All they want is to be loved, and your just the pony to do it. Also, as to Spike's reaction, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvdf5n-zI14
Is it wrong I don't want dusk to get out of this? I want the stockholm principle to take over. That is what I am rooting for because that would make me happy. Please?
I hope this isn't weird, but I would like to be in dusk shine position. I mean come on, would you decline having sex with four goddesses? I mean I know they are raping you but, when life gives you lemons...
Yeah. Three of the four haven't gotten any in at least a millenia and, even then, they didn't exactly have stallions lining up around the block for them.
Plus the last one has literally never been loved when she was being herself.
I'm thinking of Dusk turning them good to. I don't know how to feel about it though, when I started reading, it was for the villainesses' success. I'm still hoping for that, but wouldn't mind the other way too badly. Good to see more, and honestly, I've seen much worse unedited writings, though editing is always good.
So I'm confused, She told him that Chrysalis and 'Silhouette' would be next, and then it's almost like he completely forgot and asked a second time and had the same thing explained to him. Were you considering two different ways of writing the exposition in and then forgot to take one out?
4803583 Actually I did that for a reason. First off, Dusk thought that NMM was joking so it was shrugged off, but when Eris said something especially after she raped him, it started to make sense.
5013781 Go at the pace that gets the story done and you are comfortable with. I don't care if the next chapter takes a year to update, this story is worth the wait. Write at you're own pace
THEN =/= THAN THEN= showing a before and after or sequence of events ex: "i am going to eat a burger THEN take a bath" THAN= COMPARISON ex: "better this THAN that"
grammar, dude. even little mistakes like that makes it a bad read.
And we all know It will be an interesting thing when the whole world of Dusk changes to fit his new schedule.
No Dusk. It doesn't. It really doesn't. All they want is to be loved, and your just the pony to do it.
Also, as to Spike's reaction, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvdf5n-zI14
4796940 If it were that easy then........ yeah it would be easier
Is it wrong I don't want dusk to get out of this? I want the stockholm principle to take over. That is what I am rooting for because that would make me happy. Please?
I hope this isn't weird, but I would like to be in dusk shine position. I mean come on, would you decline having sex with four goddesses? I mean I know they are raping you but, when life gives you lemons...
I love the idea of your story but the actual execution needs some work.
8/10. Keep going and make sure to come back and do some revisions later.
Hmmmm, maybe instead of Dusk becomming their bitch, It will be he that seduces them do the side of light. Only time will tell.
4799226
That sounds about right.
Yeah. Three of the four haven't gotten any in at least a millenia and, even then, they didn't exactly have stallions lining up around the block for them.
Plus the last one has literally never been loved when she was being herself.
Oh yeah, that too.
I'm thinking of Dusk turning them good to. I don't know how to feel about it though, when I started reading, it was for the villainesses' success. I'm still hoping for that, but wouldn't mind the other way too badly. Good to see more, and honestly, I've seen much worse unedited writings, though editing is always good.
4797472
Please it will be easier since well, it is all night calls. Lucky stallion.
4797481 I think that something will happen that would get your wish and make the story very compelling.
So I'm confused, She told him that Chrysalis and 'Silhouette' would be next, and then it's almost like he completely forgot and asked a second time and had the same thing explained to him. Were you considering two different ways of writing the exposition in and then forgot to take one out?
4801055
Yay!
4803583 Actually I did that for a reason. First off, Dusk thought that NMM was joking so it was shrugged off, but when Eris said something especially after she raped him, it started to make sense.
4807760 Ah ok, my bad then. I just wasn't clear on it.
This is a very funny story as well as very problematic for the protaganist I eagerly await the next chapter
this is so going to end with them all falling in love with each other XD
still a nice story! want to read more! X3
Poor bastard. I would prefer it if you did a version where it was with dusk shine's female counterpart though. An all female pairing.
4897912
4 weeks later
1 month later
5005727 I fucking get it!!! Sorry my greving process is not fast enough!
5013781 So you are grieving? Srry to hear. On the plus side, your story is amazing... keep it up. Rooting for you.
5013781
Go at the pace that gets the story done and you are comfortable with. I don't care if the next chapter takes a year to update, this story is worth the wait. Write at you're own pace
THEN =/= THAN
THEN= showing a before and after or sequence of events ex: "i am going to eat a burger THEN take a bath"
THAN= COMPARISON ex: "better this THAN that"
grammar, dude. even little mistakes like that makes it a bad read.
I'm really digging the story so far, the grammar could use some work but that barely bothers me.
I realy hope he finds a way to turn them good before its to late.
<Spike> That's ten pounds of nope in a five pound bag.
Now in hoping he actually manages to draw them closer to the light via hot sexings.
4807760
What fun is there in making sense?