This chapter was hard to follow mainly because it appeared to be written as one scene when it was clearly written as many. A common way to fix this is with line breaks which I suggest you use from this point on.
Wish I knew about the open call on the clop before but too late now.
7816831 I agree with you. But you have to keep in mind that it was a kind of spell of the terror of Nightmare Moon you have Dusk damage. Little_Draco. anyway. The chapter liked me and I must say that I enjoyed the initial part between Dusk and Nightmare Moon on the change of the latter but the other three. More on their plan I think is a little envy and jealousy with Moony. It turned out that Dusk ran away under Nightmare Moon and the situation will get a bad bend. Unfortunately I was fond of the idea of this harem even though Nightmare Moon and Dusk in this story are the most well-placed ones. I will not wait to see the next chapter or the sequel.
I have a feeling that trauma is going to erect a darker mind of Dusk Shine and bring about a monster none of them expected or wanted to see, especially Nightmare Moon.
It would be interesting to see Dusk Shine mentally snap and commit rampaging destruction against the four villainesses out of hatred after what happened.
“And yet he is still fearful of you.” countered Chrysalis. “He still fears that you will turn on him! He knows that you will continue your vendetta not just on him, but as well as Celestia and Luna! Face it, he still fears you! He should fear you!” “And what of it?!” she yelled back. “Yes, I will be feared! Today, tomorrow, … many years down the line, I will still be feared but I accept that I can change for the better. Nopony has ever given me the chance to change what I am and I am willingly to do so. I am a manifestation of anger, greed, jealousy and wrath, but I am not completely evil. All of you have a heart and not all of you were born evil. We became EVIL because other's saw us that. We were treated like monsters but now we can be treated like we deserve. With love and care and with hope for our futures.” She then looked down towards Dusk whom actually was no longer looking at her with fear or worry but now he looked at her with awe and pride at her attitude.
And then he's secretly thinking 'Huh, usually I'm the one making speeches that help ponies turn over a new leaf.'
“But you truly think he won't hate you anymore, then your dead wrong, sister!”
*if *you're Hate's kind of a strong word. I mean, outside of the thing she did in the pilot, and coating him in mare stench, there isn't much she's done to him personally that'd warrant such feelings.
“I am actually enjoying what they… rekindled my previous ways.
*that
He tried to push her away from him but he magic held him, even as the cloud continue to surround him.
*the/her
She moaned into his mouth, cause him to whine in pain as she began squeezing his body towards her.
*causing
He struggled greatly against his bonds, making every struggle a plead to be free
*and
“I only wanted a taste you a bit more.
*to
The lack to do anything when you are so helpless?”
*inability
… sounds of crying was heard around him, followed by the sound of wet bodies smacking against another.
*one
Some like like wolves, bears and even dragons, while others had no stable form.
Take out one of these "like"'s
Rarity was covered head to hoofs with dense latex where the only way of knowing it was her was her cutie mark and her eyes.
*hoof
A single tendrils smacked her across her flank, the sound loudly echoing like a firework while her marehood and her mouth were filled with plastic cocks from her mannequins.
*tendril
The silhouettes of all her surrounding her, either taking turns to using her body or covering her body with their fluids.
*of them I bet Angel's in there, somewhere, having a jolly old time.
The filled both her marehood and her anal hole, making nasty remarks on her weight, cumming on her belly and smacking her body.
*they
Applejack was more broken then the rest.
*than
bruises and a broken arm was just part of the damage done to her.
*foreleg(?)
Her mane was cut short, her cutie mark with its normal red apples, look like rotten apples.
*mark, formally a trio of normal red apples, had turned rotten.
She had the belly of seight month pregnant mare.
*an *eight-month's
He was rooted in place, watching the horrors before him, yet, he was a hard as stone and more turned on then he has ever been in his life.
*as *had
Stallions were milked from the cocks and were in a constant state of arousal with unending pain of being still erect after climaxing.
*their
A single push of her hoof send him on his back.
*sent
The mare was viscous, her body slamming down on him with the echos of Ponyville to plead his name.
*vicious *echoes *pleading out
Each slam shot another gush of pre-cum into her womb. Each slam sent a painful pulse on his body, with pleasure mixing into the fray.
*into
Burst and burst of seed continued to shoot into her, a magical glow surrounding his cock as they shrunk then regrow in an unending gush.
*Bursts and bursts *shrunk, then regrew
With a loud moan, she used her magic to milk every last drop from him before relenting and sighing with contempt.
*content
Her dream-scape ended, all around her slowly disappearing or fading and she stood in her realm with seed continuing to pour from her cunt.
*slowly fading away as
Eh, I've seen worse .Like, if you've seen 'Shotabokko!' or 'Shokushu To Yuusha To Mahoutsukai' by Sansyouo, and maybe anything made by Sannyuutei Shinta (probably shouldn't look any of those up for your own sanity), then you'd know what I mean. As it stands, it was kinda disappointing in terms of where we were in the plot.
Is the next chapter gonna open up with Dusk catapulting out of bed from this nightmare? Cause' it feels more like a dream of what could be rather than an actual story development.
8120234 It was a dream/nightmare but its all happening now. Since Nightmare has domain over dreams/nightmares, this is happening both as a dream and in real life. Kinda of Inception-ness type of deal.
So... does that mean Dusk WAS the only possible chance that Nightmare Moon would've been loved as a mare and not a monster? I'm trying to paint the picture here of what has happened at the end
8837861 Not every hero gets the happy ending they deserve. Not every villian gets their due punishment. Not every story will leave you satisfied.
My stories are an enigma s that I don't know because my mind doesn't see the ending until the final dot is placed. That is every writer, that is every creator. The story won't end happily but neither will end in tears. Instead understand what the story offers and what it may lead to into the future.
2 things:
1) Welp......That was dark.
2) PRAISE BE!!! IT LIVES!!!!
it lives
8116229 Yep dark.... as in dark as the night. Also...
media.tenor.co/images/062b0072b9006b2b0578054a0850860b/tenor.gif
This chapter was hard to follow mainly because it appeared to be written as one scene when it was clearly written as many. A common way to fix this is with line breaks which I suggest you use from this point on.
Wish I knew about the open call on the clop before but too late now.
7816831 I agree with you. But you have to keep in mind that it was a kind of spell of the terror of Nightmare Moon you have Dusk damage.
Little_Draco. anyway. The chapter liked me and I must say that I enjoyed the initial part between Dusk and Nightmare Moon on the change of the latter but the other three. More on their plan I think is a little envy and jealousy with Moony.
It turned out that Dusk ran away under Nightmare Moon and the situation will get a bad bend. Unfortunately I was fond of the idea of this harem even though Nightmare Moon and Dusk in this story are the most well-placed ones. I will not wait to see the next chapter or the sequel.
I have a feeling that trauma is going to erect a darker mind of Dusk Shine and bring about a monster none of them expected or wanted to see, especially Nightmare Moon.
It would be interesting to see Dusk Shine mentally snap and commit rampaging destruction against the four villainesses out of hatred after what happened.
so is this the beginning of the shattering of dusks mind into .... umm... nightmare dusk? i cant think of a good evil name for him.
great to see an other chapter of this story again I hope the rest will come soon.
And then he's secretly thinking 'Huh, usually I'm the one making speeches that help ponies turn over a new leaf.'
*if
*you're
Hate's kind of a strong word. I mean, outside of the thing she did in the pilot, and coating him in mare stench, there isn't much she's done to him personally that'd warrant such feelings.
*that
*the/her
*causing
*and
*to
*inability
*one
Take out one of these "like"'s
*hoof
*tendril
*of them
I bet Angel's in there, somewhere, having a jolly old time.
*they
*than
*foreleg(?)
*mark, formally a trio of normal red apples, had turned rotten.
*an
*eight-month's
*as
*had
*their
*sent
*vicious
*echoes
*pleading out
*into
*Bursts and bursts
*shrunk, then regrew
*content
*slowly fading away as
Eh, I've seen worse .Like, if you've seen 'Shotabokko!' or 'Shokushu To Yuusha To Mahoutsukai' by Sansyouo, and maybe anything made by Sannyuutei Shinta (probably shouldn't look any of those up for your own sanity), then you'd know what I mean. As it stands, it was kinda disappointing in terms of where we were in the plot.
8116547 I hope he does the deserve. it for what they did to not only Dusk but for turning Nightmare in to the monster she used to be and is now agin.
wow well shouldn't there be a dark tag and no comedy then heck tragedy would also qualify.........
8118302 one chapter really and it's dark for only a small duration.
8118408 this one chapter and its darkness is really profound people will remember this event and betrayal is a powerful thing...
This feels like an alternate ending. Weird.
Is the next chapter gonna open up with Dusk catapulting out of bed from this nightmare? Cause' it feels more like a dream of what could be rather than an actual story development.
8120234 It was a dream/nightmare but its all happening now. Since Nightmare has domain over dreams/nightmares, this is happening both as a dream and in real life.
Kinda of Inception-ness type of deal.
Que music for dramatic affect.
(http://inception.davepedu.com/
So... does that mean Dusk WAS the only possible chance that Nightmare Moon would've been loved as a mare and not a monster? I'm trying to paint the picture here of what has happened at the end
8180155
Maybe this was nightmares nightmare?
8301692
We must know the answer before we go too deep into this Nightmare-ception!
8837861
Not every hero gets the happy ending they deserve.
Not every villian gets their due punishment.
Not every story will leave you satisfied.
My stories are an enigma s that I don't know because my mind doesn't see the ending until the final dot is placed. That is every writer, that is every creator. The story won't end happily but neither will end in tears. Instead understand what the story offers and what it may lead to into the future.
8837861
i'd like to say that you cant have this story deleted just because you dont like how it went down
ours
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