Chapter 1: Adjusting and Beginnings of Royalty
As I was listening to the news, I heard my Mom’s iphone go off. I walked over to it and saw a message from my horse riding teacher saying that riding was canceled for the day due to unforeseen stuff. I went back to the TV after responding to the text. What I saw on TV was a griffin male interviewing a unicorn mare about what the unicorn had gone through this morning. As the unicorn was talking to the griffin about changelings, a changeling walked by and overheard the comment. The changeling introduced himself and the griffin interviewer asked the changeling about how his morning was so far. Just then I heard movement upstairs, either in my parents’ room or my brother’s room. I then heard a loud thump and something falling down a flight of stairs close to me. I looked up and heard a thump noise of something hitting a wall. I stood up to investigate and when I went upstairs I saw a changeling moaning in pain a little bit. I asked the changeling “Are you OK?”
The changeling said, “Maybe…oww!” My only reaction was sigh, and face-hoof. I helped my Mom up back on her hooves.
“Thank you,” my Mom said.
I said, “Mom, I’ll need to teach you and the rest of the family some basics about going down stairs, OK?”
“OK,” my Mom said. I taught my Mom how to carefully step down the next flight of stairs down to where the TV was still playing. I told my Mom about the text regarding our riding lesson being canceled and my Mom said she hoped that our riding instructor was OK. I told my Mom about our new forms that we now possess and I had her watch the news so she could understand what happened not only to our family but to others throughout America.
I told her about what to expect about being a changeling and some abilities that she might have, like being able to disguise herself as anypony or griffin. I told her about what changelings usually look like and I told her that she is different from normal changelings from the show My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic. My Mom is basically like Queen Chrysalis but without the holes in her legs and wings and also different eye color.
I asked my Mom if she could start making breakfast for us so we could have a nice breakfast before we went off to work, if they had work. I heard two more thumping sounds from upstairs. One sounded like it came from my parents’ room, and the other one from my brother’s room. I then heard two thumps and something that sounded like two things falling downstairs again. I immediately ran up the stairs to make sure the other two members of my household were OK. When I arrived, I saw a griffin entangled with a unicorn pony with the unicorn’s horn dangerously close to the griffin’s eye, while the unicorn and the griffin stared at each other with eyes wide open and mouths agape. I looked at them then sat down on my haunches and did a double hoof-plant. I looked at my brother and Dad and asked them if the two of them were feeling alright. They both said “Yes.” I helped them up so that I can teach them how to go down the last flight of stairs so that they can catch up with the news and relax after their ordeal.
I told my Dad that he should probably help my Mom with breakfast. In the meantime I told my brother about what had been happening recently and I asked him if he had used his horn yet. He said “No,” so I decided to teach him how to use his magic and other important things that ponies that have horns would need to know about. Two minutes after my lesson for my brother, my Mom and Dad said breakfast was served, so we washed our hooves and sat down on our chairs to begin our breakfast. My family talked among themselves about what a very strange morning we’d had so far and about what we should do about what was happening in the rest of America.
Just then, the phone started to ring. My Mom stood up to answer it. The person talking on the other side sounded familiar to me. They were identified as one of my two friends from high school. My Mom told me that he wanted to talk to me so I took the phone and started to talk to him.
He sounded very desperate and confused about something that happened to both him and his family. I told him to slow down so I could understand him better. He told me that he was turned into some kind of winged unicorn of some kind and that his dad and brother were turned into half-bird, half-cat creatures and that his mom was turned onto a bug-like pony. My eyes widened as I realized what had happened to my friend’s family. His Dad and older brother were turned into griffins, like my Dad. His Mom was changed into a changeling like my Mom, and he was turned into an alicorn like me. I asked him if he had called our other friend from high school about what happened and he said he did but he hadn’t received an answer back. I told him that when they did answer to ask whoever answers the phone if our friend was turned into a winged unicorn, if his mom and older brother were turned into bug-like ponies, and his Dad into a half-bird, half-cat creature. He asked me why I would like him to ask our friend that question and I told him I had a prediction that I want to test out. I asked him if his family was awake yet, and if they are to tell them what I told him. After that I told him “Have a good day,” then I put the phone away and walked back to the table to finish my breakfast. My family asked me what we should do today and I told them maybe we should take a walk outside like to the beach.
They said “OK,’ so after we finished breakfast and cleaning ourselves up, we took our keys to our house, our phones and wallets and other things we might need on our walk, and headed out. As we started to walk down Rosita Road, a couple of ponies stopped and bowed to me. I thought to myself, Hm, so some ponies know about alicorns. I won’t mind being considered royalty. I then saw some changelings stop and bow to my Mom. My Mom just took it all in stride, but my Dad and brother had a confused expression on their faces because of me and Mom taking all the bowing in stride. I thought to myself, I wonder what my two friends’ reactions will be when they see other ponies bowing to them or their mothers by changelings?
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No more text walls please! It hurts my eyes and it's harder to track.
Space it out more, we need dialogue, we need more descriptions.
If you don't do those then go back to my earlier comment.
Only giving a nice dose of criticism...
Bit of advice. Any self-insert alicorn OC stories? Keep them in your diary or private folder. They're not something you show other people.
The problem that I see about this story is that their doesn't seem to have any direction to it, as in we see that the world population have been transformed into MLP characters for no apparent reason and their is no clue of what things are building up to. The fact that we learn that the protagonist become a prince in the future make it confusing to link how he got from middle class kid to prince of his own principality and that the first chapter and that in the second chapter we see that he and his family quickly come to terms to their new realty and doesn't sound that concern of the state of the world; that doesn't make him sound very proactive on his part seeing that he managed to elevate himself to a monarch at some point in a country that is generally opposed to the idea of divine birthrights. We have seen this trowp many time so and their is nothing to it to set it apart from those. We don't know much about the character either. I would suggest that you rethink your story entirely if you with to continue it.
6808128 Ok, well this is was just the beginning and to set the background for him before the more exciting things happen in other worlds.
6808143 have you planed out your story in some measure, because your character has a long way to go before he becomes a prince. I would also suggest that technologies get as sodden nosedive, by some catastrophe , and all the infrastructure would be damaged beyond repair so that their is enough disturbed world that all the worlds governments would collapses, money would be worthless leaving the rest of humanity to fend for it self and would allow anyone to become a warlord to rise up and create their own fiefdoms. your character could become a warlord at some point or become a peacemaker during that time. hope this helps a little.
6808190 Well, its only the humans living in America that were changed in to ponies, griffons, and changelings. The rest of the world will be unsure of what to do.
6808274 I am not telling you do everything I have told you, theses are just suggestions that could help you think of a better idea of how it happen. you might also wand to revised chapter 1 the characters sound completely disconnected of the events that has append to them, I am surprised that they are not glued to the tv and not panicking, or straggling to understand what append to them.
Jesus, I think this gave me cancer.
Excellent story keep up the good work
10804621
Thanks!
What change humanity? Has Discord some fun on the humans expense?
How can they take their stuff with them? I doubt any human clothing fit. Or even backpacks...
A Alicorn is basicly a imortal being. I guess he earnes his place over the next decades ? Give a man/woman enough time and he will grow into his shoes and prove himself. Alternativ they die trying...