Nimbus Strike, a Royal Guard, gets caught up in a small-scale magical disaster. One that ensures that his life will never be the same again.
The Crossover part is very light, more to do with the general idea behind the story more than anything.
Thanks to my good friend Beese for being there with ideas and helping proof-read my insane ramblings.
Oh, and be brutal, please. I need the criticism to grow.
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Nice going so far. ("He's a bionic royal guard, she is a jerkwad illusionist! They fight crime!")
The only thing that disturbed me at all in chapter one was that first it is clear Luna is supporting this project because she feels guilty that her work is killing him, then she very quickly goes over to "oh and we are making you a government superhero and 'coz you OWE US you have to do as we say!" I know deities are supposedly capricious, but it comes off as strange to me.
This was fun to read and well written, my only complaints are that there wasn't a slightly comical light hearted training/ability acknowledgement segment like Nimbus busting through a wall like the Mutha Fuckin Koo-Aid man or causing any other type of slap stick medium scale destruction like accidentally cleaving a mess hall table in half. I say this because it feels like this is supposed to have more comedy elements in it and it would be a big mistake to play this story too serious. My minor nit pick is that you didn't make a horse related pun on the name, "Steve Austin."
Anyway kudos to you and I hope the rest of this is good with minor tweaks here and there.
19780
You're right, this does need some slapstick. Expect edits when I next can.
19769
Yeah, I did rush that a bit, I admit. I've just been sitting on this for... what, a month and a half? I just wanted to get it out.
♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪
I'm going to agree with Sieurin on this one: The flip-flop in Luna's attitude is a wee bit jarring; I'd suggest invoking some third party that makes her put Nimbus to use, like "Oh, part of the deal with me spending 6,000,000 bits on bringing you back was that we put you to actual work and get something out of it."
And perhaps something with regards to chapter length; they just seem a bit short to me, is all. It's not something huge to worry about, but something to consider, maybe. Don't force it.
Other than that, it's a good story; no grammatical errors that I could be a nazi about, nice formatting, decent characterization; I like it. Keep it up.
20885
That's actually something I'm going to have said in some way in the next chapter.
As for being a bit short, I know! I want them to be longer myself. But I can't find a way to do it without it seeming silly and ridiculous.It bugs me to no end.
And don't worry, I'll keep this up. What with school having finished, I need something to kill the time.
Again, great chapter. I notice people are nitpicking over the whole "Luna putting Nimbus back together and forcing him to work thing" I'd say to those people that's what kinda happens in the TV show for which this is based. As this chapter I love the action and the hint of mystery and I love way Shadow Figment is still an cynical uptight persnickety(I love that word) bitch.
I hope when you're done with this series, you plan on doing other TV parodies like Magnum P.I, Charles in Charge, Perfect Strangers, Twin Peaks, and House M.D, just to name a few.
21001
I just liked the idea so much I couldn't not do something. My knowledge of the show comes solely from TVTropes.
If I was to do a House parody, I'd have to call him Dr. Stable. Just saying.
And I'll be honest, I never actually watched a single episode of the original Six Million Dollar Man.
♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪
My proofreader is absent. If there are any major grammar or spelling errors of any sort, let me know.
♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪