HiE: Hater In Equestria

by Cobra 1

I Hate Ponies

Hello, my name is James Brown, I hate ponies. But now I am one. First let me start with backstory and how I got here.

I hated ponies from the start October 2011, I was talked into watching it with my friend, yes he was a brony. I thought that it wasn't bad, but something just didn't sit right with me. I got into some of the fanfiction, but never again watched the show. One of the things I found wrong with the fandom was HiE or Human in Equestria, how the humans became ponies and their general reactions I just found stupid.

I had several dreams the few nights before the event that brought me here happened. I would get up play some video games and checked on my snakes, and then go back to sleep.

Then it happened, the date was October 10, 2011.
_____________________

I woke up from a dream, a terrible, terrible dream. I dreamt that I was a pony, I hate ponies. I looked outside to see a strong thunderstorm, I then looked at the clock, it was midnight. I got up and tried to get my mind off the dream.

Then came a strange light, I tried to get away but it was sucking me in, as it did so I was knocked unconsciousness by hitting the floor.

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When I came to I was startled by, 'no it couldn't be' I thought to myself, standing right in front of me was a horse, but not just any horse, it was a pony. A colorful pony I knew about all to well. It was Twilight Sparkle.

"Are you alright." she asked. I hesitated to answer, then said "You can't be real, this is just a dream. Colorful, talking ponies don't exist."

She looked shocked when I said that. "You are a pony and can talk too." It was my turn to look shocked.

"No I am not, I'm a human." I then looked at my hands, they were hooves. I still didn't believe it, so I went to a mirror. What stared back at me wasn't me, it was a pony. I had maroon and black hair, I mean mane; a medium, almost blood, red body... erm I mean coat and crimson eyes. I also noticed wings on my back. "NOOOOOOO!!! THIS ISN'T IMPOSSIBLE." I yelled almost on the verge of tears. To make sure this wasn't a dream I punched myself. It hurt, but I did it over and over until I was bleeding. I then ran out the door as fast as I could and didn't look back.

"Come back." When she said that I tripped over something and slipped out of consciousness. The last thing I saw was a bug. If I didn't get knocked out I would have laughed at myself.

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When I regained consciousness I saw all six of them. I know all about them because I read up on them to use as critism about the show and bronies.

"Let us introduce ourselves I am Twi..."

"I know who you are. I know about everybody in this world."

"You mean everypony." said Applejack.

"No I don't." I was now getting angry. "You are Applejack, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity." when I got to the last name I was not happy.

"Now I am James Brown."

"Hello James Brown." they all said

"You said you were a human. What are you doing here?" it was Twilight this time.

"Well, I was born October 10, 198X in a small town in Oklahoma and..."

"What is Okie homie?" asked Pinkie. I decided it was best to not say anything about it, they would understand it.

"When I turned 18 my parents died, killed by a man who took them as someone else." I continued. I could tell this was alot for them to take as they all said "Oh no." in unison.

"Around this time I got a girlfriend, Janice. She was the most beautiful lady I have ever seen. But she too is gone. After my parents died I joined the Air Force. I was a very good pilot, I went by the callsign 'Snake.'"

"Is that what is on your flank?"

I looked to my backside, sure enough there was a mark on it displaying a F-16-like fighter and a snake wrapped around it.

"I guess so." I said. I then continued on with my story. "I lived by myself, after my girlfriend died, okay I wasn't living by myself I had snakes to keep me compa-"

"SNAKES!! You lived with snakes?" They all said, well except Fluttershy, I don't know why that is.

"Yeah. What's wrong with that?"

"Well snakes are creepy." said Twilight.

"And ugly." Rarity had said that. This statement made me want to kill that white bitch.

"Well, they are far from ugly and they are not creepy." I said. "Well anyway, I woke up, got sucked into a portal of some kind and now here I am. Now I need to find my way back home."

"If there is one pony who can help you it has to be," I knew what Twilight was going to say before she even got to "help" it was "Celestia." I knew she was going to say that.

"But it is late and we should get some rest."

As much as I hated to agree with a pony, I had to.

"You can stay here for the night." said Twilight.

I had to appreciate the young mare's kindness. "Thank you."

"Your welcome, 'Snake.'" I froze and did something I haven't in a long time, I smiled.

"Nobody has called me 'Snake' in years."
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That night a couple of things happened. First I didn't have the dream I had so many nights before coming here. In its place, though, was probably more sinister. I saw my parents and girlfriend. Instinctively I called out for them. "Mom, Dad, Janice." after this the dream dissolved into a nightmare. Each of them were killed right in front of me by a pony. This pony was large, I knew who it was from the long flowing mane. It was Celestia.

I awoke with a scream. Which promted Twilight and her dragon assistant, Spike was it, to come from their room. "What's wrong?" Twilight asked.

"Nothing, just a bad dream." I replied

I hate ponies, they haunt me even when I wake. Will I ever find my way home, only time will tell. What I do know for certain is that I am a HiE, a Hater in Equestria.

Comments

[JasonTheHuman]

So you start off complaining about the reactions of characters in Human in Equestria stories, and go on to have your character react in a very boring way. It's all just very straightforward stuff - he wakes up, meets one of the main characters, realizes he is a pony, is shocked for a paragraph, then tells his entire life story to them (after telling them their own names).

Having all of the Mane Six there at once is awkward... You have a total of seven characters there, and that's a lot to have in one scene. They're not even all necessary. I'm not even sure where this is taking place, but why does Twilight need to call in all of her friends just because they found one new pony?

I've seen a few stories like this about someone who hates the show turning into a pony, and the protagonists always strike me as unbelievably pathetic. Especially in this case, since he's an adult. Doesn't he have better things to do than "read up on" a show he hates so that he can criticize it?

[The sad mare]

meh ill read it even tho i dont like haters in a pony filled world

[Gmode]

When I personally think of James Brown, I think of this guysleepisfortherich.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/james-brown-3.jpg

[Zauber Junge]

412942 lol same here

[That Awkward Feeling You've Forgotten Something Important]

412891

Ignoring the story for a second, I usually at least try to give a fair chance to most things before hating them. For instance, I read the first two Twilight books before realizing they never got better at all.

Moving back to the story, it doesn't flow well. Things just sorta... happen, no real segue between them.

Also, as usual from an HiE fic, the protagonist is only too happy to divulge everything about himself to a group of cartoon ponies he's never met.

And finally, the hater in Equestria shtick never seems to work out as well as people imagine it would. I'd love it to, but it doesn't.

Feel free to disregard anything said in this comment.

[Jspang]

412891 do you just critique random hies when they pop up? Not complaining just curious

[JasonTheHuman]

412976

I occasionally look at stories if the summary looks interesting, or if it looks like it needs work, or if I'm just bored. That and writer's block. I need a way to procrastinate.

[Jspang]

413011 procrastination: hard work may pay off later, but laziness always pays off now.
Seriously though, your system works, if your story is any kind of example. More power to ya.

[Error 404]

i1175.photobucket.com/albums/r628/livingshadows17/derp.gif

If this story is retarded and you know it, clap you hands!

i1204.photobucket.com/albums/bb411/NyanBloodyNeko/Reaction%20Pics/penn-and-teller-fooled.gif

If this story is retarded and you know it, clap your hands!

i1169.photobucket.com/albums/r506/thingsandwhatnot/Reactions/tumblr_m0lr9lMWPw1r3zat8.gif

If this story is retarded, and you really want people to know it, if this story is retarded clap your hands!

i1204.photobucket.com/albums/bb411/NyanBloodyNeko/Reaction%20Pics/penn-and-teller-fooled.gif
i1169.photobucket.com/albums/r506/thingsandwhatnot/Reactions/tumblr_m0lr9lMWPw1r3zat8.gif
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[OverThoughtBrony]

Its good but the part wheres he talks about his life, I think it needs to be revised. Perhaps you could say that in the beginning;
'My name is James Brown, I was born in blah blah blah'
Like that. Interesting though

[WeThePony]

No. . . .just. . . no.

[Evocator]

no

[nonameguy0010]

I honestly don't see why people hate this story so much. It is an interesting concept but presented a bit poorly.
This story has a lot of potential but, like JasonTheHuman said, it lacks emotion.
When I was reading what the characters said, I didn't really get a feel for their voice and the conversations went by really fast. Whenever I read what James was saying, he had a monotone voice. Try to extend the conversation between people a bit and add more emotion to their speech. I did like how pinkie pie acted in character when she said "Okie-homie?".
Again, all you need is a little bit of work and this story will be nice. Just don't let all of these people get you down; I would hate to see a writer quit just because of negative feedback. After all, our pony overlords taught us to love and tolerate.

[Hoghound]

- Hatred towards ponies for no logical reason. "i hate them because i just do, ok?"

- Stumbling on all the mane six at once, for no reason they happened to be around and interested on the protagonist.

- "Tragic" backstory for your human... plus, the mane six going from "grief" to acceptance in seconds, "Oh, your parents and everybody you cared for are dead... but it's ok now."

- A snake wrapped around a plane for a cutie mark? seriously? A cutie mark, a typical pony feature, that depicts a machine that they never ever have seen before and do not exist on their world?

- Twilight taking in a total stranger who happens to be a potentially dangerous creature from another dimension, and a male... yea, right.

Sorry, but I can't really see a satisfying story arch from there on, just the routine "Human Mary Sue who took out Celestia" arch... not my type of thing, really.

[Cobra 1]

412891
It is meant to poke fun at the other stories. That is why I am using those cliches. All I'm missing is "The sun was shining" or some shit like that, I do this cause I want to not to prove anything, anyway I figured this would suck. And its called Irony, ever heard of it.

[Cobra 1]

412942
I'm sorry who is this a singer, I didn't think ahead about that one. I'm a dumbass.

[Cobra 1]

413011
I seriously thought, "This story sounds like he can hype something and not deliver." and I was right, I thought that people would hate it and they did. HOLY SHIT I CAN PREDICT THE FUTURE. *ALL ABOARD THE HYPE TRAIN*

[Cobra 1]

413079
"Freeze, everybody clap your hands. Come on now."

[Cobra 1]

414017
I'll work with Little Dashie next friday, If you don't know who he is check this out

[nonameguy0010]

417504 I am far too paranoid to trust any links.. sorry :3

[Cobra 1]

417514
Ya think its a rick roll, its called the Life of Tragedy series.

[Cobra 1]

412942
Originally I was going to name him James Carlson. I was thinking more along the lines of Charlie Brown for the name Brown.

[Zero Stas]

The story main idea was to show pony hater in worst situation he possible be happen. The story told straight and rushed. *Spoilers* the nightmares of Celestia killing his family it pretty unexplained (but hey, it's a dream ). Everypony has a point too and I must agreed with them.