• Member Since 2nd Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen May 6th

Cobra 1


T

Hello, I'm James and I'm in Equestria, how I got here I don't know. What's worse I'm a pony, just like in those stories my son read. I just wish I could see my son again...

Rated Teen for Violence and Language.
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Indefinite Haitus. Probably over because of changes to characters over the last few years.

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 13 )

It was a pretty good attempt. But, better luck next time.:raritywink:

1106358 i do not see what you mean, i cant wait till the next chapter

Hey, I hate to break it to you, but you're going to have to be more original if you want more people to read your stories. There are probably 5,000 stories just like this. :ajbemused: Thinking of ideas can take a while, but once you get a good one, go for it!

1106393
Oh I know, I even mention it in the fic.

Here goes *takes in a deep breath* First off I actually love the concept.

Sad and tragic. Good angle, but you rushed through so many moments I couldn't help but think I missed something. You need to invoke the emotion behind your words.

Your Son and wife are dead and you barely gave that statement a sentence to soak in before moving on.

What I want most out of this is two things: How ponies killed him, and the pure hate you have for the ponies responsible.

Tips: I'm not going to fault you for the short entree, I do believe you should add more this this chapter before continuing on. Or, really impress us for the second chapter with some rage hate for the pony folk.

Like, add more dialog between the father and son. Your connection with him is the main idea behind this fiction, or it should be...in my opinion anyway. You caring is 'us' caring, and right now I feel as invested as a Rainbow dash during one of Twilight lectures.

I .... rather like it, myself. I'm not going to call it the best work I've ever read. But I don't let that flavor whether or not I like it. Aaaaand... I like it. :| Looking forward to reading more of it, curious where it's gonna go from here...

1106379 Okay, here's my actual response. I liked the idea and I myself am a fan of sad fics, but I thought you could be more original that is all.

I cant wait till the next chapter

:I Bizarre idea, thanks to you: I wanna see a fic where Tara Strong goes to Equestria. Twilight would lose her mind...dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png

1237566
Oh. My. GOD. That sounds like an.... AMAZING idea. I can't believe someone got an idea from one of my fics.

Seems decent for a HiE fic. at least the human isn't "overly excited" that he's in Equestria (for someone who is aware its existence anyways).

This fic is not the best, it feels a bit too rushed but pacing has never really bothered me, i shall wait for the next chapter

Hmm, i am enjoying this story, but its sort of gone from it being about him and his son ect to a normal HiE fic, i hope you have something planned tbh

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