Pyrrhic Victory was one of the chief commanders in Celestia's army during the Griffon Wars, pre-NMM era. Well, he was until he tried to sack Canterlot. He was sealed in a magical garden, to which the souls of five of he most loyal Generals were bound. the Gardens of Aegis.
Now, he's escaped, and trying to regain his memory, struggle with his arrogant side-personality, and avoid getting his brain eaten by gardeners.
Where did his life go wrong?
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Honestly mate for your first story this isnt bad.
I would highly recommend a editor though, as it seems like this is all a tad bit rushed. Try and pace it all out. Once you've done a chapter or paragraph read over it and check if it isnt going so fast. Editors and proof readers are a authors best friend. Other than that this story has extreme potential with your imagination and a little bit of work.
I look forward in anticipation to the next chapter.
-Midnight
4359600
You're right, it is very rushed....
4359675
Dont worry. Its a simple mistake. Dont worry about it. Revise it thoroughly and slowly to work out all the kinks. Trust me its takes a while but its worth it. I know what this is like mate and trust me if you revise it, it feels awesome.
On the third sentence capitalize "Finally"
Your description says pre-Nightmare Moon, which would be over 1000 years earlier, however, Pyrite Victory said 800 years and Celestia said after Luna was banished. You need to change your description to post-NMM.
Replace ; with an L.
Your missing an l in all when he realizes he has no money.
Capitalize Roseluck.
Capitalize The.
Nice story anyway. Can't wait for the next chapter.
4371542
Actually, Pyrrhic was supposed to around just before NMM, being a small part of the depressing whole that brought about Luna's trip to the moon.
4373609
Oh. Wait. I'm still confused. He still said he had been stuck in there for 800 years and your saying it's pre-NMM so it should be over 1000.
4375239
I know, that's where I screwed up.
4375365
Okay.
This introduction was easy to read, if not a bit odd (in a good way). The second instance of "the garden" in the second paragraph however, is redundant as the reader already knows that we are being told about it. Also, you have a mismatched number of pluses here: +++Hello Wardens~! I'm baaaaack~!++ Please remove one from a side or add to the other, it's driving me mad.
Other than that, a refreshing read, I'll be watching this.
It seems a bit bare in description; what is being felt? Heard? Tasted? Smelled?
Also, remember to break into a new paragraph every time a different character speaks, stay with a chosen tense and don't be afraid to slow down and describe a scene.
As for Pyrrhic victory, I like the name, I like it very much. Just make sure that he doesn't become a Gary Stu.
On yet another note, this fic seems very similar to the league of humans acting villainous' fics.
Is this fic going to be continued?
5284152
Eventually, yes. I have the next couple of chapters written out, I'm just having to type them up.
5284745 Pfft.
Wow, this is totally crazy!
This is a funny story, you should write more! 