• Member Since 7th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 25th, 2022

Dark Moon


Comments ( 28 )

Where is this character from?

2268689 No I mean is he from an anime show ? Or is the cover art deceiving?

AT LEAST AUTHOR CAN MAKE SENTENCE WITHOUT KGB INTRUDING ON HOUSE.

IVAN BE SHORT. FICTION OF FAN BAD. VERY BAD. WORSE THAN TAPCO. WHY IS PROTAGONIST WHITE HAIRED JAPANESE PRETTY BOY WITH PERSONALITY OF AUTHOR TEENAGE BOY? WHY IS CHARACTERS BEING OUT OF CARDBOARD? WHY IS DIALOGUE SO BAD?

NEED IMPROVEMENT. YOU NOT WANT KGB BREAKING DOWN DOOR.

2268698Oh. No not from an anime. technically he is not from any anime. I stole a pick of Kyo from Fruits basket changed his hair and eye color in photo shop and blurred MLP and forest background together.

2268748The first chapter is kind of a introduction for the character into the world more then the character itself. The original first chapter was the character's backstory but an editor suggested I bring that in later because it didn't sound like an MLP fan fic. So yah I guess I need some tweaking here and there.

AAAWWW YEAH HIS NAME IS EVAN TOO? :rainbowkiss:

2269103 Yup LOL. I swear i didn't steal it.:twilightsmile:

2269133 no i dont mind that at all! Evan isnt used alot anymore so im excited! :pinkiehappy:

2271546next post will be sunday :twilightsmile:

Like most of the HiE story : the main character is a Mary Sue.

Having told this, the story is at least well-written, the author even managed to make some backstory for the protagonist, the chapter are long enough to have decent descriptions and interractions.

But it's still an awfull Mary Sue character story.

Well, an interesting and very well written chapter, now about the question: Why did you tatto butterflies in your flank?

2312796 Depends on what you mean by Marry Sue. Yes Evan is powerful but only certain emotions do certain things for him and in some cases work against him. So he may be a Marry Sue in some cases but not all his problems can be solved by his powers in stressful or spur of the moment situations.

Nice to see another chapter.
For the questions for him; How did you get here? What do you eat? Who had told you not to go outside? That's all I can think of, alter these as you see fit.

The guy in the drawing looks fat. Was that supposed to be what you were going for?

2434109 Nah. It just looks like that because he's crossing his arms.

2449849I saw both his arms. One of which was caressing Scootaloo's face. They were not crossed.:ajbemused:

2450005 OH, that pic.:facehoof: yah didn't mean for it to come out like that it just did. Sorry for the miscommunication.:derpyderp1:

That doesn't look like a bro fist. That looks like you're trying to give us all the bird, only you're missing the middle finger.

2461781 *shrugs* I thought it was something cool I could post. No offense intended.:derpyderp2: It also turned out taller then the original. hmmmm

2461982Spaces in between lines. I've done that kind of thing before.

typos in description of story...

Comment posted by Dark Moon deleted Jul 10th, 2013

But he's a Garry Stu:raritydespair:

:eeyup:

Heh....for a moment there...I kinda did...:rainbowwild:
(Not sure if intentional reference but meh)

Just read the whole thing, it was alright but there were a lot of typos. You should be on the lookout for an editor that can help iron out the mistakes :pinkiesmile: It'll make a much better read :pinkiehappy:

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