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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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cliffhanger cant wait for the next chapter
Woha i sort of wasn't suprised that Star was the alicorn that took Littlepip out of the maripony runis, is that good or bad ?
Also in regards to Pride "Mind Rape Level: Almost Discord" i was totally like "Oh no you didn't do that right now!!" during the nightmare sequence.
I like how at first she tried to avert the "Villan tells the hero his plan because he thinks himself to be unstoppable at this point" but in the end totally falls in the same trap like everyone else .
I would totally say that the "thing" in the end is a certain donkey we all know even if Smile Smile Smile and major disregard towards the laws of nature from Pinkie totally stole his spotligh in my opinion!
And now we are off to a place in the Wasteland noone has ever written about so you can totally shape it the way you like!
And most important of all: I totally got mentioned in a chapter of a fanfic even if it was in the authors notes!
I am just that awesome!
686939
Man, you've totally been on top of things with me the entire time, of course you get mentioned!
Thank you so much for the comments and your mini chapter reviews. They've been great!!!
686957
This is actually the only fanfic i regulary comment on and i would like it to help out more than just write little chapter reviews and outline what i liked the most about them but im sure to say my abillitis to help are capped at exactly that.
Sometimes i wonder how my brain manages it to keep all the fics i read out of each others way, because im tracking like hundreds of fics by now and spent a lot of time reading updates but it never happend to me that i confuse storys or something like that.
I guess my special talent would be obtaining and managing hge amounts of knowlege!
That was a bit off topic and i have no idea why i wrote it and all i have to say now is that i am looking foward to more glorious chapters with a wordcount of 19k+!
687039
I feel a little blushy now man, I didn't know that this was the only one you're regularly commenting on. In that case... wow. Thank you very much!
"Suddenly the voices silenced and I could hear hoof steps to the door"
coming?
"“You stopped paying attention didn’t you?” She asked flatly. I paused for a moment, and then nodded again. Pride groaned again angrily."
again? again again?.. I didn't see that happen the first time.
had to stop when they made it to Bookfort. Brain shutdown.
688313
Thanks man, fixed those things! Appreciate it!
688789
Hey thanks! It's very much appreciated!
After reading your story, and the insert of FMA characters I'm gonna give my guess on a possible character in a future chapter.
A zebra named "Scar", good at fighting, maybe have a special zebra charm/curse/thingie on his right arm, and goes around killing alicorns. Unfortunately its somewhat predictable because it fits the bill without diverging from the story (of FO:E) ... or so I think.
EDIT: to elaborate a bit on it what Im saying is that such a character can appear because all the elements for such a character already exist. What I can wonder about would be HOW he is gonna fit into the story.
690301
Heh. No, no Scar. Actually the only one sofar that was directly based on the FMA character is Greed. The others are totally their own characters.
690413
well it was worth a shot at least.
690443
Hehe. Indeed. The idea behind them started because of the theme of emotions, those ones being powerful negative ones.
Thank you though for comments, they are much appreciated!
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE IT MAN
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Umm... thanks?!
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just been' weird carry on
I thought that Spike had the Elements of Harmony in his cave with the Gardens of Equestria.
879273
Spoilers. Totally getting to that. You'll see.
Loving the story so far. I do have one thing to point out though. The element of magic that she picked up in the archives, wouldn't that be the same one that's currently plugged into the gardens of equestria? I think spike might have noticed if it was missing
I may have misread, and if I did I apologize, but you might want to look into it. Maybe it's a fake, I dunno. Regardless, great work, incoming thumb/fave/follow
"I was pretty sure that even for me, the amount of taint the vat contained would kill me."
Odd thinking. The I.M.P. shouldn't have any effect on an already-transformed pony. Ah well. Nightmare scene and all that.
"blinding me with science"
I laughed at that
Oh, small detail on the library scene... if I remember correctly, alicorns were kinda shown to be immune to pink cloud in FO:E. All it did was sever their psychic connection. Whch made them a bit loopy, but nothing more
The Element of Magic thing is just plain bizarre though. The shards of the balls BECAME the jewels. There's no reason for the Element of Magic to leave behind the Tiara when taking a new form... nor is there any reason, at this moment, for the Elements to have already taken new forms anyway. And Spike had all of the Elements in the Gardens megaspell in his cave. Including the Tiara.
Ah well. I'll see, I guess. Still, rather bizarre.
My inevitable corrections section was a bit too long, so I PM'd it
are they going to fight, or get an undead ally? Also, aren't canterlot ghouls loosely based on the ghost eaters from Dead Money in New Vegas?
Damnit, how the hell did I stop on this story?
Oh right, burned out on doing to much and the whole having to move thing, then just doing other stuff, and every time I wanted to get back, looked at how long it's been and felt weird. Well screw it, I want to see what happens to Star and her friends!
Okay so... where did we leave off? Oh right a really vague phrase that Star took as a hint despite not even sounding like one led them to go somewhere for... some reason, and now they are left with no clue where else to go. Or something like that. Hopefully I didn't forget to much over the months. And looking back... wow I did just totaly forget the last chapter, damn. Okay stopped for a quick refresher and up to speed again, I hope.
...
Once again very nice little philosophical opening bit, what makes you, you? If it's just your memories of your past, how can you trust that when you can have others memories? Though, that really doesn't apply to the memory orbs cause, you aren't really getting a new memory from someone else, rather simply watching the other memory like it's a really really detailed movie. Not direct memory implantation. Somepony gave newbies like themselves that kind of root access, they'd have to be rolled back to firmware within a week, and still be tasting key-lime pie every time they scratched their ear. (If you don't get the joke, seriously why are you not reading Schlock Mercenary?)
Star's case is different though and a good cause to worry about. Though....
Because they made really great, detailed recordings. Most of it wasn't to be viewed later, or for any great reason beyond wanting a recording of that memory for reasons. She does tend to read way to much into events and intentions and what not while doing this. But it fits with her personality and how much she thinks about this stuff. She's just trying a bit to hard and over thinking it.
Well, it didn't act like a Memory Orb either, see this is why getting these types of details right and paying attention matters. It means subtle, tiny things can be better used to set things up. If everything works, the story isn't full of tiny little mistakes. Then something little not quite acting right becomes a "Huh, something is up" moment rather then another point to add a Sin to.
Wait, are the Sin Ponies working with whatever caused this to happen to Star in the first place? Or is this just an odd effect due to how she is?
How many times can Star use "The road" in a single paragraph?
...
The longer she walks, the more and more I feel the urge to start singing "Follow the purple brick road. Follow the purple brick road!"
Well, at least you can't knock yourself unconscious while inside your own head. Can you? You know, even you can't, I'm sure Star could find a way.
Star, I might be even more lost then you, cause I know just how impossible this is supposed to be.
Which is really surprising given how fast everything has been happening and how close she seems to be already. But seriously, Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.
Well, that much painfully obvious. At least the story knows this and it IS a plot point that it's not acting like one.
See, the real question that should be asked is, how the buck did Pride get it? Also, how does Twi know about Star ad, just so many questions.
Okay, that is wrong in a number of ways. The origins of it..... ehhhh vague enough you MIGHT be able to get away with that. There's enough wiggle room it could be plausible. The scrounging part, that's just wrong. That's the Steel Rangers. The Soceity didn't go looking for tech at all, rather they dealt with magic and spells and knowledge, and they didn't go searching for it, they just took what was already in Tenpony and protected it. Still how the hell does Twilight know about.... this....... so is this Twilight's soul? And does it remember being part of The Goddess? That... would explain a lot. Yeah, that, really would explain a lot of this. But still not all of it.
So, the bad guys are trying to force the transformation now, when it would be 'very very bad' rather then wait for it to happen when it's supposed to? So many questions, but of the good, I can't wait to find out the answers type. So, doing good story.
Ummm, how? How would they 'realize' this? At leat anytime soon? You pretty much told them to buck off and stormed back. Sure after things calmed down they'd come looking for you, but Pride could stall them for awhile.
Yay anti-magic field! Or, horn suppressor, something like that.
Wait, so, did Pride not know this orb was special? How the fuck did she get it? Where?
Oooookay. So, something to do with Luna, or just coincidence? Is that something other ponies could have done even back then? Not a bad idea just, odd given how that's been Luna's domain.
Well given it's Pride! getting some villainous monologuing about how awesome she is shouldn't be to hard.
Probably.
Okay, not sure why, but that was just hilarious.
Whew... good to know, was hoping that was the case.
Yup, no idea when to shut up. Also, yes let's use something easy to disrput rather then some kind of horn suppressor. Great idea. But right up Pride's alley
Well, at least the strongest ego.
Hmmmm, Lust just wanting to get back at Pride for being a bitch so going to help Star? Maybe lead her friends here, just to say 'Fuck you bitch, you ain't the boss of me!"?
Ooookay, had to be one day fairly recently given the whole hive mind thing before the end of The Goddess.
Gee, ya think? He's a pretty crappy liar if he can't make even plausible ones.
Clearly, nopony ever created a pony Evil overlord List.
Oh..ohhhh it was THAT orb, okay, makes a bit more sense now. Yeah, I remeber now. This i what happens when I skip out on a story for a few months. Okay, yeah.. so the Sin Ponies don't know that whole story, just know she's got power and want it. Discord has more of a clue and trying to push her to transform early, things are starting to come together.
Pride was waiting for that, wasn't she? Going to mess with her in her sleep.
Wow, just.. I just.... damn was that good. See this is why as much as I snark and nitpick, I really do love this story, it can pull things this damn amazing out.
Clearly some time editing in the dream given Littlepip was trapped in that bunker for at least a few days before she was found. Long enough for her friends to set up a camp, and Ditzy to arrive with a wagon full of Rad Away to help.
Then again, We've already seen that Star can make the time-space continuum her personal toy.
So... she was the Alicorn that saved Littlepip. That makes sense, and kind of saw it coming. Explains why she was the one to end up being targeted by the spell. Not much more to say yet. So, more information to work into the puzzle. Still not sure the whole thing, but it's starting to take shape and getting more and more interested in where it's going.
That tends to be the sound of The Calvary
That is an understatement. So.... Pride messing with her and she's still dreaming?
.............. Wait, this isn't a dream? Ummm, Whiskey tango foxtrot story. See, you go from something so well done, into such, obvious mistakes... This place was ground zero for a Balefire Bomb explosion. It is a crater. That room is gone, ended, nothing left, rubble. Even if, IF that wasn't the case, it managed to survive another, even more point blank explosion like that large enough to leave a crater. It is ground zero of a megaspell explosion, the radiation level is "You die" to any non-ghoul or Alicorn that gets near it. Now, that actually would make a good hiding spot for Pride to use. Except the whole, both of them ending up absorbing so much radiation they turn into massive behemoths.
Also something Star's memory seemed to leave out. Growing the massive proportions. But, edited down memory of the basics, fair enough.
So yeah this is just outright impossible. And not sure if it's the story forgetting it's impossible, or all a dream and Pride is messing with Star.
And the fact the story knows this shouldn't exist.... it is a dream?
Wait, so, it's not the actual Maripony, but simply a copy of it? IS that actual IMP or just some IMP looking liquid?
Really damn good question. Then again it was never explained how it was made so, maybe it's easy if you know how. Redeye was able to make vats of the stuff after all.
Okay, yeah it's a dream.
Okay, that is really creepy.
So as a dream, still rather meh. It was creepy, but, still seemed rather, iffy. Was it Pride messing with her? Or, just Star unloading her issues? Just, everything felt rather, detached I guess is the best way to describe it.
Saw that coming. So, what's her price? Little threesome action with Star and Violet?
Why is she suddenly talking like some little foal? "she's a big meany pants poopy-head!" Just, seems odd for her to be, that subdued. What does the armor have some kind of constant Rage injection system making her go nuts while she's wearing it?
Wow, Pride REALLY didn't bother trying to hide at all.
Poor filly, she really does have self-confidence issues. And really doesn't quite get the whole relationship thing. It's kind of adorable.
Well, glad the relationship drama is over... for now... and not being milked. Though that make scene seemed rather.. quick.. pat.. just, even for hating the drama and wanting them to just get over it, seemed a little too easy. Not even a mention of how Pride was fucking with their heads?
Gee I wonder why? Still this feels, like a totally different character. An, why'd she take off the armor?
Rely wish we had gotten some batter characterization of her. I saw the betrayal coming, but still, this sudden total change in how she acts.. ind of left going about her.
Well we have uber, impenetrable skin in one pony, so why not metal wings? Still, how the hell? It can't be cybernetics, we've seen a pony with those, and he couldn't fly, just use them as weapons. So, yeah how?
At least Violet seems fine with sharing Star with the gun.
Or, just an hour or so, doesn't take that long to get a room. Two, see again, it's payback for you traveling several days worth in an a few hours without even noticing how badly you are screwing of space and time.
Yes, a true Wasteland heroine
Shouldn't she be like, the size of a super alicorn or something given how often Twi had to deal with her?
Wait, you didn't realize from the start that's what she as talking about. Also, wait, cure injured ponies, but her actual spell didn't really do that, just, replaced one pony with another.... or.. was she planning on using the changeling magic to turn an injured or dead pony body, into a living one, then stuff the ponies spirit back into it?
AAAAAAND stop right there. No, bad story. Twi working out Rarity knew some necromancy from a few spells she did. that is one thing. But not knowing about the Black Book. That was a MAJOR secret, the only other Mane 6 we know had any idea about it was AJ, and only because Rarity explained it to her trying to talk her into a spell. Now, is it possible Twi found out somehow? Given AJ and Celestia knew about i.....it.... wait, Rarity had Spike try to burn it, which sent it to Celestia, so.... there could be enough pieces there... just maybe... okay it's possible, but you really need to explain how story.
Star.... are you going to end up digging it out of the Maripony Crater after all the trouble Littlepip went through to bury it there?
but HOW do you know!?
It is really odd how she knows the random little details about Littlepip's story, but not a lot of major details that she really should, and would really help her.
Oh, right, Hive Mind and all, The Goddess wanted.. wanted...... you know, that would explain how The Goddess knew about the book being there. That part never really was explained.
Wha!? Why, were, how the fuck would that 'rumor' start? Almost nopony would know about it, those that id would know she wasn't using it, and why would it ever be a rumor? She was the same age as the rest of the Ministry Mares (Within a year or two at least) so how would she be 'prolonging her life' when ponies her same age are still perfectly fine? She was like, in her 50's at the time. So, where the buck is this coming from?
Not really, outside of the weird as plants in Splendid valley, only the Alicorns and Bloatsprites. And possibly the Hellhounds. Rest was due to radiation.
Oh great. This is going to be fun. Hey, why not go find Twilight's pride's door, and let those two have a boast off?
Cue Admiral Ackbar.
Hmmmm, was going to wonder why she knows so much given how little she knows about elsewhere but, story did it for me. Hmmmm, was her unicorn self from there?
Once again, try just asking first.
D'awww Patch is cute when she's sleepy.
Though at least that does make sense and is a measurable amount of measurable aspect.
Okay, that was adorable and, just really loved it. Just little things that aren't about rushing the plot along, or angst... just friends and ponies having fun together, laughing, simply for the sake of having fun... so sweet. Even in the Wasteland, not everything has to be grimdark angsting and suffering and drama.
Okay, what insidious evil force has taken over the town and/or outside threat has moved in that these four will have to deal with?
...... Wut? Okay, that isn't impossible but, really comes right the buck out of left field. So, just messing with them? Replaced by a changeling or some other being that knows about Star and is going to mess with her? That just... it's something that could work but, just comes across far to blunt, matter of fact, and out of nowhere for something like this.
Honestly Star, how did you not see this coming?
Given your past history, it likely involves filling something with Starmetal while getting knocked out for a few days in return. That is kind of your specialty.
Okay, I REALLY do not trust the Elder, something about her is just... not right... at all. This came way to easily, way to bluntly, while at the same time being way to vague. The whole "Oh I have visions" thing feels more like she's lying. Yeah there is more going on here.
Huh, you know, I don't think I can recall torches ever being used to give light in... either FOE or Fallout. It's always some kind of electrical light. Or just the fat unicorns can make light themselves. Now, torches do make sense but, you'd think they want to keep fire away from prized old books.
The Hallway I could see, but again, they have magical lighting, wouldn't that be a LOT safer then...... oh buck, Star's going to start a fire isn't she?
..... Why would Daring Do be in the 'restricted' category?
Plot convenience.
That makes no sense. It wasn't developed there, it wasn't some special test of it. It was something they had had already, that simply got used there pretty much by accident once. Also, how the hell do you even know what the Zebra's called it?
But okay, so, next question, how can a Canterlot Ghoul breath the stuff? that was only Mouse who could do that because she was bonded to the Megaspell crystals. It wasn't something any of the ghouls could do. Okay, and Puppysmiles, but Puppysmiles was a special case. She wasn't really a ghoul, she was more pure Pink Cloud held together in the form of a foal by Puppeh's will, and Nightmare Noob's power.
Also for something so mysterious and hard to find, they found it and got a clear look at it way to easily. If you are going to try and build up some tension or mystery, you need to actually build it up, not have one quick throw away line about it, and then ignore that. Wasted a chance to really get some tension going as they hunted for it, the thing staying just out of sight, toying with them, just, that was way to fast.
Huh... well, there were a few young dragons in Canterlot, and, can't say how they would adapt to the Cloud so, alright story I'll give you a pass on the breathing Pink given that. Also, nice twist with it being a dragon, I was kind of assuming it was a Bat Pony.
....... It's a freaking Canterlot GHOUL! You know, the kind that don't freaking die to gun fire, or base damage! Unless that thing is in several pieces, or ash, it's not dead!
In some ways, she is at least a little smarter then Littlepip.
Ummmmm..... no... no..nononono..no..nono.. NO! Bullshit story, that is NOT where she kept it, at all, in anyway, or at all possible! ALL six of the Elements were with Spike and the Gardens of Equestria.
Aaaaaand, this whole ordeal she's going through is to make her the replacement Element of Magic to activate the Gardens' isn't it? Could work, though I still hold Lifeline was the Bearer of it, Spike just messed up... like he has every, single time for the last 200 years.
But still, Spike had the Element with him in his cave. This was kind of a big deal story.
At least you realized how you fucked up, even if only a bit to late. Now, gun it down and have Violet pour magical energy lasers into it till it's ash.
Oh hai Elder! Or whoever Elder is working for if not her directly.
Ooookay, that is... odd. So was it ever really there? All just some kind of solidified magical construct? Why do it? Why just, mess with them like this? Even for Star's average, this is weird.
Damnit Star why can't you ever have anything simple happen to you....... Okay there was that radscopian attack... I'll gie you that.
I'd say great minds think alike but.... I'd have to check myself into a nice rubber room if I started thinking to much like Star.
Then she shouldn't have sent you into a trap that seemed to have no rel purpose. And you know, they are taking a Canterlot Ghoul dragonling just vanishing into thin air rather well. I mean I know they've seen some bizarre stuff, but still. Oh well, still less apathetic then the Crystal Prep kids that don't even react to massive, man eating plants trying to devour some of their students.
How would that exist? okay, story i going with the whole, pre-war group thing which, I have to admit isn't impossible, but a very large stretch. But even then why would there be a thick ass book about it? maybe a single little notebook Twi had written about it, but this massive treatise on them?
Why would a book on 'historic' chicacolt, have up to date, modern information? Keep in mind there would only be Ministries in... anywhere... for the last 9 or so years of the war at most. So that would have to be a very near end of war book, and why would they be making travel guides at that point? Though better question, why would a common travel guide be in the restricted section?
Star, that is the type of stuff you IMMEDIATELY tell the rest.
I know, weird, it's almost like it's a Canterlot Ghoul, of which not dying when they should is kind of a defining trait.
Or until you burned it to ash or chopped it's head off. All these books, and not one copy of the Book of Littlepip?
Oh I'm sure it will. Just, not answers to any of the questions you want to know. But still answers to questions like, what did Twilight Sparkle eat for lunch on the tenth day of the third moon of the 1034th yeah? Truly a question on which entire worlds hinge.
Star.... you didn't actually hit your head this time. I know shocking. So, just SO used to that, you brain gives itself a mild concussion on reflex?
Wait, she's an alicorn? Huh, not sure why I found that odd, it really shouldn't be.
While knowing almost nothing about her story.
Ehh, fair enough I can go with that.
"this DJ" Ummm, how do you not know who the hell DJ Pon-3 is?
I think I know what you meant by that, but really could have been worded better.
Well, sharing the weight is good. But not having all your healing supplies disappear if one pony gets taken out, even better.
You know, took me a bit to realize it was some place called "Filly's Tower" in Chicacolt, and not Star just mental train track jumping to something about the Fillidelphia SPP Tower.
1. How the buck does she know this? She has video of the Wastes, not sound. The ONLY ponies that know this are her group, and the Elder. Who apparently has never heard of DJ before. (And I'm still not sure isn't secretly evil)
2. Counterpart?........ ehhh it worked for Pinkeyes.
Okay, a local DJ using some kind of short wave transmitter covering a tiny area, plausible. DJ not going out that far, not so much. But maybe, unless I see an SPP tower or a Spritebot. But there being new music? No. Big deal was made over how Homage only has so much music, and Littlepip finding some new records, and Velvet recording more was a REALLY big deal. If there was this other station, that Homage knew about, she would have gotten the music. This isn't a case of Homage having a preference and just choosing to play certain types of music this other guy doesn't. That was all she had.
Okay then... that is incredibly creepy and disgusting. Also, Gluttony? But, bit to fast of a reveal, buuuuut. Eh getting tired and want to get this done. But, still. New threat, that just pops out at them like that.. still wait to hear his story. Could have milked the mystery thing a bit longer.
Overall decent chapter, great resolution for the Pride bit, and some good set up. Still feels like it's both rushing, and plodding at the same tome somehow.... But getting better. Not.. a whole lot more to say given how long it's been since the last read.. and sorry about that will try to get back here faster.
Well, it's been 10 chapters, and I think here is where I bow out. This story isn't bad, but frankly, I've got a lot of other things I could be doing with the time spent listening to the audiobook. The main reason is, I've never been excited about this story. Not once was I ever really saying, "Gee, I can't wait to see what happens next!" I'm interested in the plot regarding what Twilight was doing, but on reflection, I don't really care if I leave off without finding the end. Fallout: Equestria took a solid 15 chapters to really get good, and with all due respect, this is no Fallout: Equestria. That'll be what I say in my review: it just never caught my interest.
When was this mentioned, exactly?