Stuck home alone in the midst of a snow storm, Kyle is surprised when a pink-haired stranger seems to appear from nowhere. Even weirder is that she claims to be a pony from a different world. While he doesn't know what the real story is, Kyle looks after the girl and makes some startling discoveries - both about the pink-haired girl and about himself.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Seqwel?
Pwease?
Actually ... NOW MOAR STORY PLZ
4106029
Wow, first comment and it's a request for a sequel? Talk about making me feel good! :-)
I do have a sequel idea in mind, but I'm not sure when I'd get around to writing it (this story was written over the course of a year). Good to know that it would be happily received, though!
How could anyone dislike this?
Just comment so the guy can improve it
This is amazing. I don't understand why people wouldn't like it, but if you're interested in hearing my ideas on what you could throw in for a sequel please feel free to pm me. You have a masterpeice here. I guess I'm also a sucker for PoE stories. Ponies on earth. Humans in equestria is way overdone but flip it and its interesting. Its hard finding a GOOD PoE story. Good job and I hope to share ideas with you for a sequel.
4134278
Thank you for the kind words! I don't typically take ideas from people, but you're welcome to share them anyway. :-)
And I have another sort-of POE story that was rejected by FIMFiction, but you can read it here - http://ponyfictionarchive.net/viewstory.php?sid=981
It's actually an alternate-world story where the characters are all humans and I use references to the show in creative ways.
Hey there, Bardsworth! It's the good Doctor with a review of your latest story.
You recently asked why this story would get an octet of negative reviews without so much as a comment. I certainly feel for you: I never mind a negative reaction to my own work (nothing yet on this site, but that should change in the coming weeks), but without useful feedback the negative mark feels like you are being given the Black Spot.
Well, I read your tale and have come up with my own thoughts on the matter.
The Good:
You have an easy writing style that gets out of the way of the story, and this is a very difficult thing to pull off. No errors, no odd choice of phrase, no awkward use of vocabulary; every word served a purpose that was both clear and efficient. You have a working knowledge of story arc, how to instill tension, and how to pace your story. Your story is well balanced between exposition, dialogue and landscaping, and you avoid the dreaded info dump and slowly feed us the background story in dribs and drabs. This short story jumps along at a merry pace and leaves the reader quite satisfied in your technical abilities.
The Bad:
The actual story is somewhat of a cliche, and smacks of wish fulfillment. Whereas many of your audience may, at some point, have daydreamed a similar scenario, it feels lacking in print form. The wrinkle (no spoilers here) towards the end reads as "tragedy lite", and a just slightly random act of diabolus ex machina. The ex, the star-crossed love, the sensitive man, the shock of the alien; all of these have been done before, and this story does not twist or break any trope in any surprising way.
Which, to me, is all the more sad because you are capable of so much more. You have all the skill necessary (and more, IMHO) to write grand and strange fictions that take us merrily into the meadowss of despair, or send us perilously close to the fires of friendship. You can take risks, and your writing style will back you up.
This story did not risk anything. It did not take chances. It was not bad; it simply didn't stand out.
The Ugly:
There are a number of uses on FIMFiction that vote down stories simply based on their genre. Your story is labeled with one of the highest targeted categories: Human. Their motives, I expect, is to smother the genre with enough downvotes to prevent the stories from gaining wider acceptance. It's a bit disappointing, frankly (and this is from a bloke that doesn't care much for Humans in the genre), but we sadly cannot expect good behavior from everyone.
It is a tricky genre at the best, and there is a distinct taint to the genre as it carries the specter of author-insertion and all the potential for awkward revelations therein. When it is done well, it is usually because the author breaks the trope in some significant way. Take, for example, the story "Biblical Monsters" by Horse Voice.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/87619/biblical-monsters
Be prepared to feel bad. It is labeled "Dark" because it is. Not without taste and refinement, this story, but dark.
Just read it with an eye towards the genre, and how our expectations become broken by the end of the story.
tl;dr. I think you are an excellent writer, but you need to find a way to really stretch your story muscles. I would love to see that.
Upvote from me. Your story is still very sweet.
4159729
Doc, thank you very much for your feedback! As I stated, I like to hear both the good and bad things about my writing.
I fully agree with you that I'm capable of better things (and I'm not saying that to sound arrogant; I just know my storytelling skills are better than what I've presented here). However, I use that energy in my "real" writing; my fan fiction writing is really more of a way to just play around with already established characters and have fun. Not an excuse in regards to your criticism, just an explanation. This story in particular was definitely cliched, but I wanted to see what I could do with those cliches. Not enough, it seems, and I have agree with your viewpoint. Something to keep in mind if and when I do another fanfic.
In any case, thanks for reading, thanks for the upvote, and thanks again for the feedback!
That was so beautiful. I loved reading it and hope one day there will be a sequel