A Cold Start and a Warm Heart

by Bardsworth Brony

Chapter 1

The faint sound of the Star Wars "Imperial March" drifted into kitchen and made itself present over the sounds of heavy metal, alerting Kyle to his sister calling him. With a sigh, he turned the volume down on his laptop and left his current drawing half-finished. He picked up his phone from the family room coffee table and said, "What do you want?"

"Is that any way to talk to your mother?"

"Oh! Sorry, mom. I, uh, thought you were Lily."

"I left my phone in the house. How are you, sweety?"

"Keepin' busy."

"Has the weather cleared up at all?"

Kyle glanced out the large family room window. "It slowed down, but there's still quite a bit of snow falling. It piled up fast. I'm not even sure I can get out the front door to clear any of it."

"Well, you have a whole week before you need to worry about that. Just make sure we can get into the driveway when we get back." There was a pause. "Are you doing all right?"

"Yeah, mom, I'm fine."

"I still think you should have come down here to your aunt's with us."

"I need the time alone."

"I understand, sweety, I just worry. Well, I have to get going. We're getting ready to jump in the pool. Love you."

"Love you, too." Kyle dropped his phone back down onto the coffee table and returned to the kitchen with his hands in his pockets. As he watched the snow falling outside the kitchen window he wondered if he really should have gone with his family down to Florida. Maybe a little sun and warm weather was what he needed. He watched his reflection in the glass shake its head. No, he thought as looked into his own green eyes, he would have just moped and ruined everyone else's fun. The after effects of his break-up with Michelle would hopefully be mostly over by the time everyone returned. He ran a hand through his thick black hair and scratched the back of his head. Maybe.

As he stood at the window, a strange feeling began to cover him from head to toe. For a moment he thought he was going to pass out or be sick, and just when a sharp tingling ran through the whole of his body a flash of light blinded him. He closed his eyes there was a loud "boom" from somewhere outside. A rush of wind buffeted the house and rattled the windows. The tingling sensation disappeared, but it left Kyle shaky. He looked around, trying to blink the after image from his eyes and expecting to see something, anything, but all was normal and quiet. Too quiet, Kyle thought. The music on his laptop had stopped and the screen was blank. It had shut itself off, and Kyle was frustrated to find out that it wouldn't turn back on. He worried that a power surge had fried his computer, but he remembered that the device had been running off of battery power.

What the heck was that? Kyle wondered, tearing his attention from his dormant laptop and glancing back outside. He had heard of instances of thunder and lighting during snowstorms, but that hadn’t been any kind of thunder he had ever heard. And it didn't explain the weird sensation that he had experienced.

His musing was interrupted as he saw movement at the edge of the trees behind the house. In the dim lights from the back deck he saw that someone was out there, and Kyle brought his face closer to the window, his breath forming clouds on the glass. Whoever it was, he noticed in horror, had collapsed at the base of one of the trees.

In the blink of an eye he ran to the back door in the mud room off of the kitchen, grabbed his wool overcoat off the coat hook, and forced the snow-blocked door open about halfway. The snow was up to his knees, higher in some spots, and even though it was light powder snow it made it difficult to move quickly. It took almost two minutes to reach the spot where he had seen the person fall.

It was a young woman. More to the point, it was a naked young woman, shivering and curled in a fetal position, sunken in the snow. Kyle didn't have time to ponder the situation because the falling snow was already layering on top of the poor girl. He tore off his coat and wrapped it around her, vaguely noticing that something was strange about her back. He was distracted by the girl attempting to lift her head, but it dropped back down and Kyle realized that the stranger had passed out. He panicked, realizing that he would need to carry her into the house. With a glance behind him, he took note of the distance he already crossed. If it wasn't for the snow, the task would be easier. He wasn't strong by any standard, but he wasn't left with much choice. Shivering in the cold air, he cradled the girl in his arms and lifted her, being careful to keep the coat covering her as much as possible. It didn't look like she had frostbite on any of her exposed skin, but any longer outside and it was a real possibility.

About halfway across the yard Kyle had to stop to catch his breath and to shift the girl's weight. She was still unconscious, and now that they were closer to the lights on the deck Kyle noticed for the first time that the girl's long hair was pink. It only added to the mystery of the whole situation, and, determined to get some answers, Kyle pushed forward, sweating despite the cold air around him.

By the time he reached the open back door his arms were shaking, and not from the temperature. As carefully as he could, he maneuvered the girl and himself through the narrow opening and into the comforting warmth of the house. Trailing snow across the kitchen floor and into the family room, Kyle's arms just about gave out before he made it to the couch. He laid the girl down onto the cushions, nearly dropping her, and pulled the thick blanket that rested on the back of it down on top of the girl, over his coat. After taking a moment to shake some life back into his arms, he grabbed another blanket from the back of a nearby arm chair and draped that over her as well.

By that point he was at a loss as to his next move. Should he call someone? An ambulance maybe? He picked up his phone without coming to a decision, only to learn that his phone was completely dead. His eyes snapped over to the lifeless laptop visible on the kitchen table through the doorway. The batteries in both devices were dead. Had whatever happened earlier drained the batteries of both his laptop and cell phone? On a whim, he picked up the remote control for the TV and tried to turn it on. Nothing. He set that and his phone back down onto the table, stupefied at his conclusion. Well, even if he had been able to reach someone, nobody would be able to get through the snow on the roads anytime soon. He'd have to see to the girl himself.

Kyle studied the girl's face. She looked to be in and around his age. Her skin was fair, though still raw and red from the cold. The dye job on her hair must have been a professional one; the pink went all the way down to the roots. Then he realized that her eyebrows were the same color. He couldn't remember having seen anyone go that far before.

As if aware of his gaze, the girl's eyelids fluttered a bit and then opened partway. She caught sight of Kyle and he gave her what he hoped to be a calming smile. She let out a sharp squeak and curled up, pulling the blankets tighter around herself, staring at him with wide, terrified eyes.

"Don't be scared," Kyle said, raising his hands in a reassuring gesture.

"What… what are you?" the girl said in a frightened and barely audible voice.

The question caught Kyle by surprise. He had expected "who are you", not "what are you". "I'm, uh… I'm a friend. I brought you in from outside. Are you okay? Should I call somebody?" He took a step forward, which was apparently the wrong thing to do. The girl squeaked again and tried to run, getting tangled in the mess of blankets and Kyle's coat. She managed to lose one of the blankets and Kyle's coat, but the other blanket had wrapped itself around her. She bolted around a corner and down a hallway on all fours.

Kyle stood in place, dumbfounded. Something was knocked over and another squeak sounded from down the hallway. Realizing that the girl was a danger to herself, Kyle snapped to attention and ran in the same direction. He found the girl sitting on the floor, an overturned potted plant next to her. She was looking at her hands in horror, tears running down her cheeks.

He approached her slowly, and kneeled down next to her, but far enough away to not make her too nervous again. "What's wrong? Did you hurt your hands?"

"Hands?" she repeated, turning hers over and over. She looked back at Kyle. "What happened to me? What am I?"

Again, he was unsure of how to answer the question. Instead, he slowly reached forward and straightened the blanket, pulling it around her shoulders. "Can you stand?" he asked her, holding out a hand to help her up. With a puzzled look overcoming her frightened one, she studied Kyle for a moment. After a moment, she seemed to come to the conclusion that Kyle wasn't going to hurt her, and she shakily reached out and took his hand, allowing herself to be pulled to her feet. With a blush he tried not to notice that she wasn't taking pains to keep her blanket closed. "Let's, uh, go back into the family room. Once you've calmed down maybe we can figure this all out." He led her back down the hallway, and she gripped his hand the entire way, stumbling unsteadily next to him, until she sat back down on the couch in a clumsy fashion. Kyle took a seat on the edge of the arm chair and gave the girl a moment before asking, "What's your name?"

"Fluttershy."

"That's a pretty name," he said, though he wanted to say "odd" instead. "I'm Kyle. This is my house. Well, my parents' house." He paused, letting his words sink in. "Where are you from?"

The girl named Fluttershy opened her mouth and closed it again, looking around her. "I think… I think I'm from a different world."

And there it was. He had rescued a crazy person. "A different world, huh? Can you tell me how you got here?"

"My… my friend, Twilight Sparkle, was casting a spell. I guess it was supposed to let us see other worlds, like looking through a window, but… but something went wrong. I got sucked into some kind of a hole and I… I ended up in the snow. And then I turned into this." Again she held her hands in front of her, then lifted one of her legs and looked at her dainty foot, twirling it around.

"Do you look… different in your world?" Kyle wasn't sure if encouraging a crazy person was good or bad, but unless he went to search for his phone charger he wasn't able to call anyone to ask. And at the moment he was very reluctant to leave the girl alone in the house.

"Yes," Fluttershy answered. "I'm a pony."

"A pony," Kyle repeated, nodding. "Well, right now you're a human."

"Human?"

"Uh-huh."

She got a thoughtful look on her face, her clear blue eyes staring at nothing in particular. "I guess Twilight must have changed me to look like everyone else."

"Must have," Kyle agreed. "And made you speak our language, too, I guess."

Fluttershy shook her head. "Twilight said that she was watching this world because our languages were so similar. It made it easier for her to study through the magic window."

"That's… interesting. We don't have magic here."

A horrified look crossed Fluttershy's face. "No magic?"

"Well, sort of. It's not really magic, though, just tricks. Sleight-of-hand. Illusion. Stuff like that."

"If there's no magic, then… then… how do I get back home?" she whispered, her eyes tearing up.

"Hey, hey, it's going to be all right," Kyle said, getting up and sitting next to the girl. She flinched a bit, but didn't run this time. "We'll figure something out, okay? First of all, though, we should, uh, get you some clothes."

"Clothes?" She studied Kyle and then looked down at herself, apparently registering for the first time that she was naked and he wasn't. "Do all… humans…?" Kyle nodded. "Do all humans wear clothes?" Another nod. "Ponies only wear them sometimes."

"Well, we wear them all the time."

"I guess because you don't have hair to protect you like ponies do."

"Among other reasons," Kyle couldn't help but smile. Fluttershy gave him an inquisitive look, but he just shook his head. "Never mind. Tell you what – why don't I get a bath ready for you. You know, to help you warm back up. While you're in the tub I'll try to find something in my sister's room for you to wear. She's a bit taller than you, but I should be able to scrounge something up."

"Okay." She gave Kyle a shy smile that practically made him melt. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He left the girl on the couch and made his way to the upstairs bathroom. Why does she have to be crazy? he thought, shaking his head.

Was she indeed crazy, though? As preposterous as her story was, Kyle couldn't ignore the facts. There was no kind of mental health facility anywhere even remotely close to his house. Heck, their "next door neighbors" were about two miles down the road! And she couldn't have traveled very far without clothes. She was lucky that Kyle had seen her when he did. It was as if…

"As if she appeared out of thin air," he said to himself as he started the faucet in the bathtub. No. There had to be another explanation. As much as he wanted to believe in the kind of magic that happened in the fantasy novels he read, things just didn't happen that way. A world populated by talking ponies instead of humans? And they could do magic? It sounded like the plot to a kid's cartoon.

Kyle called out the bathroom door, "You can come on up when you're ready." He waited and watched the tub fill up, letting his mind wander, then turned it off when it reached a decent level. The girl still hadn't appeared, so he stepped out of the bathroom and looked down the stairs. Fluttershy – if that really was her name – was standing unsteadily on the bottom step. The blanket had fallen to the floor, leaving the girl completely nude. She looked up the stairs with a pleading expression and Kyle descended the stairs, holding out his hands. She grabbed them and took unsteady steps up as Kyle ascended backwards.

"I'm sorry," she said, keeping her eyes downcast. "I'm… not used to standing on two legs."

"Of course. Don't worry." Kyle was almost inclined to believe her; her steps were shaky and slow. "But, uh, I should point out… one of those other reasons we humans wear clothes is because of modesty."

That brought Fluttershy's face up and she would have fallen backwards if Kyle hadn't tightened his grip and pulled her forward a bit. "Oh dear, I haven't offended you, have I?" A deep blush darkened her cheeks.

Kyle chuckled. "You're just lucky I'm an art student. I've seen my fair share of naked folks. You’re a lot nicer to look at than some of the others were." The words had escaped before he knew what he was saying. With a forced cough, he turned his own blushing face away. "Anyway, I was, uh, just letting you know." By that point the two had reached the top of the stairs. They paused for a moment and caught each other's eyes. Kyle would have looked into those sky blue eyes for a lot longer if he hadn't noticed a shiver run through Fluttershy. "The, uh… the bathroom is right in there. Let me know if you need anything."

"Thank you," Fluttershy whispered and walked past him. Unable to help himself, Kyle allowed himself one quick glance at Fluttershy's backside as she entered the bathroom. That quick glance turned into a stare and he felt as if his jaw dropped all the way to the floor. Two things snagged his attention. The first was what appeared to be a tattoo of three butterflies on the side of her right buttock, close to her thigh. A strange place for a tattoo, but nothing completely out of the ordinary. The second thing, however, was. Folded tightly to her back and almost completely hidden by her long pink hair was a pair of bright golden wings.

Forgetting all rules regarding modesty, Kyle followed Fluttershy into the bathroom and stuttered, "Wha… what are… you have wings?"

"Hm?" Fluttershy looked over her shoulder at Kyle, then down her back. "Oh, I guess I still have them in this body."

"But I… I thought you said you were a pony!"

"A pegasus, actually."

"Pegasus?"

"Yes. Don't you have them in your world?"

"No," Kyle said, still unable to take his eyes off of the yellow feathers. "They're just… just stories."

"Oh… how sad," Fluttershy said, her voice reflecting her words.

"Can you… can you move them?"

"I don’t know," Fluttershy answered, turning around to face Kyle. "I haven't tried doing it in this body. Let's see…" Her face scrunched up and she began flexing muscles in her shoulders, neck, and arms until finally the two wings spread behind her. She flapped them a few times and then retracted them. "It's a bit more difficult in this body."

"That was beautiful," Kyle breathed. Fluttershy blushed and Kyle realized he was staring at her. He looked away and said, "I'm sorry, I… I should let you take your bath. I'll go and find some clothes for you. Call for me if you need anything." With that, he left the bathroom in a daze.

***

Kyle knocked on the bathroom door and opened it a crack. "I have some clothes here for you." He reached through the narrow opening and placed a folded pile of his sister's clothes on the floor. He heard a whispered "thank you" and was about to walk away when he stopped and spoke again. "I, uh… I wanted to apologize. For earlier. For staring at you, I mean. I still… this whole situation is very weird for me. I guess it's pretty weird for you, too. It's just…" He shut his eyes in frustration, aware of how stupid he was sounding. "Sorry. We can talk later."

"Kyle…"

"Yeah?"

"…thank you. For coming to my rescue."

"You're welcome." Feeling a little better about himself, Kyle went and sat at the top of the stairway, trying to sort out his thoughts. Was Fluttershy actually telling the truth? Up until that point he had been sure there would be a rational explanation for the girl's appearance. But the wings… there was no explanation for that. Unless he wanted to start thinking in terms of escaped government military experiments, which was just as insane as magical ponies from other worlds.

The other part of the equation was that the girl, despite her explanations, did not seem crazy. Everything she had said had been sincere, and while the argument could be made that she would sound sincere if she actually believed in the things she was making up, that didn't feel like the case. Kyle had a good intuition; it was one of the things that made him a good artist. And his intuition was strongly telling him that what Fluttershy had said was the truth.

With a rueful smile he remembered that he had trusted his intuition when it came to Michelle, and that hadn't turned out so well. No, that wasn't quite right; his intuition had told him something had been wrong with their relationship, but he had chosen to ignore it. Perhaps this time around he should trust in it…

He wasn’t sure how long he had been deep in thought when Fluttershy tapped him on the shoulder. He started and snapped his head around, surprising a light squeak from the girl. "Sorry, you… I was spacing out," he said, standing up. "Was your bath okay?"

"Oh yes, it was perfect. I feel much better now. I'm sorry I took so long, though." The girl tugged at the bottom of the oversized blue sweatshirt that Kyle had picked out. "I wasn't sure how to put on some of the clothes."

"Looks like you figured it out."

"I took some time to study myself in the mirror, too. Do I… other than the wings, that is… do I look like other humans?"

"Well, I don't know anyone who has naturally pink hair. But other than that, yeah, you look like one of us." After a moment, he realized he was staring again, and he blushed. It looked like Fluttershy appreciated it, though, as she smiled and looked down demurely. Kyle cleared his throat. "Anyway, I thought you might want some help back downstairs." He descended a few steps and made Fluttershy grip the handrail while balancing herself on his shoulder with her other hand.

"I think I'm starting to get the hang of this," she said, wobbling a bit, but overall doing much better. Then she hooked her foot into the bottom of the baggy gray sweatpants she had on and squeaked, toppling forward.

"I got you," Kyle said, catching the girl and helping her balance herself again.

"Thanks," she whispered, flushing in embarrassment.

The two made it to the first floor landing and Fluttershy assured Kyle that she was okay to walk to the living room. He kept an eye on her regardless, ready to step in and offer assistance. As he watched her lower herself gently onto the couch, a thought occurred to him. "Are you hungry?"

"Oh," the girl replied and put a hand over her stomach. "I didn't even realize it until you asked. I guess I am."

"What can I get you? I mean, uh… what do ponies eat?"

"Do you have any apples?"

"Sure. Is that all you want?" Fluttershy nodded and Kyle shrugged. "An apple it is."

As he was rinsing the apple off, he heard Fluttershy shuffle into the kitchen and he craned his head around. "I didn't want to be alone," she whispered, looking down.

"It's okay." He gave her a smile and then handed her the still dripping apple. "Here."

"Thank you. Did you draw those?" she indicated the sketches on the kitchen table and took a bite of the apple.

"Oh, um, yeah."

"They're very good," she said and reached out to look through the stack.

"Uh, you probably don't want to look at-" Kyle started to warn the girl, but it was too late. A gasp escaped her and she looked away embarrassed. "I, uh, don't usually draw stuff like that, but I… well, I went through a break-up recently." The already nervous young woman had uncovered a rather graphic drawing of a monstrous depiction of Michelle ripping out Kyle's heart. He had used a lot of red pencil on that one. Embarrassed, he covered the drawing back up and added, "It was a pretty bad break-up."

"I'm sorry," Fluttershy whispered, gripping her apple and looking at Kyle with sad eyes.

He shrugged. "It's my fault, mostly. I saw the signs, but ignored them. I kept thinking everything was all right." In an attempt to change the subject, he pointed at the apple and asked, "Are you sure I can't get you something else to eat? Maybe, uh… I dunno, a carrot?" He still wasn't entirely sure what ponies ate. He recalled hearing that they ate sugar cubes – or maybe that was horses – but he was sure they didn't have any in the house, and offering packets of Splenda was even sillier than offering sugar cubes.

Fluttershy just shook her head and assured him that she was fine, and then took another bite of the apple as if to drive her point home. As she chewed, she glanced back over to the pile of drawings. After swallowing, she asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Kyle laughed, and then covered his mouth when he saw the hurt expression on Fluttershy's face. "No no! I'm sorry, I wasn't laughing at you, I swear. That's really kind of you to ask. I just thought it was funny because of your… situation, to be offering to talk to me about relationship problems."

A sheepish grin turned the corners of the girl's lips upward. "I guess it is kind of funny." Then she became serious again. "I meant it, though. My friends always talk to me about their problems. I'm a good listener."

"Thank you," Kyle said. "But I think I'll let you settle in first, before I start unloading my problems on you."

Fluttershy looked down at the floor. "I guess I don't have much of a choice at this point. About settling in, that is." Her lower lip trembled a bit and Kyle reached out and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. It was the first time she didn't cringe or flinch at his approach or his touch. Instead, she looked up at him with grateful eyes. It took an amazing amount of willpower not to embrace the young woman, to hold her until she felt better. Instead, he led her back into the family room and they sat down together on the couch.

"Tell me about where you come from," Kyle said after yawning. He was tired, but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep after the events of the night. In between bites of her apple, Fluttershy told Kyle all about the land of Equestria, about her home in Ponyville, about her friends and the princess named Celestia. She regaled him with tales of their adventures in recovering the Elements of Harmony, defeating the frightening Nightmare Moon, and several other wild-sounding stories before her yawns became overly frequent and Kyle insisted she get some sleep.

He helped the sleepy young woman up the stairs once again and put fresh sheets on his sister's bed. As soon as Fluttershy's head touched the pillow, she was out. Kyle watched her for a moment, admiring the way her hair spread out over her in glistening pink waves, and noticing how much more innocent she seemed in the grip of sleep. Shaking his head, he turned off the light and left the door open a crack. He grabbed his laptop adapter from his room and headed back downstairs. He was still sure that sleep wouldn't come to him as easily as it had the pegasus-turned-human.

After getting his laptop up and running again, Kyle spent the better part of an hour scrolling through photos he had saved of Michelle. He hadn't wanted to wallow in self-pity, but for some reason he had felt the urge the open the folder marked with his ex's name. At least his negative feelings didn't seem to be as strong anymore.

"She's very pretty," a soft voice from behind Kyle said, startling him. And, of course, when he snapped around in surprise, he startled Fluttershy, who let out her trademark squeak and hid behind the couch. After a moment, she slowly rose and the fair skin of her face darkened with red. "I… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I had a bad dream and couldn't go back to sleep." She circled around the couch and sat on the opposite end.

"It's okay," Kyle said, his own adrenaline dying down. "And you're right, she is pretty. But do you know what I realized as I was going through these pictures?" Fluttershy shook her head. "Michelle didn't smile much. I don't know if it's because she wasn't happy when she was with me, or if she just wasn't a happy person and I never noticed it."

"I don't see how someone could not be happy around you," Fluttershy said, brushing some of her pink hair away from her face.

"Thanks," Kyle said, smiling. "But you haven't known me for very long."

The young woman shrugged. "Sometimes you just have a… a feeling about ponies. Oh, sorry, not ponies… um…?"

"People," Kyle said. And he completely understood what she was saying; he had his own feelings about the pink-haired girl who wasn't a girl, despite only knowing her a short time.

"Can I ask you a question?" Fluttershy asked, waiting for Kyle to nod his head. "What is that?" She indicated the laptop.

"It's a computer. It's… well, it's hard to explain how it works to someone who isn't familiar with electronics. It's… it's sort of our version of magic I guess." He showed her how it displayed photos and played music and how to find things on the internet. Fluttershy moved closer to watch with wide eyes, and Kyle found himself oddly comforted by her closeness. The melancholy and anger that he had been feeling for the past several days seemed to have melted away, and as Fluttershy's curious blue eyes watched the laptop's screen, Kyle's watched her.

As he was scrolling through photos of a family trip, he became aware that Fluttershy had rested her head on his shoulder. When he glanced down, he saw that she had fallen asleep. Not wanting to disturb the young woman and cause her to wake up a second time, he quietly shut the lid of his laptop, reached over and turned off the lamp on the end table, and pulled the blanket down from the back of the couch to cover her with. Then he shut his own eyes and fell asleep with a smile on his face.

***

Kyle woke when a shaft of sunlight slipped in through the window and onto his face. Squinting, he shifted a bit to get out of the way of the light and realized that Fluttershy was still sleeping on him. At some point she had changed positions so that she lay across the couch with her head in his lap. For a moment, Kyle allowed himself wake up a bit, looking at the way the young woman's pink hair spilled over him and shone in the sunlight. Unable to help himself, he reached out and stroked her hair with his fingers, enjoying the serenity of the moment.

Fluttershy stirred and Kyle removed his hand. Sitting up, she blinked and looked around, her eyes finally resting on Kyle. She glanced down to where her head had been and then back to Kyle's face, a blush coloring her cheeks. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't mean to… I was just so tired, and…"

Kyle shook his head and smiled. "It's okay, really. I'm glad you were able to sleep." His limbs freed at last, Kyle stretched his arms and legs, yawning deeply. "Want some breakfast?" Fluttershy nodded and Kyle led the way to the kitchen. "We have cereal, or I could cook you up some eggs."

"I'm fine with just an apple."

Kyle gave the young woman a look. "Maybe in your world you can get by on just eating apples, but I'm going to guess that your body is probably the same as ours at the moment. You need something a little more." He washed another apple for her and poured her a bowl of Cheerios with milk. He had to teach her how to handle the spoon properly, and after a couple of dribbles of milk down her chin, Fluttershy caught on.

They sat in silence for a while, eating their breakfast and listening to the whooshing air outside. The snow had quit for the time being, but the wind was whipping the top layer of powder around. Kyle shifted his attention from the window to the pink-haired young woman in front of him. After a few moments Fluttershy looked up and blinked a few times. "Is something wrong? Do I still have milk on my chin?" She wiped her chin with her fingers before Kyle could answer.

"No, no, sorry. I was… I'm still trying to imagine you as a pony. What color is your hair? I mean, your… not your mane, I'm assuming that’s pink, but the rest of you."

"Yellow."

"Oh. Like the feathers on your wings?"

"Uh-huh."

"And, uh… the tattoo? Where does that fit in?"

Fluttershy gave him a puzzled look. "Tattoo?"

"Yeah, the one on your… er, hind end." He blushed.

"Oh! You mean my cutie mark?"

"Your what?"

"Cutie mark. You don't have one?" Kyle shook his head. "All ponies have one. It sort of indicates what we're good at."

"So… butterflies? What does that mean?"

"Well, I care for animals. Feed them, comfort them when they're sick, things like that."

"Oh, like a veterinarian?"

"A what?"

"Uh, never mind. So you work with animals."

"Uh-huh. Ponies, too. Sometimes my friends come to me when they're sick or injured. Or if they just need to talk."

"Sounds like you're a pretty amazing friend to have." Fluttershy looked down, but Kyle caught the smile on her face. He grabbed the dishes off of the table and then went to the counter to make coffee. "You, uh, don't drink coffee, do you?" Fluttershy shook her head. "How about tea?"

"Oh, that would be lovely!"

Once the coffee machine was brewing, Kyle put the kettle on and scrounged up some tea bags that his mother had stashed away. Then he turned to his guest and said, "I'm going to run upstairs and shower. Will you be okay on your own for a bit? I don't want to leave you if… if you're still…"

Fluttershy shook her head. "No, I'm okay. I'll just drink my tea and watch the weather outside." She gave him a sweet smile. "Thank you for asking, though."

Kyle blushed and returned the smile. Once the tea was ready, he handed Fluttershy her cup and grabbed his mug of coffee. He realized once he reached the bathroom that he had been thinking of nothing except the smile that Fluttershy had given him. As he waited for the water to heat up, something on the floor caught his attention. He bent over and picked up a golden feather. After turning it over a few times in his hand, he shrugged and set it on the counter. Maybe pegasuses… pegasi? Whatever the plural was, maybe they shed feathers occasionally like humans shed hair. He'd ask Fluttershy about it later.

As he stepped into the hot water, his mind wandered back to the young woman's smile.

***

"Are you doing all right?" Kyle called down the stairs as he descended them, freshly showered and dressed in jeans and a green university sweatshirt. Even though Fluttershy had assured him she would be okay, he had still worried about her, remembering how freaked out she had been the previous night. As he entered the living room he started to say something else and then stopped, his eyes growing wide. "What the…? How in the world did you do that?"

"Do what?" Fluttershy asked, stroking the purring cat in her lap. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Winston," he said, pointing at the white and brown cat. "How'd you get him to be so… happy?"

"Oh, he's a very nice kitty."

"No he's not! He hates everyone! He tolerates my mother and that's about it."

Fluttershy looked down into Winston's eyes. "I can't believe that. He's such a cuddly-wuddly little guy!" Her speech devolved into baby talk and she scratched beneath the cat's chin. The cat, in turn, stretched his head upward to allow full access.

"I'll show you," Kyle said. He sat next to Fluttershy and reached out to touch the cat. Instantly there was a hiss and a flash of claws, and Kyle drew his hand back in pain. "See?"

"Winston!" the young woman cried, her mouth open in shock. "That wasn't very nice! You apologize this instant!" The cat gave her what could only be amounted to the feline equivalent of an incredulous look. "You heard me, mister! Tell Kyle you're sorry!"

There was a moment of hesitation and then the cat sauntered off of Fluttershy's lap, approached Kyle, and rubbed his face against Kyle's leg. Then, as if to show he had had enough of the situation, he turned back to Fluttershy and shot her a look before leaping from the couch and strutting out of the room.

"How did… what did…" Kyle started and then stopped. Instead, he smiled and shook his head. "When you said you worked with animals, I didn't realize you were the Cat Whisperer."

"The what?" Fluttershy asked, and then added in a concerned voice, "Oh my! Your hand is bleeding!"

Kyle looked at the back of his hand where Winston had scratched him. "Wow, he got me good. But I still have my hand, so he must have been in a good mood."

The joke went right by Fluttershy, who was now serious with concern. "We need to wash that up and bandage it. You don't want it getting infected."

"It's just a cat scratch, I'm…" he paused, noting the look in the young woman's eyes. And then he realized that for a person trapped in a world they didn't understand, that person would need to grab onto whatever pieces of their normal lives they could. Helping her friends was what Fluttershy did, and Kyle decided not to deny her that. "In the upstairs bathroom there are some bandages. And there's some hydrogen peroxide. It'll clean the scratch out."

He led the young woman up the stairs and into the bathroom, where he pulled out the things he had mentioned. Fluttershy administered to him, with his helpful prompts. She had never used hydrogen peroxide, and she certainly didn't know anything about self-adhesive bandages. All the while she tended to his "wound", Kyle just watched her, and realized that his heart was beating rather quickly. When she looked up at him they both blushed, but neither looked away.

After a moment of silence, Fluttershy looked down at Kyle's hand and whispered, "All done."

Kyle replied in a voice just as quiet, "Thank you." Then he cleared his throat. "I, uh, thought you might want to go outside. You know, to get out of the house for a bit. You can pick out some clothes from my sister's room. I figured you might want a say in what you wear today."

"Okay," Fluttershy said, still not making eye contact. She left the bathroom, and Kyle lifted his hand, staring at the bandage for a time and trying to figure out what was going on inside of him.

***

The air outside was brisk, but it wasn't intolerable. Snow had once again started to fall slowly, covering Kyle and Fluttershy as they trudged through the deep river of white towards the woods. It had taken a bit to get Fluttershy used to walking through the knee-deep snow, but she caught on quickly. Side by side they forged ahead, appreciating the beauty of the scene in silence.

As they entered the perimeter of the forest behind the house, Fluttershy broke the silence and began to tell Kyle about the forest near her cottage, the Everfree forest. "It's beautiful, but it's full of dangerous creatures," she said, her soft words turning to steam in the crisp air.

"Like what?" Kyle asked.

"Manitcores, basilisks, wolves… things that I don't even know the names of."

"Well, I think we're safe here. The only dangerous thing I can think of is a patch of poison ivy that I felt into when I was nine."

They continued walking deeper into the forest. The snow became less and less, most of it trapped in the interwoven branches above. Every now and then some would fall, dropping to the ground with a gentle thump and mist of powdery snowflakes.

Suddenly, movement caught Kyle's eye. He stopped and held out a hand to stop Fluttershy as well. "What's wrong?" she asked, and Kyle held a finger to his lips, then pointed off to the right. There, in the snow covered brush, was a deer. It was looking right at the two, almost a statue. "Oh! She's beautiful!" Fluttershy breathed and took a step forward. Kyle expected the deer to flee, but was shocked when it began walking towards the two of them. In a matter of moments, Fluttershy was face-to-face with the animal, talking to it. "You're lovely," she cooed, and took her gloves off to place her hands on the animal's body. Kyle took a slow step forward and the deer swung its gaze in his direction. "It's okay," Fluttershy said, stroking the deer's ears. "He's with me." She nodded at Kyle, and he took another step forward. The deer continued to stare at him, but didn't move. As he neared the forest dweller, Kyle took off his own gloves and reached out a hand, trying to seem as non-threatening as possible. He placed the palm of his hand on the deer's slender neck, feeling its pulse, the warmth of its body radiating upwards into his hand and through his fingers. For a moment, a split second, an overwhelming sense of peace flooded Kyle's senses and he breathed in deeply, taking in everything around him – sights, smells, sounds. Then it seemed that the deer's trust was at her limit and she turned and sprinted through the snow, darting around trees and bushes, until she was just a memory.

It took Kyle a moment to realize that Fluttershy was tugging on his coat sleeve. "Kyle? Are you all right?"

"That was… that was so…," he said, blinking a few times before turning to the girl. His eyes met hers and he couldn't look away. Before he knew what he was doing, he leaned in and kissed her. She didn't stop him or pull away; instead, she melted into the kiss, her warm lips comforting in the cold. Kyle wasn't sure how long it lasted, but at some point he realized what he was doing and pulled back sharply. "Fluttershy, I… I'm sorry, I don't know… I shouldn't have…"

The girl's face was flushed, but not from embarrassment like Kyle's. In fact, she seemed the most confident that he had seen her since their first encounter. "Don't be sorry, Kyle. Thank you." She smiled and after a moment he returned it.

"How about… how about we head back for some hot chocolate?" he asked, pointing in the direction of the house.

"That sounds wonderful," the girl responded, and wrapped her arms around his right arm as they followed their tracks all the way back out of the forest.

***

The two sat and thawed out, holding their hot mugs of cocoa with both hands. Their eyes stayed locked for a long time. Fluttershy smiled, her cheeks rosy red from being outdoors, her pink hair just a bit tousled from the hat she had been wearing. Kyle could feel his own lips stretched into a smile, the first true smile he could remember having since his break-up.

The smile faltered, just for a moment, as the reality of the surreal situation set in. She was a pony. A pony from another world. He was falling for pony who lived in another world who was there due to a magical accident. Isn't there something wrong with that? As he watched Fluttershy sip daintily from her mug, her blue eyes sparkling in the sunlight radiating through the kitchen window, Kyle decided that he didn't care. There and then he was happy, and whatever happened there and then was all that mattered.

They talked, sharing past experiences, even the ones that were mundane to them. Even the simplest things from Kyle's world surprised Fluttershy, and vice versa. They talked long after their mugs had been emptied, talked until the sun was low and their stomachs begged for dinner. After sorting through the various things in the refrigerator, Kyle opted for a simple vegetarian meal of rice, broccoli, and – of course – apples. Fluttershy excused herself to freshen up and Kyle started pulling out pots and pans.

A feeling washed over him and he paused. It wasn't quite the same feeling he had experienced when Fluttershy had arrived, but it was similar. He turned, looking around the kitchen, suddenly aware of a buzzing sound. No, it wasn't buzzing… humming? It was a sound he couldn't quite place. The feeling grew stronger, and something out of the corner of his left eye caught his attention. The air began to shimmer, like the air above asphalt on a hot summer day. The noise grew louder, and Kyle became very anxious. Then, quicker than it had started, the noise disappeared, and so did the shimmering. Kyle blinked a few times, but everything seemed normal. For a moment, he stood and stared at the spot that had been distorted only seconds before, but nothing more happened. What in world could that have been? He thought about asking Fluttershy, but he didn't want to worry her. She had finally fallen into a happy mood and he didn't want to break that. So, resigned to leaving it a mystery, Kyle went back to cooking dinner.

***

"Kyle?" Fluttershy broke the silence that hung in the air as the two of them sat on the couch and watched the snow lightly falling outside, her head pressed against his shoulder.

"Yeah?"

She cleared her throat before continuing. "If… if I get stuck here, how do I… I mean, what do we tell your family?"

"I've been thinking about that," Kyle responded, his fingers squeezing Fluttershy's entwined digits. "I figure we just tell them that you're a friend from college who's having some problems at home, and I offered to let you crash here until school starts back up."

There was a long pause and then Fluttershy said in a quieter-than-normal voice, "I don't like lying."

"Believe me, it's better than telling them the truth. People in my world won't be able to handle it. Especially my family."

She gave a bit of a cough and then said, "But you believed it."

"It probably helped that I wanted to believe it."

"What do you mean?"

"I've always been into fantasy stories, stuff with magic and monsters and things like that. I guess that's why I got into art, too. It's an escape from reality, making up your own worlds, experiencing other peoples' made-up ones. So when you appeared, I… even though it was difficult to believe at first, I still wanted it to be true."

"I'm glad I ended up near you rather than someone else, then," the girl said, pressing into him with more force.

"Me too," Kyle whispered with a smile.

***

Kyle couldn't fall asleep as easily as Fluttershy had. She had curled up in his sister's bed and was out before he could say good night. But his brain was too active, too full of swirling thoughts and emotions, a storm that pounded against the walls of his head. He needed some time to think about things before he could settle down.

He stopped into the bathroom before heading downstairs, and noticed a handful of feathers on the ground and one on the sink. Inspecting the feathers up close, he again wondered why Fluttershy was losing them. He had heard some people could lose hair due to stress, and the poor girl was certainly under stress. Or maybe she was losing the last pieces of what she was in her own world. With a shrug, he almost threw the feathers into the trash, but decided at the last minute to hold onto them. Sort of like keeping a lock of a girl's hair, he told himself, and dropped them off onto his dresser before heading down the stairs.

There wasn't much time to be with his thoughts. As he rounded the corner of the stairway and headed into the living room, he became aware of the buzzing-humming sound that he had heard earlier. The hair on his body began to stand on end. The air shimmered like before, only this time something appeared in front of him. It was as if the air in front of him had been torn into a hole, allowing him to see something on the other side. That something was a purple pony – no, a unicorn – staring back at him. She was almost cartoonish-looking, with eyes that were more intelligent than any animal he had ever seen. Her mane was tri-colored with purple, pink, and blue.

"Kyle?" the unicorn asked. "Can you hear me?"

"Y…yeah," he stammered, blinking at the surreal scene in front of him.

"I don't know how long the window will stay open, but I'll try to explain what I can. I'm Twilight Sparkle."

"Fluttershy's friend?"

"Yes. How is she?"

"She's… she's okay, all things considered. Sleeping right now."

"Good. I don't want her to know I contacted you."

"Why not?" Kyle responded with an arched eyebrow.

"Because the news I have isn't good news. She… she wasn't supposed to be sent to your world."

"Yeah, she said it was an accident."

"I just meant to show her the one-way window," Twilight Sparkle said with a sad dip of her head. "I… I was supposed to be the one to travel through the doorway eventually."

"Doorway?"

"I've been studying your world for a while now. I found a spell that lets me glimpse into other worlds, and yours happened to be one with a language similar to ours so I could actually hear and understand as well as watch."

"Fluttershy mentioned that. But you… you've been watching me?"

"Well…" This time her expression was a sheepish one. "Purely for academic reasons, I assure you. Anyway, I had notes on a spell that I would eventually use to travel to your world to study it firsthoof. And a spell to transform myself so I could blend in. When I went to open the window to show Fluttershy, though, I was too excited and mixed up my notes. I accidentally started casting the spell to transport myself to your world. I stopped, but too late, and because it wasn't a complete spell… well, long story short, things went awry."

"And Fluttershy got sucked into the doorway," Kyle said, nodding.

"Yes. The doorway was open long enough for me to cast the transformation spell on her before it closed, but there's a catch." She looked at Kyle with a mixture of seriousness and concern. "Is Fluttershy… getting sick?"

"Is she…? Actually, yes," Kyle said, his eyebrows going up. "I noticed her coughing, but I thought… we went outside in the cold today, so I thought maybe it was that. And… well, I don't know if this is part of it, but I've noticed her… she's been losing feathers from her wings."

Tears began to well up in Twilight Sparkle's eyes. "I was afraid of this. The spell is starting to break down."

"So she'll become a pony again?"

"No. As soon as the spell completely dissipates… travelers between worlds can't survive in their own forms. If you were to travel over here as you are, your body would begin to slowly disintegrate."

"And that's what's happening to Fluttershy?" Kyle asked with a lump welling up in his throat. The unicorn nodded her head. "But… why can't you get her back? Why can't you use the spell to open the doorway again?"

"When the accident happened, my notes were scattered, and some were sucked through the doorway. The same thing would have happened to those pieces of paper – they've probably disintegrated by now. So I'm trying as hard as I can to figure out what notes are missing and to complete the spell. I was able to get this two-way window to work, so the next step should be the doorway. But…" she swallowed. "I don't know if I'll be able to do it in time. So I wanted… I wanted to tell you, so that you can take care of Fluttershy." Kyle opened his mouth to respond, but stopped as he saw the window shimmer violently. "The window is starting to degrade," Twilight Sparkle said. "Please, don't tell her what I told you, but let her know that I'm trying to get her back."

"I will," Kyle said in a thick voice. "And I'll… I'll do my best to take care of her."

"I know you will, Kyle. Your compassion and kindness is one of the reasons I chose to watch you over many others." With that, the window disappeared completely after several more strong shimmers, and then the room became silent.

On shaking legs, Kyle made his way to the couch and collapsed, staring at nothing. The unicorn's words circled in his head and he became aware of tears trailing down his cheeks.

***

Later that evening, Kyle was heading to his bedroom when he heard Fluttershy having a coughing fit. He opened the door and saw that the poor girl was still sleeping, though the fair skin of her cheeks was flushed. With light steps, he crossed the room and carefully lowered himself onto the bed next to her, his head next to hers on the pillow. In her sleep, she turned to face him, a smile appearing on her lips. He draped an arm over the blanket covering her and pressed his wet eyes against her too-warm forehead, and eventually fell asleep.

***

The following morning, Fluttershy moved in slow motion. Her skin was still very warm to the touch, and her coughing fits got progressively worse. She refused any food that Kyle offered her, but forced herself to drink water when she could.

Her spirits lightened when Kyle told her in part about his conversation with Twilight Sparkle. "She'll find a way to get me back, I know it," the girl said in a hoarse voice. "Hopefully I'll be over this cold by then." It took all of Kyle's willpower not to break into tears again at the mention of her sickness.

Because of Fluttershy's inability to move around much, the two decided to watch movies together. The girl was amazed at the moving pictures on the screen, much like she had been with Kyle's laptop, and was soon engrossed in Kyle's sister's Disney movie collection. They watched "Sleeping Beauty", "The Lion King", and "Toy Story". Fluttershy fell asleep halfway through the last movie, and Kyle held her while the movie played, paying no attention to it.

That night he was able to convince his guest to eat some toast, but she only managed half of it before giving up. By that point she was nearly unable to move, and Kyle had to carry her up the stairs to bed. Her skin was burning up, so he applied cool, damp washcloths to her forehead.

"I'm the one who usually takes care of others," she whispered, barely audible. "I'm not used to being on the other side of it."

"Well, I may not be much of a nurse, but I've had my share of colds and flus," Kyle said with a forced grin. "I think I can handle taking care of you. Besides, I’m sure you'll be up and fine in no time."

"No I won't," Fluttershy said with a sad smile. "Twilight told you more than you told me, didn't she?"

"I… what? No, she…" Kyle struggled to keep from cracking, but Fluttershy reached out with a weak hand and placed it on his forearm.

"It's okay, Kyle. Whatever it is that she told you, it's obvious that she wanted you to keep my spirits up. But," she paused to cough violently. "But if she really wanted to keep my spirits up, she would have appeared to me directly. The fact that she didn't means that she had something else to say."

"I think she underestimated the intelligence of her friend," Kyle whispered, placing his free hand over Fluttershy's.

"No, she was just doing what she thought was best. That's Twilight." She closed her eyes and grimaced, as if a wave of pain passed through her. Then she opened them back up, and though the rims were red and the whites bloodshot, her blue irises were still as beautiful as a cloudless sky. "Kyle, will you lay down next to me again?"

"Of course," he answered, and settled onto the mattress next to the sick girl. His face was close to hers, and he could feel the heat radiating from her. "I won't go anywhere," he whispered, and kissed her lightly on her dry lips. "And I won't let go of you." The girl didn't respond. Her breathing was ragged, and her skin was sallow. Her fine pink hair was tangled and matted with sweat. Yet Kyle couldn't stop looking at her and thinking about how beautiful she was, both outside and in. He had never met anyone like her, and he wasn't sure he would ever again. That thought alone made his tears start flowing once again, soaking the shared pillow beneath their heads.

"I love you," he whispered.

***

Kyle awoke with a start, sitting up in his sister's bed, disoriented. Fluttershy didn't stir, and for a moment he panicked, until he saw that she was still breathing, though with shallow breaths. And then his attention was torn from the girl to the flickering lights and a familiar tingling sensation filling him from head to toe.

In the middle of the room, loose debris began to move in a slight breeze before things were hurled out of the way of a hole that ripped itself open in midair. The edges of it glowed, and Kyle could see three equine figures on the other side. The first was Twilight Sparkle, her horn glowing and her eyes determined. The two others, one on either side, were taller unicorns – no, pegasi? Pegasi with horns – with their own horns glowing. Once the hole stopped increasing in size, all three ponies' horns stopped glowing.

"Kyle," Twilight Sparkle said with urgency in her voice, but didn't need to finish the sentence. Kyle leapt from the bed and hefted Fluttershy's light frame into his arms, noting that her skin had gone from red hot to ice cold. He stopped at the rip, the doorway, and warily studied it. "It's okay, you can walk through it, and so long as you don't stray too far from it you should be all right." With a nod, he walked through the doorway and into another world. Under normal circumstances, he would have been excited. "Set her down on the floor."

Kyle shook his head. "I made a promise to her."

Twilight Sparkle paused for a brief moment and then gave him a small smile. "Very well." She began speaking words that Kyle couldn't understand, and her eyes and horn glowed. Then, the figure in Kyle's arms glowed as well, and he had to shut his eyes against the bright light. He felt Fluttershy's weight and form shifting in his grip, and moved his arms accordingly to make sure that he wouldn't drop her. Then the light faded and when he opened his eyes he saw her as she really was – a yellow pegasus with a bright pink mane.

"She'll be okay now," the purple unicorn said. "But you'll have to…"

"I know," Kyle whispered in a choked voice. Gently, he set her onto the floor, taking a moment to brush her hair – no, her mane – off of her face. "Tell her I… please say goodbye to her for me."

Twilight Sparkle nodded. "Thank you so much, Kyle."

Without another word, Kyle turned around and stepped back into his world, heaving a big sigh. The doorway didn't close, though. When he turned to glance at it again, one of the other unicorns or pegasi or whatever, the white one, stepped through. "Kyle, I am Princess Celestia. I wanted to personally thank you for taking care of Fluttershy."

"You're welcome," Kyle said in a quiet voice, then added, "Your Highness."

"Twilight has told me of what she was able to observe of the two of you during Fluttershy's stay here, and I can tell for myself that the two of you have formed a strong bond. I wanted to tell you that I believe that's what saved her. Love is a magic beyond my or anypony else's understanding, and it is the strongest of magic. It will bind the two of you together even though you'll be apart." She paused and gave a hopeful smile. "And I promise you that I'll do what I can to make sure that the two of you can see each other again someday. But not until we can assure the safety of anypony traveling into another world."

"I understand. And thank you."

The princess gave Kyle another smile and then reentered her own world. He watched as the doorway shrank down, until all he could see was Fluttershy's still, but now safe, form. And then it was gone, as if it had never been there.

He dropped down onto his sister's bed, arms on his knees, staring at the floor. A tear drop fell onto the carpet below him. But he realized he was smiling.

***

Life returned to normal for Kyle, except for the constant feeling of something missing. Still, his family returned from vacation finding him in better spirits than he had been in when they left him, if a little quieter. He had been focused inward, sorting through the priorities of his life, and coming to terms with things about himself.

Late one night, a few days before he would be returning to school, he was looking through the pictures of Michelle on his laptop one last time. He was relieved to find that he felt nothing when looking at them, except perhaps happiness that she was free to find someone more compatible than he had been with her. The lack of resentment and depression surprised him, but at the same time it didn't.

Then he felt it – that almost electric tingling. His heart leapt and he tried to pinpoint the source of the magic. There was a soft popping noise and something fell to the floor before the sensation disappeared. There, by his left foot, was a scroll of paper sealed with red wax. Though he was disappointed that what he thought was going to happen didn't, a wave of excitement coursed through him. He broke the wax seal and unrolled the parchment.

Dear Kyle, it started, and he could hear her voice saying the words. My friend Spike – he's the dragon I told you about – is writing this for me. I'm fully recovered now, thanks to my friends taking care of me. I didn't want you to worry about me. I'm happy to be home, but I miss you terribly.

Twilight Sparkle told me what happens to things that travel between worlds. Even this letter will eventually disappear. But I want you to know that my memories of your world and of you won't. Especially what you said to me my last night there (yes, I did hear you).

I'm holding onto the hope that Twilight and Princess Celestia will be able to come up with a way for ponies (and humans) to travel safely between worlds. I know you will be, too. Until then, just know that even though you aren't here, you make me smile.

With much love,

Fluttershy

Kyle read it through once more before letting the parchment roll in on itself. He wasn't sad; his heart was fuller than it had ever been. He set the letter on the spot on his dresser that had once been occupied by several of Fluttershy's wing feathers. They had slowly broken apart and disappeared, and Kyle expected the letter to do the same thing. But again, he felt no sadness.

Returning to his laptop, he was about to delete the folder that had the pictures of Michelle in them when he noticed a new picture in the default photos folder. Opening it, he saw that it was a picture of Fluttershy! She must have accidentally taken a picture of herself while she had been playing with the laptop!

With a huge smile on his face, he saved the photo to a new folder, deleted the folder with Michelle's pictures, and closed his laptop. A big yawn escaped him, and he reached over to turn off his light. As he settled into his bed, he whispered, "Good night, my little pony, wherever you are."

Comments

[Mr Marshmallow]

Seqwel?

Pwease?

Actually ... NOW MOAR STORY PLZ

[Bardsworth Brony]

4106029
Wow, first comment and it's a request for a sequel? Talk about making me feel good! :-)

I do have a sequel idea in mind, but I'm not sure when I'd get around to writing it (this story was written over the course of a year). Good to know that it would be happily received, though!

[Mr Marshmallow]

How could anyone dislike this?

Just comment so the guy can improve it

[DGGames]

This is amazing. I don't understand why people wouldn't like it, but if you're interested in hearing my ideas on what you could throw in for a sequel please feel free to pm me. You have a masterpeice here. I guess I'm also a sucker for PoE stories. Ponies on earth. Humans in equestria is way overdone but flip it and its interesting. Its hard finding a GOOD PoE story. Good job and I hope to share ideas with you for a sequel.

[Bardsworth Brony]

4134278
Thank you for the kind words! I don't typically take ideas from people, but you're welcome to share them anyway. :-)

And I have another sort-of POE story that was rejected by FIMFiction, but you can read it here - http://ponyfictionarchive.net/viewstory.php?sid=981

It's actually an alternate-world story where the characters are all humans and I use references to the show in creative ways.

[Dr Blankflank]

Hey there, Bardsworth! It's the good Doctor with a review of your latest story.

You recently asked why this story would get an octet of negative reviews without so much as a comment. I certainly feel for you: I never mind a negative reaction to my own work (nothing yet on this site, but that should change in the coming weeks), but without useful feedback the negative mark feels like you are being given the Black Spot.

Well, I read your tale and have come up with my own thoughts on the matter.

The Good:
You have an easy writing style that gets out of the way of the story, and this is a very difficult thing to pull off. No errors, no odd choice of phrase, no awkward use of vocabulary; every word served a purpose that was both clear and efficient. You have a working knowledge of story arc, how to instill tension, and how to pace your story. Your story is well balanced between exposition, dialogue and landscaping, and you avoid the dreaded info dump and slowly feed us the background story in dribs and drabs. This short story jumps along at a merry pace and leaves the reader quite satisfied in your technical abilities.

The Bad:
The actual story is somewhat of a cliche, and smacks of wish fulfillment. Whereas many of your audience may, at some point, have daydreamed a similar scenario, it feels lacking in print form. The wrinkle (no spoilers here) towards the end reads as "tragedy lite", and a just slightly random act of diabolus ex machina. The ex, the star-crossed love, the sensitive man, the shock of the alien; all of these have been done before, and this story does not twist or break any trope in any surprising way.

Which, to me, is all the more sad because you are capable of so much more. You have all the skill necessary (and more, IMHO) to write grand and strange fictions that take us merrily into the meadowss of despair, or send us perilously close to the fires of friendship. You can take risks, and your writing style will back you up.

This story did not risk anything. It did not take chances. It was not bad; it simply didn't stand out.

The Ugly:
There are a number of uses on FIMFiction that vote down stories simply based on their genre. Your story is labeled with one of the highest targeted categories: Human. Their motives, I expect, is to smother the genre with enough downvotes to prevent the stories from gaining wider acceptance. It's a bit disappointing, frankly (and this is from a bloke that doesn't care much for Humans in the genre), but we sadly cannot expect good behavior from everyone.

It is a tricky genre at the best, and there is a distinct taint to the genre as it carries the specter of author-insertion and all the potential for awkward revelations therein. When it is done well, it is usually because the author breaks the trope in some significant way. Take, for example, the story "Biblical Monsters" by Horse Voice.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/87619/biblical-monsters

Be prepared to feel bad. It is labeled "Dark" because it is. Not without taste and refinement, this story, but dark.

Just read it with an eye towards the genre, and how our expectations become broken by the end of the story.

tl;dr. I think you are an excellent writer, but you need to find a way to really stretch your story muscles. I would love to see that.

Upvote from me. Your story is still very sweet.

[Bardsworth Brony]

4159729
Doc, thank you very much for your feedback! As I stated, I like to hear both the good and bad things about my writing.
I fully agree with you that I'm capable of better things (and I'm not saying that to sound arrogant; I just know my storytelling skills are better than what I've presented here). However, I use that energy in my "real" writing; my fan fiction writing is really more of a way to just play around with already established characters and have fun. Not an excuse in regards to your criticism, just an explanation. This story in particular was definitely cliched, but I wanted to see what I could do with those cliches. Not enough, it seems, and I have agree with your viewpoint. Something to keep in mind if and when I do another fanfic.
In any case, thanks for reading, thanks for the upvote, and thanks again for the feedback!

[WildFire 24]

That was so beautiful. I loved reading it and hope one day there will be a sequel