Growing Up

by TheCacophonousMuse

Chapter 4: Snails

Chapter 4:
Snails

She turned, trying to get a good look at her butt in the mirror. The skinny jeans she had on felt good— they made her feel complete, she thought with a wry smile— but she needed to make sure they made her look like she had a mare's hips. After a few more seconds of twisting to look over her shoulder, she decided that they weren't really her style.

Slipping them down— they caught slightly on her thighs— she threw them onto the pile of rejects that was growing on the dressing room chair and turned to the next item— a pencil skirt. She picked it up with her magic and began to wiggle into it.

Snail's thoughts drifted off as she hoisted the skirt over her hips and eyed it in the dressing room mirror. After struggling through elementary school, she had realized things about herself. She found herself growing more and more like the fillies in her class— and growing more and more attracted to the colts. The only classmate she'd ever revealed her struggles to was Dinky Doo, but she'd since transferred to Celestia's Academy for Gifted Unicorns, and so she was again alone with her feelings. At least Dinky had been there to help her get through her initial gender questionings and confusions, she mused. That was something to be thankful for. She slipped back into the dress she'd entered in

Snails levitated the items of clothing and kicked the dressing room door open with her back hoof. She carefully levitated the larger pile onto the reject cart and made her way towards the cash register.

As she moved between the racks, she marveled at how little attention she drew. Passing, that was what the ponies she met online had called it. They all seemed to view it as some sort of holy grail, but it had always come rather naturally for her. She always carried a sort of guilty pleasure at how much better than the other transmares she met online she looked.

She dumped the two items she had picked out onto the counter in front of the cashier. “Will this be it?” he asked her, levitating the items, tag first, towards the scanner.

Snails nodded, scared to open her mouth. That was one thing she'd never been able to rectify. Her voice was still depressingly, terribly male-sounding. Maybe that was one reason why she'd become quieter and quieter as the years went on, going from a social and outgoing colt to a quiet and unnoticeable colt in the background. At least, that was how the others at the middle school saw her. She'd become withdrawn and not nearly as social with some of her closest friends from elementary school; Snips became just an acquaintance rather than her best friend. She pushed open the door and stepped out onto the Canterlot street.

Snails never dared go out as Glittershell— that was what she called herself— in Ponyville. Anypony who knew her would recognize her immediately, and she wasn't ready to deal with that just yet. Canterlot, on the other hand, provided a world of anonymous ponies only a short train ride away. She'd quickly discovered the public bathroom in the Canterlot Public Library, which had two single occupancy restrooms that were gender neutral; she could slip in, put on her clothes, do her mane and makeup, and slip out without arousing any suspicion. She'd also become quite acquainted with several thrift stores in the area; while she'd initially gone to the big name stores, she'd soon realized that on her budget, it was much more effective to shop for clothes used.

She sighed. It had been a whole lot easier when Dinky had been back in Ponyville. She and Dinky could go into stores in Ponyville together, and she could pretend to be dragged along and disinterested. When something caught her eye, she would point it out to Dinky to purchase, and pay her back after they got out of the store. Dinky had helped her with makeup and styling her mane, and had really become her best friend.

Then, about a year and a half ago, things had started to change. After Dinky started dating Pipsqueak, she had less time to spend with Glittershell. They would still get together, just less frequently. Snails had made sure to convince Dinky not to tell Pip— she hadn't wanted to come out to anypony else in school— even though Dinky was sure that he would understand. Then, when Dinky had transferred to Celestia's Academy for Gifted Unicorns and started living in the dorms there, Glittershell was only afforded the occasional letter from her friend, and hardly ever had the chance to surface outside of when she would try on clothing after her parents had gone to bed. She stayed up later at night futzing with her mane and caught up on her rest during the school day. Her grades slumped, but her parents mostly ignored it. Most of the time, they just ignored her; it was nothing new.

Now that she was going to the middle school, she had been able to convince her parents that she was taking up an extracurricular activity— playing hoofball. She rolled her eyes at the thought. Still, the excuse was a valid one, since she knew her parents would never have the time to show up for a game. So after school, she would either slip over to Carousel Boutique, where she had taken a part time job helping Rarity as a salespony and rack-stocker, or, as she had today, board the train and take the twenty-five minute ride over to Canterlot.

She slipped through the doors of the Canterlot Library and down the stairs, towards the restrooms. She suspected Rarity knew some of what was going on with her, but not all of it. After all, she remembered as she messed her mane up, Rarity had caught her on that ill-fated day when she'd skipped class to try going to the spa. She shuddered at the thought. It hadn't been that bad all in all, but it had been extremely nerve wracking. Needless to say, she had never played hookey again.

Snails quickly loaded the clothes back into her saddlebags, shoving aside her schoolbooks to make room. She quickly folded up her makeup kit and flipped open her cell phone; glancing at it, she grimaced. She didn't want to be late for the train again.

Hustling out of the library, she crossed the street and slipped into the train station, pulling her ticket out of her saddlebags as she went. The train was already in the station, and she hustled onto it. She located an empty row and sat down, placing her saddlebags on the seat next to her. The train began to move, and Canterlot Station began to recede out the window.

Snails sat back in her seat, the train rocking underneath her gently. More than ever she wished Dinky was still living in Ponyville; she knew that Dinky would have been there supporting her, and while most of her questioning was over— she fully identified as a transmare now— Dinky would have been able to help her sort through some of her newer questions and strange feelings. Like the ones she'd been having whenever Rumble made eye contact or brushed up against her in the hall.

She sighed. Did she like him? It was hard to tell. She'd been so focused on figuring out her gender confusion during puberty that she hadn't spared much of a thought to her sexuality. Did she even like colts? Or both colts and fillies? She definitely felt... something around Rumble, but she couldn't really be sure what.

Scenery flashed past the window, and she occupied herself for a few minutes with the flashing colors outside the train before it plunged into one of the tunnels that connected Canterlot and Ponyville. She turned away and pulled her old mp3 player out of her saddlebags, plugging in a pair of headphones and letting the music wash over her.

If she was really honest with herself, she was tired. Tired of all the deception that she had to go through to just... well, be herself. It wasn't fair. She had to sneak past her parents, dodging their questions, hoping they would never go to a hoofball game to watch her play, and watching every word she spoke just to avoid them cottoning on. She knew what could happen; she'd heard the stories, and she knew that her parents weren't the most liberal ponies in Ponyville. She wouldn't be surprised if they kicked out their own daughter, just to keep up their image of a perfect family.

It was the whole image of perfection that they struggled to achieve that baffled her the most. She already knew it wasn't true, even without her coming out to her parents. Her parents, both of them, spent so much time working that they hardly ever saw each other. Even when the entire family was together, their interactions were cold and emotionless. It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion.

They were both depressed. She got that. She was watching them, neither content, as they searched for ways to escape. They threw their time into working. They immersed themselves in fantasy worlds of books and movies and television to escape their own lives. It was sickening to even be around.

Worse, she knew she was depressed too. She mostly blamed it on her parents, but she couldn't avoid some facts. She hadn't seen any of her classmates outside of school in several months, and even in school they were becoming a separate unit. She was hanging out with her friends not because she really wanted to spend time with them, but because she didn't want to look like a loner. She buried her head in her hooves.

With a squeal of the breaks and a shudder that rocked the car, the train pulled into Friendship Station. Snails stood up, edging her way into the crush of jostling ponies trying to reach the exit at the end of the car. She hugged her saddlebags closer and tried to take up as little space as possible as she shuffled slowly closer to the exit.

The cool air washed over her as she stepped off the train car and onto the station platform. It was early evening, and September was rapidly drawing to a close. She felt a little glimmer of hope grow inside her, fretted with fear and worry. She'd made herself a deal, and the date by which she had to be ready was rapidly approaching. She had less than a month and a half before Halloween to steel her resolve. She pushed the thought from her mind.

Yeah, procrastinating. That was something she was good at.

The streets were fairly empty as she slipped through them. The sun was just beginning to slink down below some of the taller thatch rooftops around her; she hurried her pace. Soon she found herself coming up the stairs and heaving open the large door, which she threw open as quickly as she could to avoid it squeaking. She wasn't in a mood to talk to her parents.

She was inside and halfway up the stairs when she stepped on the loose board; she winced at the groaning sound it made. Snails paused, listening for a sound which would tell her whether or not her parents had heard her arrive home. Inevitably, it came.

“Snails? Is that you?” It was her mother's voice, calling out of her office. “Can you come in here and talk to me for a second?”

Snails slumped against the wall of the stairs, a hoof over her head, breathing in and out slowly. She sighed, the sound catching deep in her throat.

“Snails?” her mother called up again.

“Yeah Mom,” she called down in her abhorrently deep, gravelly voice. “I'll be right down. Just give me a second.”

Author's Note:

Yeah, this chapter was a little bit different. Anywho...

This references a couple things, and they're all awesome, so go check them out:
Ask Glittershell is one of my favorite headcanon's for Snails, and his/her character here is based mostly on that. Since this is aged up, I had snails come out as transgendered, even though (s)he is merely gender confused in the ask blog.

Also on that note, I've never really written a transgendered character before, or any gender confusion or anything, so if there are any pronoun or terminology errors, please let me know and I'll correct them... I don't want anyone offended D:

... and back to references, Dinky Doo's headcanon for me mostly comes from one of my favorite fics on this site, Hocus Pocus by Pegasus Rescue Brigade. Do take time to check it out, since it's awesome (although it is a sequel).

uhm, yeah.

Comments

[Rose Quartz]

Snails is trans?

[skullgreymon1]

THE snails is a SHE?

[Fishberry]

WOW! We're going this route, are we?

Okay!

This should get pretty interesting. Buckle up everyone, hopefully the comments section won't get too bumpy. I'm cool with trans stuff, it's just that it can have a tendency to attract extremist sjw's.

Muse, if this DOES happen, please don't let it affect your writing. Please don't let conflict rob us of your amazing plot and character ideas. This has all been fantastic so far.