• Member Since 5th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Jan 7th, 2023

Maniacal_Spark


E

Inspired by the episode "Somepony to Watch Over Me", Applejack decides to take Big Mac's advice and let Applebloom spend a day alone at home while she makes her pie delivery, though taking advice and living with it are two different things when you care so deeply for somepony.

Inspired by a Equestria Daily Writer's Training Ground prompt.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 4 )

Nicely done. :twilightsmile:

Couple bits of advice, though:

(1) Dial back on the phonetically spelled-out accent a bit. It makes it harder to read, and it's really not necessary; we all know what Applejack sounds like. :ajsmug: Substituting "Ah" for "I", and dropping the final "g" at the end of words ending in "-ing" (runnin', walkin', "mah dogs are barkin'", etc.) is more than enough to get the accent across.
(Ah keep tellin' y'all, Ah ain't got no dang accent. Y'all are the ones who talk funny!) :applejackconfused:
(Whatever you say, Applejack.)

(2) Watch it with the run-on sentences and stacking multiple separate actions together with "before this but then before that as this other thing." Generally, if you've got more than two actions occurring in a single sentence, it's better to start breaking them into separate sentences.

Oh, and technically, "Stetson" is a brand name, like Kleenex or Xerox, so it needs to be capitalized.

Comment posted by k64speed deleted Mar 10th, 2014

I do love stories where Applejack acts as a Surrogate Mother for Apple Bloom. Thanks for making this story.

6134610 Hey, thanks for reading and I'm very glad that you enjoyed it. :)

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