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An Old Friend

I was almost there. After years of travelling, years of training she was almost back. I had known much about magic, learnt too much some people would say. Bastards in Equestria, punishing me just for trying to learn more about magic. And learn more she did. But now she was almost there: she was almost back to Equestria.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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DX-1118 C

DX-1118 C #1 · Feb 27th, 2014 · · ·

Mmm

Muddpuppy

Muddpuppy #2 · Feb 27th, 2014 · 1 · ·

Its interesting premise and a good start. I am not an editor but the pacing seems off and a bit difficult to read at points especially during scene changes. If you can find a person to read it for you and point out errors and mistakes, I am sure that it would be much improved.

Mooncalf

Mooncalf #3 · Feb 28th, 2014 · · ·

A little rushed at the end. Also, you keep switching from first person to third person and back. Lastly, you should have separate paragraphs for different speakers, as it becomes difficult to follow otherwise.

Story seems very interesting. Premise is intriguing. Keep it up.