Inner Demons

Has anyone ever told you what the hardest part about battle is? It’s not the tactics, or the logic, or even how to handle a weapon. The hardest part is living with yourself afterwards. Knowing that you’ve taken a life. Taken somepony away from their family. That their husband or wife, sons or daughters will never see them again. And it was all your fault. I have the death of too many ponies weighing down on my conscience, and yet... here I am, a pony, un-armed and helpless before me, and I’m ready to shoot him in the head. Does he deserve it? You’d better believe he does. Do I want to be the one to do it? No fucking way. But nopony else in this damn city is going to do a thing about the out-of-control crime rate. Even the guards in this city are crooks. Welcome to the city that law has abandoned.

My name is Cyrus. I used to be one of the elite guards of this city... until I was told to… ignore certain things. Things I couldn’t. So, I left my job in the guard, and became a vigilante. I’m not the only one. Several like-minded guards have joined me. Including my best friend, Akashi. Akashi and I grew up together as foals. We lived right next to each other for all our lives. We went through school together, we graduated college together, we went through guard training together and we fought in the war together. And now, we’re fighting crime together.

“Cyrus?” Akashi said, moving closer to me. “What’s wrong? Do it.” I looked at her. Her sleek body, glistening slightly in the moonlight, her large, brown eyes staring straight into mine.

“I… I can’t.” I sighed. My victim looked up at me, a younger stallion, who stabbed a mare to get at the bits in her saddlebag. I leaned down, grabbed the bag, and severed his bonds. “Get the fuck out of here. Before I change my mind.” I told him. He said nothing. He scrambled to his hooves, and ran off into the night. I put my gun away. Akashi came up to me.

“Why did you do that?” She asked me. Sounding neither hurt, nor angry. But confused.

“I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.” I admitted. “He was young. Had a whole life ahead of him. I just couldn’t kill somepony who was barely out of his foalhood.”

“Are you forgetting why we do this?” Akashi said. “We do this, because the ponies of this city deserve a better life than what scum like he is giving them.”

I looked away. “I know…” I started. “I… It’s complicated. I’m going to go home. I’ll see you all later.” I turned and left.

“You’re not going soft on me are you?” Akashi yelled after me. I didn’t reply, but kept walking. Was I going soft? Maybe. Was I going to admit it? Fuck no. “C’mon boys.” I heard Akashi say behind me. “Let’s go. There’s still moonlight left tonight.”

I awoke the next morning the same way I have the last few weeks. In a cold sweat and panting. Another nightmare. I’ve had them since the war, but slowly, they’ve been getting worse. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” I said to nopony. I lived alone in an apartment in the cheap side of town. I used to have a family, and I used to have a nice house. My wife left me after I left the guard, and the bank foreclosed on my house when I could no longer afford to pay the mortgage. Now, I’m left with this shitty apartment, with nothing more than a couch, bed and a TV to my name. I glanced at my clock. It read 7:13. “Ugh… too early.” I complained, pulling a pillow over my face to shield my eyes from the sunlight. “Why do you HAVE to wake me up so early nightmares? I wasn’t a morning pony by any definition of the word. Particularly since I started all-night patrols with Akashi. I admire that mare, but sometimes… I think she takes a little too much joy in what we do. It’s not supposed to be a fun service; it’s supposed to be… just that… a service. Not fun, just necessary.
I finally realized I wasn’t going to be able to get back to sleep, so I rolled out of bed, and went into the living room, and turned on the TV, and started to flick through the channels. “Crap, crap, news, crap, cartoons, crap and news… goddamn it… why can’t there be anything NORMAL on at this time?” I yelled at myself. I turned off the TV, and sunk into my thoughts. Thoughts about Akashi, the war, what we do and whether or not everything we do is actually worth it. Just then, there was a knock at my door. “Who is it?” I yelled.

“Let us in,” An authoritive voice replied, making me jump. “We need to ask you a few questions.” I recognized the voice.

“Oh, shit.” I said to myself. I pulled myself off the couch, and went over to the door, took a deep breath and opened it. “Hello Ragok. What brings you here?” I asked, in mock surprise.

“Cut the act. You and I both know what you’re up to at night.” Ragok replied. He always had it in for me while I was a guard, and now that I’m not, he’s got an even deeper dislike of me… even more so still when he found out about my little vigilante group. I wouldn’t have thought it was physically possible for somepony to hate somepony else as much as what Ragok hates me, but it’s a strange world.

“I really have no idea what you mean. I was here all night.” I said nervously.

“Oh, I think you do.” Ragok said, with a malicious gleam in his eye. “And this time, you’re going down for it.”

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