FINALLY!!!!
"But darling! It's all right here!"
Rarity levitated a newspaper off the coffee table and onto Luna's lap.
Luna read:
After interviewing the local ponies of our very own ponyville, a new story unfolds that will knock
the hay right out of your mouth! I have come across a few wild stories in my day but this one takes the
cake! I have information from a very reliable source whose name he would like to keep as
"anonymous" has told us here at the new that our very own princess of the night, princess Luna,
has found herself a special somepony! He himself would also like to remain anonymous at this time
in their relationship.He states "When the public is read for us, we will share our love! As for know, i
will remain in the shadows. Who is the strange stallion from the blue? If you have any info on him or
princess Luna at this time, please take the time to call the number below! Signing of, ponyville!
~Gabby Gums.
Luna sat still for a moment, processing what she had just read. Rarity sat uncomfortably on the couch across from her, shifting her weight between hooves.
"Um...princess, heh, I'm just going to go to the other room now...over there...to get some...tea."
Rarity left the room in a hurry leaving Luna to sit alone in the quiet. Luna didn't like to be alone. It reminded her of the thousand year "vacation" when she was on the moon. Taking in a deep breath, Luna let it out in a long, stress relieving sigh. Then froze...IT ALL MADE SENSE!
Rarity entered the room with a tray in her mouth, on it a variety of dainty sandwiches and tiny cookies and even tinier tea cups.
"Prwincesh? Wherrr did she gow?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The wind tore at Luna's wings and she had to close her eyes due to he pain. She was flying. Flying faster than ever before. Flying toward Canterlot!
Luna tip-toed across the hall toward her room, being the rush she was in, the princess had to lower the moon on her flight back to Canterlot so everypony was asleep and the castle grew quieter by the minute. As Luna turned a corner, she found herself facing her bedroom door and on either side of it rested a sleeping guard, leaning on his spear. Luna rolled her eyes, but allowed them to sleep anyway. She looked down, and, dancing along the tile floor beneath her hooves, was a redish tinted light. It shown under her door like the sun. Luna knew EXACTLY who was sneaking around in her room, but before she could open the door, the light disappeared from sight and she could hear her balcony doors opening.
Luna sped into the room, forcing the door to slam against the walls beyond just in time to see a caped figure sped his wings and disappear off the balcony. Luna extended a hoof as if to stop him, but it was too late. She once more stared down at he floor and gave a long heartbroken sigh.
She crawled under the covers of her bed and closed her eyes.
"OUCH!" Luna jumed up and stared down at where she had lay, in her place of rest, lay a note, but more importantly, a chrystal.
THE END!
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- ParadoxPony · 6.2k words · 8 3 · 611 views
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Ummm... I liked the story but the final feels more like that it was cut midway and you just wanted to type "THE END!" faster.
What does chrystal mean.Crystal?
Or i didn't understand the final i didn't pay a lot of attention to the text so i may have missed something important but I wish to know who was the stallion or/and the "caped figure".
I wont rate it now but if you could light me up...
3985899 im glad that you took the time to inquire about my story. the part that explains the crystal was cut out of the story due to a computer failure. if I get time, I'll fix this.
and yes, I did want to end this. it was a pain in the butt to deal with. I had half of it done and then it"saved" but didn't! then the crystal thing. oh well... I'll fix it. thanks! :)
3986687
.
I hope when you fix it the ending will actually make any sense
I don't get it. Also, the whole "intruding on a naughty dream" premise seems unfortunate, and there's assorted spelling and grammar errors throughout that make it a little harder to read.
4017315 still editing my dear pony.
Might be a stupid guess... but is it...Sombra?
4030085 not stupid at all my good pony! you are correct!
I forgot that I read chapter three. It wasn't memorable at all.
Chapter four is where I downvoted it. Pacing actually became worse, as did grammar and capitalization errors. You've even admitted to the last two chapters being sloppy and don't know why most readers would downvote it?
The first two to three chapters are "fixable," but scrap the last two and actually write the story as you intended it and you wouldn't get as many downvotes. You'd have to find a way to attract new readers as almost all readers that have completed reading the story wouldn't bother coming back to it. It doesn't even need the Applejack(This is the only reason I read the story and I was disappointed at the amount of Applejack) and Rarity tags as their appearances are as much cameo as Derpy's in the first chapter.
You asked for some constructive criticism and I provided it. I hope this helps improve stories of yours in the future.
4986389 This was one of my first stories and I honestly don't know why I haven't deleted it. I never had it proofread and never will. Even I think it's crap, soooo...yah.