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Rainbow Dash and Twilight Together Forever

(This my continuation of Morty's An Inncoent Game/Slumber Party Game) The day before Twilight had a slumber party with her friends but it turned out to be no ordinary slumber party now she's mare-friends with the coolest pegaus in all of Equestria. The first day of Twilight and Rainbow Dash together with everypony to see will it go well who knows but highjinks is sure to come from it.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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BronyforMLP

BronyforMLP #1 · Jan 11th, 2014 · · ·

Well I fixed it

Tarlek

Tarlek #2 · Jan 13th, 2014 · · ·

3770526 good for you.

BronyforMLP

BronyforMLP #3 · Jan 13th, 2014 · · ·

3780403 Thanks

maxxxxxx

maxxxxxx #4 · Jan 21st, 2014 · · ·

So, im reading through this story and, i have to say... i like the premise but the exacution could use a bit of work. You need a bit more detail, the dialouge is a bit choppy and there are numerous errors and it just doesnt flow well. I think the idea you are going with could work very well. ( This is my personal favorite type of story, twidash fluff) anyway, i think you and this story could benifit from a more comprehensive review from a more compotent reviewer than myself.