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Need Fixing, nearly unreadable otherwise

Don't listen to the mean ponies out there. Nice story! The plot you chose (laughs at joke) is very good, and I laughed at your story. Love it

One spelling error! "He took of his one piece"
Its OFF not OF

welcome.

3682206 Wha? That text isn't in the story. Either I'm stupid or you made a mistake :|

Walls upon walls of text. It is not only an eye-sore but also makes it confusing to know who is talking.

Please start a new paragraph every time the speaking charather changes.

It's one of my first stories... don't judge me

3682426 well read your story and you'll find it. its acceptable but please put spaces between the talking.
EX: "come rest" celestia murmered seducingly

U-UH" I stammered.

It will make it a easier read. Keep writing!

3682345

That makes two of us with that annoying voice in our heads!
Hey!!! I'm not annoying!
Speak of the devil! Navi go away!!

Sexy
A bit quick.
Wall of text.

8 of 10 mustache spikes

Gangbang sequel?

every time you change speakers you start a new paragraph it makes it so much easier to read.

i dont see the big issue with teh "wall of text" mabey it is cuase i have a 16th grade reading level anyways i liked it

Sequel with storyline continuation? This is actually not a bad idea to expand upon

3684684 eh. It kinda feels different in one-shots than in full fics.

i just think it's funny that they didn't care for the lack of daylight it's like oh the sun didn't rise today this is normal