Chapter 6: He Who Fights Monsters
Marwolaeth was perplexed.
Not by the griffons and their armaments, no. But by what their leader was doing.
Smirking.
Marwolaeth had seen a lot of things in his time, but he had never seen a break of nature so profound as a bird of prey with a pliable beak, let alone one malleable enough to smirk with. His incredulity increased twofold as the griffon began to speak, her beak forming sounds he had previously assumed only possible with lips.
Marwolaeth was so enraptured that he almost missed what the griffon was saying.
“Zo.” The griffon began, her voice oily and heavily accented. “Zis is de infamous Ma’volaeth Pydredd.” She dropped his r’s to the back of her throat, almost reminiscent of a purr or a growl. “Vord upon ze grapevine is zat you ‘ave de audacity to vear leather among ze ponies.”
“That is I.” Marwolaeth affirmed, watching out of the corner of his eye as his charges shrunk back in their chairs.
“I alzo ‘ave heard zat you are… violent.” The griffon’s smirk grew.
“Only to the enemies of my charges and their allies.”
“Of course, of course. I merely ‘ad a… business venture to discuss vith you.”
“No.”
The griffon looked shocked. “Vat? Do you know who I am?”
“No.”
The griffon grunted and smoothed the feathers on her chest. “I zhould 'ave known. Reports are zat you are new to civilized lands… As civilized as Eqvestria gets, anyvay.” She stood straight and adopted a haughty pose. “I am Princess Vanni Ironclaw, daughteyr of King Vanni Longrule and ambassador to Eqvestria on behalf of the Griffon Kingdom.”
“Charmed, I’m sure. You seem to know of me already.”
“Yes, vell, one can hardly be a new species and not be news to every kingdom. Now, as I said, I ‘ave a business proposition for you, Mister Ma’volaeth”
“First, call me Pydredd. Second, if you wish to negotiate for my services, talk to Celestia.”
“Ah, but Mister Pydredd, ze Princess is so busy. Surely, you can talk vith me.”
“I am already talking with you.”
Ironclaw chuckled darkly. “Ah, Mister Pydredd, I sink you misunderstand. I vish to acquire your services. Specifically, your services in my bedchamber. Come. Valk vith uz.”
“No.”
“Perhaps you still don’t know who you are dealing vith here, Ma’volaeth.”
“Pydredd.”
“I vill call you as I please.” Ironclaw snapped. “I am ze princess! Ven I vant something, I get it. Now come along, Ma’volaeth.”
“You and your station hold no power over me. I will go where I please.”
“Aw, zat’s cute. You sink you have a choice. Guards. Bring him to my ‘otel room.”
Marwolaeth stood up and stepped over the small fence separating the restaurant from the street as two of the griffons stepped forward and began circling Marwolaeth. Before they could go a few steps, Marwolaeth stepped forward and grabbed both griffons by the feathers of their heads and slammed them together, dazing them.
Ironclaw looked at their dazed forms with shock before recovering quickly. “Assault of ze royal guard? Ze reports did not paint you as ztupid, Ma’volaeth. Fine zen. If you will not come qvietly…”
Marwolaeth moved his hand to the haft of his compressed scythe. “Jack, pay attention. You might learn something.”
“Subdue ‘im.”
All of the griffons leapt at Marwolaeth, who flicked his scythe into its shape and kept it at his side. When the griffons came within range, the staff of the weapon was put to use, whirling and waving, dealing punishment where it landed. The blade did not go unnoticed either, landing superficial scratches and cutting the tips of feathers as it flew.
Ironclaw scoffed. “Bah. Useless ‘atchlings. I vill get ‘im myself.” She waded into the melee, heedless of the flying bodies of her guards, until she could almost touch Marwolaeth’s shin.
Thwak.
Ironclaw backed away from the melee, which came to a halt to watch her stagger. One claw was pressed against her cheek, and when she pulled it away, a small scratch that hardly bled could be seen underneath her feathers, a soft bruise already forming on her skin.
“You… You dare mark ze face of ze future Qveen?! Guards! Execute zis creature for its insolence!”
The crowd of ponies that had begun to form gasped.
Marwolaeth cracked his knuckles. “This is where the kid gloves come off.”
The griffons leapt upon Marwolaeth in a whirl of feathers and steel. The observing ponies could hardly follow the action until three of the five griffons had fallen. They watched as Marwolaeth detached the wings and one of the legs of the final guards, and finished the arc of his scythe by removing Ironclaw’s right arm.
The final guard, missing an arm and a leg with the top half of his beak hacked away squawked as Marwolaeth turned to him, and fled.
Ironclaw choked out a gasp and started to chuckle. “You- You sink you can ‘arm me?!” Ironclaw screamed, holding the stump of her arm, laughing maniacally. “You could ‘ave ‘ad wealth and power! I gave you a chance! Now… Now…” Her cackling reached a crescendo. “If I cannot ‘ave you, then none can! You vill die! Zere will be var! YOU VILL PAY!” Ironclaw took to the air, laughing maniacally as she went.
Marwolaeth turned to the royal guards that had gathered in the crowd. “If you could detain these griffons and give them medical treatment?”
The guards hesitantly nodded and silently carried the mutilated griffons away.
Marwolaeth stepped back over the fence and sat at the table that the Elements of Harmony occupied. He surveyed his charges. They all looked pale, and Rainbow Dash was lying in a pool of her own vomit.
“Well, that wasn’t so bad. Sparkle, if you could send a report to Celestia warning her of the incoming summons to war?”
“I-I-I-”
“On second thought, I’ll do it myself.”
Marwolaeth picked up a napkin from the table and plucked one of the feathers shed by Twilight Sparkle from the ground and dipped it into a pool of the blood that had begun seeping under the fence. He wrote a quick summary of the events in griffon blood and rolled the napkin up. When he looked down the street, he saw a cadre of royal guards coming his way. He flagged them down.
“Marwolaeth Pydredd, we are-”
“Save it, Gearbox. Guard the Elements of Harmony with your life. I’m going to Canterlot.”
“I- Oh.” Gearbox turned to the other stallions that he had brought along and began ordering a perimeter.
Meanwhile, Marwolaeth stalked to Twilight’s library.
“Spike! I have a letter to send to Celestia!” Marwolaeth yelled as he ducked through the doorway.
“Oh, sure thing dude, what’s it- Are you covered in blood?”
“Yes I am. Send the letter, and you can lick it clean.”
“Just like the batter spoon…” Spike murmured dreamily, huffing a jet of green flames onto the napkin in Marwolaeth’s outstretched hand.
Spike had nearly finished giving Marwolaeth’s armour a tongue bath when his cheeks bulged and he burped out a letter. Marwolaeth read it as Spike finished lapping the blood from the metal. It was exactly as he had expected: A summons to Canterlot.
“Go find Sparkle, Spike. I’m going to Canterlot.”
“Mmhmhmhmhuh?” Spike giggled euphorically.
“Sparkle. Protect. Bad griffons.”
“Mmkay…” Spike stumbled off into town, bumping into things he’d normally walk under.
“Hmm. Growing faster than I’d have thought.”
Gearbox rejoined Marwolaeth at the train station. The wait and subsequent train ride were spent in silence. Even the walk to Canterlot Castle was somewhat subdued, the ponies subconsciously smelling the lingering stench of blood on his armour and avoiding him.
Finally, Marwolaeth was brought in front of the Princess Celestia in a private meeting room. She regarded him with a cold glare.
“Do you have any idea of what you’ve done today?” Celestia growled.
“Maimed seven foreign dignitaries, caused a diplomatic incident, instigated a war, and earned the personal enmity of a king.”
Celestia snorted. “At least you know what the consequences of your actions are. Your… ‘Letter’ was somewhat vague, and I was distracted by the fact that it was written in the blood that you’d spilled. Explain what happened.”
“It happened exactly as I wrote. Ironclaw propositioned me, didn’t take no for an answer, and assumed that her diplomatic immunity would protect her from assault and rape charges. When I resisted her guards and herself, she ordered me executed. That’s when the blood started to flow. Then she flew off cackling like the witch that she is.”
Celestia sighed and sat on the floor, a hoof covering her face. “While I disagree with your… methods, I do believe that you were in the right for this situation.”
“I’m glad that we agree.”
“However, that does not change the fact that the griffons have issued an ultimatum. Your death or war.”
“Mm. Neither is a good choice.”
“No indeed. I’ve been able to secure a compromise. We can either send them your head on a platter…”
“Inadvisable.”
“Or send you to be given a warrior’s execution.”
“Intriguing. Explain.”
“The griffons have a tradition that, if a convict is a mass murderer, military member or resisted arrest heavily, they can be thrown into a coliseum to fight until they die. They start with natural predators, such as wolves and lions, and move upwards to the magical creatures, manticores being among that lot. If they can survive all of their trials, then they will be acquitted and set free. Rumour has it, though, that they have a dragon on payroll to clean up if the victim survives all of their challenges, but none have gotten that far in centuries.”
“And the other option, war, would bring danger to my charges.” Marwolaeth harrumphed. “I will go for the warrior’s execution. When they let me leave after I slay their dragon, I will send a courier. If they do not let me leave, prepare for a notice about the destruction of a kingdom.”
“I will… keep that in mind. I will send you with a map and supplies for the journey, and two days to get your affairs in order.”
“No affairs to order. Make sure that my charges are well guarded. I will not stand for them coming to harm because of your inability to explain circumstances.”
“My what?”
“It’s either that, or the griffons have absolutely no care about the deific wrath that they have called upon themselves. Either way, they will endanger my charges unless I appease them, and the choice left to me is to do it alone, under circumstances beyond my control. If they are harmed, it will not be my fault, and in no way voids my contract.”
“No… I suppose your contract was clear enough in that regard. Twilight and her friends will be lodged here at the castle until you return, and put under heavy guard. You leave in the morning.”
“Good. I am to assume that I will have guards to ensure that I do not flee?”
“The griffon embassy has been kind enough to lend a few of their personal soldiers to accompany you.”
“Very well. Good evening for now, then, Princess.”
“Rest well, Pydredd.”
Gearbox led Marwolaeth through corridors and hallways, passing many a noble and servant, before arriving at the room that been designated as his for the night.
Marwolaeth dismissed Gearbox with a wave and place his hand against the door to push it open, but paused. He balled one of his fists, igniting the arcane lines on his arm, and launched through the door, his arm thrusting forward towards an indistinct shape within the shadows of his room.
What he found in his hand was the snout of a very surprised alicorn.
“Hello?”
“Er... Greetings Pydredd! Is this how thy people greet one another?” The dark blue alicorn placed a hoof on Marwolaeth's faceplate. "Curious indeed."
"Luna, I presume."
"'Tis I. We are quite pleased to finally make thine acquaintance."
"I suppose. Do you always wait in a new guest's room in order to meet them?"
"Nay, fair Pydredd. ’Twas merely a... An act of desperation, for lack of a better term. Thou hath proven most elusive."
"I have?"
"Aye. 'Tis most unhealthy to abstain from sleep as thou seem to."
"I have been sleeping most nights. Who had told you that I had not been sleeping?"
"Well, we have observed no new dreams from Ponyville. As guardian of the dream time, we made it our duty to ensure restful sleep for all of our subjects."
"Perhaps one reason that you haven't seen me dreaming is that I am not one of your subjects.”
“Bah, ‘twas an overarching term. We see all dreams in the realm.”
“You were probably stymied by the wards placed around my mind by my master.”
Luna put a hoof to her snout. “Hmm, that may very well be. Our sister has told us of thine immunity to afflictions and curses of the mind, but had neglected to tell us how thou accomplished such a feat.”
“Then it seems your question was answered.”
“Aye. Regardless, it has been far too long since thou hath arrived and we have been unable to properly greet thee. Thus we are here to say: Greetings, Marwolaeth Pydredd!”
“…Right.”
Luna waited expectantly for Marwolaeth to continue. When he did not she coughed. “Er, the proper method of reciprocating a greeting in Equestria, Sir Pydredd, is to echo the greeting and inquire as to the health of thy new friend.”
“I know how to converse, thank you.”
“Oh. Well of course. We were merely were ensuring that thee hath proper social skills.”
“I have them, though they are some of my skills I use less often.”
Luna nodded. “Oh aye. We know the feeling. ‘Twas not until recently that ‘twas the same for us, until Sister recommended that we attempt to gather a set of friends.”
“Am I to assume, then, that you would like me to join in this set?”
“That would be most enjoyable, yes! From what we have heard, thou seem to be of our sort. Brave and fierce! Loyal and honourable! And, if we have heard correctly, just the right amount of nuisance to be of the enjoyable sort! Thou are a sight more interesting than the rest of those pansy nobles already.”
“I see.”
“And, if we are to be honest… We are told that thou are well versed in the ways of the sword. It has been so long since we have had a proper match in the sparring arena!”
“Now you’re talking my language.”
Luna looked puzzled. “…Have we not been speaking in Equestrian? Curses, and we were so sure that we’d finally kicked old Hasbrian.”
“It is a metaphor.”
“Oh. Ah! We see, thou meant that we were broaching a familiar topic! Ha! Yes, Sister has been updating us on our colloquialisms. Shall we engage in friendly combat, good Sir Pydredd?”
“I don’t see why not.”
“Huzzah! Come, this way!”
Luna lead Marwolaeth from his room, through many of the halls that he had just traversed, and finally out into a dusty square surrounded by squat buildings. The barracks, Marwolaeth assumed.
Luna, meanwhile, had been lecturing Marwolaeth on proper sparring equipment, which ranged from padding and wooden sticks to full armour and magically dulled weapons. Marwolaeth had opted to fight fully armed.
As he entered the sparring area, he felt Luna’s magic twine around each of his bladed weapons, creating a pocket of force that would stop the cutting edge from contacting his opponent while still solid enough to feel if a hit had been landed.
“Now, Marwolaeth. Sister has us understanding that thou hath many years of practice. Tell us, how large of a handicap dost thou desire?”
Marwolaeth smirked under his helmet. He knew this kind of banter well. “I’ll fight with one arm behind my back. Should make things a tad more even.”
Luna barked a laugh. “Truly, thy generosity knows no bounds! Of course, it would only be prudent if we responded in kind by forgoing the use of our left wing!”
Marwolaeth tsk’d. “Now, Luna. If you do that, I might just have to forgo the use of weapons entirely."
Luna was taken aback for a moment. “Thou truly intend to commit thine own limbs to the tussle? Magnificent.” Her eyes gleamed. “Very well. If thou seek to narrow thy capabilities, we shall also be content with merely one weapon. And lo, we will wield it in our mouth!”
“Subpar wielding techniques? Why, Luna, you hurt me. Very well, I shall respond in kind and forgo the use of my arms altogether.”
Luna began to look unsure of herself. “Uh… In that case, we will make use of only the most basic of combat magic!"
“And here I thought that I’d give you the home advantage of ranged support. Might as well just use one leg to hit you with and my other to move.”
“We… Can…”
“Oh just fight already!” Somepony shouted. Marwolaeth turned in the direction that the shout had come from quickly enough to witness a stallion being pulled under a windowsill while every other window had pairs of eyes peeking over the edges.
“Heh. Very well, Luna. Can’t keep the audience waiting, can we?”
Luna chuckled. “No indeed. Have at thee!”
Luna gripped a two ended, thick blade between her teeth that seemed to be some sort of claymore that had another blade replacing its pommel and charged at Marwolaeth.
Marwolaeth grinned, gripping his hands behind his back, his arms softly glowing with luminescent green lines. He kicked one foot out in front of him and began to bounce on the ball of his stable foot.
"'Ou 'oog ‘egigulu, ‘ygegg!” Luna laughed around the handle of her blade.
“You sound ridiculous yourself, Luna. Come on then!”
So began a clash that every guardspony that was present began to call the clash of the titans.
The guards watching could scarcely believe what they were seeing. Even Luna herself, who could feel the bruising blows, doubted the reality of the situation.
Marwolaeth, using one foot to send him flying forward or sideways and the other to send Luna lurching to the sides in pain, was more than a match the old princess. He had, at first, cut a comical figure with a ridiculous notion, but now was revealed the monster lurking just below the surface.
Luna skidded from another blow and stood panting.
Marwolaeth cackled, his helmet magnifying the sound into an ominous boom. “Now wasn’t that a good warm up? Time to kick it up a notch."
One of the surrounding guards chuckled loudly.
Marwolaeth leapt at Luna and sent a kick flying at her muzzle, the first aimed at a delicate area. Luna responded by deflecting the blow with a small shield and swung her sword, denting one of Marwolaeth's pauldrons.
Blow for blow, Luna began to trade nicks and bruises for dents and dings. Luna's patience began to wear thin, however, and knocked Marwolaeth back with a burst of magic.
"Th'rs et! Nr m're m'ss n'ce p'rncess!" Luna roared around the handle of her broadsword.
Luna's eyes became shrouded with light as the shadows slithered from their places and wrapped themselves around Luna's body. With a shout, the shadows exploded outward to reveal a deep blue and black set of barding.
"Ha! And it wasn't even a combat spell!" Luna laughed, setting her blade on its point for a moment. "What will you do now, knave?"
Marwolaeth responded by leaping into the air. "Raise the stakes even higher."
The same guard chuckled again.
Luna smirked and began to launch small balls of magic at Marwolath, who deftly twisted as he fell to dodge.
When Marwolaeth fell into range, Luna threw up a shield dome. The airborne warrior somersaulted in the air and dropped his aggressive heel into Luna's shield. Marwolaeth's arms lost their arcane lines, and Luna suddenly felt the full weight of Marwolaeth and his armour bearing down on her.
Luna dropped her shield and batted Marwolaeth with her wing. As he fell, Luna body checked his leg, knocking him off balance. Finally, when he was in range, Luma whipped her broadsword around and sent Mareolaeth skidding with the force of her blow.
Without missing a beat, Marwolaeth rolled into a stand and skidded to a stop on one foot.
Luna was panting heavily and watching Marwolaeth with a wary eye.
"Well? I've kept you on the defensive this whole time. Your turn."
Marwolaeth watched a look of resignation wash over Luna’s features as she sagged into a sitting position, letting her armour fade away.
“We… We yield… Good… Good Sir Pydredd.”
Marwolaeth bowed to Luna and set about removing the dings in his armour with a soft application of magic.
Luna groaned upon seeing this. “All of… All of that and you could… still use magic?”
“Was going to break that out if you lasted too long.”
Luna chuckled breathlessly, slowly running streams of magic down her body to erase her bruises. “Where were you… two thousand years ago…?”
“I forget. Ask Celestia or my master.”
“We certainly will do that… You have intrigued us, Sir Pydredd. I do hope that we will see more of each other soon.”
“I as well. You’re the first actual challenge that I’ve faced on this plane.”
Luna barked out a laugh. “Yes, Sister has let this kingdom grow soft. Heh, nothing in the past millennium and a half has been able to best us in fair combat, though nothing has challenged us to single combat in that time. We must be out of practice."
Luna escorted Marwolaeth slowly back to his room, regaling him with tales of old that he had already heard from Shield Line, but with the perspective of a pony that had been there. She bade him goodnight at his door and took her leave shortly after.
Marwolaeth could hear her leaning against his door panting before she trotted away.
For the remainder of the night, Marwolaeth slept. He awoke in the morning to the sound of claws on tile, and a knock on his door. He opened his door to greet the two griffons outside his door who regarded him with disgust.
“Marwolaeth Pydredd. We are to escort you to High Peak Castle in the Lonely City of the kingdom of Cloudedge. I am Beaker and this is Spearhaft.”
“A pleasure. Let us go.”
Beaker held up a claw. “Let me make one thing perfectly clear. Had you not shown yourself capable of dispatching an entire squad of the elite royal guards and had I not witnessed you effortlessly conquer Princess Luna, we would gut you here ourselves.”
“At least you have common sense.”
The griffons snorted and turned, leading Marwolaeth out of the castle. Celestia met him at the castle gate and handed him a scroll of paper.
“Here, this is your map to the griffon kingdoms. You will be going to the port city of Shell Beach and taking a ship to the griffon city of Marked Hearth. From there, you’ll travel through the valleys to Pale Fly, where you’ll have an airship waiting to take you to the Lonely City.”
“My thanks, Celestia. Tell your sister that I look forward to my return so that I might spar with her again.”
Celestia grimaced. “Yes, I heard about that. Perhaps next time she will bend her pride enough to take your handicaps with grace.”
“Perhaps.”
“One last thing. Princess Twilight Sparkle and the Elements of Harmony will be meeting you at the train station to see you off.”
“Splendid. Be well, be safe, Celestia.”
“And you as well, Marwolaeth Pydredd.”
Marwolaeth and the two griffons stalked through the sparsely populated streets of Canterlot. What ponies they did see shrunk at the sight of Marwolaeth and gave him as wide a berth as possible.
“Rumour seems to spread quickly here.”
Beaker grunted.
At the train station, Twilight Sparkle and her friends were waiting on an empty platform with Garfunkel, Fluttershy’s bear, sitting against a nearby wall. The ponies all seemed shaken, but otherwise healthy. Twilight stepped forward.
“W-Well Pydredd. The train will be here soon. We all just wanted to say good bye.”
Marwolaeth snorted. “Hardly good bye. Merely a short see you later.”
Rainbow Dash shook her head. “You don’t understand. An old friend, Gilda…” The ponies flinched at the name. “Used to tell me about the Warrior’s Execution. Nopony, griffon or otherwise, has ever come out alive.”
“There’s always a first time for everything. I’m sure that if I could best what amounts to a deity on this plane at swordplay with one foot and both arms tied behind my back, a few creatures will pose little to no problem.”
Marwolaeth’s ponies blinked. Rarity stuttered out of her stupor first. “Y-Y-Y-You what?”
“Luna challenged me to a spar. I bested her with no magic, one foot and no arms.”
Twilight gulped. “B-But Luna was documented as the scourge of any battlefield she graced! Nothing has bested her in one on one combat in millennia!”
“Well, now nothing has since yesterday. Go talk to her about it, I’m sure you’ll be able to glean some sort of cultural significance from my hobbled and unorthodox fighting style.”
Twilight glared at Marwolaeth. “No need to be rude. Still…” She mumbled. “Worth a shot.”
“That’s the spirit. Dash, maybe you can learn her fighting style and Pie, you can learn how to punch with the force of ten thousand moons. And Sparkle, perhaps she can show you few less modern, lesser known combat spells.”
“U-Um…”
“And keep practicing while I’m away. Might as well use Luna as a training partner.”
“Well, Ah guess…”
“Wonderful. Jack, perhaps learn a few different weapons from the guards. Rarity, now is the time to learn some basic combat spells and Shy…” Marwolaeth looked at Garfunkel. “Keep the bear around.”
“R-Right.”
A cough from above drew every pair of eyes to a uniformed Pegasus pony. “Uh, sorry to interrupt, Mister Pydredd, but we’re afraid that we won’t be able to take you to Shell Beach. Our train has… Well, her engine exploded and her corpse is blocking the railway.”
“Unfortunate.”
“Gonna back out, Pydredd?” Shearhaft sneered.
“Hardly. I hope you gentlemen aren’t afraid of walking.”
Beaker huffed. “We’ll be fine.”
Twilight muttered some things to herself before looking up. “By train, the trip to Shell Beach is only a day long. Walking, that’d take more than a week!”
“Well then we had better get moving.”
Pinkie Pie jumped. “But- But what about food?”
“I hunt. They both hunt. We can carry plenty of water. We’ll be fine.”
“Your armour might get damaged!” Rarity cried.
“Fixable by magic.”
“One of you might get hurt!” Fluttershy protested.
“Again, magic.”
Rarity moaned. “Ugh, fine, here.” She levitated a thick coat of blues and golds crossed with lengths of chain and fields of purple. “I had been saving this for tomorrow, but seeing as you won’t be here tomorrow, I may as well give you your new coat now.”
Marwolaeth took the coat and ran it between his fingers before slinging it around his shoulders. The coat fell down to his thighs and rose in the back so that he could still easily access the legion of weapons strapped to his back.
“A fine example of your craft, Rarity. My thanks.”
“Yes, well, it was hardly fulfilling. My word, it was simply a sheet of cloth with some arm holes cut out! I had to get creative with the trim and the designs to even begin sewing it!”
“All the same, it is very nice.”
“As soon as we heard that you were going to face the Warrior’s Execution,” Twilight said. “Rarity gave the coat to me to enchant. I’ve made it impervious to tearing, piercing, and flame, and warded it so that its wearer will never be cold!”
Marwolaeth stared down at Twilight. “…Why?”
“Why? Well, we wanted to make sure that you were properly protected against th-”
Marwolaeth banged a fist against his breastplate, eliciting a low gong.
“…Oh. Right. Armour.”
“I appreciate the sentiment. If anything, the enchantments will keep the coat intact through my journey.”
“Well, at least we have that.”
“That’s all well and good.” Spearhaft interrupted. “But can we get going? We won’t make it to Shell Beach any sooner if we never leave Canterlot!”
Marwolaeth nodded. “Of course. Girls, Garfunkel. Take care. Stay safe, stay healthy.”
“Finally.” Beaker grumbled as Marwolaeth led them out of the terminal and onto the road to the East.
“Indeed. Off we go, gentlemen.”
“Gentle what?” Spearhaft scratched his head.
“I think it means gentlegriffs.”
“Oh. Well why didn’t it just say so?”
“Well, it’s near as we can get to an intelligent monster. We can hardly expect it to speak properly.”
“Heh, yeah.”
Marwolaeth smirked underneath his helmet. Finally, here was the attitude that he was used to dealing with. The fear and disgust. Perhaps the griffon kingdoms would be a welcome reprieve from the dull harmony of Equestria.
“So, gentlegriffs.”
“What do you want?”
“Care to tell me a bit of the history of the griffon kingdoms?”
“We ain’t telling you nothing.” Spearhaft spat.
“Aren’t telling him anything.” Beaker muttered under his breath, nudging Spearhaft’s side.
“Aw shut up.”
Marwolaeth chuckled.
A welcome reprieve indeed.
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And I think this is where I check out. I know Marwolaeth is supposed to be an overpowered character, but that fight with Luna was just too much. It completely destroyed what little suspension of disbelief I had left for this story.
The blood and gore has only just begun
Hasbrian ...... Please tell me I didn't not see a cheesy joke there...
3925153 Well Luna has been stuck on the moon for 1,000 years and she thought she could beat him easy. When he actually started beating her she probably got more then a little flummoxed. Maybe back in the they day she would've had to have less of a handicap. This guy has been fighting and living for untold number of years.
3925153
Well luna aint exactly a immortal... Well impervious to poison and age...i think.
ok
1st thing... how did we get to griffins? where the hell did they come from
2nd... MOAR LUNA... dame that was fun
dis gon be gud!
3925203 I only just got it...damn...that's... Heh-heh.
"Our train has… Well, her engine exploded and her corpse is blocking the railway.”
What kind of pegasus would relate an immovable train to a corpse?
3925682 one bribed/threatened by griffons perhaps?
Well...I'm going to have to assume Celestia knows how powerful he is, otherwise she's a terrible diplomat.
This is how it would have worked if Celestia knew what she was doing:
"His head delivered to them, or war? Before making any promises, I'll find out exactly what happened."
...
"Haha, fuck no. Your daughter came into our territory and assaulted a strange new intelligent creature because he wouldn't give into her rape demands. Instead, forget this whole thing ever happened and I won't move the sun directly over your nation and keep it there for a month."
3925682 A cool one
He could of at least warned them before he started removing limbs. I always feel bad for guards in these situations, they were just following orders, it isn't their fault the one giving the orders is an idiot.
Marwolaeth is finally going home haha
Pyrdredd has surpassed "unbelievable badass" into Gary Stu. He's unrelatable and totally overpowered, even for an overpowered character. That's not good writing.
Go take the Mary Sue litmus test, assess yourself as a writer, and seriously consider making him even remotely interesting. His flaws are negligible/entirly superficial, his power is insane, and it is not enjoyable to read about a character so wildly overpowered that it is farcical.
I'm done with this story.
3926186
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3926339
Cute. Good to know that you view criticism as illegitimate commentary on writing.
3926186 If you're done, then just leave. You don't have to be such a bitch about it, damn...
3925356 3925281
Oh I expected her to lose from the very beginning. After all, Celestia wouldn't have bothered to contract someone like Marlowaeth, who runs completely contrary to pretty much every value she's instilled in Equestrian society, if she could protect the Elements just as effectively on her own. Marlowaeth is powerful, and he's had tens of thousands of years in near constant combat to practice his skills and abilities, so the fact that he beat Luna isn't my issue.
My problem with it was really two specific details:
The first was Luna's "combat ability". Twilight says that she was the scourge of every battlefield she appeared on, but I didn't really see anything in there that made me feel like Luna was anything more than a joke. Even the one spell she used was nothing more than a half-assed Magic Missile. And don't even get me started on her fail-shield. It also didn't help matters that the only time any of Luna's actions were shown in any capacity was when she was reacting to something Marlowaeth had done.
The second was Marlowaeth himself. Fighting with a handicap, sure, why not. But hopping on one foot and somehow juggling three different weapons on the other with a few flips and somersaults (in full-plate armor no less) thrown in for good measure.....it's just way too much. I have no problem with him being skilled in both martial and magical combat. I have no problem with him being strong and resistant to damage. I don't even have a problem with him being surprisingly agile, despite his cumbersome armor. But having him fight like that through purely physical means just left me staring at my computer screen endlessly repeating the word, "....wut?"
I dunno, maybe it was just me, but that fight scene was just too over the top. I can't take Marlowaeth seriously anymore and I'm pretty sure Luna and Celestia could be taken out by a moderately-armed group of farmers with no weapon training at all.
3926544 3926186
I have read your concerns about Marwolaeth's status as a Gary Stu, and would like to put the argument to rest.
Yes, Marwolaeth is a Gary Stu. That's his entire schtick. He is a dark and tortured hero with a sad past and ungodly combat prowess and wisdom. I'd been hoping to save this for the end, but I suppose that it's started to come to a head already (and will inevitably get worse) I might as well address the issue. My main source of inspiration for this story comes from other examples from FiMFic (not naming names) that have a similar plot. Powerful warrior enters Equestria after a life of being shunned and doing battle and accepts the love and tolerance of the ponies and capitulates to their Harmony, often succumbing to those that seduce him. I looked at these fics and said 'No. That's not how it works.' I am writing this story to show how I believe a dark and tortured warrior that has known no love in his life would react to the ponies and their attempts to pacify him.
That said, I may have gone a bit overboard with the fight scene with Luna. I'm not going to go back and change it, but I have added a few things to make it slightly more plausible, Marwolaeth using a spell to lighten his weight and Luna being 1500 years out of practice among them.
Continue to read or no, I will keep going, and I will improve as I go. Writers are artists, after all. I'm not in this for the likes or faves, though they are a very nice bonus, I'm writing this story to get something off of my chest that has weighed on it for too long.
3926680
Thanks for addressing my comment.
If I come off as upset, I suppose I am. I became invested in your story, despite it's skirting the line with Pyrdredd as a Gary Stu, because the premise was interesting and Pyrdredd was compelling. However, the line between "unbelievable badass" ( insanely over the top, but still within the realm of possibility) was lost during the fight with Luna. You played her up to be a powerful fighter, but Pyrdredd turned her into a joke by fighting her... By juggling his weapons with his feet. See, if this was a comical take on Gary Stu stories I'd call you a hilarious genious, but you'd been playing it straight with Pyrdredd being serious. The dissonance between his at least semi-believable fighting prowess and that scene shattered any notion of believability. I mean, he could have used kick-boxing or some other form of martial art to win and, sure, it would have been crazy, but... Juggling weapons with his feet?
Anyway, best of luck with the rest of it.
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!
Another Great chapter man keep them coming and take as much time as you need to make it the best you can! I hate the wait but then again you can't rush Perfection lol =)
i am going to love these griffens
3926680
Even if you were to fall into some of the pits that define a Gary Stu story most of us reading this story (myself included) are enjoying the story because we like the character Marwolaeth so cliches be dammed you got a good and interesting story going on here.
Gawd, this story is dryer than the Sahara.
we gonna have some fried chickin
3926680
I think PropMaster Hit the nail on the head here. It's always good to know that an author takes the comments he gets on his story seiously and takes the time to evaluate his own work because of them, regardless of the conclusion he draws at the end. And as you said yourself, write what you want to write since, in the end, if you don't enjoy your own work then what was the point of writing it to begin with?
But since you brought up him being a Marty Stu.....
He wasn't one at the beginning. He was incredibly overpowered, true, but he wasn't a Stu. He was shown to be skilled, knowledgeable, and incredibly powerful, but it fit his character and the background you gave him. He has a truly massive amount of time spent practicing and refining his combat techniques and knowledge, so the fact that he's an unrivaled master in those areas is not surprising. Up until his fight with Luna we see him as a completely serious, absolutely dedicated soldier who fights with skill, grace, and meticulous planning.
But in the fight with Luna all of that gets thrown out the window. At that point it's not a matter of him being skilled or powerful anymore. He just completely takes any concept of any even remotely viable fighting tactic, throws them all out the window, and proceeds to use a fighting style that is, quite frankly, impossible without the ability to completely alter reality to do whatever you want. At that point it became apparent that Marlowaeth has no limits or weaknesses and will automatically succeed at impossible feats simply because he is himself.
That's the point where he became a Stu.
Anyway, have fun with the writing, and I wish you luck with the rest of the story. Perhaps we'll cross paths again in the future.
Crack chapter is Crack. Loved every minute.
That said, I agree with the other posters; Pydredd crossed the line into marty stu w/ the luna fight scene. I don't think he would have so readily accepted, perhaps luna should have had to goad him a bit more but that's beside the point. Foot juggling swords, the crazy handicaps, Luna's fail magic....I thought it was all rather slapstick, but I'm guessing that's not quite what we're going for...? Anyway, it didn't really seem plausible that Luna, Goddess of the Moon, Princess of the Night and Scourge of all Battlefields, would be beaten by one guy in a lightweight armor suit, who was juggling his weapons with his feet at the time, simply because she went without the use of her wings...
Granted, Pydredd is a multi-millennia old battlemaster with almost no down time, ever, and she's almost 1500 years out of practice, but in my opinion, when you're that old and that powerful, kicking ass should be like riding a bike; It all comes back when you're back in the saddle.
I think what would make that scene more viable would be a more prolonged, drawn out fight with neither willing to use their full capabilities due to stubborn pride. That would have made the marty stu moments a little more believable and would have given us a point to relate to Pydredd with: a warrior's stubborn pride.
Aside from that though, everything else was hunky-dory: Princess Griffin/Bitch got exactly what I hoped she would, Pydredd was blunt and honest to the point of comedy, and the rest of the cast was left scrambling after his antics. Hilarious as usual.
All in all, I enjoyed it.
Have a moustache.-->
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After considering your criticisms and arguments, I went back to actually read through what I had written and had to agree that I had gone completely overboard. I conferred with a few close friends, and the results were unanimous.
This is me swallowing my pride and informing you that I've rewritten Luna's fight scene. I suppose that I was so enamored with the idea of someone weilding weapons with their foot that I sacrificed a bit of reader enjoy ability to sate my own ego. Hopefully what I've replaced the rediculous scene with will appease those that I've alienated while still keeping the other readers happy.
Keep up the comments and feedback! I appreciate every chance to improve my writing. After all, it would be hypocritical of me, who started this story with the thought of 'that's not how that's supposed to go' to elicit the same feeling in my readers.
3931199 The fight has vastly improved in my eyes. And overall a very good story with proper grammar and punctuation. Good show, good show indeed.
Need........more............
NEEEED..............MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!
THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING!
3926186 Overpowered? If you compare him to half the animes and books Characters out there he would pale in comparison to them lets take Toaru Majutsu no Index The main character Touma Kamijou power is to stop any other person being magic or supernatural powers simply by touching them. That's overpowered, If we put Touma up against Marwolaeth Pydredd. Touma would kick his Knight ass no offence JackobolTrades
In seconds being that Pydredd power is all magic based and so is his armor. If Touma so much as taped Pydredd chest all his armor would break into pieces now that's overpowered.
3942579
That's not the the point. Comparing a fantasy character from one series to a wildly different character from a wildly different series doesn't really work. That's like comparing Star Wars VS Star Trek: the point is moot because science, technology, and reality don't work the same in either setting, because they are so different.
I could name a dozen characters more "overpowered" than Pyrdredd, but we're talking about My Little Pony. The most powerful beings in the show, as well as this story (arguably) are Celestia and Luna, and Luna had been played up to be an extremely competent fighter and deadly warrior in her own right.
Here's the point: Jackobol established a level of semi-realistic internal consistency. Pyrdredd was placed as an extremely competent magic user and a fighter with many, many years of experience, but everything he did was, while badass and over-the-top, reasonable to the established setting and was internally consistent. Pyrdredd was a capable and powerful warrior, the top of his game in the setting, and there are few that could possibly face him in the relatively peaceful nation of Equestria and survive. That's fine. But when Pyrdredd went up against Luna, who was stated by reliable characters to be one of the finest fighters in Equestria and a war-goddess in her own right, for him to best her so handily and without any apparent effort broke the idea of internal consistency.
See, Kamina/Simon in Tenga Toppen Gurren Lagann (going back to anime references) are easily more "overpowered" then Pyrdredd, but within their own universe their insane feats of hot-blooded manliness are internally consistent. You can justify ANYTHING being able to do ANYTHING as long as it is internally consistent. It's a hallmark of good writing to stay consistent.
3943321
I completely agree. The only minor disagreement is this part.
That doesn't really break internal consistency. Pyrdredd was not just played up as one of the best. He's played up as one of the best in a vast multiverse. With that in mind, a few characters in one country, on one planet, in one galaxy, in one dimension of a single universe is the most narrow view of "the best" that you can get. That's like saying internal consistency would be broken if Silver Surfer mopped the floor with Superman in a crossover. Superman maybe one of DC's greatest heroes and known on several planets across the universe, but what does that mean to the Silver Surfer, Herald of Galactus (Has even challenged his masters power), A character who is much more powerful in every aspect and has had much more experience?
You also brought up the differences in realities when comparing fictions. That is also another sketchy point involving universes with multiverses. The only shared rule in a fiction like this maybe that there must be a way for all planes to interact. It's not hard for me to believe that Pyrdredd is stronger in some universes and weaker in others, and I can believe that he's even been in locales with everything from real earth physics to toon physics. So you can't throw out comparisons because of differences in realities. Any differences should be noted, but all the similarities can't tossed out. Using Star Trek and Star Wars you can easily compare their combat prowess (Blasters and phasers both provide quantifiable data to compare), economies, travel speeds, etc. Warp not working like hyper drive doesn't mean you can't compare them. Heck even the fact that hyper drive works on elements which don't even exist in Star Trek has no effect on the comparison.
Again, this isn't about Pyrdredd, just that I disagree with that one little part.
Just read the rewritten version of the fight scene, thought it was still a little silly but the marty stu effect is pretty much gone.
Didn't expect luna to give up so easily, but with the 1500 years downtime and pydredd's mad skillz, I suppose that's viable. Well done!~
3944358
Pyrdredd still beat Luna by hitting her with weapons he was juggling with his feet. I'm pretty sure for a at least semi-believeable and semi-realistic portrayal that had been established for the entirety of the story, for him to do something so rediculously beyond the pale was still breaking internal consistency. Especially since he did it without getting hurt at all, and also nearly killed Luna during a "friendly" match.
Mind you, I haven't read the changes to the scene, so it's probably wildly different now, but all of Pyrdredd's abilities had been internally consistent in the setting's semi-realistic portrayal. He hadn't done anything that an accomplished weapon master in any story wouldn't have been able to do. Fighting manticores, taking down griffon guards, all wasn't THAT insane (though it was pretty insane), it was just when he did something so unrealistic and crazy as juggling weapons with his feet. See, I believe Pyrdredd can juggle weapons with his feet, but nobody would EVER develop a combat style around juggling weapons with one's feet—because this was a semi-realistic universe that had been established wherein juggling weapons with one's feet wouldn't ever be a thing because it is entirely impractical, and Pyrdredd is, if ANYTHING, a practical person. He chose a scythe for AJ to use as a weapon because it made sense as a farmer's weapon. His decisions always follow towards the most practical and direct route to a victory. Pyrdredd would never have learned "foot-weapon juggling" because he could have just learned KICKBOXING or any other kick-focused martial art, and it would be practical and effective—far more than juggling weapons haphazardly with one's feet. Why use weapons at all when your body is a honed, armored, killing machine and you're not allowed to use your hands? An armored boot is more than deadly enough, and would have made sense to the ever-practical Pyrdredd.
You make a lot of good points about comparisons being difficult due to the multi-verse presented in the story, but there's one issue: Multi-verses can't really be quantified in this story, especially since those multi-verses have never been shown in the story beyond a small bit. The reader can only go on what is presented, and in the story the multi-verse idea was only a very small thing in the beginning of the story that was glossed over and quickly forgotten about in favor of deeper immersion in the MLP setting. Were we shown something of a glimpse of Pyrdredd's abilities being far, far greater than as presented (above and beyond his weapons-master/magic user presentation), perhaps I'd be willing to concede the point, but we can't really bring the multi-verses into play in trying to excuse Pyrdredd's ability, because they've not been shown or given any deeper explanation except as an excuse to put Pyrdredd in Equestria.
3950558 Originally, griffons were going to be French, but the accent evolved into some weird combo of French, German and Russian. I don't even know how that happened.
3950715
So you've got the Prussians?
4000748
I have no idea. I'm a 'Murican, the only accent we ever hear aside from 'Murican is Hollywood British and Monty Python French.
4000998 So am I.
Don't forget about Suther'n American, Shore-i-can, Stoofy Bri'ish-English, Snooty-Frehnch, Vuztik-Gehrmahn, etcetera.
Well I hope this updates soon. Its rather amusing.
4153152
I know that. The scythe in the fic was not specified as a war scythe.
Ugh, please don't tell me I have to read this persons lines again.
4319690 got a problem with russin or german accents?
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5156728 it seems more german than russian to me
Russians tend to have a more pronounced accent then Germans
Get back here! I'll bite your legs off!