poor twilight.

after reading this story, and reading the ending I was wondering what I thought was wrong with it. then after much thinking I think I know what it is. this fic reads like a wish fulfillment, also I thought that it was unrealistic. Molestia is obviously supposed to be a 1000+ year old rapist and molester, and your telling me that in those thousand(s) of years she spent molesting she never found that one person to set her straight so to speak? I'm sorry but I call bullshit. I mean this had the potential to be a great story about the rebellion against molestia which would have been interesting, but instead it kind of reads like a 16 year old girl's fanfiction about the bad boy who just needs that one person to love or something along that cliche. so any way I had to down vote sorry.

3637617 This is just the beginning of Whitey's discovery of his true self and the history of his family's blood line. He is a pegasus that can perform magic due to the fact there is magic in his family and he is a full grown stallion with no cutie mark yet. He loves both princesses but can't have either without hurting the other. So he does what he can to get them to change. He gets Molly to be unable to be pleasured with molesting others hoping she will just stop all together and he gives Luna what she never had, a best friend. Sure she has worshipers and people that are loyal to her but never a true friend. This is why Whitey remarks a lot about how his life sucks, trying to balance his relationships with both of them while trying to remain professional as the Captain of the Royal Guard.

Later on in this story-line you will see he isn't the bad boy you think he is(don't know where you got that one from he isn't anything like that) and he is actually destined for something greater than Captain of the Royal Guard.

The events of this story are what set in motion the changes that come about in Luna, Molly and Whitey. The second story I have in the oven right now is the events after the first story. This one will build more on what I have been posting on Tumblr with his Captain's Logs. And yes, the rebellion is part of a later story, and Whitey plays a major part in its outcome.

So just sit tight as this story-line develops. Can't pack all the goodies into one story now.

3639450 So even worse he's a freaking mary sue. Wonderful.

3688447 All main characters are mary sues no matter how hard the writer tries to not put themselves into the character. The subtle hints are still there. If the writer can't put themselves into the characters they create then the story becomes emotionless and dull and feels faked.

3689509 Pointing out the flaws with your story doesn't equal hating. Instead of deleting comments that actually tell you wants wrong with your story, try taking criticism some grace.

3690140 Then add grace to your criticisms. Don't come off as insulting. And because you think they are flaws doesn't make them flaws. Only in your mind do they appear that way.
This character isn't even fully developed yet. No one can stand up like he does without the weight of emotion and stress breaking them revealing their flaws as a living being. His breaking point will come, and it will break him harder than he knows.

this story was frickin freaky until the stallion started to "eat her". i enjoy a good fright sometimes, and sex with fright is actually quite hot. . . i didnt just say that out loud, right?

yeah, though. freaky as fuck beginning, with a hot "molly" style ending.

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3690162 Respect is earned, not given and you being insulted by his comment is only in your head. Regardless, the point he was making still stands. You say that the story doesn't have flaws, but then you have to think about how all of your stories have a general 2:1 dislike to like ratio. The only reason I can see that this one has more likes than dislikes is due to the fact that it has Molestia. People like Molestia. It's a fact.

This is just the beginning of Whitey's discovery of his true self and the history of his family's blood line. He is a pegasus that can perform magic due to the fact there is magic in his family and he is a full grown stallion with no cutie mark yet. He loves both princesses but can't have either without hurting the other. So he does what he can to get them to change. He gets Molly to be unable to be pleasured with molesting others hoping she will just stop all together and he gives Luna what she never had, a best friend. Sure she has worshipers and people that are loyal to her but never a true friend. This is why Whitey remarks a lot about how his life sucks, trying to balance his relationships with both of them while trying to remain professional as the Captain of the Royal Guard.

Just like how this guy being a Mary Sue is a fact.

3786558 OC stories rarely ever have high marks cause people won't open their minds and give the story a chance they just see OC x canon and assume of the bat it's trash. Very rarely do you see good OC stories and that's usually cause of the popularity of the canon characters in the story to bring up the OC character. Fandoms tend to hold canon over everything else, that's the main problem.

I could care less what people think of my OC. I'm gonna continue to write his story for those with open minds that follow this story and praise it when I update it.

Mary Sue my butt, I wouldn't be caught dead acting like this character. He is more of an image of what I think a captain of the royal guard would be like in Molly's madhouse.

3787485 Two of my stories. All that needs to be said. It's not just the OC, although it does play a huge part in it.

Only Bronies can make a character like Celestia into a rapist

After seeing the Molestia blog get taken down, this really made my day! Keep up the good work!

3790407 Welcome to the future!

So I came to this story thinking perhaps I'd get to read an exploration of the variant characterization of Celestia known as the popular Molestia, from the recently departed Ask Princess Molestia tumblr/blog.

Maybe I'd get to see a silly story with that kind of suggestive and naughty sort of content that the blog was known for. Maybe some geeky gamer Luna.

Instead, I get... whatever this is.

To be fair, a lot of my issue comes from expectation vs reality. It isn't so much that this is terribly written. Allow me a moment to point out some of the good.

The plot was interesting, expectations aside. The setup of Celestia waking up and finding her Canterlot palace empty, getting freaked out by the weirdness going on, only for it all to be an elaborate ruse set up by one of her guards, Twilight, and Luna is fairly creative.

Some of the descriptions and scenes conveyed that sense of weirdness and fear rather well.

The story was easy to read on a technical level, as far as grammar and formatting go.

And with that, I'm spent. I can't really say anything else positive.

What this story advertised itself to be should be an exploration of the character. What this story's structure and plot (a fairly classic horror setting) should rely on the strength of the character. In order to be good, it would have to make us care about the protagonist, and be interested in what is happening to her and why she is scared.

We don't get that.

Instead what we get is a fairly bland person seemingly modeled after countless bland B-rated horror heroines. The kind you roll your eyes and groan about when they inevitably slip, trip, or otherwise fall. While I get that the setting is supposed to be creepy, and in parts it does a passing job of conveying that, I have a hard time reconciling the terror-stricken and near mindless character presented in this story with any image of Celestia I've ever seen. The Molestia I've seen in the blog was, if nothing, confident and playful, not timid and panicky.

The story's climactic scene really reveals what this story truly is though. A single poorly planned out and badly depicted sex scene between the author's self-insert OC and... "Celestia."

With absolutely no introduction or any reason to know who this pony is or even remotely care, we're dumped into a scene where Celestia is chained to the wall and molested. I think I counted "vanilla lips" used at least four times.

Step aside for a moment and attempt to think of some real characterization for a moment, something this author has apparently no ability to do. Imagine a being who is over a thousand years old, spends a great deal of her time engaging in lewd acts with nearly everyone around her, and is interested in some rather kinky things including gender swapping, incest, and BDSM. A very large amount of what she goes for in the blog appears to be more about who she is molesting more than what specifically is being done.

So back to this story, this supposed rendition of Princess Molly is treated to the absolute best orgasms she's ever had by a session of manual and oral stimulation with a "masked stranger." Worldview-changing orgasms.

To be fair, I don't think it is actually possible to convey into written word the kind of sex acts in performance that would achieve that. So the fact that the descriptions in the story don't convey that well is understandable.

Probably because the entire idea is stupid and would never happen.

In the epilogue, Molly figures out who did her, unsurprisingly isn't angry about being raped and tricked and instead is apparently in love with the auther's self-insert. She supposedly gives up the whole molesting thing because none of it will ever be as good as Whitey's skillz. Except for comedic effect she and Twilight have a go anyway.

Oh, and Luna apparently loves Whitey too. Or at least the shallow made up and not at all like any depiction of Luna character that happens to be named Luna in this story Luna.

So what we have is a story about three or four OC's that do some things, fuck in one scene, and share some dialogue in the end. Because the author apparently really likes Celestia and Luna, he used their names for two of his OC's. I'll save my comments about whitey for my review of the other story in this series (yes, it's a series. Why I don't know, but it is).

3930197 Actually this is a one time story. The other one was supposed to be a continuation but that got changed and is now set in a different universe than this one. This was the first story I wrote about my OC so yeah I know it's bland.

My new story is being heavily revised as I change my OC into a believable character.

3930197 that pretty much sums up my opinion, and you said it better then me!

3688447
I lol'd