Hearts and Hooves, but Mostly Hearts

by The Atlas Complex

The butterfly migration

Well, Applejack was no help, I mean she is one of the bravest ponies in Equestria, aside from me of course. Not to mention that she always has this country wisdom about her, I had thought for sure she could give me some better advice than "Ah think you should just be open with her, Rainbow. Honesty is the best policy after all." Well, I suppose I should've expected as much from the Element of Honesty.

Well, I'm here now, and there's no getting around it. The pony that has captured my heart is less than a meter away from me, and the tension is building at a pace that could rival my own speed (on a bad day of course). It's kinda adorable to see her this happy, to see her this excited over something. Of course that something happens to be the most boring thing in all of Equestria, the Great Butterfly Migration. She had tried to make a decent argument, stating that it happens once in a generation. Of course, once in a generation is only about nine months considering a butterfly's lifespan.

But that didn't matter, and although I would never let her know it, I came with her because she asked me, not anypony else, but me! I'm absolutely positive that had she asked Twilight or Rarity, or even Pinkie Pie, that they would've said yes. But no, she ask me, Fluttershy asked me!

It's really kinda interesting that I have become so infatuated with a pony I've known my entire life, litterally! I mean, I cant physically remember a time in my life not knowing her. We grew up next door to each other, we went to both Flight school and Base school together, and we even moved to the same town together! We did kinda grow apart after Flight school, and I did come to resent her after a while. But when I found myself in the same circle of friends as her, I noticed something changed. Not immediately, but I noticed that she was, ever so slightly, coming out of her shell.

I feel kinda bad because I know what caused this change, she was suddenly in an environment where she was accepted for who she was, not shunned. Not what I was doing. And now I've made a complete one-eighty, I've gone from believing that she's intolerable, to questioning how I could've lived without her for so long. But, I suppose love is a tricky thing.

I have to admit though, if only to myself, that it is a beautiful sight, the butterflies I mean. In fact, it almost appears that they're mimi- "Heeeey" I shout, the sight before me infuriating. Above us are hundreds, maybe thousands of butterflies all hovering in one cluster. The pesky insects are configured in an all too familiar pattern, one that mirrors my own appearance in the most unflattering way possible.

I push off the bright green grass that only a moment ago served as my bed. My clone copies the actions and begins hurling itself at me, only coming to a stop when I myself halt right before colliding into the fluttering mass. Behind myself I hear soft giggles, and I quickly turn around to find the source is none other than the creamy yellow pegasus that is the object of my affection. Her eyes meet my own. After a moment her eyes veered slightly to my right, and whatever she saw behind my back caused yet another fit of giggles.

I turn back to my clone to find find her... It... Them "standing" with their faux hooves behind their back. The figure appears overly suspicious, and is not at all helped by a hoof-full of black butterflies that have taken the appearance of a music note, which appears to resemble the act of whistling. I reach my breaking point "Cut. It. Out!" The six-legged pranksters disperse at the sound of my frustration and fly off with the never-ending river that is the Butterfly Migration.

I take in a deep breath then return to my resting spot. Fluttershy was still giggling, which in itself is not a bad thing. In fact, it actually helps to relax my nerves after that annoying demonstration of nature. "What's so funny" I queried in a nonchalant tone of voice. As obvious as it may have been, I need to at least appear calm, cool, and collected... But mostly cool.

"It's nothing" Fluttershy claimed in her hushed tone of voice. The awkward silence that followed reminded me of why I was here, why I was trying so hard to retain a shred of dignity after that foalish little show. The silence was deafening, and I so yearn for a distraction. Just to do something, I slide onto my back, and gently fold my fore-legs behind my head into a makeshift pillow.

"This is nice." My ears perk up at the sound of Fluttershy's voice.

"Yeah" I agreed, "so... Uh, how long is this gonna last?" I don't really mind waiting for them to finish up, but if I'm gonna say what I wanna say, I don't want be stuck watching butterflies with the pony that turned me down.

"Maybe another hour or two" said the pink-maned pegasus.

"Great" I grunt. I open my mouth to speak, not sure about what, just to make small talk I suppose, but it doesn't matter because Fluttershy beat me to it. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to." That hit me in a soft spot. I had made her think that I wasn't having fun. I mean sure, I didn't want to come, but I'm here now aren't I?

I can't take it, the suspense is killing me! I have to segue this into the conversation that needs to take place. I sit up, gaining her attention. "Fluttershy" I say in a quiet tone, "I love you!"

Well, great! That was subtle. I've completely botched this entire friendship! I look away from her stare, not the stare, but just an average, shocked expression one might expect to receive after stating something in such a blunt fashion. I have the urge to bolt from my grassy seat, yet I can't find the strength to.

All I hear is a faint "Oh my"

Then I hear her stand, gently walk over to my location, then stop at my side. I don't look at her, but I can feel her stare on me. I'm expecting more than that feeling soon, the feeling of a hoof connecting with my cheek in a forceful manner. But it never comes. Instead, to my surprise, I feel soft, gentle, lips rest upon my cheek. "I love you too."

Author's Note:

My first story, be gentle.
May write more if this goes alright

Comments

[Mykneebescratchy]

This looks pretty good I didn't see any major mistakes. However I have a bit of constructive criticism for you. when I was reading through I found it a bit hard to keep up with what Rainbow Dash was thinking and what she was saying. I mean while it is not hard to decipher I do think that it would make things much smoother if you seperated speech a bit more. For example:

"Fluttershy" I say in a quiet tone, "I love you!" Well, great! That was subtle. I've completely botched this entire friendship!

In this little blurb here the pace is extremely fast and I miss some details, but if you split it up to be like this:
"Fluttershy" I say in a quite tone. "I love you"
*new paragraph*
This forces me to read this part more slowly and I then can seperate speech from thought.
This is a very good story for a first time and I hope that you will pull some positive feedback from this comment. I have a few more suggestions if you want them.
This was a long comment lol well now I am rambling. Keep on writing and have a brohoof!!!

[The Atlas Complex]

3609529
Thank you so much for your feedback, it means a lot that somepony took the time to read my story and provide constructive criticism! I would love to hear more you have to say, and I've already made a few changes based on your feedback. Thank you again and I'm happy my first story made a good impression.

EDIT: and no worries on your rambling. *accepts bro-hoof*

[Mykneebescratchy]

3612553
No problem! Love to help out!

[briantherat]

It was short...but has the foundation of something great. With more detail and more story, this could have been amazing.

[The Atlas Complex]

3619572

Thank you, and with this being my first story, a good foundation is more than I hoped to accomplish. Thank you again, and I do plan on sprucing this up as well as adding more chapters, but for now this is a decent start until I have more time to write.

[Grey_Mane]

I am not gonna lie. This actually kind of bored me, but it was only because of what little stuff was happening. But this was written quite well. Great job, especially for your first fic.