Leon Midnight Seiryu

by Maexam

Who where the Seiryu?

You are probably wondering who the Seiryu were, right? Well then, let me shed some light in here.

The Seiryu were a clan of powerful warriors and magicians. They have been around from even before the foundation of the land of Equestria. And, during it's foundation, many times they aided the regents of Equestria in battle and had supported them when needed. Some members of the Seiryu were known and recognized as some of the greatest warriors and magicians of Equestria. And it was considered an honor to be trained by one of them. So great was their reputation. However, the Seiryu didn't answered anyone. No. For them to fight for someone, that someone had to earn their respect. For the Seiryu took principles and honor very seriously. And so, in the times they were summoned, they answered to the Regents ONLY, which at that moment were Princess Celestia's and Princess Luna's parents, King Solaris and Queen Stellar Lumina. If someone like, say, a snobby noble, decided they wanted to command the Seiryu or drive them around, they would soon find out that they were biting more than they could chew. The Seiryu wouldn't harm them. No. Instead, they simply let the nobbles do whatever they wanted to and ignored them. After they tired, they would give all and every bribe or monetary gift the nobbles had tried to buy them with to the Regents. The Seiryu made a point to keep their motto. Which was, "Power is not for oneself. It's for the others. It is to be used to the good of everyone. Not to personal gains. It is to be used to protect the innocents. Not to judge and punish." And so, they used their power and wealth to help and protect the less fortunate. Many books and poems were written in their honor, narrating their stories and their deeds. However, if one were to search for history records and other documents about them or tried to find their village, they would find nothing. That would be so for two reasons. One, before Leon palaced himself in suspended animation, he placed every magical barriers and protective, deciving and comuflage spells that he knew to make it so that the village couldn't be located by any means. Not even the regents could find them, if they wanted to. And two, Nocturnal Shield and Satsuki, as well as their ancestors, had asked the regents that, if something were to happen to them, that every document about them should be erased. They asked this because evil doers or simply ambitious beings could try to use the contents and information in the documents to cause harm to the people. And the Seiryu would rather be forgotten than allow such tragedies to happen. And so, the Seiryu and the Regents had divided all the knowledge they had in books and other documents in half. Each side had kept one half and decided to place a special spell that was linked to every Seiryu that already exsisted and to every newborn. That is, so long as the regents knew of their exsistence. Thus, since Nocturnal Shield and Satsuki had kept Leon's existence a secret, the spell didn't apply to him. The effect the spell would have, was that if the Seiryu ceased to exsist, all and every document related to the Seiryu would automatically be destroyed. However, in the end, and unbestknown to the regenst, only half of the documents were destroyed. Because, while the regents spell wasn't linked to Leon, the clan's spell was. Thus, since there still was a Seiryu breathing, even if in animated suspension, the documents in the clan's vaults and library remained unscathed. However, since the regent at that time (Princess Celestia) didn't knew about that, she thought that the Seiryu clan no longer exsisted. It was indeed a very dark, tragic and sad day in the history of Equestria when the land lost the Seiryu clan.

Comments

[Maexam]

3671772 I understand. Use Leon's sisters as you wish. BUT!!! I'm sorry but I'm not changing neither the name, Cutie Mark or the story of my OC. By the way, did you read the second chapter or just stoped after the first?

[Safhell]

good story and oc but you should explain how the clan was killed off

[UniqueSKD]

Well, after taking a look at your story here, mate, I am sorry to say this, but I think your viewers are right.

There have been problems in the past with Alicorn OC's, because their perfection makes it difficult for them to be given character development, or any qualities that readers can associate with. For example, my OC is an anthro-pegasus who likes to have fun and make others laugh with his bizarre way of life, which most people can relate to because, well, most people out there just don't give a fuck what others think of them so long as they are happy.

There isn't really anything I can say that someone here hasn't said already. You should look back through your work and make the improvements as suggested by some of these people. But don't think I'm putting you down here! I'm putting you over there.

There we go.

Now, don't think for a second that I'm saying you're a bad writer. You have a good idea, but you presented it...awkwardly. Making some adjustments, and perhaps listening to your audience, will help you to make the story appealing. Writing is not easy - any expert story-teller will tell you that, and a great tale does not just come together in a single night. It takes and requires time and dedication to build it piece by piece, before you have something truly amazing.

You need to listen to your audience. They are not all trying to put you down for your effort, they are offering advice and helpful opinions, and you should not push those aside - listen to them, and use what they say to help your story improve.

If you don't listen to your audience, then you're not being much of a writer. A writer should compliment his or her readers by taking the time and energy to hear out their thoughts and suggestions.

That is all I can say for your story. Give it a makeover, friend.

- UniqueSKD

[Maexam]

24/05/14- Toe veryone that reads this, I made changes in the story. I changed a few names and changed a fewe facts and events. So, if anypony is interested and reads it again, then tell me what you think of tha changes. Also, new readers are welocme to leave thair comments here. One of the changes it that I tuned Leon's power down, as it was suggested by some users (find them on the comments). I thought of what they said and, alotugh I'm not too fond of admiting it, they were right. I overpowered him. I mean, if he already has all the power and knowledge, what's left to learn? What's the fun in that? I realized that the power, if he gains more, should come gradualy, through the challenges that life (or me, in this case) throws at him.

[Patient X]

I came back to this when I found it on Plan 9 from Equestria 2. You deleted my comments. Just putting that out there.