• Published 27th Dec 2013
  • 640 Views, 10 Comments

Song for Big Macintosh - macXtreble



Treble score comes to Ponyville to be free of the pain of heartache and to start a new life.But what happens when she catches the eye of the Apple family's most eligible bachelor?

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chapter 1 Ponyville

Author's Note:

so this is my oc story. in my author's box, I don't care about grammar so grammar Nazi's :this box is
IMMUNE
I hope you enjoy this fiction. but if not,
WHAT THE HAY IS WRONG WITH YOU??????
I keed. but happy reading!
:pinkiesmile:

Treble score (change to 1st person POV)

I looked about, contemplating which of the many sugary treats before me to purchase, when a pale pink mare with hot pink mane and tail and a cutie mark of balloons came out from the back.

"Ooh!!! Hi!!! You must be new to town, what's your name? Mine's Pinkie Pie, but you can call me Pinkie. Or Pie. Or Rainbow Dash sometimes calls me 'p'. Or Diane, that's my middle name. Though I don't know why ma and Pa named me that. Pinkamena Diane Pie. Isn't That ridiculously silly? Oh!! Are you going to stay in pony ville? I hope so! You can help me bake cupcakes and I'll throw you parties and we'll be the bestest of friends!!!" Pinkie said, grinning so widely that it was almost scary.

"Oh." I murmured in surprise, trying to process all of what the pink pony had just said." Hello, um, Pinkie. My name is Treble Score, and actually I'm trying to find somewhere to stay today. I don't suppose you know where there's a room here I can rent?" I asked softly, blowing my mane out of my eyes.

"Let me think... Ooh!!! I know just the thing!" Pinkie said, laying down a plate of oat cupcakes and a mug of hot chocolate piled high with whipped cream, nutmeg and cinnamon." Enjoy, I'll be back in a super jiffy!" She zipped out of the shop like she had a rocket pack strapped to her earth pony back. I sipped and nibbled at the treats before me, enjoying their flavors and aromas as I waited patiently for Pinkie to return, surveying Ponyville through the glass side panels of the pastel colored, sugar coated bakery.

Out on the street, everypony was busy and bustling about; there were ponies shopping, ponies selling, ponies smiling and chatting, and even one purple unicorn was being followed by a staggering purple and green baby dragon with arms precariously piled up with lots of important looking, old, heavy tomes, probably spellbooks if i had to take a guess.

A few silent moments went by before anypony came in.

"Now Pinkie, what's all this commotion about? Y'all just gonna pull me away from my orchard and not tell me a word about what's going on or why I'm here-" the orange pony in the doorway wearing the tan stetson hat paused." Well howdy, partner, welcome to Ponyville." She said, pulling her hat down over her bangs more.

"Hi." I whispered shyly, looking at the tough looking mare.

"A.j., this is Treble Score. Treble, this is Applejack, my super bestest friend. She lives on Sweet Apple Acres outside of town." Pinkie said, bouncing around energetically and gulping down cupcakes in a single bite.

"Nice to meet you." A.j. said." But Pinkie... What am I doing here?"

"So you can talk to Treble about renting out the attic room, duh! She needs a place to stay." Pinkie blurted through a mouthful of icing and strawberry filling.

"Well I guess we can do that... Sure hate to see anypony with nowhere to go." A.j. murmured." What are you good at?"

"Well," I said, taken aback by the question."I sing, I can do a good bit of magic, I can cook.".

"We could always use another set of hooves around the farm." She said, shaking my hoof." Let's get y'all settled in."

I followed her out of sugarcube corner. She immediately began a tour of Ponyville, pointing out various shops, stands, and ponies, naming them and telling me about them. My head was swimming from all the information as she got my attention and we were standing by a wooden fence.

"And this here's Sweet Apple Acres, your new home." She finished, meeting my eyes with a friendly smile, adjusting her stetson. I tentatively smiled back, looking away to glance at the farmhouse and barn surrounded by apple trees that was to become my new residence, a far cry from the corporately ran, socialite community in Manehattan's metropolis that I had abandoned to try this new life amidst ponies who weren't so vain and so stuck up.

"Now, how's about we take it on inside and let y'all get acquainted with everypony?" Applejack asked, nudging my flank with a kind but slightly impatient smile.

"O-okay." I whispered quietly, following her into the kitchen of the house, where a young, yellow, red-maned filly with a pink bow, an elderly mare with white mane and tail in a bun style that was a tart apple green, and a red stallion with a blonde mane and adorable freckles sat at the dinner table.

"Well, howdy!" The young one said excitedly, smiling at me in a way nearly rivaling Pinkie Pie's in creep factor.

"H-hi." I stuttered almost wordlessly.

"Granny, Treble is here to become our new tenant. She really needs a place to stay, and she can help around the farm." Applejack said to her grandmother.

"Its 160 bits a month, and groceries every third week." Granny said in a slightly trembly, stereotypical elderly voice. "Ah'll Help ya out, but we ain't runnin' no soup kitchen here."

Comments ( 9 )

Ik it's not much yet but i have arthritis in my hands and I'm typing this on my phone so please bear with me. <3
I love you all.
:)

"Let me think... Ooh!!! I know just the thing!"

Place // is what they were talking about

sweet apple acres

Capitalize names of places

and we were standing by a wooden fence.

that Should be ( And when my head stopped spinning, I saw we had stopped at a wooden fence. )
the flow is interrupted here.

3659744
I think I meant it to refer to the situation as a whole for treble, being a place to stay, a job, and ponies to become friends with.
But I believe either works in the context.

This is a very good concept for a story and I know you will improve (even with arthritis) your writing throught this.
Make those chapters longer, put some more time into it.
And don't make the same mistake I did
Get a proofreader! :D

I hope ur writing/typing more

3718887 I am, but the amount of time i cab get on a laptop is limited. Ive got 12 chapters written though.:pinkiesmile:

Okay so there were a lot of grammar issues you should take care of and the chapters, well you might wanna make 'em 1k words long at least so they aren't too short. Not too bad all in all though.:twilightsmile:

3803465 i fixed most of them, i think. thanks for your feedback and please let me know if there's anything else you think i need to fix. :fluttershy: if that's ok with you, that is.

3687346 thanks for your support. :pinkiesmile:

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