• Member Since 6th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 9th, 2014

Jimena991


E

When her sister's gone mad, Celestia did everything she could to bring her back, but she ended banished to the sun for thousand years. Finally, when she came back, there was nothing she could do, nopony remembered her nor the sun or the day... So long ago, she was forgotten.

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 11 )

....well that's a twist. I don't think Ive seen one that had NMM being victorious and having Celestia come back

her toots became sharp as razors

Did you mean teeth? Because I think I laughed a little to much.... Otherwise awesome story!

I think I should rephrase my last comment and add that Celestia was still a good guy when banished. I wonder how you will explain how life continued without the warmth and light of the Sun.

Well that explains how the world would survive Eternal Night. Though I wonder how a creature of Darkness like the Nightmare can corrupt or even use Light?

3691302 I trough I didn't explain what, exactly, The Darkness and The Light are... Well, Luna and Celestia created two things to maintain the balance not only of their nation, but of all the world: The Darkness (Luna) and The Light (Celestia). The Darkness corrupted Luna, so she became Nightmare Moon, and NM corrupted the Elements, to have them under her control. Maybe she used The Light, but being a corrupted alicorn and not it's creator, she couldn't control it: in other words, she can use it, yes, but for little things, because she will loose control of it.

I don't know if I explained my point very well; all I can say is that I hope I did...

3691360
It does. The main thing in my eyes is the explanation on how NMM kept the world from freezing and the crops from dying. Not many ever delve into that, Past Sins being on the most prominent that does.

The concept is very interesting, however the writing has quite few typos and it seems disjointed in many places. It seems as though the chapters could be combined and expanded on, as you're in too much of a hurry to move the story along.:twilightblush: You should probably find an editor and focus on pacing things a bit better. Also, you need to do a bit more in the way of showing not telling. Describe Celestia reappearing in Equestria and meeting a strange "pony" instead of just saying it. It will draw in your reader and get them involved in the world you're making.

I'm going to put this on my watch list and keep an eye on it. So please take this not as criticism, but as encouragement and some friendly advice. :twilightsmile:

I am sorry to say this, but you all can ignore my comment saying to vote for Celestia's decision because, well, I already write every ending :twilightblush: , so I will publish them tomorrow. Again, I’m sorry...

"Or third, sacrifice us, The Light and The Darkness, to bring your sister back, but losing your control over the Elements"

preferable

So many errors...
Really making me not like this though the idea is cool.

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