Forgotten

by Jimena991

Chapter two: Eternal night.

Chapter two: Eternal night.

I felt the wind touching, slowly, my coat and mane, and the green leaves suporting my body like a bed. I open my eyes; everything is so... dark, compared to the sun. I get up as I open my wings; the moon was up on the sky, not moving at all. I sighted and flied all the way down the mountain I appeared.

As I touch the ground, I looked at the big city before me: a very tall castle, some beautiful and rich houses, a ancient library with all types of knowledge. I read the sing just at the entrance: "Welcome to Canterlot, capital of Nocturnia". Nocturnia? That's what Nightmare Moon named Equestria after my defeat?

As I enter the capital, everypony looked at me confused. When I walked near a restaurant, "Night's blessing", I could hear a conversation between two unicorn ponys, of the richest family I believe:

"What it she?" asked the male one.

"She looks a lot like Queen Nightmare Moon, she may be an alicorn too" answer the female one.

"But her Cutie Mark... What is it? I don't remember seeing anything like it..."

"I don't know, either..." she said, "But I read about it in a book, I believe is the sun, the bringer of day... Now that I think, what is the day like?"

That conversation surprised me; they didn't remember the day or the sun? Where they, now, only a myth? I went up in the sky again, further that ever before...

"Why did I even come back if they didn't remember me nor the sun or day?" I say as I let myself fall, closing my eyes, "To save everypony and bring day again!" I through as I flew back up, this time towards the castle.

I say the crystal windows, Nightmare Moon defeating me in one of them, which really hurt me. Sitting in the throne, was that mare of nightmares, the crown of the Element of Darkness, the corrupted form of the Element of Magic, rested on her head. I knew the location of one of the Element, but where are the rest?

For the rest of the night, until the lack of energy obligated me to rest on the same mountain I appeared, I seeked for my creation, hoping to find it fast enough. I lay on the floor, trying my best to communicate with The Light in my dreams...

---

"What do you want to talk with me, Creator?"

I was on the same white space, standing in front of me the same pony of light, this time being a pegasus... I think about how much he resembled an angel now.

"How do I find you, The Light?" I asked, looking into his eyes.

"You may go into the throne room, where not usually Queen Nightmare Moon resides, because she is at reunions or having diplomacy talks with other nations. Behind the throne, is hole, where your horn and the Queen's should fit perfectly" he said, smiling, "Then you should use dark magic to open it. At the end I should be..."

"Good, and where are the Elements?"

"One is in the Queen's crown, and the rest in a secret cellar in the Diplomacy Room" the pegasus said, flying towards me, "When you find me, I will guide you to them, Creator"

Everything became blurry once again, the same blur I see when I'm about to wake up. The Light smiled at me, a smiled I copied.

"Did you know that you look like an angel?" I said as I disappeared, but I could hear his response:

"That's what I wanted, since I'm your Guardian Angel"

---

My eyes opened once again, as I get up as fast I could. I stretched my wings, seeing the houses with no lights, not even in the castle. Everypony is asleep, even my sister…

Slowly, not making a sound, I opened one window of the throne room, and I enter it trying to stay above the ground. I flew to the back of the throne, finding the same hole my creation told me.

I pushed my horn into it, fitting perfectly, and I concentrated into every sad or angry trough I had, making my black magic stronger. Using a spell to make the sound just a vibration, the wall separated:

At the end, a big ball of light awaited for me.

I flew to it and touched it with my horn; The Light recognized me and enter my body swiftly. I closed the wall and the window as I flew back to the mountain, trying to sleep the final hours until the city became busy once again.

Now, I had hopes to end this eternal night again…

Comments

[Teraphim]

The concept is very interesting, however the writing has quite few typos and it seems disjointed in many places. It seems as though the chapters could be combined and expanded on, as you're in too much of a hurry to move the story along. You should probably find an editor and focus on pacing things a bit better. Also, you need to do a bit more in the way of showing not telling. Describe Celestia reappearing in Equestria and meeting a strange "pony" instead of just saying it. It will draw in your reader and get them involved in the world you're making.

I'm going to put this on my watch list and keep an eye on it. So please take this not as criticism, but as encouragement and some friendly advice.

[AortaHeartless]

So many errors...
Really making me not like this though the idea is cool.