The Strange and Abusive Tale of Defect Reject

This story has been marked as having adult content. Please click below to confirm you are of legal age to view adult material in your country.

Confirm

Comments ( 8 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 8
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Crinos321

Crinos321 #1 · Nov 19th, 2013 · 2 · · Chapter 1: Awakening ·

I'll give it a read later when I'm not busy

Mother3Forever

Mother3Forever #2 · Dec 20th, 2013 · · · Chapter 5: Yearning to Belong ·

New author, huh? I'll give this a read in just a little bit.

Mother3Forever

Mother3Forever #3 · Dec 20th, 2013 · · · Chapter 1: Awakening ·

Only thing I see to be a problem with this chapter, would be the huge paragraphs. The biggest one could possibly be split into 2 smaller paragraphs. There's a few ways to do that, like ending a paragraph between interactions, etc.

Mother3Forever

Mother3Forever #4 · Dec 20th, 2013 · 1 · · Chapter 2: Twisted Teachings ·

Defect Reject awoke with a sharp pain in his side and a splash of water in his face as he groggily blinked his eyes open. "Good. You're awake" said an unfamiliar voice as he opened his eyes to see two other Changelings in front of him. "Where... where am I?" he asked, ~~while he was~~ looking around.
"Ssstill in the changeling cassstle," said the one on the left as Defect Reject looked around. "More ssspecifically the dungeons" said the other changeling, with a grin "It'sss a ssspecially ressserved place where enemiesss of the Changeling Empire are put (If you want to really drive the home the fact he's been abducted/imprisoned, you may want to try held or detained) and asss of now, defectssss" he said, ~~while~~ he kicked Defect Reject in the face sending him crashing into the wall with a broken and bloody nose, some dust ~~rose~~/rising up from the spot he'd been kicked to.

Does this help at all?

DefectReject

DefectReject #5 · Dec 21st, 2013 · · · Chapter 5: Yearning to Belong ·

3654584 It does actually thank you =) I've got a friend checking over for things like that but we all miss things on occasion. Any help you can give is greatly appreciated so thank you very much again =D

Mother3Forever

Mother3Forever #6 · Dec 22nd, 2013 · · · Chapter 3: Fate ·

Seven years later and Defect Reject still wasn't a normal part of changeling society. Not that this truly surprised him, the queen had made it very clear on his first day that he'd never be accepted. She'd made sure he wouldn't too he thought as he looked back at his flank where he'd been branded by her. Still... he had gotten used to it. At least, used to the beatings, the pain and fact that he was different from every other changeling there. He was used to the beatings and being different in particular, would be hard to since at least once a day on the sly or after a beating he heard "You're lucky to be alive." It was the Queen's cruel idea of a joke to remind him he was alive only because of her.

Just another run on sentence/wall of words. The stuff in bold has been edited slightly by me. You should compare, when you get a chance.

DefectReject

DefectReject #7 · Dec 22nd, 2013 · · · Chapter 5: Yearning to Belong ·

3663459 Much thanks again. I really do appreciate the help with all this, being new at this takes a little bit of time getting used to, so I'm glad for any help I can get. My only hope is that you're enjoying the story itself so far as well =)

Mother3Forever

Mother3Forever #8 · Dec 22nd, 2013 · 1 · · Chapter 5: Yearning to Belong ·

3664517 No Prob. I'm happy to help...that is, whenever I have nothing else constructive to do..

Viewing 1 - 50 of 8
- Newest First
- Oldest First

DefectReject

Stats

FIMFiction

Follow & Support Us

DefectReject

Also LikedSimilarAuthor

Stats

FIMFiction

Follow & Support Us

Also Liked Similar Author