As TokusatsuKuuga-RX is growing restless with Canterlot society he asks
Princess Celestia and Luna if he can live in Ponyville.
Chapters (1)
TokusatsuKuuga-RX
Joined 9th Nov, 2013 ·
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Uh... get a cannon ready.
This is terrible.
Here's a suggestion. Don't make self-insert fics with your screen name especially if it's something as stupid as "TokusatsuKuuga-RX" unless you're specifically trolling and trying to rustle jimmies. In which case, mission accomplished but you're going about it all wrong.
>a young Alicorn named TokusatsuKuuga-RX
>young Alicorn named TokusatsuKuuga-RX
>Alicorn named TokusatsuKuuga-RX
>named TokusatsuKuuga-RX
>TokusatsuKuuga-RX
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lgzqj7UdD91qd10xu.gif
You know, I've wondered one thing about writing troll fics...
You could have masturbated several times instead of writing them.
I'd rather get two or three orgasms off then write this.
3472194 You speak for us all as women and men.
3472271 Twenty five years of wisdom at your service.
Idiotic story, especially without any sort of context or background.
Who is TokusatsuKuuga-RX ? Why this fucker doesn't have a PONY name ?
3473155 Look at the author's name.
3478119
The question was rhetoric.
3478145 Alas, rhetoric internet questions do not translate well.
I'm gonna be a nice guy and tell you what I think about this story TRUTHFULLY.
1. I see what you are trying to do here and I think it would have been a decent story, IF you would have worked on it a little more. A self-insert fic if I'm not mistaken. I don't really see those that often, but whatever.
2. If you ARE going to make a self-insert fic, try using your first name or something. Don't use your username is it's as stupid as yours. I mean, look at my name! If I was to make a story kind of like yours, I would use my first name. I mean, putting the name 'FellFour' for an OC character wouldn't be the best name for an earth pony/pegasus/unicorn/Alicorn. It just doesn't fit in right. that's what she said.
3. Give a little more background with your character, which is yourself. That's the most important thing that you should put into your story. There isn't exactly a message in this story.
4. The description should be in the story itself.
5. The grammar. ...Jesus Christ. Listen, if you need a proofreader/editor; I'm more than willing to help you out with that. Send me a message if you do. I'm also more than willing to give you some advice when it comes to making a story. Either that or you could go talk to the following for advice:
Radiant Dawn
RainbowBob
Pen Stroke
(Radiant Dawn and RainbowBob are both great guys and I love their work. The same goes to Pen Stroke; great guy and writer. Been around WAY longer than I have and are obviously better writers than I am.)
--------------------------------
Like I said, you can ask me for help and I'll be more than willing to help you out. If you do want my help, than just send me an email containing the text in a Microsoft Word document and I'll gladly fix any grammatical, spelling, and punctuation errors.
Aren't I such a great guy?
This story makes me sad, and no it's not because of the plot, it's because of the horrible grammar and everything.
By the way, it's one thing to insert yourself into a story, but it's a whole another thing to put your USERNAME in the story. That's just really stupid. This story shouldn't even be on here. In fact it should be deleted ASAP before you bring harm to anyone else.
By the way, think about how it would sound if someone was calling your character's name, and in the presence of others. For example:
"We have to find TokusatsuKuuga-RX!"
"TOKUSATSUKUUGA-RX WHERE ARE YOU?"
"Wow you said a mouthful."
That just sounds really odd. Automatic dislike from me.
How did this pass moderation?
I've seen better fics get rejected from submission. Is this one of those stories where the mods just... give up?
3481947
As long as the story is set in the Friendship is Magic universe, whether it be good or bad, it will pass moderation.
I know, it sucks doesn't it?
You should do a sequel starting from when the bouquet landed in spikes claws.
I will think about it Spike3113.
Wow... this is not a good start.
First off, the run on sentences are just nauseating. There need to be punctuation marks at the end of every sentence. Be it a statement, a question or an exclamation, there needs to be something ending the sentences. When one idea is finished and another one starts, it is separated by one of the following. (.) (?) (!) These show that you are ending one sentences and beginning another.
Next is the story itself. I'm not against self-inserted characters within a story. After all, don't we put a little piece of ourselves into the characters we create. The problem is that this character receives no development beyond being in love with Applejack. There is no backstory, no delving into his psyche, not one piece of interesting character development is introduced within the confines of the story. The story moves by so fast that we are never given enough time to breath and absorb what we just read. It goes from one point to the next without stopping to know why we should feel for these characters. In order to become invested in the characters, we need to know about them and we need to relate to them. We need to know why they are doing something and what drives them to overcome the obstacles that stand in their way.
This was not a well written story and not a good self insert. If there had been more depth into the characters, the situation and the history of why we should care, it would probably have been better received. Although the grammar and spelling wouldn't have hurt either. I'm sorry I'm being so harsh, but these are things that need to be address for next time. Have a good day.
Listen... stop fucking writing. You can't. It's that simple. In fact, this fic was so bad that i nearly shot my balls off. You get a dislike, you worthless piece of shit. Fuck you. You shamed Applejack, you little bitch. Who the fuck upvoted this worthless-alicorn-OC bullshit? Really, I must know.
3962548
Anyway, how the fuck does someone just say "TokusatsuKuuga-RX"? That's right!
YOU FUCKING CAN'T. What a retarded name.
Kill yourself.