Good bye, Night
Chapter 8
“NIGHT! NIGHT! Oh no where is he?!” Twilight ran around the room, looking under everything.
“Twi, he isn’t going to be under a chair.” Spike took a seat.
“Must keep going. I can’t stop.” Night was talking to himself. “I can’t stop, I’m nothing more than a monster and lie.”
Tears were rolling down his face, the cold wind in his fur. He had just walked out of Ponyville, but he wasn’t heading home, he was heading for anywhere. He was just heading for a new home, someplace nopony has heard of him.
“Spike I think we have to tell,” she swallowed a lump. “Discord.”
Spike’s heart skipped, he fall over passed out.
“Come on now Spike, now’s not the time.” she powered her horn and soon they showed up outside the castle. “No guards?”
“Dark just go outside and look around.” Discord had almost every guard out looking for Night. Dark walked outside and bumped into Twilight. “Oh sorry...Twilight?”
“Why does this always happen..wait who are you?” Twilight remember back to the picture. “You’re Dark...Night’s teacher.”
“Yea why?”
“Night, he was at my house then he just left!”
“Dark I thought I told you-” Discord stopped at the sight of the purple mare. “Oh hello little Twi.
Twilight started to hide behind Dark.
“Why have you come here, to finish what you started?” He bent down and slide Dark aside.
Twilight stood up and tried to look fearless. “Your son..he he just left, I don’t know where he went.”
Discord stood up with a long face. “I have no need for him, besides I have bigger problems. Luna’s body is missing.”
Twilight didn’t know what to say.
Night soon found a small cave and ducked in it, before being frozen to death. He soon fell asleep after lighting a fire. the cold wind blowing in and the fire made thing seem calm, but something was moving out in the snow, something smaller than Night.
“Look at him, so young, so confused, but what can I do?”
“Hmmm...W-who’s there?” Night arose from his makeshift bed. He look around and didn’t see anything or anypony. “Must be dreaming.”
“Oh you’re not dreaming.”
“Show yourself.” The fire was almost out, but still gave enough light. “I know someone is here!”
“Oh well look who has finally learned. OK I’ll show myself.” A shadow popped out of the ground and formed legs, wings, and a horn.
“Nonononono.....L-luna!” Night screamed as he saw what was happening. “But...but.”
“Hello son.” She smiled. “I see you finally ran and found a nice little cave.” She walked over to Night, who kept backing up.
“Nonononono...I’m seeing thing.” He backed into a wall. “I’m just dreaming....right?”
Luna walk closer and smiled. “No...you’re not dreaming.”
“But you should be dead..I thought I-” Luna stopped him.
“You can’t kill a alicorn, you just knocked me out for a loooong time.”
“So..you’re going to get revenge on me?” He looked around for something.
“It wasn’t your fault, Discord was controlling you, but yes I am just a bit mad at you.” She looked down, frowning.
“You lied to protect me...so what now?” He walked closer to his mother.
“Yes, but looked at what is cased. I was trying to keep Twilight out of this.” A tear rolled down her face.
“Hi...shhhhh. I can’t see my mother cry.” He walked over and sat down placing a wing on her back.
“What we need to do is get rid of your father.” She looked over at him.
“He’s done nothing but caused pain for everypony. I will help on one condition, when we fee Celestia and we explain thing, I don’t have to wear that hood.”
Luna looked at him and smiled. “Y-you’ll help, even if he’s your father?”
“I’ve answered that, yes I will.” He looked to his cutie mark. “Can you explain this?”
Luna looked down. “Easy,”
“What do you mean easy?” He asked looking back at her.
“It’s not that you cut other ponies lives, it there’s are two sides to you.”
“What?” Night looked very confused.
“You know that thing that pulls at you?”
“Yea, point.” He looked back to it.
“Well that’s Discord’s little part in you, when you joined him it took more of you.” She frowned and looked to the cave entrance. “I knew you would do this, but Tia wouldn’t let me get to you.”
“W-will this ever change?” He looked scared.
She sighed. “No, this is you. You can’t change it.”
“What do you mean...You don’t need him. He’s your son!” Twilight screamed at the spirit.
“Does it look like I care? Sunset had just gave up...she has her own world. I told her she could keep the crown, frankly I didn’t care.” Discord smirked.
“Wait...you didn’t tell me!” Dark yelled.
“Oops sorry..wait I’m not.” Discord smiled evilly.
“Why I’m going to ki-” Dark was stopped. He felt something crawl up his legs. He looked down. “AHHH!”
“I’m sick of you....you’re not more than a pain!” He snapped his claw and Dark turned to stone, like Celestia. Twilight started to back up at the sight.
“Well Twilight what are you going to do now. No elements, no magic, no Luna and Celestia. No chance.” Discord stated getting his magic ready again.
“Run!” She took off at breakneck speeds. She ran and grabbed Sike and started to run for a new place, some place far.
“O-ok Night ready?” Luna asked, she could tell Night wanted to help, even if Discord was his father.
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” he smiles and look to the entrance of the cave. “Luna do you see something?”
Luna looked over and spotted something moving. “Hi you out there who are- Twilight?”
Twilight heard something call her name and walked to it. “Who called my.....LUNA!!???” She ran up and hugged the princess.
Luna looked down and saw tears roll down her face. “Shhhh.. Twi, it’s ok.”
“I-I thought y-you were dead.” Twi cried.
After an hour of trying to calm her down and explain things to Spike. Night and Luna told the plan to Twilight. Twilight told Night about Dark and some other things.
“Everypony got the plan?” Luna asked looking to both ponies.
“Yea.” Night nodded. Twilight could tell that he was worried about what Discord would do.
“Night listen. I’m sure if you help us Celestia will forgive you.” She said half smiling.
Night looked over at Twilight and smiles. “Thanks, but what about the other mane six?”
“I’ll have to get them back later, but we have plenty of power right here.” Twilight said walking to the cave’s entrance.
“Yea..plenty.” Night said sarcastically.
“What do you- oh right.” Twilight stopped herself.
“Yea.” Night said walking beside Twilight. Luna walked up and nodded to both before teleporting them. “Thanks now wh- oh my.”
Most of the ponies were turned to stone, some were running and some were just standing still.
“My father.....will pay.” Night took off running to the castle.
“Night WAIT!” Twilight screamed. Luna stopped her.
“This is his fight.”
“Ahahahahahah!!” Discord laughed at the ponies running away. he soon spotted the long lost alicorn, Night. “Well look who-”
He was stopped by Night jumping into the air and heading straight for him. “Please.” He snapped his claw and Night feel to the ground in pain.
Night screamed in pain. “WHAT DID YOU DO!”
“Heheheh..I don’t need a son.”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” Night screamed even louder. “What are you doing to me.”
“Easy..getting rid of you.” Discord stated as Night began to fade.
“No..nononono.” The necklace fell off of Night. “NO!!!”
Night was no more and all was left was his necklace, or the one that belonged to Luna. Twilight and Luna rounded the corner as they saw this. Luna looked down, her rage building. Twilight started to cry, even though she hated him.
“DISCORD! How dare you kill our son!!” Luna screamed!
“Oh you,” Discord snaked over to her and Twilight. “so you came to see what happens?”
Luna slapped him. “Look at this!”
“What do you mean?” He start to spin looking at everything.
“You killed you own son!!!!” She scream. “What got in you!!???”
Discord shook his head, he went pure crazy and snapped. Crazy for Discord is his fur even turning gray.
“Oh Celestia...what did I come to...” Discord asked himself as he took a seat.
“I-I don’t know what hit me.” He said to Twilight and Luna, who was now in tears.
Twilight stopped crying and came up for a reason Discord snapped. “I know why....your love for your son.”
“W-what do you mean?” He asked.
“You loved your son much that you thought he left you.” She looked over to Luna, who was where Night’s body was.
Discord was silent, he walked over to Luna. “Luna, listen...I-I’m sorry.”
“Listen I’ll go back to my stone, I can’t live like this.” He turn to Twilight and soon the others showed up, normal.
They look at Discord and soon Twilight got the Elements. Luna was still crying, while Discord was set back into stone. The other five cheered while Twilight walked over to Luna.
“It will be ok, we can think-” Something stopped her.
“Good job you six.” It was Celestia.
They all bowed, but Twilight. She was trying to get Luna to calm down.
“Luna, please...forgive me for what I did. I’m sure Night is on his own odyssey right now, trying to find a new life.” Twilight said turning to Celestia.
“Today, for you Luna, I will make this day a day to remember him.”
ONE YEAR LATER
It was that day, the day to remember what happen. Luna was still not over what happen, Discord was set free to go to the grave they made for Night and was soon put back. Twilight was with Luna all the time, even for that bit he spent with her it left an impact on her. Thank night Luna went to bed leaving Celestia to raise the sun. Luna didn’t know what to think, she wasn’t mad at Discord, she was mad at herself.
“Should’ve saved him.” She said tossing in her bed. “Where did I go wrong?”
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Okay, it's...salvageable. I've seen worse, I've seen better. It's pretty rushed, and needs some fleshing out. I know that it's AU, but the characters are a bit too much OOC.
I won't lie to you. I try to judge every story fairly, but I have a vendetta against alicorn OC stories. They feel dumb and unrelatable, and usually have terrible grammar and spelling. This one's better than the norm, but not by much. It kinda makes sense why Night Wolfe (I'll admit, that's not TERRIBLE for an OC name) is an alicorn, but you could've been more creative and made him something like a half-draconequus half-pony or even just a normal pony with dark chaos powers. I know you might think that you're breaking the stereotype of alicorn OC stories, but you're not. It's, well, unoriginal.
Keep in mind, this isn't really a bad story. But I won't be liking or favoriting.
I'm sorry, but this story hosts a whole plethora of grammatical, spelling, punctuation and formatting errors. Also, the story is very generic with really boring characters and... an alicorn OC?
I'd advice getting a few editors and to learn the basics of story-telling such as show, don't tell, LUS, awkward sentences, sentence fragments, etc.
I'm really trying to be helpful here—please read a lot and do well in English class.
4442883 I have a 93 I think....but sadly yes...my horrid story
4443015
What grade are you in?
4443261 9th
3904334
You're totally correct. Saying 'overlook a part of my story in order to enjoy it' is the same as saying 'ignore the bad parts of my story and only enjoy the good parts'... which doesn't work when it comes to story telling.
I mean, think about all the fics that have gotten widely successful and were received warmly and with love. The common consensus is that they are ENTIRELY good, not just bits here that in order to like you just have to ignore all the bad stuff about the fic.
Past Sins
Fallout: Equestria
Diaries of a Madman
I could sit here and list a TON of fics that the major general review from people is that EVERYTHING was good. Does that mean it WAS perfect? Who knows. It is people's OPINIONS. That's why even with fics that are widely called good, they still have downvotes and they still have neighsayers. But the amount of people who say "Wow, this story was just... SO PERFECT I LOVED IT!" completely outweighs the downvotes. The difference?
Well, first and foremost, the fics generally have really good formatting, and sometimes a SUPERB editor. Sometimes they have a LOT of superb editors (I again reference Past Sins; the dude had like twelve pre readers and editors! O_o). Then, the characters in the story are very well written to the point where it is believable, no matter WHAT setting it is. Crossover, AU, R63, it doesn't matter. Characters are characters and you can only bend them so far before they shatter, and the less you bend them in the first place, the more likely it is people will be able to relate.
Man... I dunno. Just seeing "Ignore the bad and like the good" just sometimes grinds my gears. I mean, would you do that for a professionally published book? Hell no. I wouldn't have wasted my time on Harry Potter if I had to 'ignore the bad' in the story. If there's bad in it in the first place, I'm just gonna stop reading! Shit, I paid 20 dollars to own a book that's terrible? Hell no, I'm just gonna burn it.
(I should make a note here. I LOVE Harry Potter, I was just using it as an example >_>)
I'm late to the party...but...ooh. I'll be coming back to review this one, I know it.