Chapter 5
A new foe
“Come on Night, yea that’s it,” Dark said as Night blasted the dummy with a magical blast. Night fell a bit, he was still weak.
“Darnit!” Night yelled as he got up and tried again, but this time it backfired. Discord walked into the training grounds at that time and saw Night trying to stand up.
“Night, take a break. Don’t use all your energy now, save it.” Discord said as he spawned three seats and some food. “And besides it’s lunch,”
Dark walked over to Night and helped him up. “You need to learn how to control your anger and use it to help you fight,”
Night and Dark took a seat at the table and grabbed a plate. Night grabbed some hamburgers, Dark ate some hot dogs, and Discord still had that 12 foot sub from yesterday. Shining ran into the room and scared Night, making him dropped his food.
“AH, COME ON!” Night yelled as he grabbed the other one on his plate.
Shining walked over to Discord and whispered something in his ear. After he left Discord stood up and began to speak. “Well we got a new foe, there was a letter at the door from...”
“From whom?” Night asked. Discord looked down.
“Sunset Shimmer, she was a pasted student of Celestia’s. She wants revenge, she said that she would give back my crown, but you’ll have to fight for yours,” Discord finally finished.
“Sunset Shimmer?” Dark asked, he zoned out during the conversation.
“A past student of Celestia. She want’s revenge on us, but for some odd reason she want’s to get rid of Night,” Discord replied as he snapped his fingers. Night fell to the ground, Discord had gotten rid of the table and chairs.
“A warning next time?” Night joked as he stood back up and went over to the door leading to the main hall.
“Sorry, but I am the god of chaos,” Discord laughed. “Anyways where are you going?’
“I’m going to study a bit of magic. I need to know as much as possible before I go up against Sunset,” Night said as he teleported up to his room.
“How much has Night grown?” Discord asked Dark as he stood up.
“First, that hurt. Second, he is growing, but not too fast where he’ll become too overpowered for his own mind and body,” Dark said as he teleported up to his room.
Discord stood there for a minute and asked. “Why am I always alone?”
As all of that was happening, Night was in his room and had about 20 books on his desk. Night keep flipping through the book, trying to find out how to control his anger and magical ability. Back in the throne room Discord was busy with some news reporters.
“You know I don’t have to put up with this. Shining keep them busy while I go and get Night,” Discord said as he teleported into Night’s room.
Night was flipping through his last book as a bright flash stopped him. he turned around in his chair a saw a scared chimera.
“*sigh* What is it father?” Night asked as he started to put the books away.
“News reporters, they want to talk with you. I told them you might won’t, but they kept asking me about you,” Discord stuttered. Night got off his chair and went to the door.
“I’ll talk with them, can you just clean my room?” Night joking asked as he left through the door. Night walk over to where the stage was and saw Shining running around, trying to answer questions the reporters kept throwing at him.
He teleported Shining over to him as the reporters looked around, confused.
“I’ll take it from here, but first I need a good opening. None of these reporter have seen me.” Night said as he looked around trying to find something. “Might be a bit overdone, but this will work,”
Night grabbed some cloth and threw it over him, hiding him. It flashed in his head, this reminded him of when he would go out before Discord broke free. He entered and all the reporters turned back to the mic stand. The reporters started to whisper among themselves as they wonder who the cloaked pony was.
“Who are you?” One of the front reported asked.
“Really, you guys have no idea who I am?” Night asked, standing closer to the microphone. All the reporters stood there waiting for something to happen.
“I swear you guys are dumb, you didn’t see me standing with Discord when we took over?” Night asked fixing to throw the cloth off of him.
“Well sir, most of us were in the Crystal Kingdom,” Most of the reporters said as the same time.
“Well let me fill you in,” Night said as he throw the cloth off of him. The reporters looked down at their pads and started to take notes.
“Sir, who are you and what are you doing living with Discord?” One of the reporters in the back asked. Some of the reporters that lived in Canterlot already knew about Night and had some questions about his reactions to Discord's lie.
“Some of you are so late. I am Night Wolfe, son of Discord and Nightmare Moon,” Night yelled over the reporters. Under his breath he said something “Sadly I’m not very powerful,”
“What was that sir?” One of the reporters asked.
“Nothing, now any questions?” Night asked as he jumped off the stage and started to walk through the crowd of reporters. He flew up to get a better view and a question popped in most reporters head. the stand hid his wing and all that could be seen was his horn.
“How does it feel to be the first “evil” alicorn?” They asked.
“It feels...good. An alicorn prince that’s the son of Discord, hell yea it feels good,” Night said as Discord came back into the room. “Ah father, these guys are so late it’s not even funny,”
“Yea, I know,” Discord stated before standing up towards the mic.
“As many know, my son is an alicorn. If any of one got a problem then leave now,” Discord yelled to make sure everypony heard. Everypony just froze, they knew Discord could do anything and make life harder then it was.
“Again, any questions?” Night asked as he landed beside Discord. “No? Good, now get out,”
All the reporters left and all that stood in the room was Night and Discord, they all turned with the sound of an opening door. There standing in the door was shining who looked terrified.
“What is it Shining?” Discord said as he looked over to Night who had already moved down to Shining.
D-D-D-Dark, he was founded passed out!” Shining blurted out.
“WHAT!” Night and Discord said at the same time. “What made him pass out?”
“A hard hit on the head by the looks of things and from what the doc said...He’ll be up and helping you in about three days,” Shining said.
“Oh thank god. Discord, I’ll go to my room and maybe see Dark,” night said as he flew up to the top floor.
“Wait Night, the doc said not to let any pony visit Dark,” Shining yelled to the alicorn. Night stood in his flight path and turned around.
“*sigh* Ok,” Night said as he turned back, heading for his room. “You know, sometimes I wonder Shining is here just to make me mad and I’m talking to myself again,”
Night entered his room and like yesterday he jumped on his bed like a teenager. he looked over to the bookshelf and saw Discord put everything up. Night looked up in his bed a saw a book that caught his eye, the book was soon surrounded by his black aura and lifted to him. Night flipped the book over and began to read the back of it.
The back of the book read, Reading body sign. How to and what they mean.
Night took a good long look at the book and flipped through a few pages.
‘Seem like an ok book’ He thought as he stood up in his bed and began to read. As Night was reading his little book, Armored and Shining were talking about the crowns and what they now think about the two chaotic beings.
“So do you think Night will win the fight if they do fight?” Shining asked Armored as he took a seat in front of him in the dining room. Armored didn’t reply, Shining knew that Armored hated Night, but why was the real question.
“I don’t know, I could care less. Tell the truth I hope Sunset wins,” Armored replied. Shining got up and walked over to Armored and slapped him. “OW! What the fuck. Can’t I speak my mind.
“Why do you hate Night? What is it you see him that I don’t?” Shining asked as he sat back down.
“HE KILLED LUNA!” Armored yelled making Shining fall back in his chair.
“Point, so what, maybe Celestia will break free and fix all of this, but why don’t I want Night to go. Why do I want Night to stay even if he’s just a prisoner?” Shining said standing up from his chair that fell back.
The two sat there, silence filled the room, before being broken by the flash of somepony teleporting in. The two guards got up and got ready to attack if it wasn’t somepony they knew.
“*Cought* Heck, man I need more practice,” Night said as he got up from where he teleported.
“It’s Night, stand down Armored!” Shining yelled over to Armored.
“Hello, I got a test for...you Armored you’ll be perfect,” Night said as a grinned formed on his face.
Armored started to back up from Night as he got closer, soon he got cornered. “W-w-w-what do you want sir,”
“N-N-Night are you ok?” Shining asked as he felt more terror fill every inch of his small body.
“Tell me do you ‘like’ me as the new ruler?” Night asked Armored. Armored knew that Night wasn’t the best at telling a lie from the truth.
“Why yes, I like you as the ruler,” Armored said standing up. Armored knew he just told a flat out lie, but he just didn’t like Night.
Night stood there for a minute taking a good long look at Armored, the next thing Armored knew he was against the wall in Night’s magical grasp. Armored tried to escape. but it didn’t work.
“Now why are you going to tell me a lie?” Night asked. Shining was still in the room, he looked more shocked than Armored.
‘I need to go get Discord,’ Shining thought and then ran for the new king. When Shining found Discord he was fixing to head for the kitchen.
“Discord! N-N-N-Night, he” He was stopped, Discord looked at him with a confused look on his face.
“What?” Discord asked as he grabbed some cola out of the cabinet.
“Just come look, they’re in the dining room,” Shining said. Discord teleported them to the room and when they got there Night was just fixing to let Armored go.
“Night, what are you doing?” Discord asked grabbing Night in a magical bond. Armored dropped to the ground and ran over to Shining.
“Doing a test, you see I was reading this book about how to read body signs to see if somepony is telling the truth or not, so I tried it on Armored,” Night said with a smile on his face. “Sorry Armored!”
“Shining, this is what you were frighten of?” Discord asked as he let Night go. “Night, will talk more about this tomorrow,”
“K, see you later,” Night said as he teleported into his room and laid down in his bed going asleep.
“Let me guess you lied to Night about something,” Discord asked the two guards.
“Yea, please don’t kill me!” Armored yelled.
“Now why would I do that, you’re helping my son,” Discord said before teleporting to his room.
“I gonna have to talk to you,” Shining said to Armored before leaving.
Y do people hate this story it has a lot of potential anywho don't give up dude this story is great
3822058 Thank you
Just giving you fair warning, I'm about to attempt a rage review of this. Hope your story survives the nuclear fires.
The review's up. You can find it here. It's very brutally honest. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to hangover recovery.
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Were you high when you wrote this, or is this really a serious work of fiction?
3827797 I could just be guessing here, and correct me if I'm wrong.... but I'm thinking that maybe the author has some wolf OC he wants in every story he makes?
Or he just likes wolves?
Also, I read your review: hilarious, by the way.
3869903 Thanks for trying to make me feel better
3869910 You are welcome.
3869912 You know this site hates on any new writers, trying to get away from school. I was never the smart in reading or writing, I was more math, history, and other things. This was a wakening time for me, I never knew I could write such sad stories. You got to say, when you first started, you did have the best story, now did you?
I didn't think so, try giving a new writer a beak and at least give some good thoughts and don't just say the story sucks with out telling why. That's what I use to get everyday when I first started this.
I tried to make people think differently about alicorn OCs, but I see people can't see that. It's people like him that give us new writers a bad name, nobody is good when they first start, so give them a break.
I will say chapter 1 wasn't my best of both stories, but just give people time and they will become better.
3869952 Funny, when I was a new writer, I wasn't hated by anyone on this site (other than the non-anthro crowd, and even then they were mostly polite), mostly because I didn't start or have all of my stories focus on OCs or the same one. The point is that you need to be able to take criticism well, and for all that is holy, NEVER RESPOND IN ALL CAPS. That just makes you look immature and it hurts to read, since people who do that all the time are never taken seriously.
Take a look at your character: is it an OC? Yes. Is it a unique OC? Yes. Is it OP in many ways? Yes. Could it be improved to not only no longer be OP but also fleshed out and good? Undeniably yes. Should you listen to the advice of others, such as make his parents Discord and a random earth pony instead of Nightmare Moon? Yes. Should you delete their comments because they make you feel bad and they hurt your feelings? No. Should you try and ask them for advice without acting like an immature, ego-centric wolf-OC-loving writer? Above all else, YES.
People have told you repeatedly why it isn't very good and have given many repeated reasons as to why, but you ignore them or insult them, like that proofreader you abandoned and said nasty things about behind their back. (Yes, I know about them: they wrote all about it and I'm more inclined to believe them, given my own difficulties with proofreading in the past.)
I like to think I'm more of a neutral third party that tries to give out advice.
Actually, that's not true, so don't insult me by insinuating it is. My first story gained moderately-good praise and has improved because I listened to the advice of others, my next has done rather well, the third has been very positively received and my fourth story overall got featured and now has over...
You know what? This isn't about my success as a writer, it's about yours. Now then, without insulting anybody, do you think you could just bite the bullet and take their advice to heart? I sense potential in you, but it is being blocked by one thing: your ego. Spouting "woe is me" and "this site is hard on new writers" isn't going to help you any more than deleting their comments is.
Just try to reshape your character in wyas that make him less.... OC-ish, and more like a genuine creation rather than an OC from an RP of yours that you lifted into this fandom. And trust me, I know all about people using those.
3734427
I just wanted to say, no. Please don't yell at these people.
Stop. Your story has potential. It really does. I think having Discord have a son who overthrows Celestia IS a good idea.
The thing is.... You executed it in all the wrong ways. You get mad at people telling you they don't like your story. You block people who give reviews of your story. You're reacting in all the wrong ways. Please. Listen to he good criticism. Rewrite a chapter of two. It would help a lot.
3871575 OK, I like people like you. Problem is I might get more hate for what I'm doing in chapter 6
3869952
Ahh! I'm now seeing the main problem here now...
Ok, I'm going to give you a bit of an advice when you're lurking on this site.
First of all, don't immediately bloody assume all short blunt comments are "hating" on the story-- Actually, "hate" is a strong word; I prefer "tired"-- it already gives you a bad reputation.
People will rarely put out comments like these on stories that ARE really actually worth having them. Plus, there will always be a constructive criticism somewhere so don't go around raging around those comments and just relax and ignore them.
I also have heard from people that you have blocked everyone ( Including one that had gave you a helpful long critic. )
Right... Now, don't be surprise that you're now actually getting real hard hate because you just made yourself look like an asshole--
Oh my, someone had actually already pointed out your mistakes...
Are you even reading them?