In an alternate universe where Rainbow Dash quit the academy for good, her life was forever changed by that one fateful choice.
But was it for the better?
A/N: Pardon me for reiterating, but this fic is tagged dark, and it does get a bit heavy. If that's not your cup of tea, you're probably better off skipping it.
That aside, thank you for your constructive criticism, everypony. Rest assured, it is all appreciated.
A/N 2: Whether you liked the story or not, please comment telling me what you liked or didn't like. Simply hitting the "like" or "dislike" buttons does nothing to help me.
Chapters (1)
I'm always up for some of best pony. (Lightning Dust)
The story was kinda all over the place, to be honest.
3233856
Yeah, it kinda was. Meh, that's what I get for trying to cram all of this into a 7k word one-shot.
Hmm interesting premise, faulty execution. Someone was reckless made a mistake now lets kill them for it. Sorry I just don't see Rainbow acting like this. Even if she were to take revenge (Which I fully admit is possible) she could be a lot more creative about it. Also having her immediately go the next day to kill Lightning over going to see Scootaloo doesn't represent her well. She is the element of Loyalty after all. Also her friends not being with her is surprising as well as the would obviously be a troubling time for Rainbow Dash, One would expect her friends to be there for her.
As in the case of Lightning Dust you do a poor job of building her into a Villain. Newspaper clip could have had her blaming Scootaloo for the accident that hurt the flight team. Or even made it so that she purposefully sabotaged the performance because Scootaloo was starting to overshadow her.
2 out 5 for me.
3233880
One thing: Lightning Dust wasn't the villain. The story is about Rainbow's descent into insanity, so if anything, she's the villain.
I think this was a very good read. Yeah, a tad hammy, but it has a very interesting, dark twist to the end, and certainly alot better than a fair few of those other "Rainbow Dash goes crazy" stories I've read. Reasoning and motivation behind her actions, it works out very well. I feel bad that Lightning had to end with such a bitter fate, but only a little. As for Spitfire... the only complaint I had is that Spitfire didn't boot Lightning after Rainbow's abandonment of the team, especially considering what Rainbow had to say about her the day she quit. You get a like from me, good sir...
3233891
If that was the case then I am afraid you missed you mark. Their are 2 good ways to do a decent into insanity. 1st is the Gradual slow descent that eases into it. 2nd is by piling pressure and stress until they just snap. Here you don't really have either. The scenes we see until the final locker room scene don't really portray her as insane so we don't have the feeling that she is slipping and while we do have the Newspaper/Letter article she has been shown having little to now pressure on her beforehand to make a good snap!
We need to be able to see more into what Rainbow Dash is thinking what is motivating her. If all stems from her not being a Wonderbolt then show that. You don't show anything really.
3233935
Yeah, I could have done better. Like I said, that's kinda what I get for trying to pile this all into a one-shot.
3233911
You only feel a little bad for Lightning Dust?
Guess that's something I'll have to work on if I ever want to make a "crazy person kills people" story again.
Okay
1)too dark. Revenge, I can see. Homicide? No.
2)Why the HELL would Spitfire keep Lightning Dust? She made it clear she was going to dump the reckless pony off the team anyway. Rainbow Dash not being there would make no difference.
That said--- dang straight Rainbow Dash doesn't need 'em and would be better off without them. They're JERKS. That's been their role in every single appearance.
This tale could've been written in a positive manner and have Lighting Dust face her crimes instead of her grim fate in the tale.
Still, an interesting take on he episode. It could be fleshed out more in having Rainbow visit Scootaloo in the hospital and maybe seeing why Lighting Dust came back.
Other then that this was a great emotional read.
3234029 Well, it's not entirely your fault. Lightning Dust was doomed to be an egotist from her inception, risking the safety of herself and others for the sake of gratification. She nearly ended up causing the deaths of Rainbow's friends (with Rainbow's help, but at least she tried to remedy the situation), didn't own up to her actions, and perhaps even pushed Scootaloo into more dangerous behavior in the name of success (as demonstrated in your fic, where you clearly state that she pushed everyone to engage in more dangerous and reckless actions for the sake of spectacle). Again, the fact that she wasn't booted by Spitfire when the problem initially started is part of it, but her outstanding recklessness throughout her career really caused alot of harm, and she apparently doesn't really notice, or care that she's at least in major part to blame, while not wholly to blame, for such destructive circumstances.
So, yes, I don't really feel too bad about Lightning Dust. I can't feel too bad for someone whom has been endangering lives, especially for years.
I have to agree with a couple of other commentators. In the source episode, it's crystal clear that whatever else happens, Spitfire is giving Lightning Dust her walking papers. And even if L-D somehow got reinstated, retained, probation, whatever, with that level of callous endangerment of others on her record, no way does she become Wonderbolts captain in under three years.
The story, as written, only works if you substantially change both the episode and Spitfire's character- that is, only if Spitfire blames Rainbow Dash and ONLY her for the out-of-control tornado, and expels her.
3234920
That's a pretty good point. I never did explain why LD was allowed to stay in the academy, let alone become captain.
Thank you for pointing that out.
Ooookkaaaaaay....
Killer mode activated...*boop*
It was an interesting premise but fell a bit short, for me.
To the author: Fleetsy is a girl, has been since first mention.
To the readers: Lightning wasn't ejected. The original scripting including an ending we weren't shown, in which she admitted her mistake and was on the road to becoming a better pony. This is because she's a /foil/, not a villain. Basically she's season 1 Rainbow Dash, if Dashie had internalized the ego boosting things she said about herself.
That was really bad.
Good concept, needs better execution
8812695
Agreed.
Given what we now know from the show, this has aged really well, all things considered. I actually like Lighting Dust, and this feels a lot like her. Not malicious, just really thoughtless and impulsive.
I appreciate how you give due credit to Spitfire for helping to create this mess by enabling Lighting's recklessness, and imply that it's linked to the fact that Rainbow Dash was the one to call out her recklessness in the show (which she doesn't do here).
I like how Rainbow Dash going off the rails feels very natural, given the nature of Scootaloo's injuries. Some parts where melodramatic, but I doubt it would've worked as effectively if they weren't, given the emotional nature of the characters. All in all, one of the better reads I've seen that deals with this topic.
Perhaps more could've been done if there were more insight into Lighting or Spitfire's perspective on things, but I honestly kind of like that you give free reign to the audience to imagine their character motivations, or what they would've done if things had turned out differently. Makes for a more layered and enigmatic story (in my opinion).
Lightning: ...
That i hope will never happen
4987291
Indeed
Sadly they Decided to forgo that with season 8